"So, baby are you down down down down to get down with the Jake Machine?" I asked as that hoe Nessie and I finally got in the bathroom.
"Of course, Jacob," she replied as she scooted closer to me. DAMN, SHE SMELLED KINDY FUNKAAAAAY!
"Uh, yeah, go girl, you gonna shake them dice and roll em? Wanna take a ride on this disco stick?" Gotta make sure the rules are set before anyone gets an honor of being on this body, ya know.
"Like TI, it's whatever you like, baby!" Ness replied as she pounced on me.
"Yeeeeeeeah, baby, now let me see that g-string go down south!" I exclaimed as I got on that booty.
OH DAMN THIS GIRL SERIOUSLY SMELLED LIKE ISHHHH! I couldn't describe it, she smelled….
"Like an effin vampire!"
"Huh? What's up, daddy?" The stanky hoe said as she looked up at me.
"You smell like me after I got home from the gym, thasss wassup, babygirl! And don't be callin me daddy, Jacob right here is a 10, not an effin ugly vampire!" That's it, that beeyotch, crossed the line by degrading the Jake Master by calling him a vampire!
"What? No, I didn't say that! Don't leave, Jacob!" the desperate loser pleaded.
"DO NOT say the name of the Lord in vain! Look, shawtay, just because you got that super thang and you can pop it lock drop it doesn't mean you can be on me. I have class and standards, ya dig?" I told her as I walked out of the bathroom. Hell, might as well bolt the door shut and lock that smelly hoe in there too so she won't stank up the place.
"Jake, Jake, lemme out! PLEASE?" I heard her beg, but it don't mean a thang to me. There might not be a he-wolf in this closet, but there was a vampire in the bathroom, so I think that pretty much makes this party legit. ALL THANKS TO JACOB!
"Uhhh, deuces, Ness, have fun stanking up the bathroom in there by dumb self, stupid spawn of Edward!" I said as I locked the door for good and got back to the party.
"Somebody call 911! Jacob Black burning on the dance floor!"