AN: Geez, I hated writing this episode. The canon episode is so boring, and I really just wanted to get this out of the way. Don't mind the length of the episode, the finale will be longer, and then we have a two part special that'll lead into Total Drama Pahkitew Island Rebooted, which I will start after the special ends.

acl97 gioia: Acl! It's nice to see your review again! Well, thank you and I'm glad I did a better job than that horrific episode. I'm glad you find the remaining characters tolerable, and, who knows, it's practically anyone's game at this point. I hope you enjoy today's episode!

Nicky Haugh: Thank you! I hope you enjoy today's episode!

Guest: I guess we'll just have to find out, won't we? I hope you enjoy today's episode!

The Bold and the Booty-ful

The show fades in on Chris McLean standing on the partially destroyed dock of Camp Wawanakwa, ready to do the recap.

"Last time on Total Drama All-Stars: the final five went on a slippery saucy, Sunday shopping spree with extra 'Are you NUTS!?' Scott held off his vendetta against Courtney, and he teamed up with her to stop Mal!

"Because of Mal's latest dirty trick, Trent won the challenge. But, Mal didn't take it so well, and blackmailed him into voting off Scott with him, and he got the watery boot.

"Four players remain. But not for long. Who's going to the finale? It's all or nothing time, right here on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

The show fades back in on the tech room within the spa hotel. The door cracks open and Trent walks in.

The musician's hand reached for the wall and swiped his hand in an upwards motion, hitting the light switch and turning the room's lights on.

Trent looked over the monitors in front of him, his eye catching a DVD on the table in front of him.

Curiously, he reached for the DVD and read the name.

"'Mal's greatest hits'?" He read, curling his fist in anger.

Confessional: Trent

"It's because of me that Scott isn't here now. Mal may have made it this far but I'm not letting him get any further."

As Trent looked over the DVD, he failed to notice Zoey walk into the room behind him.

"Trent?" She asked, startling the musician.

Trent spun around to look at Zoey. "Oh, hey Zoey." He said, calming down.

Zoey looked down at her feet. "I wanted to bring Mike back but now, I think he might be gone forever."

Tears welled up on her eyes, and Trent acted quickly, wrapping his arms around the indie girl.

"Mike will be okay. He'll be better if we get Mal eliminated."

"You think so?" Zoey asked, looking up at the musician.

Trent thought for a moment. He knew he was taking a bargain at telling Zoey that the best place for Mike to be was not in the game.

Even if Mal was locked up again, he couldn't ever stay in control forever. Wait a minute…

What was it that had been keeping Mal as the host for so long?

Even so, he gave Zoey the answer she wanted, and the answer that he believed in.

"I'm sure of it."

Loser Cabins

Courtney stretched, yawning as she stepped out of the female loser cabin. Her pleasant morning was interrupted when she spotted Mal leaning on the porch railing.

"It must be a shame to see one of your allies eliminated last night." Mal spoke, turning to look at Courtney slightly.

Courtney scoffed in response. "As if Scott was my ally! We just had an agreement to vote you off. And now you're all out of tricks, so bye, Mal!"

Mal smirked slightly, turning to face Courtney entirely. "You've played the game smart, Courtney. A step ahead of the others...just not me."

Mal brushed past Courtney, an evil smirk plastered on his face as Courtney glared at him.

Before Courtney could retaliate, the intercom crackled to life.

"Good morning, final four! Gather on the now repaired dock, prontoroonio! It's crunch time! And by that, I mean you're about to get crunched!"

Confessional: Courtney

"Mal thinks he can outsmart me in this game." Courtney asks, scoffing. "Yeah right. Sure, I've been ahead of Zoey and Trent, but no way is a freak like Mal getting the best of me!"

The four contestants walked onto the repaired dock, somehow looking worse than it did during the fourth season.

Three of the four contestants glared at Mal as they walked, two of them annoyed with how far he had made it.

"Why bother, Mal?" Courtney asked as they walked. "You know you're just going to be eliminated tonight."

"We'll see." Mal scowled, rolling his eyes.

Confessional: Zoey

"I can't believe how much I let love blind me." She shook her head. "I need to win this challenge and eliminate Mal!"

"Ahoy, mateys!" Chris shouted in a pirate accent as the fixed Boat of Losers rolled up. "Come to me, faithful bird!" The host continued, jumping off the boat and onto the dock.

Chef walked out of the Boat of Loser compartment in a giant bird costume, frowning.

"Oh come on, stop frowning. You look great and you know it." Chris told him. "Hey, if you don't wanna be here, then-" he trailed off, noticing that Chef started to pull away. "That isn't what I was gonna say!" The host called after him.

After a moment, Chris turns back towards the final four.

"Anyway, because I'm craving the comforts of home, I've designed a special challenge. Your mission? To retrieve one of four valuable pieces of 'pirate loot' stashed somewhere on the island."

"As if there is anything valuable around here." Courtney spoke, rolling her eyes.

"There's plenty if ye know what you're lookin' for!" Chris said, adopting the fake pirate accent once more.

Confessional: Trent

"I actually know a bit about pirates. I read a book about them, but I gotta agree with Courtney. I don't think there is anything valuable around here."

"To determine who gets what, each player will choose one of these four treasure chests." Chris announced, walking across the dock to four treasure chests atop a sheet on a table.

"Trent, because you won the last challenge, you get to choose first."

Trent shrugged indifferently, walking up to the chest right to the center. The musician placed his hand on the bottom of the chest and flipped it open.

"What?" Trent asked himself, raising his eyebrow and looking into the chest itself.

As soon as he looked in, a boxing glove shot out with an image of a diamond on it, and crashing into Trent's face, knocking him backwards.

"Trent, you have chosen the McLean Diamond, which can be found in or near the abandoned pirate ship. Which is guarded by Scott's old pal, Fang!"

Trent groaned, picking himself up from the ground.

As Trent stood up, Mal stepped forward past him, walking to the chest furthest right.

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what's inside." Mal said, looking at Chris.

"Nice try, but the choice isn't official until you see for yourself." Chris replied, to which Mal rolled his eyes.

The malevolent personality flipped his arm upwards, opening the chest. When nothing shot out, he reached in but was quickly stopped, feeling teeth clamp around his hand.

Mal quickly retracted his hand to face a turtle biting at him. He growled at the turtle, and it quickly let go, dropping to the floor and scurrying off.

"Okay, that's new." Chris commented before looking towards Mal's loot.

"Mal, you must bring me the original long lost golden Chris statuette." The host told him.

"Any clue where I might find it?" Mal asked.

"If I knew then it wouldn't be long lost, now would it?"

Confessional: Mal

"If Chris thinks he can stop me from winning this challenge then he has another thing coming.

"If I can't win fairly, I'll just have to win unfairly."

Mal begins to chuckle, but it quickly changes into evil laughter.

Zoey pressed her hand against the chest almost furthest left, electrocuting her. She yelped in pain as the chest opened, showing an image of a footprint.

Zoey groaned, rubbing her hand as Chris spoke what her challenge was to be.

"Excellent, Zoey, you must bring me the yeti."

Confessional: Zoey

"There is no way I'm letting anyone else win this challenge! Especially Mal!"

Courtney opened the chest furthest left, exploding pepper in her face. She sneezed, taking a step back.

In the chest was an image of a green marshmallow.

"Courtney, you must return to the campfire pit and return the season four, fan favorite, life threatening, Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom."

Confessional: Courtney

"If Chris is trying to prove me as a loser, we won't do it. I am not a loser. I am a winner!"

"Helpful hint," Chris started as the contestants lined up, "Think fast and work even faster, because two of you are going home tonight." This earned gasps from Courtney, Zoey, and Trent.

"I thought three of us were going to the finale." Zoey said, worried.

Chris chuckled. "Yeah, no. Whoever comes back last, or worse, empty handed, goes directly to the Flush of Shame.

"Whoever brings back their loot first wins a guaranteed spot in the finale, AND, gets to select which of the other two walks the plank into the big John tonight. All clear? Go!"

Chris pulled out his air horn and blew it, marking the beginning of the challenge.

Abandoned Pirate Ship

Trent maneuvered his way through the pirate ship, looking for the diamond. He made his way to the top deck of the ship, looking out from the stairs.

"And Trent is the first to reach his pirate loot zone!" Chris announced through a loudspeaker hanging off the mast.

"The heat is on! I hope my loud voice isn't getting Fang's attention!"

Confessional: Trent

"Figures Chris would sell us out like that. What else should I expect?"

Fang emerged from the bathroom stall and the end of the ship, looking at Trent with an evil smile.

"Come on, Fang. I'm not the one you wanna hurt. If you give me the diamond I'll be on my way, alright?"

Fang smiled, showing the diamond Trent was looking for, wedged between his teeth.

Trent let out a sigh.

"Aw hell."

The musician spun on his heel and bolted in the opposite direction as Fang leaned forward and charged after him.

Forest

Zoey leaned on a tree branch, jumping to the next as she followed yeti footprints on the ground. She destroyed the nearest loudspeaker so Chris wouldn't be able to startle the yeti away.

She hopped down from the tree she stood on, onto the tracks, and glanced around.

When she saw no one, she reached down and swiped her hand against the soil, feeling it warm beneath her fingers.

"The yeti must have been here recently." Zoey said allowed, deducing that the yeti was close by.

As she stood up, she failed to notice the giant figure running towards her, holding a giant tree branch in one arm.

Finally, Zoey heard the footsteps and turned around, just in time to see the tree branch slam into her, pinning her to a tree she stood in front of.

The yeti started towards her, and Zoey screamed in fear.

Campfire Pit

"And Courtney reaches the campfire elimination pit in search of the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom." Chris announced through a loudspeaker as Courtney walked through the pit, glancing around.

She spotted a glowing come from behind a group of rocks in the corner of the pit. Smiling, she quickly ran over and removed the rocks, looking at the toxic marshmallow.

"Yes!" She cheered. "Now, how do I return it to Chris?" She asked herself, tapping her chin.

It was at that moment that Mal circled around Courtney, his hands folded behind his back.

Before any words could be spoken between the two, the screen paused, showing Chris in the monitor room.

"Looks like Mal has some things Courtney may want. Maybe he wants her to bring him to the finale. Don't take my word for it, find out when we return on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

Commercial break.

When the show returns, Courtney glares at Mal.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, it's simple, really. I want you to bring me to the finale if I help you." Mal told her, to which she burst into laughter.

"As if I'd help someone like you." She replied, her laughter dying down.

"Figures. I guess I'll just have to find Zoey. After all, she's gullible enough to believe anything." Courtney raised an eyebrow at this.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing to your concern. Just that I know she will bring me to the finale." With that, Mal walked off, leaving Courtney with a perplexed look.

Confessional: Mal

"Mind games. It's useful when you're in a game like this. But now, I'll have to deal with Trent. Do I think Courtney will bring me to the finale? Of course not. So we'll just have to change that."

Forest

Zoey frees her head from the tree branch. The yeti notices her movements and charges after her.

Freeing herself entirely, Zoey jumped out of the way just as the yeti crashed into the tree, harming it. Zoey winced and ran off, to which the yeti stood back up and ran back after her.

Abandoned Pirate Ship

Trent is sitting on top of the mast as Fang lies in a beach chair down below, relaxing on a lounge chair. He taps his chin in thought when the intercom came to life.

"Zoey is the first to find her loot! Will she be the first one back to the dock?"

Trent smiles a bit at the announcement. "Good for her."

As Trent is caught off guard by the announcement, Fang swings his fist, and launches it into the mast, shaking it slightly.

Trent holds onto the ledge he is on, before finally letting go and crashing through the wooden boards next to Fang.

He groan came from the hole he fell through.

Beneath the hole, Mal stood, leaning against a beam. "Having a rough time, Trent?" Mal asked, smirking.

"Go to Hell, Mal." Trent responded, lifting himself from the broken wood.

"Ouch. Stings." Mal commented.

"What're you doing here?" Trent asked, looking at Mal.

"Just in the neighborhood. I'll help you with Fang, I'd you like."

"Are you joking? If you think I'm going to bring you to the finale then you're wrong." Trent nearly yelled, glaring at Mal.

"You people really make me out to be a bigger bad guy than I really am." Mal said, circling around Trent. "How about we come to an agreement after I bring Fang to Chris?"

Confessional: Trent

"I know who you are, Mal. You're exactly how we make you out to be. But why is he doing this?"

Campfire Pit

Courtney lifted a rock, balancing the toxic marshmallow on it.

Confessional: Courtney

"I knew that balancing class would come in handy. Just not in this case."

The screen split into three, with Zoey running from the yeti on the top screen, Courtney running with the toxic marshmallow on the left screen, and Mal snapping his fingers in front of Fang with Trent next to him on the right screen.

"Zoey is leading her loot to the dock! So, if you haven't found yours yet, you should probably think about doing so right NOW!"

In the spa hotel Chris shuts off the monitor. "Okay, I guess we should head back to the dock and see who wins this."

Beach

Mal, Trent, and Fang walked along the beach. As they did, the camera zooms in on Mal's head.

Mike's Mind

The elevator doors opened once more, and the group was instantly hit by a wave of heat.

They stepped out of the elevator, looking out around them was a the Australian Outback.

"Let's find Manitoba and get out of here." Mike told Vito, Chester, and Svetlana.

Ahead of them was a fence containing emus. Next to it was Manitoba, carrying a rope.

"Manitoba!" Mike shouted, running to the Australian personality.

"Oi, what're you four doing here?" Manitoba asked, taking a step forward to look at them.

"I broke them out of the other floors." Mike told him, pointing towards Vito Chester, and Svetlana. "You gotta come with us!"

"Love to, mate. But I can't leave here until you complete your task." Manitoba replied, shrugging.

"My task?" Mike asked.

"That's right. You had to complete a task to get to the next floor. And for me, you're gonna have to catch of them emu, mate." The Australian personality told Mike, gesturing towards the fence.

Mike groaned, grabbing the rope from Manitoba, and climbing over the fence.

The emus looked at Mike, taking a step back as he approached.

He lifted the rope and took a breath.

Mal wasn't going to win.

Mike charged towards the emus, swinging the rope above his head, his feet sounded every time he hit the ground.

He tossed the rope forward, wrapping around the back of one emu, Mike leapt forward, grabbing and holding onto the emu.

"Nicely done, mate!" Manitoba shouted from the side lines, clapping his hands together.

Mike jumped back over the fence, noticing that the elevator appeared.

But before he could start to it, Manitoba stopped him, looking towards a screen that appeared above them, flashing a memory from Mike's time in Australia.

"Not again." Mike spoke, but, he couldn't take his eyes from the screen.

Flashback

Mike hated his parents. He hated them with a passion.

No, that wasn't it.

He greatly disliked them for leaving him behind in the Australian Outback on a tour. And they had forgotten him.

Mike was a bit used to it now, though. Just, a lot less in the boiling heat.

That was when he saw a kangaroo. He swore he was hallucinating, so he didn't think much of it.

Well, that was changed quite quickly when the kangaroo leaned on its tail, lifting its legs up, and kicked Mike full force.

He fell to the ground, skidding for a moment before his head finally collided with a rock, blacking out.

Mike tore his eyes from the screen. He hated his parents. But, he didn't hate them as much as he hated Mal.

"C'mon, we should have one more floor, and that's the top of the tower." Manitoba told four of them.

"Tower?" Mike asked.

"You still haven't figured it out? This whole place is a jail. The top of the tower is in the only way in or out. You just got lucky from escaping that first room, otherwise, we'd all still be stuck, and trapped."

"Well, let's just get this over with! Let's get out of here!" Mike told them, running to the elevator.

Clearing

Courtney slid to a stop in front of Chris, the toxic marshmallow falling off her rock.

"Well, well. If Courtney hasn't won the challenge! Because, she did!"

"Yes!" Courtney cheered from the ground, picking herself back up. "Mal is so done!"

At that moment, Trent and Mal walk in with Fang right behind them.

"Courtney won? Sweet!" Trent smiled.

"Trent, looks like you're safe for tonight. I can't say the same for Mal." Chris frowned, looking to Mal.

"Did you really think I came empty handed?" Mal asked, snapping his fingers.

Fang reached over and slammed his fist into Trent's stomach, before grabbing his head and punching the back of his neck.

As Fang brutally attacked Trent, Mal spoke up.

"I delivered an injured competitor, your favorite."

Chris scratched his chin. "It's true, injured players are some of my favorite, well played."

Trent collapsed to the ground, dazed. Mal snapped his fingers again and Fang grabbed him, pulling him up to stand on his feet.

Before Chris could continue, Zoey slid in on the yeti, covering his eyes. Her eyes widened and she jumped off the yeti as Mal, Courtney, and Chris jumped out of the way, the yeti crashing into Trent and Fang, dropping the diamond to the ground.

Chris quickly stood up, fixing his hair. "And Zoey has arrived last!"

"Last!?" Zoey asked, standing up.

"Yup! You know what that means?" Chris asked, grinning.

That night, Zoey floated in the bowl with Courtney, Mal, and a crippled Trent watching from the dock.

"Good luck, Courtney! I hope you win!" Zoey shouted from the toilet.

"I hope so too." Courtney replied, though a bit saddened it was Zoey that was eliminated.

Chris presses the button, and Zoey screams as she disappears from view.

"Who to flush next? It all comes down to who you want to battle in the finale! Trent, or Mal?"

Courtney looked over her options. Trent was horribly crippled, his right arm in a sling, his legs in casts. Bandages all over his body, and a wheelchair he was sitting in.

Courtney groaned. She knew she was going to heavily regret this.

"Because it just seems unfair that Trent will have to compete in the finale like that, my only option is to bring Mal into the finale." Courtney admitted.

Chef walked over and grabbed Trent, tossing him into the toilet, and allowing Chris to flush him down the toilet.

"We have our finalists! Who will prove victorious in the toughest, roughest, million dollar challenge EVER!? Tune in to find out on the season finale of Total! Drama! All-Stars!"