He opened his mouth, then thought better and closed it, eyes searching my face. A second later, he tried again.
"I give you that?" He tapped the side of his temple, meaning the bruise on mine.
"Yeah." I said flatly. The rain was letting up.
"That too?" The bandage poking out from under my shirt collar. I nodded.
"And--"
"Yeah."
Silence.
"You were pretty willing just now, for someone who hates me."
Heat creeped into my face before I had time to process what he'd said. Doing my belt just then seemed like something he'd make fun of me for, though it seemed necessary. I tried my best to look back, to stare him down... but ended up turning my head away, like always.
Dallas tilted his head to make eye contact with me, a smirk on his lips. "I'm right, ain't I? C'mon, Johnnycake."
Don't look at him. Don't let him win, don't give him the satisfaction--
Then his voice took on a tone I hadn't heard before. "I shouldn'ta done what I did. And I won't; not again, not ever."
Different voice, same old Dallas. It was just like him to say sorry without actually saying the word.
"Wouldya look at me, already? What, d'you want me to get down on my knees and beg? I said I wouldn't do it again." The irritation, the impatience; they were back, full force. That hadn't lasted long.
"Guessin' Darry got you all fixed up." Fingers tugging at the bandage visible near the base of my neck. I hadn't noticed him come closer.
"He's pretty pissed at you." Dally's so much taller than me; with half-lidded eyes I gazed at the zipper of his leather jacket. He was close enough for me to smell him again, that musky scent. It hurt so much, wanting to forgive him but knowing that didn't make any sense. I thought of Soda, of Two-Bit, Pony and Darry. I thought of the doctor at the hospital. I thought of Jake, of how forgiving Dally for all he'd done would be a slap in the face, of how all Jake McPherson really wanted was for Dallas to say to him what he was saying to me, to show that he gave a damn.
"Yeah, well." Dallas rubbed the gauze between his thumb and forefinger. "He doesn't scare me."
Dally and Darry both scared me, but for different reasons. Dal let go of the bandage and ruffled my hair almost affectionately, the way he'd been doing for as long as I could remember.
Suddenly I remembered why I'd run off in the first place. "My dad..."
"Held the bastard off long enough for you to make a clean getaway." Dally shrugged, looking disgusted. "What the fuck were you doing home, anyway? Darry try to make you go to school or somethin'?"
I didn't feel like I needed to justify myself. "What'd you do to him?"
"Nothin' you didn't see."
Complete and total disbelief overwhelmed me. "Dally."
"What? Christ, what do you care if I gave him a taste of his own goddamn medicine?" He was getting riled up again, acting like I was badgering him for he-said-she-said details.
"It ain't gonna make him stop." Thinking about how pissed my dad would be the next time I saw him made me shiver more than my damp clothes. "It ain't gonna teach him a lesson, it's just gonna--"
"What'd you want me to do, let him beat the shit outta you?" Dally snapped. It made me wonder if he realized how much of a hypocrite he was making out of himself.
I only shook my head.
The rain was finally letting up. I debated leaving, but there really wasn't anything else for me to do, anywhere else for me to go. To tell the truth, I couldn't believe he'd come back that soon, and I didn't want to lose him again.
"I'm goin' to Buck's. Come with me," he nodded in the direction of Merril's. Hesitation came naturally, as it always did whenever someone moved too quickly around me, whenever I get shaken awake, whenever I hear footsteps coming closer. I debated refusing, but when Dally shrugged like he'd lost interest--like the offer had expired--panic flooded my stomach and I hurried after him to catch up, matching his stride.
Letting him screw me against a wall hadn't been a good start to holding forgiveness above his head, anyway.
Thought I'd forgotten, didn't you? ;)