Chapter fourteen—The Purple Unicorn

BPOV

I stood there shocked and tried to recapture everything I had just fucking said to Edward. We stood mere inches away from each other, but I was afraid to move…I was afraid of falling. It felt as though I was in one of those dreams where you run as fast as you can to reach something you want, but when you are seconds away from obtaining it, you wake up to find yourself slapped across the face with reality.

I was being slapped.

"Bella? Did you just say you were in love with me?" Edward asked me again.

I looked up at him, my hands shaking, my heart pounding erratically. Not once—ever—had I told somebody I loved them. It was insane to put myself on the vulnerable platform of confession. I wouldn't be so stupid, but then again, I did say I would be or do anything for Edward. If that meant I had to bear my soul and rip open my chest—theoretically speaking—and expose my weary heart, then that was what I would do.

I shook my head to clear out any confusion and focus back on making progress—on taking a step forward for a change. Once upon a time, there was a chick that would run away screaming, but now that chick ran forward—ran towards Edward.

I couldn't let him go.

I didn't want to.

I also wasn't stupid.

"I, uh, I…" I trailed off, fucking stuttering.

"Bella—" Edward started, but I put up my hand to stop him. I couldn't face rejection right now. I couldn't drown in embarrassment when I'd come so far. I had to cover up my tracks.

"Edward, I realize that it was completely insane for me to fucking say something like that. I mean, you must hear that more often than not, and I just made this situation that much more awkward. Look, I should go…"

"STOP! JUST FUCKING STOP!"

My breathing hitched, and I locked eyes with Edward, completely taken aback by his tone. On any other day I would have been proud of him for using his fucking backbone and growing some balls—he just chose the wrong fucking time to whip them out.

I gripped the straps of my bag with all my might, like it would help me to continue standing. I bit my lip, heat flushing its way through my skin. Apprehension and adrenaline were clashing in my veins, making it feel like I was being electrocuted, but yet numb all at the same time.

"I stopped," I deadpanned.

"Bella, I could go on some rant about you, you know that, right?"

I sighed. "Do I ever. I fucking deserve it, right?"

"No, you don't. Look, Bella, everything you said was true. Every fucking little thing you said was the honest to God truth. I mean, who are we kidding? Me living in L.A., you living in Vancouver—it does seem unrealistic to be together, but, baby, I would make it possible. You said we would get off the odd time with phone sex, but, baby, would I ever blow your mind. You said we would get by with the odd phone call and cute texts, but, baby, the phone call would be more than odd, and the text messages would be down-right adorable.

"Could I have anybody on the planet? Yeah, Bella, I can, but I don't want just anybody—I want you. Could I go out there and date an A class celebrity and lead the kind of life I should? Yes, I can, but I don't want the life I should have, I want the life I want, and that has you involved. I get that we barely know each other, but, Bella, who said we couldn't try and get to know each other the way we want? I know it's kind of late to say this, but I want to get to know you better. I'm fascinated by the Bella Swan I have been faced with, and if there is more to experience and know about her—I want in. I want all of it. Every fucking inch of you, Bella."

I was at a loss for fucking words. My heart swelled a thousand times from Edward's words. I had always felt completely unworthy of such words to be uttered to me. But here I was, in front of Edward Cullen, and he wanted to try—he wanted to know me for me. And I couldn't deny that I wanted that from him, too.

"Edward, I…I don't know what to say…" He frowned and looked down, furrowing his eyebrows. "I mean, God, I know what I want. I want this…Awh, fuck, I'm not good with words. I'm not good with pouring my heart out for somebody…" I said, shaking my head. "I want to try. I really like you, Edward, and I know there is so much more to you than you have shown me. But the thing that scares me the most is that I feel this way for you now, knowing very little about you, so I'm afraid of how consumed I'll be with you once I know who you really are. Aren't you scared of that?"

Edward nodded and pushed his hand through his disheveled hair. Before I knew it, I found myself closing the distance between us and pushing my own hand through his hair. He chuckled and looked me directly into the eyes. As I stared him down, I was sure I could see his soul. What a beautiful man they reflected. "I'm not scared, Bella. Even when you walk up to me and run your hand through my hair."

I threw my head back and laughed. "I've always wanted to do that since I saw you at Cannes Film Festival." I shook my head in shame at my admittance and sighed. I looked down and crossed my arms over my chest.

Edward put his hand under my chin and lifted up, forcing me to look at him. "Bella?"

"Mhm," I hummed, totally entranced.

"I know I've been let down before. I hate the fact that I'm insecure. Every fucking day the thought of you walking out and never seeing you again comes more than I'd like it to. I'm scared, and I'm not scared. I trust you, but I don't trust my circumstances. With you, I feel that I can be myself and not have to put on a show. You're real, Bella. You're not fake like some of the chicks that walk Hollywood. You speak your mind, and you tell it how it is. You don't fuck around. If you don't like what I'm doing, you put me in my place. You make me feel as though I am me, and that I'm okay. You make me feel that I'm the same kid from back home…You're…You're sort of like my comfort zone—my home away from home." Edward eyes saddened, turning into alarm soon after. "Bella? Are you okay?" he rushed out.

I started to cry during his rant. I couldn't help it. I deserved to be called pansy tonight. Devin had nothing on me. "Edward, I'm okay!" I cried.

Edward wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. "Bella, I'm sorry I made you cry. Please don't."

"It's happy tears, you asshole," I whispered, trying to contain my sobs. I was pathetic, but I felt incredible.

Edward kissed the top of my head and chuckled against my hair. "I'm happy to see you're happy, Bella. I was scared that you were going to walk out that door and never turn back, though. Don't walk away. You build up all your feelings and do irrational things without thinking of the other party. I bet you were going to walk out of here thinking I could never want you, that you had no chance."

I nodded against his chest and sniffed, not wanting my snot to go all over his fucking shirt.

"Well, don't think like that anymore. You have to trust me," he whispered, pulling me tighter against him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and linked my fingers together. I was about to say something that I hadn't said in a long, long time. "I trust you."

"Thank you, baby cheesy," Edward said, taking my hand and lifting it to his lips.

"Don't make me regret it," I rushed out, totally intoxicated by how much Edward was truly a gentleman. I wanted to meet his parents. I wanted to meet his mom and kiss her feet, thanking her for giving birth to such a beautiful man.

"I don't plan on it," he stated, looking at me seriously.

I nodded and backed away from him, taking my bag off my shoulder and groaning from the strain it left on my shoulder. I looked around the room as I rubbed the pain away. "Edward?"

"Yeah." Edward motioned for me to turn around, and I complied. He placed his hands on my shoulder and started massaging my tense muscles. It felt incredible.

"I don't wanna leave tonight. I'm sorry I tried. I'm sorry—"

"Shh," Edward interrupted me, gliding his hands down my arms and capturing my hands with his. "No apologies, okay?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, nodding in agreement. I felt lighter, but I knew there was much more to discuss, but I had enough for one day—for now.

"I miss you, Edward, like, a lot," I said sadly into the receiver of my iPhone.

It had been two weeks since Edward and I departed from the Hotel. I winced when I thought how heavy my heart felt driving away from him. I also remembered how I cried in the back seat, not caring whether the driver noticed my demise.

"I miss you, too, Bella. Believe me, if I had my way, I would be there with you right now."

"I know…" I sighed, continuously biting my nails.

"What are you listening too?" Edward asked, changing the depressing topic. Bless his fucking heart.

"Uh, it's Radiohead," I answered, getting up off my bed and switching the song back to Optimistic.

"Radiohead?" he inquired, sounding shocked.

"Yeah. Please tell me you like them, too. I mean, they are lyrical geniuses."

Edward chuckled into the receiver. "Protective of your music, huh?"

"Of course I am. Good music comes few and far between these days. You have to hang on to it, you know." I yawned into the phone and stretched.

"You're tired," he stated.

"Yeah I am. I have to work tomorrow at seven in the morning. Ugh, Edward, you don't know how much I hate that place."

"I honestly sympathize with you, baby, but just think your future holds so much for you."

I chuckled humorlessly and shook my head, tears filling my eyes. "Yeah, so much…"

"Don't give up, Bella. C'mon now. Where's my fighter? Where's the girl that took the bull by the horns and told people how it was? Where's my sexy Joan Jett impersonator?"

I laughed lightly into the phone and smiled. "You know just what to say, huh?"

"What? Sorry I didn't hear you. I was going over a script." I could hear the smile in his voice, and I scoffed.

"You ass," I laughed, getting into my bed and pulling the covers over.

"Ouch. You always bruise my ego," he said in mock disappointment.

"But I know how to buff it up, too."

I knew our conversation was coming to an end, and I tried to keep him on the phone for as long as I could. It had been too long, and I knew the days were just going to get longer—I dreaded them. I was already forgetting what he looked like. I would do anything to see him, for him to lie next to me and help me fall asleep. I just wanted him here—always.

"It's true. You do. Okay, Bella, you're practically falling asleep on me, so have a good day tomorrow, okay? Know that if work pisses you the hell off you can text me or call."

"I know, Edward. Thank you. Know that I can do the same."

"Thanks. I'll rely on that for sure."

I smiled. "Good night, Edward."

"Good night, beautiful."

We both ended the call, and I instantly felt hollow. Falling asleep wasn't going to be an easy task.

It had been four weeks since I had seen Edward. Alice tried her best to keep my mind and time occupied by bringing me to the independent film theatre and taking me out for bubble tea. Something about those tapioca balls that made me crazy. Alice was my heroine. She was the Cherie to my Joan.

"I hate myself for loving you. Can't break free from the things that you do. I wanna walk, but I run back to you. That's why I hate myself for loving you!" we both belted out while driving my behemoth truck back home from the movies.

"Bella, you would make Joan Jett proud!"

I exhaled the drag of my smoke before laughing. "I sure hope so. Man, what I'd do to go up on stage and just rock with her. I mean, I wanna create a time machine where I could travel back to 1984 and fucking do crack and rock out."

Alice gave me an evil eye and crossed her arms over her chest. "Bella!"

"Fine, fine. No crack."

"Good. "

I shook my head and laughed, taking another drag of my Camel. I couldn't help but feel there was this gigantic purple unicorn sitting in the middle of us. I was known to be different. It was unicorn for me, not elephant. I tried really hard to think back to what was going on before Edward manifested my time and soul. Then it hit me.

"Alice?"

Alice looked at me and smiled. "Yes, snoochums."

"How are you and…" Shit I had forgotten his name.

"Jasper?" she said, filling me in.

"Yeah, Jasper."

"He's good. I mean, we haven't really seen each other, but we talk all the time." Alice looked down and started picking at her nails. I could tell she was upset with it. Fucking men.

I pulled into the driveway, and I turned off the engine before turning sideways to face her. "Al?" She looked me in the eyes and gave me a small smile, inviting me to continue. "Why don't we go inside, make some coffee, and talk about all of this, huh?"

Tears filled her eyes. Either she was pms-ing or this guy was a fucking douche. I hated him already. "Yeah," she said, nodding. "I'd like that. I feel like we haven't fucking chatted in a long time."

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to neglect us…"

"Bitch, please." Alice laughed and smacked my shoulder. "Dude, you were hanging out with Edward Cullen. That's not something to apologize for."

I nodded, but I still felt horrible for blowing Alice off of her problems. I didn't even think about her.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop acting like a person who feels, so we can go inside and get some coffee." Alice got out of the truck and stuck her tongue out.

I sighed in relief. Everything between us was going to be okay. We were like fucking cement. I shouldn't have doubted our friendship in the first place.

Once we had the coffee brewed and we were lounging on the couch, Alice took the front wheel and started telling me all about Jasper.

"He's a really great guy, Bella. He tells me all the time he likes me."

"Well, how come you barely see him? Where does he live?"

"Get this—he lives in Seattle! He lived so close to us, but yet we never knew it."

"Well, Al, we didn't even know him in Forks."

"I know, but how weird. Like, I meet somebody I totally find attractive—and like—and he lived so close to us. Did you know his parents live in Forks?"

"Get out. Really?"

"Yeah. He moved to Seattle to go to school there. He's taking film production."

As soon as Alice said film, my mind selfishly went to Edward, and I thought about how much I missed him. I took my iPhone out of my pocket to see if I had a text from him, but there was nothing. My heart sunk a little more and more each day.

"Wow…film production? That's totally cool, Alice."

"I know! I think he'd be really good at it. He's very unique and the artsy-fartsy type."

"Ah, gotta love the artsy-fartsy type, huh?"

"Oh, shut up, Bella." Alice laughed, smacking me across the arm.

"So what was he doing here in Vancouver?" I prompted, taking another sip of my coffee.

She shrugged. "He said his friend was here on a job, and that he was here to support him. We didn't really go into detail because so much was going on already. I didn't even think to ask him to elab or anything."

"That's pretty nice of him, you know, to fly all the way down here to support him."

"I'd do it for you!"

"I know you would."

"I guess he really encourages his friend and guides him. You know, maybe he's his biggest supporter."

I nodded absentmindedly while I took in what Alice said. I continued to sip my coffee while my mind ventured off to Edward and one of the conversations we had while he was in Vancouver.

"I only have one best friend, Jasper, who keeps me sane in this whirlwind of Hollywood. I'm not used to all this red carpet bullshit, and quite frankly, I don't want to be. When I came into The Coffee House you were answering the questions about me truthfully. You didn't see me as some celeb, you saw me as a normal fucking person. You're cool, and I just wanted to get to know you better. Maybe stay friends. All right, cheesiness over with."

"Alice?" I rushed out quickly, looking at her with realization.

She scrunched her nose and elevator-stared me, wondering where the fuck my sudden mood came from "What?" she laughed.

I brushed my hand through my hair and laughed. "I totally fucking know who Japser is now, and you are totally gonna shit your pants."

Alice put her coffee down and stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "Isabella Marie Swan, do not ruin Jasper for me! Don't tell me he's some convict or something…"

I stood up along with her and placed my hands on her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes and smirked. "Prepare yourself, Alice Brandon."

Chapter End Notes:

So we have Alice back in the story, and soon Jasper is gonna be in the picture. I'm really excited to get the next chapter out, you know when I write it. So leave a review, baby monsters.