I am so sorry I haven't been updating this story! I have still been working on it, it it just really hard to put all of the pieces together. I know this chapter is short, but it's just a little something to keep you guys interested. Let me know if there's anything I could change, or if someone wants to PM me and help me connect the dots with this?
They arrived at the precinct and Cragen stepped out of the car; he helped Olivia up the steps and inside. In the elevator, she looked down at her bare arms and saw all of the bruises and restraint marks on her wrist and it hit her that she would see everyone and that they would see her without a jacket on "Uh, captain?"
"Hm?"
"Can I borrow your jacket?" She asked quietly. "I don't want everyone to see me like this."
He nodded and pulled off his sweatshirt, then handed it to her. She winced as she pulled it on, but zipped it up just as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. She took a deep breath, adjusting the hood so her neck was covered, and walked off the elevator.
She kept her eyes on the ground until she stepped into the squad room. She looked up and saw everyone staring at her. She took a deep breath and tried to put a smile on her face.
"How are you doing, Liv?" Amanda asked. She took in everything about Olivia; the bruises on her face, the way she was leaning on Cragen and how small and fragile she looked in his jacket.
Olivia just shrugged. She couldn't look Amanda in the eyes, being that she saw everything Elliot had done to her before he kidnapped her. She looked over at Munch, who said, "I like that jacket on you, Liv." Olivia chuckled.
"Fin." Cragen called across the squad room, raising his hand; Olivia flinched. Cragen immediately put his hand down and glanced at her. She started tearing up. She felt bad for flinching, especially since it was just Cragen and everyone was watching her. She turned around, "I'm just going to wait in your office." She whispered to Cragen, who nodded.
Fin walked up to Cragen, although his eyes were following Olivia as she walked into Cragens office. "Yeah, Cap?"
"Olivia wants you to take her statement."
Fin nodded and joined Olivia in his office. When the door was shut, Cragen turned toward his squad. "Is she okay?" Munch asked quietly, so only he and Cragen heard.
"I don't know, John." He said honestly.
Olivia winced slightly as she lowered herself into the chair. Fin pulled out a notepad and a recorder. "Are you sure you're ready, Liv?" He asked.
Olivia nodded. "Where do I start?"
"The night he came into the precinct." He said, flipping the switch on the recorder.
"Well, he had called me earlier that day and told me he wanted to see me, and that he would call back later to tell me where to meet him. When I answered, I told him I wasn't going to meet him; he said I would regret not seeing him. I woke up when he dragged me out of bed. He wanted me to go with him and forced me down into the squad room. He started attacking me when I wouldn't go with him."
Fin felt his anger bubbling up inside him; and they were just getting started.
"He kept yelling at me and that's when I saw Amanda. When I tried fighting back, he choked me and he broke my wrist. After a couple minutes, I had just given up and I was going to go with him, but Amanda yelled 'Police. Don't move.' And he put the gun to my head. They argued for a little bit and he choked me again. He said he loved me and kissed me before Cragen walked in. Elliot made them put their guns down. He shot Cragen and pulled me out the back door." Olivia had already begun shaking.
"What happened when you went outside?"
"He forced me into his car and drove off. I don't know where he went because I fell asleep for most of that day." Olivia closed her eyes and took a breath.
"When did you wake up?"
"Around 9pm." She said, shrugging. "I asked him to take me to a hospital again and he said he would take care of it. He took me to a walk-in about ten minutes after that. They gave me some pain pills and we started driving again. I got nauseous and threw up not too much later. I was getting frustrated because he wasn't telling me where we were going; I started yelling at him. He told me to be quiet and I should have just listened." She said, trailing off.
"Liv, none of this is your fault." He said, putting his hand over hers.
She just nodded and kept talking. "He stopped the car and pulled me out and we were arguing. He slapped me and I pushed him back. He went to the trunk and got a bottle of whiskey. He said I needed to loosen up and drink with him. When I refused, he got my pain killers out of the car and he…" She closed her eyes again.
"Take your time." Fin said, encouragingly.
"He, uh, grabbed my jaw and forced them into my mouth, then shoved whiskey down my throat." She choked out. "I grabbed the bottle and threw it down, but it broke and he started yelling at me. He knocked me down again and threw a piece of the glass at me. He pulled me up and held another piece at my throat and asked if I was going to keep arguing with him; he made me get back in the car."
Fin's anger was starting to show. He was clenching his jaw and his fists; but he knew he needed to stay calm for Olivia's sake.
"What happened after that?"
"He made me drink more in the car and he pulled of the road. We got to the house just a little bit later. I didn't move until he grabbed my arm and made me get out of the car, but I must have passed out because I woke up inside. He was acting really weird. He was making me tea, although he spiked it with vodka. He slapped me when I didn't drink it. He told me he loved me and I told him I hated him." She said, shakily.
Fin looked up at her, shocked. "What'd he do?"
"He lost it. He hit me a couple times and shoved me into the counter; I hit my head on the corner. He pushed me into the bedroom and I couldn't see anything." Olivia started taking deep breaths again.
"It's okay, Liv. You're safe now."
"He grabbed my neck and had me pinned against the wall; he whispered, 'I can't wait to show you how much I love you.' He pushed his leg between mine. I couldn't breathe; I thought I was going to pass out again, but then he just let go and left the room." She paused and tried to push the memory away. "I got up and cleaned myself up in the bathroom and asked him to take me to a hospital again a few minutes later. He said I didn't need to go and gave me a pain pill. I sat on the couch and he sat next to me and started telling me how beautiful I was and he tried pulling me to the bedroom, but I turned around and walked away. I wanted to yell at him for hurting me."
"Did you?"
"No. He started saying apologizing and crying. He said that he was working on controlling his temper and that he never wanted to hurt me. I wanted to believe him. He told me I should go lay down, so I did and I just fell asleep. I woke up and we were kind of getting along. I broke a glass by accident and he didn't do anything; he just cleaned it up and told me to go back to bed. When I woke up again he was drunk. I tried to stay calm but he got frustrated with me and hit me. Then he just changed. He didn't look angry anymore, he looked sad. He apologized and I helped him to the couch and he fell asleep." She said, almost ashamed of herself.
"How long was he out for?" Fin asked.
Olivia shrugged. "A few hours. I should have called for help then, but it didn't even cross my mind. I was just so confused…"
"It's okay, Liv."
"While he was sleeping, I dumped all of the alcohol in the house and when he woke up he was pissed, but he didn't touch me, he just yelled at me. A while after that, he apologized again and I got up to look for something to eat, but there was nothing. He said he would go get some food; he cuffed me to the fridge and left. He was gone for about an hour, he un-cuffed me and I had a sandwich. I went back to lie down after that. He woke me up, shaking my shoulders. He said I was having a nightmare, but I don't know. I don't remember that. He seemed pretty sincere, so I just brushed it off. He had made breakfast, but he started drinking again so I went back to bed."
Fin noticed that Olivia was starting to get worked up again. "Do you want to take a break?"
Olivia just shook her head. "No, I need to do this." Fin just nodded and let her continue. "When I woke up again, he was next to me. I jumped up and started looking for the car keys. I looked everywhere, but they were on the nightstand next to Elliot. I grabbed them and started walking out, but he woke up and stopped me. He took them from me and threw them, then slapped me again and asked why I was going to leave him. Whatever I told him, he didn't believe me. He went to punch me, but he stopped and laughed. I shoved him back and he knocked me down saying that I can't push him around. I stood up and he walked over to me and kissed me." Olivia closed her eyes again, trying to prevent tears from spilling. "He wouldn't stop, so I bit his tongue, but he threw me down again. He pinned me back against the wall and he pulled my shirt off." Olivia hated saying all of this out loud. She was fidgeting with her hands and staring at an empty space on the floor.
"Liv, you can take a break if you need to." Fin said.
She didn't even hear him. "He forced me over the bed and undid my jeans. When he let go, I turned around and he picked me up and pushed me back onto the bed and pulled my jeans off." Olivia had tears running down her face and she was shaking badly. "I tried to punch him, but he took of his belt and tied my wrist to the bedframe. He leaned over me and told me to stop struggling. I could barely breathe and he was digging his knee right below my ribs."
Olivia was sobbing by now. Fin had grabbed her hand and was encouraging her to take a break, but she kept going. "He punched my stomach and told me to hold still. I was screaming for him to get off me, but he hit me again and that's when… when he… he forced his fingers in me." Olivia let out a sob and buried her face into her arms. Fin flipped off the recorder and pulled her into him, hugging her tight.
"We're going to stop." He whispered, gently rocking her back and forth. She just nodded and tried to gather her composure. She let go and leaned back a few minutes later. "I'm going to get you some water, I'll be right back." He said, standing up. She just nodded and wiped her tears on Cragens jacket sleeve.
Fin walked out into the squad room and shut the door behind him. Cragen and Munch walked up to him. "How's she doing?"
"Awful." He said. "She had a breakdown, I turned off the recorder and I'm just getting her some water."
"I'm going to go have a word with her." Cragen said.
"Don't." Fin said, stopping Cragen. "She wants to get this all out and we need to let her, no matter how much it's hurting her." Cragen just nodded.
"What'd he do to her?" Munch whispered.
Fin glanced towards Cragens office before saying, "You don't want to know." Then he walked in and shut the door behind him.
"We need to find Elliot before he puts her through anything else." Cragen said, to nobody in particular.
"Fin is going to kill him." Munch replied.
"You going to stop him?" Cragen said.
Munch just shook his head. "Nope."
Fin set the water down in front of Olivia. "Thanks, Fin." She said.
"We don't have to keep going if you don't want to."
"I need to finish." She said. She put the cup down and took another breath.
"Okay." Fin said, flipping the recorder back on.
"Um, while he was assaulting me, he told me to look at him. When I didn't, he leaned over and bit me, on my shoulder. He stopped after a little bit then moved down and bit my breast. He bit down really hard and I screamed for him to stop. He kissed my neck and demanded that I looked up at him again. I did and he just smiled. He didn't even look like the old Elliot anymore; he looked sick. He kissed where he had bitten me and moved down to my leg. He bit me there too. I freed my arm from the bed post and started punching him and he held my arms down and kissed me."
She glanced up at Fin, who had tears in his eyes. "He stopped a couple minutes later and leaned back, but I punched him and he fell off of me, kind of and I hit him again and got up. He lunged at me and he wrapped his hands around my neck. He hit my head against the wall and I started bleeding. I thought I was going to pass out, but he lifted me up and threw me on the bed again. I saw the lamp and I just grabbed it and hit him with it, over and over."
Olivia went quiet and was staring off into nowhere. Fin was just watching her, unsure of what to say. "I don't remember what happened next, but I woke up in the bathroom. I got up and put my clothes back on and looked for the keys, but I couldn't find them. I got his phone though, and that's when I called you."
"What happened before we got there?"
"He woke up and he accused me of trying to kill him. He punched me in the face twice and tackled me down and just kept punching me. I couldn't breathe. He stopped and got up. I tried apologizing, but he kicked me in the face. He dragged me into the kitchen and punched me again. He said 'you want to play with glass, so be it' and he let go. I grabbed the phone and ran. I didn't know where I was, but I knew he would try to kill me. He caught up to me and tripped me and I fell. I threw rocks at him and tried to get up, but I guess that's when he broke my ankle because I could barely stand. He knocked me down again and kicked me. He backed off and opened the door to the car. He pulled out a bottle of wine." Olivia held out her hand as in holding a bottle by the neck. "I begged him not to make me drink any, he said he wouldn't. I looked at him and he was smiling and he raised the bottle and smashed it over my head." She said, as she brought her hand down hard onto the table. She got quiet. "I barely felt anything after that. I think he was kicking me, but I was so out of it."
Fin was shaking with anger. He was trying to keep it together, but Elliot could have killed her with that bottle.
"I thought I heard sirens and he dragged me back to the house. He cuffed me to the door and started spilling gas everywhere. I begged him not to. He walked over to me and said he loved me then kissed me. He said, 'if you won't love me, I'll make sure you never love anyone else.' I tried to stop him. I told him I loved him and that I was sorry, but he lit a match and threw it and ran out. I heard you and Amanda outside and the front door got kicked open, but everything after that is a blur." She finished and put her head in her hands. Fin flipped off the recorder.
"You did great, Olivia." He said, rubbing her back. She mumbled her thanks and stood up to stretch. "We're going to get him." He said.
She just sighed and looked at him. "You won't; he's too good."
"I'm not going to stop until he's suffering in a cell or dead." Fin told her.
She just nodded and adjusted the collar on the jacket to hide her neck. She looked up at him. "How bad do I look?" She asked quietly. "I don't want to look in a mirror."
"You look exhausted, Liv." He said, honestly. Her eyes were drooping and she was pale.
"I am." She sighed, walking back out into the squad room. She kept her eyes on Cragen as she limped toward him, not wanting to see everyone watching her. She put a hand on his shoulder and he turned around. "Can we go?" She whispered.
"Of course, come on." He said, leading her out of the squad room. Everyone just looked after her; the heart and soul of their squad had been broken down, and they all knew it.
Once they got back to Cragen's house, Olivia went and sat down on the couch. She leaned onto her side and lay down. Cragen walked in and saw her on the couch. "Liv, there is a bed for you." She just groaned and adjusted further into the couch. "Come on, you'll thank me later." He said, holding out his hand. She sighed and sat up. He helped her to her bedroom and she fell asleep quickly.
Cragen walked back out to his living room and sat on the couch, resting his head in his hands. He has dealt with victims for almost 15 years now, yet he has no idea how to help Olivia. He pulled out his phone and called Huang.
"Don? It's good to hear from you. Is everything alright?" George said when he answered.
"No. Olivia was attacked and I don't know how to help her." He sighed.
"What happened?"
"Elliot kidnapped her and assaulted her." Cragen informed him.
"Do you want me to talk with her?" He offered.
"I don't know if she'd want to. The doctor prescribed anxiety medication and she's already being stubborn about taking it."
"Sounds like Olivia. I'll give her a call tomorrow."
"Okay, I'll let her know to expect it." Cragen said.
"I'll talk to you soon." George said before hanging up.
Cragen set his phone down and leaned back into the couch, falling asleep.
Olivia opened her eyes and panicked when she felt a hand over her mouth. She looked up into the eyes of Elliot. "Don't move." He whispered.
Her eyes grew huge and she was terrified, but she couldn't get up. He was sitting on top of her hips and had her arms pinned under his knees. He leaned down and kissed her neck while his free hand was making its way down her body. She started whimpering against his hand. "Shh." He said, pushing his hand down harder on her mouth. His other hand was fussing with the button on her pants. She started shaking her head back and forth, begging him to stop. "It's okay, Liv." He whispered. "If I take my hand away, are you going to be a good girl?" She nodded, but before he removed is hand, he pulled out his gun and put it to her forehead. "Scream and it'll be the last thing you do." She nodded again; tears were flowing down the sides of her face. He moved his hand from her mouth and started pushing her shirt up.
"Elliot, don't-" She started, but he cut her off with a hard slap to the face.
"Didn't I just say to be quiet?" He growled quietly to her. "Wouldn't want Cragen to come in and interrupt, now would we?"
"El, please, I-" She tried again, but he grabbed her neck with both hands and pulled her upwards so their noses were almost touching.
"Be. Quiet. Olivia." He demanded, squeezing her neck hard. She couldn't fight back with her arms under his legs. She could barely nod, but he let her go. The second his hands were off her neck she started screaming.
He slapped his hand back over her mouth and grabbed the gun. He dug it into her forehead and said, "I told you what would happen if you did that." She looked into his eyes just as he was about to pull the trigger.
Olivia woke up screaming. She looked around at the empty room. It was just a nightmare. She noticed the window was open; she shot up and slammed the window shut before locking it. She jumped and spun around when she heard the door rip open. Cragen burst into the room, gun drawn. "What happened?" He asked, seeing Olivia by the window. "Are you okay?"
"I'm sorry, it was just a nightmare." She said, barely audible. Her heart was beating a hundred miles an hour and she had tears pouring down her face.
"It's okay, Olivia." Cragen said, tucking his gun back into his waistband. He carefully walked over to her.
She was taking quick deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. "He was going to shoot me. I couldn't move."
"You're safe now, Liv. It's okay." He said, putting a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and let out a sob. He pulled her into a hug and held her tight as she cried. He had begun crying as well, just watching her go through this. She hugged him back just as tight, trying to hide herself in his protective arms. She had never felt as vulnerable in her life as she had in that moment. She hid her face against his shirt and continued sobbing.
She doesn't know how long they stood there, but it was a while before she started calming down again. "I just want to sleep." She sighed, knowing when she went back to bed she'd probably have another nightmare.
"I know, Liv." Cragen said softly, "You're safe here." Olivia just nodded and headed for the bed again. "I'll be right in the other room." He reminded her before turning the light off and heading to his own room.
Cragen woke up first and started making some breakfast. He saw the two medicine bottles next to each other on the counter. He knew Olivia had no intention of taking them when she woke up; so he didn't give her much of a choice. He poured a glass of orange juice and put Olivia's pills next to it for her. She walked out about twenty minutes later, wrapped in a blanket from the bed. "Here, Liv." He said, pushing a plate of eggs, bacon and a breakfast sandwich towards her.
She nodded and sat down, letting the blanket fall off her shoulders, purposely avoiding the orange juice. After a few minutes, Cragen sighed, "Olivia, I know you don't want to, but you need to take them." Olivia just shrugged her shoulders and didn't say anything. "They'd probably help with the nightmares."
"I don't need them." She said casually.
"So you want to wake up screaming every night?" She shot him a glare, but didn't say anything, knowing he was right. "That's what they're for, Liv." He said, grabbing the pills and walking around the table. She put her fork down and leaned against the chair as he approached her. He pulled up a chair and held them out to her.
She took them from his hand and set them on the table again. "I'll get to it." She mumbled, standing up.
"Olivia-" He said, standing up as well.
"I'm fine, okay?" She snapped, trying to walk past him.
He held his arm out to stop her. "Liv, just take the pills." She took a step back and crossed her arms, glaring at him. She knew she was being fussy about it, but she didn't want to take the pills. "We can stand here all day, Liv. You're taking those pills." He said sternly.
She was about to protest again when her phone started ringing. Cragen stepped to the side and said, "That's probably Huang."
She gave him a shocked look and was pissed he'd talked to Huang behind her back, but answered the phone. "Benson."
"Hey, Liv."
"Hi, George." She said.
"How are you doing?" He asked gently.
"Like I was just telling Cragen, I'm fine." She said, quickly running out of patience.
"I heard about what happened and-"
Olivia didn't let him finish. She hung up the phone and chucked it onto the couch before turning to face Cragen. "You went behind my back and talked to Huang?!" She was trying to keep her voice from shaking.
"Let him help you, Liv." Cragen said. She closed her eyes and turned away from him, taking deep breaths. "Olivia, you need to talk to someone about this. You know that-"
"Yes, I know!" She yelled, turning to face him again. She had tears running down her cheeks, but her eyes were angry. "Just like I need to take the pills to keep me sane?!" She shouted, leaving Cragen speechless. She clenched her jaw and walked over to the table, grabbed the pills and swallowed them, feeling them go down. She closed her eyes and tried not to think about when Elliot forced her to take pills. 'I think you need to loosen up, Olivia.' She was gripping the glass, shaking.
"Liv?" Cragen said, stepping toward her. "Can you hear me?"
She drew in a deep breath, trying to remind herself that she could breathe; that she wasn't back there with Elliot. She heard the glass shatter from when he threw pieces of the broken bottle in front of her face. She could hear herself begging Elliot to stop. I should have fought back harder. Why did I have to give in so easily?
Olivia opened her eyes when she felt a stinging in her hand; she was standing in the bathroom. Cragen was holding her hand under running water. She tried pulling her arm back, but he held it under the water. "It's okay, Olivia."
She looked at her hand and noticed how much blood there was. "What happened?" She whispered.
"You crushed the glass." He turned off the water and examined her hand. "You might need stitches, Liv." He handed her a small towel to hold to stop the bleeding.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, it's just a glass." Cragen said softly.
It's just a glass of water, Liv. It's okay now. Olivia tried pushing Elliot's voice out of her head. Cragen had her sit down so he could try to get the glass out of her hand with tweezers. We all make mistakes, Olivia. She gasped when she felt a sharp pain in her hand and ripped her arm from him, standing up.
"I'm sorry, Liv. It's almost all out." He said, gently pulling her hand back. She kept her eyes open, watching him. If she closed her eyes she would go back and she didn't have the energy to fight it anymore.
After a couple more minutes, Cragen had removed the broken glass from her hand and wrapped it up with gauze. "Thanks." She said quietly. She walked back out to the kitchen and saw the broken glass on the ground. She sighed and knelt down to pick up the pieces.
"Don't worry about it, Liv." Cragen said, walking over with a garbage can.
"Cap, I've got it." She insisted, trying to ignore the pain she felt throughout her body. So much for pain killers.
When she stood back up, she put the blanket back over her shoulders and noticed her splitting headache. She saw her pill bottles and glanced over to Cragen, who wasn't looking. She opened the pain pills and dumped one out into her hand.
Cragen had turned his attention back to Olivia just in time to see her holding a pill and pouring a glass of water. "Liv, what are you doing?" He asked, walking toward her.
"What, now you don't want me to take them?" She asked, not giving him any time to answer before throwing the pill into her mouth and washing it down.
"I want you to take them when you're supposed to." He said carefully,
She just shrugged. "I have a head ache." She didn't have to look at him to feel his disappointment in her.
"You just took one." He reminded her.
There was a long pause before she said, "I'm just going to go lay down."
"Liv." He said, before she left. She looked up at him and saw the tears in his eyes. "Please, talk to Huang, or someone."
She just sighed and walked down the hall. "I'll think about it."