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…

"… That is a lot of very unusual monsters," Hiiro said slowly.

"And here I thought having a hamburger-themed Bugster was bizarre," Taiga commented.

Kiriya shook his head slowly. "Trust me; this is just the tip of the iceberg as far as weird monsters go. And from what I hear, the Super Sentai may have it even worse than us."

"Okay, it's Starfish Hitler, right?" Nico guessed. "I mean, come on, it has to be. It's a monster based on freaking Adolf Hitler. There's no way anyone would ever make a monster like that. Well, unless they were a neo-Nazi or something, I guess. But since most evil organizations are either Japanese or from another world or something, that can't be the case, so it has to be Starfish Hitler, right?"

There was an awkward silence. "Actually…" Emu said slowly.

Nico's job. "No. No. Shut up. No freaking way. You're joking, right? Someone… Someone actually made… That's just… Why? Why?!"

"G.O.D. made two kinds of monsters," Hiiro informed her. "Creatures based on mythology, and monsters that were a fusion of animal and historical figures."

Kiriya nodded. "So one week, Kamen Rider X would be fighting something like Neptune or Hercules or Medusa… The next, it's something really out there like Genghis Khan-Condor, Scorpion-Geronimo, Scorpion-Geronimo Junior.-"

"Wait, they made two of them?" Asked a bewildered Taiga.

Parad shrugged. "I guess they figured one wasn't good enough?"

"Ant Capone, Spider Napoleon, or… Well, Starfish Hitler," Kiriya finished with a shrug.

"… That's… That's insane," Nico said in disbelief. "What, did G.O.D. have Nazi remnants making them up or something?"

"No, that's Destron and Shocker," Hiiro told her.

"… What the fuck?!" Nico shrieked.

"Wait, really?" Taiga asked in surprise.

Satsuki nodded. "Colonel Zol of Destron used to be a Nazi, and Shocker's founders had Nazi ties."

"… And just when I thought they couldn't get any eviler…" Said a disgusted Emu.

"Well, with Starfish Hitler ruled out, I'm guessing it's the Elasmotherium Orphnoch, because I have no idea what kind of animal that is, and I suspect it doesn't exist," Parad suggested.

"Actually, the Elasmotherium is an extinct species of rhinoceros from the Pleistocene," Mizuki spoke up.

"… Oh," Parad said. "So, did someone make a monster based off of it, or…?"

"They did," Satsuki confirmed.

"Oh," Parad said, disgruntled.

"So… Which monster is the right one, then? Or rather, the fake one?" Taiga wondered.

Everyone looked at Satsuki. "You know, we probably shouldn't be relying her so much," Emu commented.

"Do you know which monster is the fake?" Kiriya asked pointedly.

"… No," Emu confessed.

"Well, neither do I, but I bet she does," Kiriya said, nodding at the nurse.

"I do," Satsuki confirmed. "And you don't need to be concerned on my part, Doctor Houjou. I am more than happy to assist Doctor Kagami and his colleagues."

"Which monster is the correct answer, Satsuki?" Hiiro asked.

"The Ika-Jaguar Yummy was created by the Greeed Kazari using a former Shocker combatman as an incubator," Satsuki recalled. "Panda Rabbit was indeed an Imagin, similar to the Rabbit Imagin, but with a different coloration. Turtle Bazooka is a Destron kaijin. The Old Dopant was real, as was the Whale Mutant, a member of the cult of Gorgom who briefly assisted Kamen Rider Black." She frowned. "However, I don't believe I've ever heard of Hammer Chameleon before."

"That's because it's not a Rider monster, but a Sentai kaijin," Mizuki spoke up. "It was a Bio Dimensional Beast created by the Dimensional War Party Vyram and defeated by the Choujin Sentai Jetman."

"A what made by the what defeated by the who now?" Asked a confused Nico.

"Bio Dimensional Beasts are monsters born through the fusion of a Bio Dimensional Bug parasite with an object and animal's DNA," Mizuki explained. "They were used as monsters of the week by Vyram, a group of invaders from the Back Dimension who tried to invade the Earth in the early nineties and were opposed by the Jetmen, a group of heroes empowered by 'Birdonic Waves' discovered by the international Defense agency Sky Force to fight evil."

"…'Birdonic' isn't a real word," Nico said.

"'Back Dimension?'" Asked a skeptical Kiriya. "What kind of name is that?"

"It's the exact opposite of our dimension, which they dubbed the 'Front Dimension,'" Mizuki explained. "And… It's probably not the same Back World the Interdimensional Crime Group Gangler is from. I think."

"… Still a dumb name…" Kiriya muttered.

"Yes, and Kamen Rider Lazor Turbo is the epitome of sensible names," Taiga said sarcastically.

"Touché," Kiriya conceded.

"So, are you a Sentai otaku since Satsuki is a Kamen Rider otaku?" Nico asked Mizuki.

"No, I just read lots of wikis," Mizuki said with a shrug.

"Kuroto!" Emu declared.

"Great Leader Ultimate Final Super Great Neo-Shin Kuroto Dan GOD!" Great Leader Ultimate Final Super Great Neo-Shin Kuroto Dan GOD yelled.

"The answer is G., Hammer Chameleon!" Emu cried.

Great Leader Ultimate Final Super Great Neo-Shin Kuroto Dan GOD jerked backwards with a grunt, his Rider Gauge dropping slightly. "That is…correct!" The monitor changed its display to show a triumphantly posing Kamen Rider 1 and flashing colors and the Bugster audience eagerly applauded while victorious music played briefly and the spotlights wildly shone all over the stage. "Nnngh… Dammit, thought that would trip her up for sure… Just how encyclopedic is her knowledge of Rider lore, anyway?!"

"Extremely," Mizuki deadpanned. "And if you're annoyed by it, at least you don't have to live with her."

"I don't hear many complaints when we watch episodes and movies together," Satsuki protested.

Mizuki gave her friend a weary, yet warm smile. "I think we both know that the screen isn't what I'm watching." Satsuki blushed at that.

"… Wait, are the two of you-" Parad started.

"We aren't through with monsters yet!" Great Leader Ultimate Final Super Great Neo-Shin Kuroto Dan GOD interrupted. "Let's try the inverse, shall we?"

He gestured at the screen.

For decades, Kamen Riders have battled a massive variety of monsters, some of which are stranger than others. Which of the following weird kaijin was fought by a Rider?

A. Jellyfish-Mussolini

B. Toilet Ganma

C. Japanese Dwarf Flying Squirrel Beastman

D. Hissing Cockroach Mutant

E. Aye-Aye Orphnoch

F. Dandelion Undead

G. Microscopium Zodiarts

H. Refrigerator Ocelot

…

So, can you tell which of the above monsters is real? And can anyone tell me why the heck Japan creates such bizarre monsters? I mean, seriously!