Chapter 13: There Are No Secrets When You're Dead
Reviews are always appreciated.
Funkyshaz-I added a piece just for you. It wasn't originally going to be in my plot but since you asked so nicely...Only one more chapter to go, and then I'm putting this story to bed!
PLEASE review and let me know what you think of the entire story.
Did you know that kids today are not being taught how to write in cursive? WTF!
After getting back into the swing of things at work, Callie realized how silly it was of her to be so fearful of the hospital. If anything, work gave her another distraction from the agonizing thought plaguing floor, and her fragile mind. Sure, Celebrity Rehab was good, it even worked but work was better because she got to help others, and help herself at the same time. And much to her chagrin, Callie realized Arizona was right. Having a normal routine made her feel more like herself again. So far, she had no reason to visit the OB/GYN floor which was perfectly fine with her. She'd come far, had further to go but she'd avoid climbing that hill for as long as she could. Walking down the hallway towards the cafeteria, she bumped into Mark.
"Hey, stranger," she greeted cheerfully, "How've you been?" she asked matching his long stride with her own.
"Oh hey Cal," he answered avoiding her gaze evasively, "I'm good, how are you?"
"Doing better," she told him truthfully.
"Really," he asked somewhat relieved.
"Yeah, really," she confirmed, "You haven't been around lately."
"Yeah, about that," he answered cryptically. Callie grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Mark," she said sternly, "What's going on?" Mark wrung his hands anxiously worried about how his friend would react.
"Lexie came over a few days ago," he paused catching her eye hoping he didn't have to say more but Callie nodded her head waiting for him to continue.
"We've been talking, she's been helping me out with...everything," he explained, "We're trying to work things out." Callie paused deliberately letting the information sink in before a huge smile played across her face.
"That's great Mark," she said with a squeeze of his arm.
"You're happy about this, with her knowing?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just...you haven't had a lot to be happy about lately," he explained.
"I'm feeling better Mark, you deserve to be happy, she makes you happy so I am happy for you!" she said kindly.
"Happy like a clown?" he joked.
"Eww no, that's just creepy," she admonished jovially. Her pager went off before she could go into further details about Mark and Lexie's reconciliation.
"Gotta go," she said looking at her pager, "We'll catch up soon," she said running towards the ER not bothering to hear his reply.
Upon her arrival to the ER, Alex met her thrusting a set of X-rays into her hands presenting the details while she analyzed the film.
"Asher Lesner, 15 years old, pulled from his pool unconscious."
"What happened?" she questioned wanting to know the method of injury which would help narrow down the diagnosis.
"His sister said he dove head first into the shallow end of the pool," he told her shaking his head at the boy's stupidity.
"Is he awake?" she asked scrutinizing the film.
"He is now, his C-spine is still immobilized and he has no feeling from the waist down."
"There it is," she said as if finding a needle in a haystack. Alex squinted at the film not seeing anything.
"What is it?" he asked puzzled.
"Tear drop fracture on the C-5 vertebrae," she said pointing to the compression fracture, "Page Derek, fill him in, and book an OR. He needs surgery," Callie said feeling her groove.
"I'll page you when we're ready," Alex replied.
"Good man, Alex," she said sauntering away with a confident swagger in her gait. Knowing this surgery would be complicated and lengthy, Callie grabbed a protein bar and some milk to eat while she reviewed information regarding her upcoming surgery. Alex sent Callie a text about the surgery. Looking at the information, Callie's stomach plummeted. Feeling nauseous, she grabbed a nearby trash can prepared to expel the contents of her stomach. It didn't come. She was able to staunch the sick feeling with deep breathing, and positive self-talk. After the physical reaction subsided, Callie rose with purpose heading off to her surgery in OR 5. The same OR where the loss of her baby became official. She made it all the way to the OR but couldn't make herself go in. Alex tried coaxing her in unsuccessfully. Realizing what was happening, he tried to talk Callie down of her self-imposed ledge to no avail. So, he called for a more skilled rescue. He waited until he saw Arizona striding down the hall acknowledging her with an upward nod of his head before disappearing quickly into the surgical suite. Arizona watched Callie pacing back and forth like a caged tiger complete with a wild look in her eyes. Arizona obstructed Callie's path grabbing her by her biceps. Callie shook her head mumbling incoherently. Arizona could make out words like, "Can't," "Bad," "Dead baby."
"Callie stop," she said forcefully, "Just stop, stop, stop!" And Callie did what she was told.
"Good," Arizona said acknowledging her compliance, "Now listen to me." Callie nodded at Arizona to let her know she was listening.
"That," she said pointing her finger to OR 5, "Is just a room. It can't hurt you," she stressed boring into Callie's eyes. She could see clarity burning its way like the sun chasing away the fog so she continued.
"Go in that room and give that boy something that was taken from you," Arizona said with conviction, "Go in there and give that boy back his life."
"It's just a room," Callie repeated.
"It is," she agreed.
"He needs me," Callie said.
"He does," Arizona acknowledged.
"If I need you," she asked her eyes darting uncertainly to Arizona's.
"I'll be watching," she reassured.
"Kay," Callie said pushing the door open with renewed purpose.
"That's my girl," Arizona thought to herself with pride. Arizona made her way to the observation room to find Meredith occupying one seat since a part of the surgery involved neurology. Cristina was also there looking disinterested. Arizona took a seat closest to the window, watching, and waiting. Arizona noted Callie's hand trembling slightly as she requested a scalpel. Alex saw it too. He handed her the instrument but didn't let go when she grabbed it. Arizona saw him whisper something in her ear. Whatever he said to Callie worked and her chest burned with gratitude for Alex. Callie looked up at Arizona from time to time during the complex surgery. Arizona could see Callie's confidence returning like a long lost friend as time went on. Watching Callie totally in her element was exhilarating to Arizona. She squirmed in her seating feelings of lost being roused as she watched Callie's skillful hands operate. She squeezed her legs together tightly trying poorly to stifle her growing need. Seems that Arizona wasn't the only one affected. When Callie's portion of the surgery was over, she looked towards Arizona with a look of pure animalistic lust steaming in her eyes. Arizona's breath lodged in her throat.
"She needs me alright," she thought to herself excusing herself from Meredith and Cristina's presence. Once Arizona cleared the room, Cristina commented dryly.
"She's totally going to get laid," Cristina said knowingly.
"Totally," Meredith agreed popping a red twizzler into her mouth.
Arizona had seen the look in Callie's eyes before. Callie was on the prowl, and Arizona was her prey. Not wanting to make the hunt too easy for Callie, Arizona found her way to an out of the way on call room that she knew Callie wouldn't think to look for her in right off. Once there, she turned off the lights, and waited. While she was waiting, Arizona slid her right hand into the waist band of her pants. She stroked herself lightly to stoke the slow embers of desire seeing Callie operate stirred within her. She pulled her hand away quickly when she heard someone call out to Callie in greeting. Arizona pulled her face into a mask of indifference before Callie opened the door.
"There you are," Callie commented ferally like a jaguar in the night, "What have you been doing?"
"Waiting for you," Arizona sauntered over to Callie reaching discreetly behind her to lock the door.
"Waiting for me, huh?" Callie asked crossing her arms over her chest, "What have you been doing while you were waiting?"
"Well watching you rock that surgery got me," she paused to bring her mouth a breath away from Callie's ear, "Hot," she whispered before moving back to see how the words impacted Callie.
Callie met her inquisitive gaze with a smirk.
"And all that eye fucking you were giving me towards the end made me really, really...wet," she continued, "So I came here to wait for you but you took so long that I had to get started all by myself," she said jutting out her juicy lip in a mock pout.
"Did you now," Callie purred seductively taking Arizona's right hand in her mouth tasting the evidence of her arousal on her tongue. Callie's tongue swirled sensually against her fingers causing Arizona to tilt her head back releasing a throaty moan.
"Mmm," Callie sighed appreciatively against the fingers in her mouth before releasing them, "Do I get an invite to your party or do you want to finish this up all on your own?"
"Oh you definitely get an invite," Arizona said nipping Callie's lips.
"That's what I thought," Callie said cockily grabbing Arizona brusquely spinning her around pushing her hard against the wall so that Arizona's face was pressed up against the wall. Arizona's stomach leapt at the thought that Callie was about to take her. Callie roughly pushed her scrub pants and panties down to her knees. She slid her left hand under her scrub top pulling her bra up over her breasts not even bothering to undo the clasp. She kneaded and squeezed Arizona's breasts with both hands rubbing them in her hands pushing them together before tweaking her nipples between her thumb and forefinger. Arizona bit her lip to stifle the moans threatening to escape her mouth. Callie continue her gruff treatment of Arizona's left breast while her right hand snaked its way down. Callie's mouth attacked Arizona's neck and shoulders nipping the delicate skin then soothing the nips away with her warm tongue. When her hand found its destination, Callie rested her hand against Arizona's mound. Arizona squirmed against the hand trying to relieve the built up pressure.
"This is mine," Callie growled against Arizona's ear, "Did I tell you to touch what is mine?" Arizona felt completely out of control, at the mercy of her very aroused, very dominant girlfriend. She wasn't scared, in fact, she found the entire encounter erotic and delicious. When Callie didn't get an answer, she removed her hand giving a sharp tug on Arizona's long hair.
"Did I?" Callie restated her question.
"No," Arizona hissed a response.
"That was very naughty, Arizona," she said before taking Arizona's earlobe between her teeth sucking on it. Arizona's knees buckled but Callie held her steadfast against the wall.
"You need to be punished," Callie informed Arizona sliding her middle and ring finger into Arizona's velvet wetness coating her fingers liberally. Arizona arched her hips trying to get Callie's fingers closer to her aching need.
"What should I do to you?" Callie pondered. Arizona knew she was completely at Callie's mercy, and regardless of what she said, Callie was going to do whatever she wanted anyway.
"I don't know," she answered in a whisper full of need. At this point, Callie was stroking her deftly up and down circling around Arizona's tender clit. Arizona's hips moved of their own volition.
"I'm going to fuck you, Arizona," She said heatedly into her ear, "That's what I'm going to do to you," she said before plunging her fingers hard and deep into Arizona's molten core. Arizona had to brace herself with both hands splayed against the wall as Callie drove her fingers into her causing a slapping noise as the heel of her hand came into contact with the upper portion of Arizona's mound. Callie's left hand continued manipulating Arizona's breast skillfully. Arizona was moaning without abandon now barely making coherent words. Callie knew Arizona was close the moment she felt Arizona's pulsating walls tightening up on her fingers. She moved her left hand up to Arizona's mouth to suppress the guttural sounds coming out of her mouth that would only get louder when she came. Callie continued pumping in and out at a rapid pace feeling Arizona getting wetter. Arizona's orgasm crashed into her like a freight train without breaks. There was nothing she could to as it sped through her body crashing into her over heated body. She screamed against the hand at her mouth as her orgasm gushed out of her body drenching Callie's hand up to the wrist. Callie still her hand knowing she must be extremely sensitive after such an enthusiastic release. She took her hand from Arizona's mouth wrapping it around her waist to help hold her up. Only when the clenching around her fingers stopped did she remove her hand. She bent to pull Arizona's pants up, stopping to plant a kiss on each side of Arizona's shapely ass. Arizona turned around when Callie stood up pulling her in for an open mouth, wet kiss.
"Mmm," she murmured appreciatively, "That was some punishment," she joked lightly. When there was no response, Arizona pulled back to see Callie better. She was a little surprised by what she saw. Callie's brown eyes appeared black like coal with unabated desire. Arizona realized she was still riding the adrenaline high from her surgery as well as from her "conquest." Letting Callie take her didn't seem to quench Callie's desire at all. Wrapping her hand around Callie's waist, she pulled her into her body snugly. Looking directly into her eyes, Arizona issued an indirect challenge with her words.
"Is there something you need from me?" Callie met Arizona's challenge with one of her own.
"Nah," she said backing out of Arizona's embrace, "You started this party on your own, and I'm perfectly capable of finishing up all by myself."
"Oh really," Arizona questioned arching her eyebrow in disbelief.
"Yep," Callie replied sitting down on a nearby bed. Arizona watched Callie pull off one shoe then the next tossing them aside with a thump on the floor. Arizona's curiosity skyrocketed as she watched Callie slide her scrub pants down her smooth, silky legs. Callie picked them up, folded them neatly putting them on the pillow. Arizona clucked her tongue impatiently. Callie suppressed a grin at Arizona's posture. Arizona was standing with her right hand on her hip, with her head titled to the left as if to say, "Is that all you got?"
"Are you gonna watch?" Callie asked as she lifted up her hips to slide her panties down.
"Yep," Arizona said quickly, "I'm gonna watch." Callie shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "Suit yourself." Callie changed her mind regarding her panties opting to keep them in place knowing full well not seeing would drive Arizona just as crazy as seeing would. Callie didn't move until she had Arizona's rapt attention. When she was certain, she slid both of her hands sinuously up her stomach to cup her full breasts arching her back into her hands. She squeezed, rubbed, and kneaded each breasts until her nipples were straining against the fabric of her clothes. Arizona licked her lips watching intently as Callie pleasured her breasts further by tweaking and rolling the rock hard nipples between her fingers. Callie moaned seeing Arizona's pink tongue darting out imagining them sucking her nipples. Callie ached at the thought of having those luscious lips all over her body.
"You like that," Arizona stated huskily.
"You know I do," Callie agreed. Callie continued with her left hand snaking her right hand under the waist of her panties. Callie gasped as her had was met with evidence of her arousal. She leaned back on her left hand so she could spread her legs further apart gaining better access.
"I'm wet Arizona," she said in a low tone of voice.
"You are?" Arizona asked although she wasn't the least bit surprised.
"Mmm hmm," Callie sita sliding her fingers up and down drenching them into her wetness. Arizona could only see the motion of Callie's fingers through the filmy material but she has a pretty good idea of Callie was doing. Arizona's hands began to itch to be the one touching and sh stood fidgeting as Callie's hips bucked in response to Callie penetrating her own self. She watched Callie's hand stretching the material of her panties and she drove further and further into herself.
"Talk to me, "Arizona requested, "Tell me how you feel...please."
"Good," Callie panted her ability to form coherent sentences fading fast, "Feels so, so good," she moaned as she stroked herself particularly hard and deep. Arizona's breath hitched in her throat as Callie's hand moved up making tight quick circles around her clit before moving back down again. At some point, Callie's eyes closed as her body was taken hostage by sensation.
"Tell me what you're thinking," Arizona asked her voice like a caress. Callie's eyes shot open, and she was met with the electric penetrating stare of deep blue.
"You," she whispered hotly, "I'm thinking about you." Arizona had enough inaction.
"I'm done watching," she said taking bold, purposeful steps in Callie's direction.
"Oh thank god," Callie exclaimed lifting her hips to help as Arizona removed her panties. Arizona grabbed Callie underneath her knees pulling Callie's so that she was on the edge of the bed and she quickly dove in lapping at Callie's entrance, driving her tongue in deep. Callie gasped at the feeling of Arizona's tongue. Her hips thrust in sync with Arizona's tongue. Arizona removed her tongue licking upwards with light strokes. Callie whimpered at the loss of Arizona's tongue but her whimpers soon turned into moans of ecstasy as she was filled deeply by Arizona's fingers. Arizona worked Callie's clit with her tongue bathing it in erotic circles, tugging it gently between her lips, or sucking on it entirely while using two fingers to increase sensation. Callie's hips bucked madly against Arizona as pleasure coursed through her body like a drug. Arizona's tongue was like her own personal heroin, and Callie would do whatever she could to get herself higher. Arizona didn't care that she was having a hard time hanging on. All she cared about was making Callie come hard. Callie wrapped one hand around Arizona's haphazard ponytail grinding herself wantonly against Arizona's face until she came with a scream that filled the room. Callie collapsed letting go of Arizona's ponytail once the rush of her orgasm subsided. Arizona kissed one of Callie's thighs, then the other before slowing removing her fingers. Callie watched semi-comatosed as Arizona looked for her panties. Finding them under the bed, she slid them back up Callie's gorgeous tan legs. Callie finished pulling them up and then finished dressing in her scrub pants. When Callie was dressed, Arizona climbed onto the bed laying on her side facing Callie.
"Satisfied Calliope?" she asked playfully. Callie rolled from her back to her side so she was facing Arizona as well.
"Yes," Callie replied wholeheartedly, "Are you?" The tone in Callie's voice made Arizona realize that Callie meant more than just the sexual encounter they had. Arizona cupped Callie's face in her hands bringing her in for a sweet, tender kiss.
"Very," she whispered against Callie's lips tickling Callie with her breath. Callie smiled against Arizona's lips, and Arizona giggled. Both women lay there content in each others presence talking softly.
"I can't believe we've been in here this long without anyone trying to find us for one thing or another," Callie commented wondrously. Arizona shot up from bed as if she remembered something she forgot.
"What time is it?" she asked brusquely.
"7:15pm, why?" Callie answered.
"Gotta go," Arizona said scrambling over Callie to get off the bed. She headed out the door but turned to blow Callie a kiss before leaving the room. Callie was still laying in the bed wondering what just happened to make Arizona leave to fast.
Arizona sped down the corridors of the hospital not wanting to be late for her support group meeting. She was so preoccupied with not being tardy that she didn't see Mark sitting in the circle. When she did, she stopped dead in her tracks. Mark looked at her, then away because he didn't see that the person entering the room was Arizona. When he did, he did a double take. Arizona took a seat a couple of chairs away from him. She could feel his eyes burning holes into her skin so she looked at him. Mark's eyes met hers full of guilt and remorse.
"Hey Mark," she said quietly acknowledging his presences with a soft smile. Mark's eyes widened in response to her acknowledgment but he didn't trust himself to respond verbally. The meeting started shortly after the exchange. Mark quietly left once the meeting was adjourned but Arizona hung back to chat with some of the guys. Exiting the building, a voice to her left, startled her. Arizona swung around to see Mark leaning against the brick wall of the church.
"You were right," he called out to Arizona as she was starting to walk away again. She stopped, turned around with surprised etched into her features. He pushed himself off the wall towards Arizona stopping when he was a foot away.
"You were right," he re-stated, "About me not helping Callie." It was Arizona's turn to do a double take.
"It took me getting away from her for awhile to see more clearly," he continued, "I thought I was being there for her but I was just holding her back." Arizona pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest not yet ready to make nice.
"You were hurting her," she said plainly.
"Jeez," he complained, "I know it and I am sorry what more do you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to be sorry Mark," she began, "I get that you and Callie are best friends, and I get that you know her in a way that I won't and never will. I GET it," she paused before continuing.
"But what you need to get, what you need to understand is that I know her too," she stressed, "So my opinion matter, it counts and you need to take that into consideration." Mark nodded his head affirmatively indicating that he was paying attention.
"Okay, Arizona," he agreed, "I can do that. After all, we are on the same team."
"We are," she agreed, "And thank you," she said breathing a great big old sigh of relief.
"You know I've been so stuck in my own personal quicksand that I've never even bothered to think about how you feel about all this," he posed as a way to allow Arizona a chance to talk about her feelings. Arizona looked down at the white pavement before answering trying to collect her thoughts.
"That baby," she started shakily, "Was growing inside of my heart just as surely as it was growing in Callie's stomach," she managed to get that out before she started to choke up with emotion. She took a minute to stuff it back down before commenting again.
"I couldn't have loved that child more if I was the one carrying it," she finished before she finally broke down releasing some of her pent up tears.
"You know how sorry I am," Mark said wrapping her in a warm embrace, "How are you holding up, Blondie?"
"I'm good Mark," she said somewhat muffled since he cheek was pressed into his shoulder, "Coming here helps."
"About that," Mark said before releasing Arizona but holding her an arms length away, "Lexie told me about the group. You were here first. Do you mind if I come?" he asked.
"No," she replied truthfully, "But if it is all the same to you, can we keep this between ourselves. Callie has enough on her plate right now.
"No problem Blondie," Mark said lightly.
"Ah there's the Mark Sloan I know and loathe," she jested, "You were beginning to scare me with your sensitivity and I'm concerned about your feelings bull crap."
"Hey," he protested loudly, "I do care!"
"I know Mark," she said looping her arm through his, "Walk me back to the hospital?" she asked.
"Yeah," he agreed, "Why not?" They walked in companionable silence back to the hospital. As they were about to part ways, a thought popped into Mark's mind.
"What did you do with the ring?" he asked out of curiosity.
"Oh my god, the ring!" Arizona exclaimed, "It is still in my damn glove box!"
"You're kidding?"
"Nope I'm not, I will get it out tonight and put it somewhere safer."
"Still going to propose?" Mark wondered.
"Eventually, when the time is better for us both."
"What matters most is that you still want to marry her," Mark said.
"More than ever, Mark. More than ever," Arizona said with reverence in her voice.
"Good night, Arizona," Mark said in parting.
"Good night Mark and thank you!" she said back to him.
Her shift was almost over so she meandered to the attending locker room to wait for Callie. Callie was already there getting changed. Arizona crept up behind her slowly wrapping her arms around Callie's midsection placing a kiss on her shoulder.
"Hey," Callie replied leaning back into her embrace, "Where did you run off to so quick?" Arizona tried to dodge the question by going over to her locker to collect her belongings. Callie had her hand on her hip tapping her fingers against her hip.
"You're not going to tell me are you," she accused.
"Look," Arizona turned to face Callie, "I didn't meant to tun out on you after..." she deliberated looking for the right word.
"After insanely hot, dirty sex," Callie supplied for her while opening the door to leave.
"It was hot and dirty wasn't it?" she said to congratulate them both on their performance.
"Yeah no lesbian bed death with this couple, uh-uh," Callie said confidently. Arizona stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the hallway.
"Did you just really say lesbian bed death?" she asked dumbfounded, "I mean how do you even know about lesbian bed death?"
"What because I am just bi-sexual, I can't know that when two women have been together for awhile tends to drive out the spark in favor of creating a nest so to speak," Callie said knowingly. Arizona opened her mouth to respond but before she could formulate a sentence, Callie interjected more.
"Whatever, the point is Arizona that we have hot, nasty sex a lo, all over the place which means no lesbian bed death here. It's all good!" she exclaimed. Arizona raised her eyebrows suggestively.
"It is good, isn't it," she giggled taking Callie's hand into her own intertwining their fingers.
"Mmm hmm," Callie agreed, "I think you need to take your insanely hot girlfriend that totally rocked today inside the OR, and outside of the OR out for dinner to celebrate."
"I can do that," Arizona said already won over.
"Don't you think that this means I've forgotten that you are keeping a secret from me," Callie said suddenly serious, "I'm respecting your right to privacy and trusting that if it was something I need to know, you'd tell me."
"Calliope, I would," Arizona vowed, "It is nothing for you to worry about."
"I believe you Arizona," Callie emphasized, "I want Portofino's for dinner so we're going to need to get your car."
"Good choice!" Arizona said in agreement and they walked hand in hand to the parking garage. Arizona told Callie she needed to move some of her junk off the passenger seat. She did that, and managed to get the ring out of the glove box and into her purse. Arizona held the door open for Callie indicating that she could get it now. Arizona was thinking about what she was going to do with the ring and decided it was best to store it in her safety deposit box at the bank. She was startled out of her reverie by Callie calling her name from the seat looking at her expectantly.
"Oh," Arizona smiled sheepishly before shutting the passenger side door.
Dinner was a pleasant affair for both of them. Arizona toasted Callie's successful return to work and operating. Callie toasted the wonderfulness that was Arizona. They reconnected again for the second time today but more on a cerebral level which heightened their overall level of intimacy. They left the restaurant in a haze of happiness that had been scarce since the miscarriage.
The haze continued for weeks on end. Arizona still went to the support group meetings, while Callie had managed to still avoid the maternity ward. She still had consistent nightmares but her body no longer reacted physically. This made it much easier to hide. There were tings both women didn't talk about. Secrets harbored out of the noble yet misguided belief they were protecting. The two women, both grieving, were partners in a macabre dance circling around the secrets of the dead. But the secret, the secrets sits in between watching, waiting, destroying, and it knows. It knows everything! It knows so well how to trample all thins from the sacred to sinful, from the pristine to the obscene, and from love to loathing. And it does does without guilt, without shame, and without a second thought. But even the most simple know that secrets have a way of bubbling up to the surface shedding a spot light of truth on things most hidden.
That day came on a Friday. Almost four months to the day that Callie lost her baby. She would've been in her seventh month of her pregnancy. Callie worked an earlier short shift from 7am until 3pm. Arizona went in at 5am and got off at 5pm. She was looking forward to going home because she was exhausted. She walked home in a light drizzle whistling a random tune eager to get home to relax. However, she was completely taken aback when she opened up the door to find her apartment ransacked like a tornado going through a trailer park. She was concerned that someone broke into their apartment. Her fear was quickly replaced with confusion and alarm when Callie stormed out of their room. Her hair was wild almost as if it were windblown and her eyes possessed a craziness about them.
"Callie," Arizona said treading lightly.
"I can't find my favorite stethoscope," Callie hastily blurted out.
"Okay," she said uncertainly because she'd never seen Callie this angry before. It was like she was possessed by a demon.
"Where was the last place you had it?" Arizona asked trying to be useful. Callie was pulling the cushions out of the couch throwing them haphazardly out of her way. She stopped.
"Where was the last place I had it?" she mocked aloud. She turned to Arizona ready to unleash the full burnt of her storm onto an unprepared victim.
"If I knew that Arizona," she said clipped with her teeth clenched tightly shut, "They wouldn't be lost now would they?" Arizona realized Callie's fury had nothing to do with a stupid medical instrument so she tried to disengage Callie from her anger by lending a hand thinking that if she found it, Callie's anger would be diffused.
"Hey," she said softly, "Let me help."
"Help?" Callie retorted condescendingly, "Where were you when I woke up alone in a pool of my own blood huh?"
"Calliope," Arizona tried to get Callie to stop.
"No don't you dare 'Calliope' me," she shouted so loud Arizona could see the veins in her neck throbbing.
"Oh yeah," Callie said as if she just now remembered, "You were out furniture shopping, If that is your idea of help, then there's no fucking way do I want your help." Arizona reeled from the one two punch. She absorbed the blows still thinking she could control the situation since she knew that Callie was doing her best to keep her from digging into what was really going on with her.
"You are upset about something and you are trying to push me away by insulting me. Just tell me what is wrong Callie, please?" she plead from the heart hoping the direct approach would work since nothing else had so far. Callie walked over to her menace all over her.
"You want to know what is wrong?" Callie asked.
"Yes I do, more than anything, I want to know what is wrong." Callie sized up Arizona a minute before speaking thinking of the best way to tell her what was wrong to make sure it did the most damage possible.
"Do you know what today is?" Arizona racked her brain for a clue as to what Callie was referring to. Arizona was clueless which infuriated Callie even more.
"Of course you don't," she spat hatefully, "I would've been eight months pregnant on this day," she said raising her voice. Arizona's eyes widened in shock. Things had been going so well lately that she really didn't think about the miscarriage too much anymore. She started to say something but Callie continued with her tirade.
"And to top things off, I had to go to the maternity ward for a woman that broke her pelvis during delivery. She was happy about it. Labor pains she said. All those happy people getting what I should've had, what I still want'" she cried. There was a pause in Callie's diatribe so Arizona took the opportunity to get a bottle of wine out of the fridge. There was only red but she knew it would do in a pinch to help steel her nerves and relax Callie.
"Callie," Arizona said with a voice full of sympathy, "I'm so, so sorry." The apology, although sincere only served to poor gasoline onto a smoldering fire igniting it with a whoosh.
"You're sorry?" Callie repeated, "Let's just quit pretending here okay?" Arizona shook her head slightly trying to guess what Callie was inferring too.
"Pretending about what?" she replied confused.
"That you were happy about agreeing to a lifetime of Mark. A lifetime of decisions: Bottle or sippy cup, basketball or tap, Dartmouth or Berkeley, Christmas morning with Mark," Callie ranted while Arizona stared transfixed like watching a car skidding on ice. There is nothing that can be done. If you get in the front to try and stop it, there's a pretty good chance you're going to get run over. If you don't move, you run the risk of the car drifting your direction hitting you anyway. The only thing you can do is wait for the car to lose momentum.
"I know you never would've picked Mark," Callie said pacing a small circle in front of Arizona, "You never, ever let me forget that you settled for a life you didn't want."
"That's not true," Arizona started.
"Oh come on," Callie retorted, "Let's just be honest with each other about the fact that you resent me for being bisexual, for getting the girl that I love, for, for having a hot guy best friend who is also a great lay, and for because I got the baby I'd always dreamed of. It's the bisexual's dream come true!" Arizona opened her mouth to speak but Callie wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise.
"I know this was never your dream," she continued, "Your dream never looked like this. Hell you are probably glad," Callie said.
"Callie!" Arizona shouted intending to be a warning but Callie was on a roll and paid her no mind.
"Deep down, even though you'd never admit it, I know you're glad I lost the baby," Callie said going way past a point of no return, "Now you won't have to deal with a lifetime of Mark."
Arizona lost her grip on the bottle sending it crashing into a million pieces on the tile floor. The wine splashed both of their pants legs dripping off of them like a scene from a horror movie. Arizona raised her hand to her chest trying to staunch the pain Callie's razor sharp tongue inflicted. Callie looked at the mess on the floor to Arizona about to say something scathing when she saw Arizona's face. She was as pale as a sheet, her eyes were hollow almost lifeless, and her lips trembled. Callie did a mental rewind uncertain as to what she said that would've elicited such a reaction from Arizona. She gasped in shame as reality settled upon her.
"Arizona," she whispered but before she could finish, Arizona spun around snatching her purse off the counter, swinging the door open so that it slammed loudly into the wall, and she left. Callie started after her but was stopped by a shard of glass slicing her foot wide open. Ignoring the pain, she went around the mess, but that diversion gave Arizona just enough time to make her getaway. Arizona's instinct was to fight back when viciously attacked but she knew Callie was damaged. She believed in lending a hand up instead of kicking someone when they were down. It flitted through her head that Callie probably thought she was bailing, but at this moment in time, Arizona didn't give a damn about Calliope Torres She needed to be able to breathe, she needed to be able to live. So, she left. She had no other options.