It's You, It'll Always Be You
Chapter 14
[Flashback]
After their confrontation in the stairwell, the two were extremely awkward and full of tension. Everyone was confused at the sudden change between the two who were inseparable just a few days before. It was like back in high school when your friends broke up and you had to choose whose side you were on. It never got too ugly; there weren't any screaming matches or physical fights, but there were enough snarky tones and death glares between the two to make their closer friends uncomfortable.
Mark was the ever-loyal friend and stuck to Callie's side. He listened to her rant to him about how irresponsible and inconsiderate Arizona was being. He listened to her yell about how much she hated the blonde for being so stubborn and ridiculous. He listened to her scream her frustrations about how all she wanted was to be there as a support system and make sure her friend was okay and then have Arizona scream at her in the stairwell be her thanks. But he also listened to her cry about how much she missed the PEDs resident and how much seeing her every day was breaking her heart. They were having lunch in the cafeteria when Mark noticed Callie staring out in Arizona's direction again. "You're staring again."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are. Why don't you just talk to her?"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"It's complicated."
"Here we go again with the it's complicated crap, Cal. I know that I may not really understand your relationship with Blondie over there or all your 'chick' drama, but you can talk to me. That's what friends do, right? They talk to each other about stuff that's bothering them."
"Sometimes I regret having that heart-to-heart with you," Callie said with a slight chuckle and smirk, finally tearing her eyes away from Arizona and redirecting her full attention back to Mark. "I don't have a right to be mad." Mark opened up his mouth to protest, but Callie was quick to cut him off. "I don't have a right to be mad because Arizona's right. I don't get to have a say in her life anymore. If screwing around and sleeping with any woman who throws themselves at her is how she wants to cope, then who am I to say she can't? When we were together we talked about how she didn't get attached to people and kept most of the women she slept with a one night stand or short fling type of deal. She took a risk when she got with me and I messed it all up. I broke her heart and she didn't deserve any of it. I think it's great that she's getting back out there and talking to people again instead of just hiding out in her apartment or on-call rooms or rooftops. I think it's great that she's talking to people again and throwing herself back into the social world, but I wish she would be a little more cautious, you know? Sleeping around won't solve any of her problems, you should know that better than anyone. I get that she's hurting and the un-attached sex helps her to block out the pain, but it's just not healthy for her. Physically and mentally."
"Hey, don't start comparing me and my problems to your never-ending problems with Blondie!" Mark joked. But once again he could see that Callie wasn't in the mood for his attempts at humor. "You were a lot more fun when you were calling me a manwhore and yelling at me for being an ass. At least back then I was able to joke around with you."
Mark's hurt look caused Callie to lighten up a little and feel a little sympathy for the guy. He was right. She was a handful lately with all her emotionally draining problems with Arizona and she leaned on him constantly to get through her day without being a very good friend to him in return. "I'm sorry, Mark. I know that you're trying your best with me and I really don't mean to bite your head off when I snap at you."
"Why don't you tell me how you really feel?"
"I'm still in love with her. I'm still in love her even if she's decided to sleep around with a bunch of other women. I'm still in love her even if she won't talk to me. I'm still in love her even if she can't even look at me. I'm still in love her even though it's tearing me apart to have to spend another day in this stupid fight. I'm still in love with her despite everything that just keeps going wrong with us. I just…I can't stop loving her."
"Then stop spilling your heart out to me and go tell her that."
Callie couldn't pick a good time to get Arizona alone and tell her the truth about how she felt. The blonde still gave her evil stares whenever she tried approaching her and just stormed off before they could get a conversation started. It was very much like when Callie first started working at Seattle Grace again. She was getting frustrated at Arizona's immature behavior, but she held her ground and patiently waited for the storm to pass.
Today could be her chance though because she was stuck on a PEDs rotation with Arizona and the current PEDs attending. Arizona was doing her best to hand her off to every other superior doctor she could other than herself and up until now, she had been fairly successful at it. Arizona was trying to be sneaky and alternate being apathetic and angered towards Callie by always leaving her last for the daily assignments of her interns and having her back halfway turned on her way to start her day when she'd shout over her shoulder who Callie was with that day. She tried getting Callie on ortho rotations as much as she could without seeming too suspicious or that she cared for her because she remembered how passionate Callie was about orthopedics back in med school. So in a way, it was a win-win for the both of them in that Callie got to learn about her potential future specialty and Arizona was able to keep the Latina away from her. But her luck ran out when the Chief inquired why Callie hadn't had any PEDs rotations in close to two months now and demanded that Arizona get her act together and fix it, soon.
The three of them, Callie, Arizona, and the head of PEDs, Dr. Kenley, were up on the PEDs floor looking over a chart to discuss the course of treatment they were to pursue for their young patient when the sound of beepers filled the air. Everyone looked down to check their pagers and saw the "Lockdown" message flash on their screens before panic quickly ensued. "Everyone. Everyone!" Dr. Kenley called out to calm the staff.
Pandemonium was quickly building and Arizona felt the need to step up and control the situation before things got way out of hand. She rushed to get everyone's attention to attempt to calm the panic again. "We're sealing the floor. I don't know why and it doesn't matter why, but no one goes in or out past the double doors. You check on your own patients and then you come back and check and see if there's others in the NICU. We don't have a lot of hands on deck. And people, do not alert the makers of the tiny humans. They will eat you alive."
Everyone went off in their own directions to follow Arizona's instructions leaving the three doctors there at the nurse's station. "Thank you, Dr. Robbins. You did a fine job handling that situation."
"Well I had to take control of my department. I mean, your department, sir."
Dr. Kenley let out a little chuckle. "No, you're right, Dr. Robbins. You stepped up and became their leader. You'll soon be the head of this department and I couldn't be more excited to see such a talented surgeon make her rise to the top. You're the future of PEDs, ." Dr. Kenley gave her a smile before heading off to check on his own patients.
Callie couldn't help but smile herself at the praise Arizona was getting from Dr. Kenley. "He's right, you know. You were amazing over there and you really are the future of PEDs."
"Whatever." Arizona brushed her off before going to check on the progress of the staff, leaving a disheartened Callie in her wake.
Everyone was in the process of moving kids who were well enough to the play room so that they could monitor all the patients better by having them all in one place. In their rush to do that as quickly as possible, Callie and Arizona almost ran the wheelchairs they were pushing into one another's. "Hey, watch it!" Arizona exclaimed.
"Sorry, sorry," Callie quickly apologized. She let out a tired sigh when she saw who it was. "I thought we were going to be at least friends."
"You want to talk about this now? We're on lockdown, moving kids, God knows what's happening, and you want to talk about this?"
"Well we're stuck here and we have to be together, so yeah. I want to talk about this."
"Okay, fine. I tried being okay with you being around again; rising above. I tried that and now I'm over it. I'm going to go the more traditional route of totally hating your guts again."
After putting their kids into the play room, they went back out to the hallway to see if there were anymore that needed transporting. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was there for you when you closed yourself off after Timothy and I stayed with you to make sure that you were okay. I have let you treat me like crap because I know that you're still angry and hurt. I just stepped aside and let you throw punch after punch, but enough is enough, okay? I have treated you with nothing but respect and love since I've been here and all you do is shove it back in my face. You can't just keep treating me like garbage for the next few years."
"Ha, watch me."
"Arizona, come on! When will what I do ever be enough for you?"
"Excuse me! Dr. Robbins…" One of other interns called out to her with Arizona's appendectomy patient rolling along side her. "Her appendix…" She motioned an exploding-like message to tell Arizona that the girl's appendix burst and she needed surgery immediately.
"Crap. Crap, crap, crap. Umm… I need to operate on her now! Is there any way we can get her to an OR?"
"We can't, Arizona. We're on lockdown. You said it yourself earlier, no one goes in or out."
"Ugh!" She exclaimed. She started pacing around, desperately racking her mind for a plan. "I guess I just have to do it here."
"Are you serious? Right here?"
"I don't have any other choice. Callie, I need you to go prepare a room and make it as sterile as possible. Ruby needs this surgery right now if we're going to save her."
Despite the impromptu set-up, so far the surgery was going smoothly. They couldn't get an anesthesiologist on the floor to completely put the little girl, Ruby, under, so they resorted to just using a local anesthetic and draping her so she couldn't see what was going on. Callie was in charge of holding the drape and distracting Ruby so she wouldn't start panicking. There was a close call though when Ruby started squirming about and Callie had to start singing to her to calm her down. They got over that road bump and now Arizona was wrapping up the last bits of the surgery while watching Callie interact with Ruby and smiling beneath her mask at their conversation. Her smile dropped though when she noticed Callie's face pale and eyes widen while looking towards the door. "Ruby… I need you to be a very good girl right now and stay facing the wall. Can you do that for me?"
"Why? What's going on Dr. Torres?"
"Just listen to me, alright? I need you to stay facing the wall." She gave the girl a nod as she slowly stood up and inched her way towards Arizona.
Arizona looked back to see a man leaning against the doorframe with a gun in one hand while holding his other hand up to what appeared to be an injury to his abdomen. Arizona's first instinct was to immediately drape herself over the child and get her out of harm's way as best as she could. "There are only children here!" she called out.
Callie saw the fear in Arizona's eyes and listened to her chant over and over, there are only children here, and knew she had to do something. She couldn't let this man harm Arizona or that child on the table so she continued making her way over to him. "Mr. umm?..."
"Clark. Gary Clark."
"Mr. Clark, umm, here are some bandages… Press them to the wound…it'll stop the bleeding. Okay?" She reached out to offer the bandages to Mr. Clark, who was obviously the shooter and reason for the lockdown, trying her best to maintain her composure. "Take them," she placed the bandages onto his outstretched hand. "Take them and go."
"Thank you," was all he said before he stepped out of the room, leaving the terrified surgeons to tend to the even more terrified child.
Ruby immediately yelled out, I want my mommy!, the moment Callie shut the door and started crying out of fear. Callie looked over to see that Arizona had tears of her own running down her face and the look of terror was still plastered on. She took a deep breath to try to calm her own racing heart and gather herself before trying to soothe the screaming child. "Alright, okay. I know, I know. I know you do and she's going to be back soon. But you know what? Until she gets here, you have the best doctor in the whole world with you right now. Yeah, Dr. Robbins is the best doctor in this entire hospital! I-I think in the whole world! Yeah, people feel so much better after she helps them. Sometimes, people feel better, just, after she walks into a room cause… She has got this super magic smile , yeah, and when she smiles at you, everything gets better." Callie finally looked over at Arizona and locked eyes with the pediatric surgeon and in that moment, everything that happened between the two of them in the past couple years didn't exist. It was just Callie and Arizona, looking into each other's souls and feeling the love they had for one another. In that moment, it was just the two of them and nothing else mattered. "You don't know it because a mask is covering her face right now, but she is giving you… Wow, she is giving you her best super magic smile. Isn't that right, Dr. Robbins?"
"Right. I am, Ruby. I am." Callie reached over and cupped Arizona cheek, brushing away stray tears and couldn't help but lean into her touch. "I'm good. I'm good, you go call the police and tell them what happened. Ruby and I will be okay."
They shut the doors and watched the ambulance drive their patients off to other hospitals to get them properly treated after the shooting fiasco shook all the survivors up having to face the reality that many of their co-workers were no longer with them. Callie and Arizona stood facing each other, eyes locked much like earlier after their confrontation with the shooter, with so many unspoken words flowing between them and finally not having that omnipresent tension from before. Callie was the first to break their comfortable and meaningful silence, "I'll go see if I can help the other doctors with their patients or something."
"People died." Callie instantly stopped in her tracks and turned back to face Arizona. "People are dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I've been treating you ever since you've been here. I thought I didn't want or need you in my life anymore, but after I could have lost you today… I don't want to have to know what it's like to not have you in my life. We can deal with everything else later. I just… I miss you and I don't want us fighting anymore."
"No, I'm sorry that we were even put in this predicament. I'm sorry that I just couldn't strong enough for you. And I'm sorry that I bombarded you when you tried to run away from me. I'm sorry for everything and I was so scared that I could have lost you today too. I never want to have to feel like that again. And I missed you more," Callie hardly got out before Arizona all but jumped into her arms into an emotion-filled, bone crushing hug. Everything wasn't all of a sudden magically fixed, but this was definitely a great start.
[Present Time]
"So I finally talked to her."
"Who?"
"Both of them actually. I told Caitlin the truth about my past with Callie and finally told Callie how I really feel about her being back here in Seattle."
"Well good for you, Blondie! How did that go?"
"Caitlin was pretty taken back from it. I could tell she was pretty upset and hurt and we almost got into an argument when I asked for a break, but she was loving and understanding, as always, and allowed me some time to clear my head and sort out my feelings."
"Then?"
"Then I kept my distance away from the both of them and thought about how I felt and what would be best for me. But then Callie cornered me in the hallway and I pushed her into an on-call room, but not just any on-call room, no…our on-call room, and I kissed her."
"You what?"
"I kissed her. A lot. And with lots of passion and it was just out of control and I was hoping that I could get her out of my system if I just-"
"Wait a second, are you trying to tell me that you slept with Torres during your break with Catie?"
"I bet you that if Callie didn't stop me, I probably would have."
"Arizona Robbins!"
"Oh please, Mark. Don't start with me. I've been kicking myself enough for it. Plus, you haven't even heard the whole story yet. I chose Caitlin."
"What do you mean, you chose Catie?"
"Exactly what I said. I chose to be with Caitlin."
"Are you sure about that decision?"
"I thought I was."
"You thought you were?"
"Geez, Mark. What are you, my personal parrot today? Can you just let me talk?"
"I'm sorry. I'll shut up now."
"Thank you." Arizona let out a long breath. "I chose Caitlin because she has always been there for me. She's never let me down in the entire time that I've known her. She has saved me from the bottomless pit I was falling into when Calliope left and she put me back together. She's the kindest, most caring, selfless person I've ever met in my life. She will never hurt me and I won't ever have to worry about her leaving me or breaking my heart. I can trust that she won't lie to me or go behind my back and have this entirely separate life away from me. But then Callie has to come barging in my office and start pouring her heart out to me and makes me have second thoughts about everything. She tells me how we're destined for one another and that she's here to fight for me back and that her walking away before is in the past and she's here to stay. I told her that I chose Caitlin and that was the end of it, but then she starts accusing me of taking the easy road and making the safer choice. She said that Caitlin would never hurt me, but that I would essentially be settling for less. I wouldn't feel as alive inside as I am with her. And that's when I just go off on her. I yelled and I screamed, but it felt amazing to finally get how I really felt out there. I've been burying my true feelings for her for years and it felt good to just…be honest about it all. And then she just throws me a curveball and hands me her divorce papers. Just like that, she's divorced. How did she even get it done so quickly?"
"Eh, Torres is loaded. She probably had her lawyers call upon the lawyer gods and get the thing express done or something." They both burst out laughing at Mark's silliness and it felt nice to have some light-hearted humor surround her after all the drama and angst going on with Callie and Caitlin. "So, how do you feel about that? Where do you from here?"
"I feel that even though Caitlin is an amazing girl, I have to be fair to her. I can't keep stringing her along any further in this super complicated web of Calliope and me. She deserves way more than I can give her and I think it's time that I allow her go find that someone who can be all that she needs. I think it's time to let her go."
Arizona went over to Caitlin's that night to find her looking rather distraught and exhausted. "Hey, are you alright? You look pretty run down."
"I'm fine. Just been doing a lot of thinking lately and got overwhelmed by some stuff."
"Well you should have called me and I could have came over or you are more than welcome to swing by my place any time, you know that. I'm your girlfriend, you should have talked to me."
"I know, but I wanted to handle this on my own. I didn't want to bother you when I knew you had a lot on your plate with work and stuff."
"That doesn't mean I can't still be there for you."
"Enough, Arizona. I already told you I was okay," Caitlin tried to say in the most controlled, calmed way she could muster. The truth was, she was a wreck. After her talk with Callie and basically begging for her girlfriend, she was a mess. Hearing the Latina say she was going to fight for Arizona pretty much broke her spirit. The past couple days she'd been preparing herself for when Arizona was finally going to end it. She knew that she had no chance against Callie even though Callie was the one who had hurt Arizona in the past because no matter how hard she tried, she never really had Arizona's heart when it was with someone else a thousand miles away. She would only be fooling herself if she thought Arizona would ever truly pick her when given the choice between Callie and herself. She admired Arizona for trying to do the right thing and pick Caitlin and take her away for the romantic weekend, but she could see underneath it all that she wasn't truly happy. She loved Arizona, but Callie was right. She deserved better. Someone who could give them their all. "I'm sorry, come in. Have a seat on the couch. Do you want anything to drink?"
"No thanks. I'm okay."
"Okay, so why are you here?"
"We need to talk."
Oh boy, here it is. "You should never start a sentence off like that, Arizona," Caitlin tried making light of the situation and cracked a semi-smile.
Sitting there in front of Caitlin, seeing her try to be happy and make the situation easier on Arizona despite how torn up she was personally almost made Arizona change her mind. She reached over and took one of Caitlin's hands into her own and looked her in the eye. "You deserve much better than me." She said softly, full of sincerity. "You are nothing but kind, smart, sweet, loving, selfless, funny, beautiful… the list goes on and on. You were there for me when I fell apart and was destroying myself. You were there to put me back together. You were there to love me again. You were always there for me and you never disappointed me. And I know that you would never hurt me either. You've been the perfect girlfriend. You are the perfect girlfriend"
"But then Callie came back."
"But then Callie came back… I'm so sorry, Caitlin. I wish that I could just ignore all my feelings and keep them buried, like I have been for so long, but I just… I have loved Callie for as long as I can remember. I was just a girl with a dream when I met her. I dreamed of being a big, hot-shot doctor who would save the lives of millions of tiny humans. I didn't plan nor want a relationship because they would only hold me back. But then I met Callie and all my rules were broken and everything changed. I loved her then and I can't stop loving her now. But I am so sorry, Caitlin because I wish that I could just forget about my feelings for her and love you fully, completely because you have been so amazingly fantastic to me and I couldn't be any more grateful to you for that. You're incredible in so many ways and you definitely deserve so much more than I could ever give you."
"I'm an idiot."
"No, Caitlin, don't ever say that-"
"I'm an idiot for even getting involved. I knew you had just lost a great, big love and yet I threw myself out there anyways knowing that I would never be good enough. I only wanted to be there for you as a friend and stop you from ruining your life. But then I just had to fall in love with you when I knew that you would never feel the same way. I was just hoping that, maybe, some day you'd love me back so that I'd be good enough. But it was stupid of me to try, it was stupid of me to get my hopes up, and it was stupid of me to stick around when I knew it was over."
"You're not an idiot, Caitlin. You're anything but. You are one of the best things to happen to me since I've lived in Seattle. I've never met anyone with as big a heart as you do and I bet that I probably never will. I did love you, I do love you. I just can't love you enough in the way that you want me to. I can't love you enough in the way that I love Calliope. Yeah, she's broken my heart and yeah, she's left me before in the past, but I'll still always love her and I will always want her. And I can't keep lying to us both. You deserve more than that. You deserve to be handed the world on a silver platter. But I can't be that person. I can't be that someone for you because I've already been that someone for someone else for a long time now. I honestly can't say sorry enough about all of this because I wish that for more than anything, I could just forget her and be happy with you. But we both know that won't happen and we can't keep kidding ourselves any longer."
"I wish that too. I wish that I could stand up and yell at you and tell you it's all garbage. I want to believe that you belong with me and not some woman who can't even realize what she has. I want to believe that you wouldn't still be in the love with the woman who has left you in shattered pieces before and chose anything other than you, because you'd be my number one priority, always. You don't deserve that either, Arizona. You deserve to be honored and cherished and treated like a queen. And I can do that. I can be that person for you still!"
"Caitlin, please don't…"
"I mean, Callie will be gone soon, right? And once she leaves we can just keep working on-"
"Caitlin!" Arizona waited until Caitlin stopped and was looking back at her again. "No, we can't. And we both know that. I can't keep this up with you because I'll only end up hurting you more as time goes on. And I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."
"No, it's okay. I forgive you. We can move on from this if we just-"
"I can't let you do that."
"Why not? It's my choice!"
"I can't and I won't. I won't let you keep settling to be at most, my second best. I need to let you go so you can go find someone who will make you're their number one. You need to go out there and find someone who isn't still hung up over the one who broke their heart. You deserve so much better than I can give you."
"I wish you weren't right."
"But I am… Caitlin, we need to end this."
She let out a defeated sigh. "Yeah… I guess we do."
Arizona leaned in and wrapped her up in a hug as Caitlin started crying into her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I love you, I really do."
"I know, me too, me too." Caitlin sniffled, trying to get herself back together. "So what do now?"
"Well… I'm going to gather all my stuff together…"
"And what? We'll just see each other around?"
"Yeah, I guess we'll see each other around. I hope that maybe we could even be friends one day."
"Friends… Yeah, maybe. That sounds like something we could try after some time has passed."
Arizona smiled slightly at her. "So umm, take care of yourself, alright?"
"Don't worry about me, Arizona. I'll be fine. Just don't let Callie back so easily. Make her work for it and earn it."
"Oh, I plan to. I'll make sure she's serious and isn't going to just walk away from me again before I give her any real shot at getting back with me."
"Good," Caitlin managed a small laugh. "She needs to see how great she has it and it's about time she learns that."
"Ha, isn't it me who is supposed to be trying cheer you up?"
"I told I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Just worry about you."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too."
"So is this when I'm supposed to say goodbye now and leave?"
"I don't believe in goodbyes. This is an 'I'll see you later.' So, I'll see you later, Arizona."
Her heart melted at how sweet and loveable Caitlin still was even though she had just broken this girl's heart. "I'll see you later, Caitlin.
Meanwhile…
A knocking on his door brought the Chief out of his work and he wondered who his unexpected visitor could be. "Come in!"
"Chief, I really need to talk to you about something."
"Okay, what can I help you with, Torres? How's your dad doing?"
"He's great. Derek's really happy with his progress. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I-I, umm…"
"Well spit it out, Torres!"
"I was wondering if you could use a world class orthopedic surgeon on your staff and if I can get my job back…sir."
Richard Webber couldn't help but smile at the nervous doctor standing in front of him. "No." Her dejected face amused him and he waited a few seconds longer, watching her squirm before letting her off the hook. "I'll do you one better. How about I give you an entire department?"
"Seriously, sir?"
"Seriously. That pause earlier? That was just a little revenge for leaving me in the first place." He winked at her.
"Not fair, sir, not fair!" Callie joked with him.
"So what do you say, Torres? You up for it? An entire orthopedic department under your wing?"
"Definitely, Chief, definitely. I've been waiting for this ever since I started med school."
"Well, it's good to have you back, Dr. Torres. You have been thoroughly missed."
"It's good to be back, sir. And I won't let you down this time."
"You better not, Torres! Don't make me regret this decision."
"I won't, sir! I promise!"
Say what? Rox knows how to write something semi-happy? And it isn't some ungodly hour in the middle of the night/morning? Yeah, I'll take 2:15ish over 6am ANYDAY.
Anyways, I'm sorry that in the Flashback, I basically stole that shooting finale of Season 6, but it just worked so well to get our girls talking again after that disastrous stairwell, scene, right?
I seriously, honestly, really couldn't thank you all enough for all the comments from the last chapter. I love hearing that you guys are hooked to this story even though it can get pretty depressing and heartbreaking at times and that you love my writing. It blows me away to know that you all love it so much and it makes my day and makes me smile my own super magic smile.
If you have an account, you should sign in so I can thank you properly! And y'all shouldn't be afraid to message me back when I write you. I love getting to you know you guys even if you think I probably don't. I'm not a scary person at all. Check out my page, I posted a bunch of facts about me so you can see that I'm just a really chill, laid back person. So first, leave me a comment, so then I can write back to you and then write me back, because I really do care about who you are.
So anyways, like I said before, when you leave a review and tell me what you think, I smile my own super magic smile. So let's try to make Rox smile many super magic smiles, shall we? =]
P.S. Did I miss some memo where authors are now giving shout outs to other authors' stories? If so, well I guess I'll give a shout out to donteatblue's stories because I'm seriously hooked on the drama and angst of both of their stories, so if you don't mind a little angst and heartache, check them out.
P.P.S. The next chapter is Callie working towards getting Arizona's trust back. What should we have her do to prove herself worthy to one Ms. Robbins?
P.P.P.S. Some of you have asked me about future projects and this is what I have to say on the manner. I have a couple storylines thought up in my head for something I would be interested in writing after I'm done with my baby (this story). But I guess I can leave it up to you. Would you like me to start on those and give you a preview of them? Or?... My readers get the final call since I DO write these stories for you guys more than for just myself. ;D