"I am exhausted."

"I told you that…"

"Oh hush, this has nothing to do with my invalid status!" laughed Olivia, waving a dismissive hand. Plucking the yellow rubber gloves from her hand with a satisfying pop she folded them into one another and threw them at the sink. "We just have a giant house that I am getting far too old to keep cleaning every week."

"Remember when we used to pay the kids a few dollars to have them do it?" smirked Elliot, wiping dirty mud covered hands on his t-shirt and removing his yard shoes. "Those trees aren't playin' either. I don't think I can tackle that long side of the yard myself, we're gonna have to call in a professional."

"Elliot Stabler admitting defeat…." she teased, her face as completely beautiful to him as it ever had been, "… where's my phone, can we video this?"

"You're not funny."

"I'm hilarious."

"Nope."

"Yup."

"I think there's only one way to wipe that smug off your face…." his grumble came more as a growl as he grabbed her wrist and dragged her toward him, "… come here."

"Unhand me you filthy creature!" she laughed, pulling a face at being hugged by his dirty shirt and hands."

"You have no idea…." murmured Elliot, finding her lips and kissing her. Gentle at first, then with increasing urgency, they both found each other again in a way that they hadn't since their operations.

"I've missed this…." a little breathless Olivia pulled away, blinking slowly, a little light-headed from the intensity of their reignited desire.

"It will never go away…." he vowed, his arms at the small of her back, stroking with a strength of need, love and belonging that made both of them ache, "… you're still the hottest woman in every room Mrs Stabler."

"Shut up!" she dismissed, tossing her eyes. Then, sobering, she twisted the corners of her mouth to a suggestive smile, "You're aging like a fine wine yourself, Detective."

"Let's downsize."

"Is that a euphemism?" she shot back drily, not missing a beat.

"O-livia!" he mocked, blue eyes glittering. "Just to check, this is gonna end up with us…."

"Downsizing?" she snorted, wrinkling her nose and adoring how he never failed to make her laugh. Elliot was fun, for all his faults he had always been able to find her smile. "But seriously, are you for real? You want us to sell this place?"

"No, nah, not if we can afford it."

"What we try buy somewhere else?"

"Calvin and Evie are gonna have to live somewhere, and they're not gonna come close to affording anywhere in the greater New York area that's big enough. Who knows what Sammy will want when he comes back from travelling but this place is his too if he wants it."

"I see what you're saying."

"I love this house, babe. Its chock full of memories, and really great ones. It's where we raised our babies, and I don't want to lose any of that. I just don't want to spend all our time keeping up to it anymore. I'm too old and you're too pretty."

"You're quite the charmer today, aren't you?" she chuckled.

"It'll be a stretch and maybe the five of us will need to come up with something together. I'm not saying we're gonna be able to afford anything fancy, but we'll get a little creative. I don't really much care exactly where it is as long as it's got you there."

"Are we really here? Talking about growing old together?" she asked, her palms flat against his chest. She could feel his familiar heartbeat.

"I can't tell if you're happy or sad…." he said, a little clunky, a little haphazard in these moments as he'd always been. She only loved him more for it. "I just wanna take care of you, Liv. I wanna go for long walks in our city, I wanna sit and waste whole mornings over a pot of coffee in a little café. I wanna just hang out with you; we don't need all this space to do that."

"I just want to hang out with you too, my love….." she smiled, a wide smile, a blissfully contented smile, "… I love you, Elliot Stabler. More than you know."

"I love you more, Benson."

"That's something I haven't heard in a while."

"And yet to me you'll always be the spitfire that blew into SVU and changed everything….." kissing her tenderly, he spoke with his lips against hers, "…. completely for the better."

"We have to be close enough to look after the babies. I don't want a second less time with CJ and Livi."

"Agreed."

"I still need to figure out how to help Texas, get her in a programme, and figure out how to make things work so she can be a Mom to Leni."

"I will help with that."

"When Sam comes home he gets a say in this: full disclosure. This does not automatically mean that Cal and Evie get the house just because they have a family. That's not fair to Sammy."

"Agreed, we'll all sit down."

"Okay then, I guess I'm in, let's see what's out there for a couple of old folks."

"Hey we're not so old!" he grinned, moving his hands south from her waist and winking.

"So we haven't, well, you know, since…." she said slowly, biting a little on her lip.

"How'd you feel about that?"

"Ermm….." her face was a picture, and he couldn't help but laugh as she answered honestly, "… frustrated?"

"I meant how you are feeling health wise?" he said with concern. Then, a little unsure, he added, "And you had a rough time for a while there, it stirred up a lot of stuff, you know, head space wise and…."

"So maybe we just take it slow…." she said softly, her hands playing with the bottom hem of his shirt, her face breath close to his.

"Yeah?"

"Yes….." she nodded, meeting his eyes and reaching for his hand to lead him towards the bedroom.

"You cut your hair?"

"Is it ugly?" asked Texas, grabbing a handful of her now just past shoulder length hair self-consciously. "Your face is unnerving."

"No! No it's not ugly it's…." it framed her face, it made her look younger, she was beautiful and he just smiled, "… you look great. It's just different is all: you've always had long hair, ever since you were a kid."

"Yeah well maybe it's time I grew up…." dismissed Texas, uncomfortable with discussing herself for too long of a period, "…. would you grab that bag for me?"

"Mamá! Un caracol!" declared Elena, tiny pink trainers running in earnest across the grass. Both her little hands were clenched into a first and Texas winced slightly for the poor creature inside.

"Or at least it used to be…." she muttered under her breath, watching Elena's feet moving faster than the rest of her body was able to keep up to, "… no corras mija. Camina, por favor!"

"Look Mommy it's a snug…." uncurling tiny fingers slowly and carefully the little girl presented her treasure proudly for her mother to inspect.

"It's not a slug, mija, it's a snail. In English your little friend here is a snail…." then with an impish smirk Texas suggested, "… you should show your Uncle Calvin, he loves snails."

"¡Mira!" said Elena, turning her attention to Calvin while poking the creature in her palm with an encouraging finger.

"Me gusta, Leni Legs…." he laughed, grabbing at Elena's elbows and drawing her closer. "Can I get a hug? Can your Uncle Cal have some Leni love?"

"Sure!" throwing her little arms around his neck she hung swinging there, her little eyes peering over his shoulder like it was a fortress that held her safe. "Now can I go play some more?"

"You can, mija but remember I still need to be able to see you at all times. You understand? No further than that swing over there….." gesturing to the park only a few meters away from where she and Calvin sat on the grass Texas insisted, "… you still need to be able to hear me if I call you."

"Okay….." nodded Elena, her face very serious until she broke a bright smile and dashed over to press a tender kiss on Texas' cheek, "… I love you Mamá!"

"I love you too gorgeous girl."

"So she is hilarious and that snail is a gonner."

"And you are full of surprises yourself, guapo…." teased Texas, turning to him and challenging, "¿Habla español?"

"Only what you taught me!" he laughed, popping open a can of soda and taking a swig.

"Oh, okay, so then we'll need to edit you around Elena!" she cackled, opening a can of her own. Calvin felt a warmth wash over him, hearing her laugh, knowing she was clean and sober and her very best self for that afternoon at least. "So let's toast, to your first weekend of freedom from Uncle Sam?"

"I can't believe it's over."

"You're not the uniform, my love….." forcing his can to clink hers she took a sip of cola and added reassuringly, "… you've got awesome things ahead of you."

"Yeah, yeah I know, I just…." trailing off Calvin just sat for a moment, letting the gravity of his situation ruminate.

He had left Fort Bragg for the last time late the previous night and driven through the darkness to get home. He had managed to convince his superiors to release him a few days early, and the intention had been to surprise Eve and the twins. As things had turned out, however, she was already mid-way through a spa day with Olivia, and Elliot had taken the twins out with Maureen and Lizzie. So he had called to see Texas instead, and found her at home finger-painting with Elena, much to his joy and relief.

"You wanna talk about it?" she offered softly, her thick black lashes shielding a complicated gaze. "I'm here, you know that."

"I count on it."

"You're not you, Cal. Right now? You're off. You don't have to talk about it, not to me, not to anyone. I just want you to know that I see it, I feel it….." biting her lip, nervous if she was saying too much Texas swallowed, "… you can't hide from me."

"I never could…." he smiled, reaching across and laying his hand on hers in the grass. Hold it there he looked at her, looking back at him, seeing him, and just took comfort in that.

"You want a pretzel?" retrieving her hand from under his, in a deliberate move, Texas reached behind herself and grabbed the bakery bag from inside. She felt suddenly too warm, like her skin was hot where his hand had been. Holding a pretzel outstretched she offered "We can go halves?"

"How are you doing anyway?" he asked, ripping apart his half and sinking his teeth into it hungrily. "You can't hide from me either, remember."

"I paid the lawyer what I owed him and told him I won't be needing his services anymore."

"Wait, what? I thought we were just gonna find you the money? I was gonna get you cash Tex, why'd you do that?"

"Because it's over, Cal."

"What is?" moving closer to her, shuffling along the grass, he shook his head and locked her eyes. "What's over? You're not giving up?"

"I love that little girl, I love my daughter, more than anything. I just can't fight this anymore. It's too big, and I won't ever win. I'm not angry, I'm not anything anymore, because they're right."

"No! No Tex!"

"Gil isn't a bad person, and Nick is kind and smart and they weren't doing any of this to hurt me. They were doing it for her. I just can't fight them when they're right. Everything they're saying? Cal you know it's true. I'm not really clean, and I'm sure as hell not sober. I'm collecting glasses to scrape rent on your Mom's old place."

"I can help you with all of that!"

"No, no you can't, mi cariño….." and then quietly, gently but firmly she shrugged, "… I don't want you to."

"So you're just letting Gil have full custody? Just like that?"

"It's what's best for Leni."

"You are what's best for her! You're her mom!"

"Calvin I can't do it to her. I can't drag her up the way Vivi dragged you. It's not fair, it's not right. I want to be in her life, I want to do everything I can for her, but I gotta be realistic. Remember what it was like Cal? Remember when you were a little boy? I was there, I remember. Just waiting, just watching, never knowing one day to the next whether Viv would be able to hold her shit together, let alone take care of you."

"You are not my mother…."

"But I'm like her…." whispered Texas, reaching once more for his hand, needing to connect with him physically in that moment, "… we both know it's true."

"You can't give up on Leni, babe!" he sighed, tossing his free hand aside and reaching to grab her face, squeezing her cheek in his hand. "You can't give up on her."

"I'm giving up for her."

"No!" he insisted, stroking a rough thumb over her cheek as she inclined her head into his warm palm. "Don't do this to her!"

"Don't you get it? I'm doing it for her, Calvin. I'm not your mother, I'm not Viv. I'm stronger than she was. If I had have been your mother all those years ago there is no way in hell I would've snatched you back from Olivia Benson. I'd have begged her to rescue you, to raise you."

"Oh Tex…." he sighed, sliding his hand to the nape of her neck and dragging her close enough to hug.

"It's the right thing to do. I could fight and even if I won she'd lose. I can't raise her on my own; I can't give her everything she deserves. I whored myself out to pay the lawyer, that's not a great start, is it!" she laughed self-deprecatingly, pulling back from their embrace and rolling her eyes.

"I hate this Tex, but I'll back you. I'll back you every damn time if it's what you really want and you know it."

"I'm broke and I am broken Cal. I'm trying, I'm really trying but I can't stand up in court and lie that I'm anything other than a mess. I can't pretend that me having custody of Elena is the right thing for her."

"So what's the plan? We gonna talk to Gil and Nick? Figure out when you're gonna see her, get something down in writing. I want it in writing, Tex. I want to make sure they don't cut you out of Leni's life."

"Yeah, yeah I'm gonna talk to them."

"I wish it was different than this….." said Calvin quietly, so bitterly sad at how unjust it all seemed. "It isn't fair, it just isn't fair."

"Life isn't fair, Arliss…." she smiled, so graceful in her defeat, so brave in her pain. "I'm more use to Leni as a part time Mom than a full time mess. I don't want her to have to take care of me the way we took care of Viv. I can't bring her that pain. Living with an addict is brutal, but when you're so tiny and that addict is your mother and it's too cruel. I gotta sort myself out before I can be the mother she deserves."

"I'm sorry….." he chocked, tears threatening and he locked his jaw against it. "I've let you down, Tex. I couldn't done more. I should've done more. It should never have fucking come to this…."

"Hey? Hey, eyes?" she ordered, crawling forward on her knees and grabbing his face with both hands. "Stop it, stop that right now."

"We gotta get you clean, Texas. We gotta get you sobered up and…."

"Yeah, yeah of course, I know, I will try."

"I mean it….." he said, locking her eyes on his, refusing to look away, "… you have no fucking idea how much I…."

"I'm really glad you're home."

"Me too, Boots….." he said, drawing her back into a tight hug, "… me too."

"I went to talk to Nick yesterday."

"Oh yeah?" said Olivia, popping a strawberry into her mouth and savouring its sweetness. "How come?"

"This place is insane!" noted Eve, as they sat together in matching white robes with their hair in towel chignons. Their nails were freshly painted, their faces fresh from a clay mask. Eve was enjoying a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice, while Olivia indulged in a small glass of fizz.

"Thank you for treating me!" replied Olivia, taking a sip from her glass before bringing the conversation back around. "So you actually went to the precinct then, or?"

"I had to talk to him about Texas. This thing has all gotten out of hand. I mean I know she's not perfect, I know she's struggling, but aren't we all, right?"

"Wow, Eve that's a big statement."

"It's a big deal. I now know from the frontline how hard it is having a kid!"

"Well that's true…." Smiled Olivia warmly, seeing something changed in Eve after their recent talks.

"It's brutal on your emotions and it brings up a million and one feelings you thought you'd drowned out a long time ago. So Tex has been drinking, taking a few pills, after what she's been through we shouldn't be punishing her for that! It doesn't change how much she loves Leni. Maybe if Gil had been a little less quick to play the self-righteous…."

"Woah, wait a second, sweetheart! Where is this all coming from?"

"I'm just angry Mom. Why is life so unfair? Why does it just kick people when they're down? If Gil fell out of love with her then fine, that's sad and confusing, but what he's doing is just cruel. It's sure as hell not in Leni's best interests. Why can't they come to some sort of arrangement out of court? Are we really saying that she's a danger to her own kid?"

"I've never heard you talk like this before…." marvelled Olivia, this time taking more of a glug than a sip of her champagne. "What's gotten you so…."

"I'm done being a child about everything. I'm done with perfect, and fluffy, and I'm done with waiting like I'm just going to wake up one day and feel like my old self again. I'm ready to move on with my life and I don't know what that means. What that looks like. So I guess I just saw something that I could try and do something about, something that I did know how to fix, and I went to try."

"I know that you've been feeling a little lost lately. It sounds like you've started to work through that. Are you okay?" not quite sure how to approach this shift, this change, this newly forming Eve her mother tread cautiously.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm coming off as….." gasping, a little embarrassed, Eve covered her face with her hand for a moment. "I just feel like I'm starting to wake up, to a lot of things. I guess for a while I was sort of just, well, drifting. A guess numb, maybe. I think I'm starting to see things a little clearer now."

"Well I think it's great…."

"That I've moved from sulky and passive to angry and obnoxious?" then flashing a little smile Eve found her mother's eyes. "You must be so proud."

"I am proud, more than you know."

"Stop!" laughed Eve, having a far tighter grip on humility than she had ever had before. "You can call me on it, please do, if I'm losing my mind."

"Honestly?" shrugged Olivia, her smile wide and relieved. "I was more worried when you weren't angry."

"Okay…."

"After everything that happened you dealt with it so bravely, so stoically. You moved to North Carolina and you had the babies and you got on with your life. You were supportive of Calvin, a wonderful mother. Nothing was wrong, Evie, but something wasn't quite right either."

"Really?" it had taken them a while to find one another again, but for the first time in a long time Eve felt Olivia's blood in her veins again.

"You're not going to be the same person you were before you left for San Francisco. The same way I'm not the same person I was before….."

"Talk about it…." said Eve, unblinking, reaching for Olivia's hand, "… please?"

"He took things from me that I have never been able to get back. He took pieces of myself that are gone forever and it changed me. It made me afraid of things I wasn't before; it made me afraid of myself sometimes. It took me to places so dark, so deafening that I'm ashamed to even admit the thoughts I have."

"Don't stop…." begged Eve, sliding forward in her chair and grabbing both her mother's hands.

"I am angry, I'm furious! He beat me, he humiliated me, he took my dignity and my strength and it was degrading and debasing and I still feel dirty sometimes…." and then she said the words that brought hot tears to Eve's eyes, "… and I wasn't even raped!"

"Oh hell no!" cried Eve, shaking her head vehemently. "Don't say that! Don't you say that Mom!"

"Sweetheart…."

"I'm angry too, Mom. I feel all those things, sometimes it feels like it's crushing me. Like I can't breathe let along explain it to Cal. I know those things you feel: I know what's in your head. I wish you'd talked to me, I wish I'd known. I'm sorry I didn't ask…." squeezing Olivia's hands tight Eve shrugged, "…. I'm so sorry that I didn't come to you either. I just didn't know how."

"And that's okay, don't you apologise. There is no right way, no wrong way of dealing with what you went through. God knows I've helped enough survivors to know that. We're talking now, that's what matters."

"Mom I didn't just go to SVU today to try and help Texas, though that was partly why. I guess a little of the selfish Evie Stabler is still in there somewhere after all…. "

"How'd you mean?"

"I wanted to talk to Nick before I talked to you because there's been something on my mind lately. Not just because I admire you so much, not just because I'm a survivor but…."

"What are you trying to tell me, sweetheart?" a little panicked now, Olivia's brows were tightly knitted.

"When I was a little girl I said over and over, embarrassingly once to an entire assembly hall, that when I grew up I wanted to be my mother."

"I remember!" laughed Olivia, lightening a little to remember a seven year old Evie declaring that to her entire school.

"Because you were my Mom, because I adored you, because everything was better when you were around and I wanted to be just like that."

"You give me too much credit, my love, but…."

"I want to apply to the Academy, Mom."

"What?" blindsided Olivia sat up in her chair, lost words for a moment, before swallowing, "The Police Academy?"

"Are you mad with me?" unusually unable to read Olivia in that moment, Eve's pulse quickened, "Do you think it's a terrible idea?"

"No, no sweetheart, I don't but…."

"I've got a lot to learn. I'm not naïve. I know that I'll have to work hard; I know that it won't be easy, but I think it could be what I'm meant to do. I don't want to feel lost, or helpless, or angry. I want to feel purpose. I want to be for other people what you've been for me and Sammy, for Calvin, for Texas."

"Evie…." mouthed Olivia, speechless.

"I'm smart, I'm stronger than I've been lately, and if I find even half the good in me that you have in you then maybe I can help other survivors. I can't find the Evie I was before because she doesn't exist…." the words, and emotion caught in Eve's throat and she took a moment to centre herself again. "I'm not shiny anymore. I've changed. I'm a different person than I was before, and I think that this might be what I'm supposed to do next. I think that helping other survivors lost like I've been might be what I'm meant to do."

"This is a big decision. This is huge, baby. You gotta know that?"

"I know, I know, but what do you think? I have to know what you think about it?" because of every opinion in the world, Olivia's was the one that carried the most weight with Eve.

"I think that it sounds like you've found your voice again."

"Really?"

"I tried to raise a strong, confident little girl and I never wanted you to lose that. I hate that he took it from you. I hate that he winded you and I want you to do whatever you can to get your strength back. I have my reservations; I want us to talk about this, a lot, before you many any decisions. Talk to your father, talk to Fin, talk to Calvin."

"But do you think I'd be any good at it?"

"I think that hearing you talk about Texas just now, you sounded like an advocate. She's family, she's Texas to us but she's a survivor too and she needs help. You and I are angry but she's…. "

"She's lost her voice?" said Eve quietly. "She called Johnny, Mom. That's not right, right? That's kind of scary?"

"Texas is complicated, Evie…." sighing heavily Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose and held her breath. "She's a survivor in every sense of the world but she's not as tough as she likes to make out. If you've been knocked down as many times as she has it changes how you see the world. It changes how you see yourself. You can't just see it as rapist and victim when it cuts as deep as that situation does."

"Teach me, Mom."

"Teach you what, sweetie?"

"To see it. To see it through your eyes. Teach me how do you do what did…." the words came steady, resolute, from Eve's determined lips, "… how to do what you still do."

"You have to know Evie Grace that as your mother this is the scariest conversation we have ever had."

"But will you have it?" pushed Eve, unflinching, "Will you have the conversation with me?"