I throw the frying pan into the sink and try not to enjoy the wince my youngest brother makes in response.

"God," he moans, clutching his temples. He puts his head down on the kitchen table. "Darry can't you stop that."

"Nope," I reply, utterly unsympathetic. "You think it's funny to go out drinkin', you can deal with the consequences."

Soda leans down and whispers something into Ponyboy's ear. I miss whatever it is he says, but I sure don't miss the glare Soda aims at me over Ponyboy's head. It pisses me off, because if there's one thing Soda should be on my side about, it's Ponyboy's drinking habits. The kid can't go out and get drunk just because it's Friday night. I shouldn't even have to explain that.

Except apparently I do, because when I turn to leave the room Soda follows behind me. "We are not talking about this," I snap before Soda can start defending his pet. "And it'd be nice if you were on my side about this. Jesus Christ, he came home completely plastered. You think he wouldn't have gotten locked up if he'd come across a cop? And then what, huh? Strait into a boys home."

Soda shuts the door behind him, crossing his arms. My brother's temper isn't like mine. He hardly has any temper to speak of, but when he does explode it's usually because someone is picking on Ponyboy.

"What the hell are you doing?" Soda asks, eyes blazing. "Can't you just be a little bit nicer to him? He's just a kid!"

"He ought to know better," I hiss. I slam the dresser drawer shut. "He's supposed to be smart, isn't he? Why the hell can't he figure out that it ain't a good idea to go out with Curly Shepard? Shit, I guess at least they're not burning holes in each other again. Now that was a dumb idea."

"Right, 'cause you never did anything stupid." Soda's eyes bore into mine and I'm wondering what exactly he knows. I did party pretty hard in high school, but most nights I went to Paul's to sleep it off. And the State wasn't on our case then, so it was completely different. Soda's eyes narrow. "Maybe it's not the fact that he's drinking, but the people he's drinking with."

"You're right, I don't like my kid brothers hangin' around Curly Shepard. Or Tim." I fix Soda with a glare, just in case he thinks I don't know what he gets up to when he leaves the house.

"What, you think we're better than them?"

"None of us have been locked up, have we?"

Soda pauses. "But we sure as hell have been hauled in, ain't we Dar?"

I can't even look at him while I finish buttoning my shirt. "You know as well as I do that we have a helluva lot more to lose now."

"Darry," Soda says gently, apparently realizing that throwing my past sins at me isn't going to do him any favors. "You know you aren't the only one whose parents died. Ponyboy don't know what to do either."

"You think he went out and got drunk 'cause of what happened to Mom and Dad?" I ask incredulously. "Don't peddle me that crap, Soda, because I'm not buyin' it."

"I'm sayin' that he don't know how to act now that you're not just his brother anymore." Soda takes a deep breath. "Don't ask me why, but the kid used to think you were kind of cool. He don't know how to act now that you're breathing down his neck. Mom and Dad never treated any of us like that."

I think about that. It's true, Mom and Dad loved us but they were never really hard on us. They demanded we respect them and they never let us run wild or anything, but they never cared much about doing homework, or our grades, or where we were so long as we were back by midnight. Maybe I am being harder on him than Mom and Dad were, maybe it is the first time in his life anyone's ever been hard on him.

And maybe the reason I'm hard on him has nothing to do with Ponyboy at all. Maybe it's like I told Diana, that doing right by him is the only thing I have left. If I screw this up then I really am nothing, and giving up my football career and working these shit jobs was all for nothing. I can't let him fail because then I'm a failure.

"I can't let him go out drinking, Soda. I've got to ground him or something."

Soda nods. "I get it. I'll talk to him. I'm just askin' you not to be an asshole about it."

"You promise you'll talk to him?" I ask. I'm jealous of their bond, but I know Pony will listen to Soda.

Soda nods. "Sure. I don't drink, do I? He'll listen to me."

Now that I think about it, Soda doesn't drink. I have never once seen him so much as sip a beer. I always thought that I was the only one who noticed Dad's drinking, who noticed the way he treated Mom, but maybe there are things I didn't notice myself. "Soda…"

Soda shakes his head and looks away. "I ain't blind," is all he says. He looks away for a second, rubs his eyes, and then says in a lighter voice. "So how late you workin' tonight?"

"Till five," I say. "But you're gonna have to look after Pony tonight. I've got a date."

"Where are you going?" Ponyboy, apparently feeling better, asks me later that evening.

I'm standing in the living room, freshly showered and shaved, ironing the nicest shirt I own. I hope Diana likes it, because she's going to be seeing a lot of it. "To the gym," I say sarcastically. But it's lost on Ponyboy, who just nods and accepts it. I glance at Soda, who is sitting on the couch with Steve. Soda tries not to laugh. I shake my head and look again at my youngest brother. "You know you're grounded right?"

Pony looks at his feet. "Yeah, I know. For a week."

I try not to look surprised. Soda must have told him a week, which means Soda must have been angrier than he let on. It's so goddam irritating when Soda does that. If he's pissed he should let me know and we could be pissed together, but as it is I'm the one who always has to be the bad guy while Soda gets to be Pony's best friend. I swallow my resentment, focusing on making smooth, clean lines in the shirt I'm ironing. I'm meeting Diana's parents tonight and I don't want to be in a bad mood when I get there. I've already got so many strikes against me that it'll be a miracle if they don't slam the door in my face. I can't exactly blame them. What sane parents would pick a college dropout from the East Side for their daughter? Even I've tried to talk some sense into Diana.

Thank God it hasn't worked.

"So who's the broad?" Steve asks me when Ponyboy takes a Pepsi and goes to sit on the porch to smoke a cigarette. "Anyone we know?"

"Nah," Soda says before I can open my mouth. "Darry ain't goin' out with any of the greasy girls 'round here, he's got himself a real Soc."

"She ain't a Soc," I mumble, turning the iron off.

"Who ain't a Soc?" Dallas Winston is one of the last people I want to see tonight, and yet there he is in my doorway, flanked by Two-Bit Mathews. He looks ready for a fight at the word Soc, but then again he always looks ready for a fight.

"The girl Darry's bagged," Steve supplies.

All eyes turn in my direction.

"So are Soc girls any different in the sack?" Two-Bit asks, looking curious.

"Yeah," Dallas snorts. "She got some kind of magic cunt that makes you forget where you come from?"

There's a sudden tension in the room, because while all of us shoot the shit with each other and talk crudely about the girls we like and don't know, you don't use those kinds of words when you're talking about a buddy's girl. You just don't. But Dally has always been the one guy who ever had a problem with me trying to make something of myself. He's always considered me a traitor for buddying around with Paul Holden and his kind, so if he's talking dirty now it's on purpose.

And it almost works. Because I've wanted to put Dallas in his place for a long time. He's crazy as shit and a pretty good fighter, but I think I could take him. But Diana's parents are waiting, and if I show up with a bloody nose and busted knuckles, I'm pretty sure I can kiss goodbye to any shot I have at being her boyfriend.

"One of these days Darry's gonna break your nose," Steve observes.

"And don't think I won't help," Soda warns.

Dally shrugs, looking unconcerned. "He can try."

One day, I promise myself. One day. I pull my shirt on. It's still warm from the iron. "I got better things to do tonight." I turn to Soda. "Remember, Ponyboy's not allowed out of this house. And make him do his math homework. I'll check it when I get home."

Soda salutes me, and then I'm off. I promised Diana I wouldn't be late, and it's a promise I'm all too happy to keep.

"Darry! Darry!" Someone shakes me. It's real gentle, so I know it can't be one of my brothers, but I'm confused as hell when I open my eyes and Diana Hayes is staring down at me looking none to pleased. And then, in one horrifying moment, I realize what must have happened.

"Um, wow, good movie," I offer.

She raises her eyebrows. "You were snoring."

I wince. "I'm sorry. I've had a long day."

Her face softens. "I know."

I get to my feet, stretching as I do so. I'm not lying to her, I did have a long day. And I'm sore as hell. Every muscle in my body screams at me for cramming myself into that seat for the past ninety minutes, and somehow I've woken up feeling even worse than I did when I passed out. I want nothing more than to go home and sleep for the next few days, but it's my first date with Diana and I've already pretty much blown it. I glance at my watch. I've got an hour before I have to have her home. Maybe I can salvage this.

"We've got some time left," I say as we walk out of the theater and into the cool night air. It's getting warmer outside, but it's still chilly at night. It's as good an excuse as any to put my arm around Diana. "We can go do something else."

"I think it'll look better if you have me home ahead of schedule, don't you?" And then she grins and says teasingly. "Besides, I know what your 'something else' most likely is, and I am not the kind of girl who puts out on the very first date, thank you very much."

We reach my truck and I open the car door for her. "Shoot, if I had know that I would have let you keep dating Paul."

I mean it as a joke, but as soon as it's out of my mouth I feel kind of bad. She gives a little laugh, but I can tell she doesn't really think it's funny. I realize how this night must look to Diana: I went to sleep within the first five minutes of the movie and now she thinks I'm complaining because she won't put out. It looks bad. So I lean into the truck and kiss her.

"Come on, Diana. You know there was no way I was going to let you keep dating him." She rolls her eyes at me. "And I promise, no more movie dates."

She looks slightly mollified for the moment, so I run around to my side of the truck and start the car. "How was the movie?" I figure if someone asks I should at least be informed.

She starts rambling on about the movie, and even though I'm supposed to be listening my thoughts keep wandering off. For one thing, Diana has a lot to say about the movie and I was just sort of hoping for a rough overview; for another, as she's talking and waving her arms around her skirt is creeping up her leg.

I shake my head, trying not to stare. You'd think I was some thirteen year old virgin the way I'm acting. It was the same back in high school too, when she'd roll up her cheerleading skirt and prance around like she had no clue what she was doing. I followed her around like some stray dog looking for a bone. Looking back, it's a wonder that the first time Paul ever took a swing a me was the night I returned his shirt.

You'd think now it'd be no big deal. I've had sex with her a few times. She's not… forbidden anymore. I had thought that was part of her appeal, that once I could touch her and whatnot I wouldn't be as preoccupied with her as I used to be. But I was wrong. I think it's made things worse.

"You're frowning," Diana's voice finally breaks into my consciousness. "Did I say something wrong?"

It's hard to say, considering I don't know what exactly she was saying. "Of course not. I'm just… worried about meeting your dad." He wasn't home when I went to pick up Diana, something about an emergency at work.

It's a lie, but it wins me a lot of sympathy as Diana scoots closer and puts her hand on my arm. "Don't worry about it. Meeting my mom went okay, didn't it?"

It didn't. I don't think I've ever made a woman cry just by knocking on the door before, but Diana's mom looked damn close. "If you say so."

"They let me out of the house, didn't they?" I don't say anything, so she nudges my shoulder. "It's my opinion you have to worry about, and I like you just fine."

"Even after I fell asleep on our first date?"

"Sure, I got to eat all the popcorn." She rests her head on my shoulder. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"Not about you." And it's true. Diana just feels right. But it's the timing and circumstances that are off. Still, I can't stand the idea of someone else having her so I'll make it work. "You?"

"Not at all."

She leaves her head on my shoulder while I make the turn to her house. As expected, her dad's Buick is in the driveway and I know I've got one more hurdle to jump tonight. I pull in front of the house, turn the car off, and give Diana a quick kiss. "Just in case your dad comes after me with a shotgun and I have to leave real quick," I joke.

I walk her to the door, absolutely positive that her dad is watching out the window. That's what I do when Ponyboy stays out late, and I'm sure I didn't invent it or anything. I try to look like a nice guy, the kind you'd let date your teenage daughter, not the kind who has sex with her on your couch while you're out of town.

I'm right about him watching us through the window, because as soon as we reach the porch he clings open the door. No goodnight kissing on his watch I guess. He's still dressed in what I guess are work clothes and he's holding a tumbler full of what I think is at first some sort of alcohol but I realize after a second is just orange juice.

"You're early," he notes, and I think for a second I see a flicker of approval in his eyes.

"The movie ended, he drove me back right away." Diana smiles at her father, and I can tell she's used to getting her way with him. "He takes rules almost as seriously as you do."

"Are you going to introduce me?" He asks. He turns dark eyes, just like Diana's, onto me.

"Dad, this is Darrel Curtis. Darry, this is my Dad."

I stick out my hand, and he shakes it. "It's nice to meet you." I'm nice, I'm polite, I've never seen your couch before.

"Likewise." His gaze flicks back to Diana. "Why don't you say goodnight and then go get ready for bed. I'm going to have a quick conversation with Darrel."

"Yes sir." She gives me a small smile and then she's gone, leaving me alone with her dad.

"So." He crosses his arms. "How old are you, son?"

It's been a long time since anyone has called me son. I bristle at it a bit. I'm not just some kid, damn it. I work full time and pay a mortgage and do all sorts of things that Paul Holden has never even dreamed about doing. "I turned twenty in January, sir," I answer him, trying to keep my irritation to myself. I'm sure he's just doing his job, being as thorough as I would be if I had sisters.

Sisters. The thought makes me almost nauseous. There's the silver lining in my shitty situation. As girly as Ponyboy is, I don't have any actual sisters to worry about.

"And you go to school with my daughter?"

"I dropped out." No use beating around the bush. I'm sure Diana has already told him everything. "I work."

"Two jobs, Diana tells me. I understand you have custody of your brothers?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hmm. You want to tell me about getting arrested when you were seventeen?"

I lift my chin up. Goodbye, Diana. "Not really."

To my surprise he laughs. "Come on, sit down." He waves me over to the infamous couch and sits down beside me. "I had to ask. I know the charges were dropped. And I know the police just drive through your neighborhood looking for people to haul in, whether they've actually committed crimes or not. It's a fine thing you're doing for your brothers. I called your boss, he's got nothing but good things to say about you."

I'm a little impressed he called my boss. I never would have thought about it. I file that away, just in case I need to use it with one of my brothers. "I'm glad to hear it, sir."

The laughter fades from his face and he looks real serious again. "Now I'll be honest with you, Darrel. My wife and I had some qualms about letting our daughter date you, but I've been parenting Diana long enough to know if I tell her not to see you it'll just add to your appeal. So we're going to allow this, but I have some rules that I need you to agree to."

"Rules?"

He ticks them off one by one on his fingers. "Curfew is at eleven. That's non negotiable. Have car trouble on your own time. School is her first priority, so don't distract her from it. If her grades drop, I'll make sure you don't see her again. I don't want my daughter anywhere dangerous. And I don't want her interacting with anyone of a… questionable nature. Can I trust you to use your best judgement on those last two?"

For a moment I'm offended. What sort of people does he think I buddy around with? But then I think of the people I do buddy around with, and I think he might have a point. Most of the guys I know are pretty harmless, but then you have guys like Dallas Winston and Tim Shepard. I don't want Diana near anyone like that either. "Yes, sir."

"And one more thing. This has nothing to do with the side of town you're from, so don't take it like that. Diana is not to go to your house. At all. Not with your folks out of the picture, got it?"

My dad bought me my first box of condoms when I turned fourteen and high fived me six months later when I finally used them, so I'm not sure how them being in the picture would help protect Diana's virtue. But I let it go. "Absolutely."

He reaches out to shake my hand again. "I know I probably seem overprotective, but my daughter is the most important thing in the world to me."

I shake his hand and stand up. "She's pretty important to me too, Mr. Hayes."

He smiles thinly, getting to his feet as well. "How old are your brothers?"

"Sixteen and thirteen."

"Then you'll understand soon enough, if you don't already, how teenagers can be. You have to be firm. If you give an inch they'll take a mile."

I don't know if it's true or not, but it's the most parenting advice anyone has ever offered me, so I take it. "Yes, sir."

He sighs then and looks down the hallway after Diana, and for a second he looks just as confused by his daughter as I am about my brothers. I feel a pang of fear. I've been waiting for the day when I wake up and know what to do, the day it all get easier, but maybe it never does. Maybe you're always just sort of feeling your way around in the dark, hoping you're not completely screwing it up. Maybe my parents felt just as lost and confused as I do. Maybe they were just making it up as they went along, the same as I am.

I'm not sure how I feel as I say goodbye to Mr. Hayes and walk out the door. But the weight on my shoulders feels a little lighter. Maybe I'm not doing so badly after all.

"How'd it go?"

"Jesus Christ!" I jump, nearly hitting my head on the roof of the truck. As it is, I manage to drop the keys on the floor. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Diana smiles at me, scooting closer. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to say a proper goodbye."

And just like that all the parental responsibility I was feeling flies from my brain and all I can see is Diana, half naked and smiling up at me. "You're gonna get me shot," I mutter. I kiss her anyway. "Your dad just got done layin' down the law, and now here you are trying to get me in trouble."

"Mmm. Were you really arrested?"

I freeze, hand halfway up her shirt. "Yes."

"For what?"

"Ask your dad." My tone is rather sharp, but I can't help it. I don't want to discuss it with her. Not now, not ever.

"I'm asking you."

I pull my hands out from under her shirt, no longer quite so in the mood. "I'm not talking about it."

"Okay." She kisses me again, and even if I'm not quite so into it anymore I kiss her back.

Finally I can't stand it anymore, and I pull away. "I broke all the windows on Greg Calhoun's brand new car. And I slashed his tires."

"He deserved it," she says heatedly, and I wonder what Cal did to piss her off. But then she cocks her head to the side. "But why would they drop the charges if you were actually guilty?"

"Paul told them he did it." Which is the real reason I don't want to talk about it with her. Call me crazy, but it makes me feel kind of rotten to sit here with my hands on Diana's tits and think about the times he was a good friend to me. "They let me go and Paul's dad made the charges disappear."

"Oh. That was decent of him." She bites her lip and looks out the window. Now the mood is gone for both of us. She slides off my lap. "I guess I'd better go back inside." She doesn't look at me.

"Yeah." She moves to leave, and I can't stop myself from calling out her name. But when she turns to look at me, I can't get the words out. There's so much I want to say, so many things I want to tell her. If I could, I'd tell her that she looked beautiful tonight. That I'm sorry I went to sleep on her. That she should go back to Paul, only not really because even if he looks better on paper I will never spend a second taking her for granted. That I already can't stand the thought of losing her, of not having her in my life. But in the end all I say is, "sleep well."

"Drive safe," she returns. And then she's gone.

For a brief second I think about running after her and pouring out my heart, but that ain't me. Instead I retrieve the keys and drive home.