Chapter 14

Hey Everyone ! I am sorry this took a while but it was a difficult chapter. I toyed back and forth with the lemon in this. Also we find out a little bit about Renee and If I offended anyone with her illness, I do apologize.

Bella Pov

When we got to Edward's place Lilly went upstairs to her room to put her toys away and play for a while. I just stood in the middle of the room and looked around. Before I knew it I felt strong arms wrap around me from behind.

"What are you thinking Bella?"

I turned around to face him and said,

"I think I am the luckiest girl on earth that I get to live here with you. I just can't believe it's really happening. I love you so much Edward!"

'I love you too Bella so much and I can't wait until Lilly and you move in. It will be so perfect!"

All of a sudden we heard Lilly come running down the stairs.

I turned around and yelled,

"Lilly Renee Swan how many times have I told you no running inside the house. Just because you are at Edward's place doesn't make it ok"

"I am sorry mommy"

I turned around and looked at Edward and he had a surprised expression on his face.

"What?"

"You named her after your mom!"

"Yeah when I had Lilly I was missing my mom a lot and wanted her near me so I figured if I had her name for Lilly's middle name she would always been near in a way. Very weird huh!"

"No Bella it's not weird at all because it's a very good thing."

I looked around for a while to see where I was going to put some of my stuff and we relaxed for the rest of the afternoon.

We got ready to go to the restaurant and when we arrived I was very nervous because I didn't know what Edward, or Alice for that matter, had planned. Edward had Lilly in his arms and when I looked up at him I almost had tears in my eyes, we actually looked like a normal family. He looked at me as if to question what was wrong and I shook my head like saying 'nothing'.

Before we reached the room Edward turned to me and said,

"Bella is everything ok you just scared me."

"I am fine Edward; I just realized it looked like we were actually a family and it made me so happy I had tears. I really am ok but nervous what you have planned."

He smiled my favorite smile and kissed me and said,

"Just family and friends are here so do not worry."

We walked in and I was shocked on who all was here. We have our normal brood of people, carlisle,esme,charlie, sue,emmett,rose,jasper,alice. Also some of the guys from the station that I have known over the years.

I also saw a woman whom seemed familiar but her back was to me talking to Charlie. All of a sudden she turned around and I screamed and ran to her.

"OMG Angela I did not know you would be here. I can't believe you are actually here. I thought you had to go away this weekend to a meeting for work. Missy!"

"Oh Bella I am glad to see you too and I couldn't give away Edward's surprise!. This is THE EDWARD right?"

I nodded my head yes and she smiled and we hugged so tight.

"Angie, angie" Lilly yelled and ran over to us.

"Hey little squirt, how are you doing?"

"I fine but I miss you!"

Edward came up and gave me a kiss and smiled. He took me away for a little bit and wanted me to meet some of his fellow co workers. There was this guy named Ben Cheney and Matt Gosler that Edward was friends with. They seemed very nice people but I noticed that Ben was watching Angela very closely. I elbowed Edward to show him and he smiled.

The party was a big success and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Ben introduced himself to Angela and they seem to be hitting it off.

After everyone left, Edward, Lilly and I went back to his place. I got Lilly in bed and she fell asleep real fast since she was so tired.

I came back downstairs and Edward was on couch with some wine and glasses waiting for me.

I sat down and cuddled with him while we listened to jazz music.

"Edward thank you so much for the best birthday ever!"

He kissed my forehead and whispered' your welcome!'

I started to think about past birthdays and I always wanted my mom to show up or call and that never happened. After a while I gave up and didn't look forward to any birthdays and Charlie really didn't make a big deal about them. We celebrated them but nothing big or special and that was ok with me. I didn't realize tears were falling from my face until Edward lifted my chin because he felt tears.

"Baby what is wrong?" he asked wiping away my tears.

"I don't know Edward. It's just that all my life on my birthday I never really celebrated them because I always wished my Mom would come home or call me. When that never happened I just didn't care about my birthday anymore. Today you changed all that because of all the care you took into making it special. Charlie tried but after awhile it wasn't worth it because the only thing I wanted was my Mom to make me feel special. I miss her so much Edward and that's why I gave Lilly her name for her middle name. I don't even think Charlie knows that but I miss her so much. I really need to know what happened and why she never wanted me."

"Bella I am sure there is a logical explanation to all of it and maybe you will find out soon."

"Edward what did you and my dad talk about earlier? I saw you guys talking all serious."

Edward sighed and looked like he was trying to figure out what to say.

"Bella he just wanted to make sure I will always be there for you and support you when you need it."

Something didn't seem right and before I asked my next question he broke the silence.

"Bella I promised you I would never lie to you and I really don't know if I should keep this a secret or not but oh well it's too late now."

"Bella your mom has been in touch with your dad lately and that's all I know. I am sure Charlie will talk to you about it. He just wanted to give me a heads up because he doesn't know how you will react. "

"Well I am glad you guys are talking about this and not giving me a clue. I have waited all my life to hear something from her and he hears from her and doesn't tell me. That's so unfair Edward. I am really upset with my dad right now."

"Baby I know how you're feeling but you have dealt with a lot lately and I am sure your dad wanted to wait until things died down. We will talk to him tomorrow ok."

He kissed me and I calmed down and nodded.

"Edward can you promise me that no matter how crazy I get or how crazy my mom is that you will be here."

"I promise Bella always!"

"Let's go upstairs and cuddle some more in bed."

I smiled because I definitely liked the sound of that. I had to show Edward how much I appreciate him.

For tonight it's just me and Edward in our own bubble!

When we got upstairs to his bedroom we were taking our clothes off and getting ready for bed. We got under the covers and just cuddled with each other.

"Bella, I hope I don't scare you off but I want to tell you something. Have you ever felt so in love with a person that all you want to do is climb inside their body and stay there? That is how I feel for you and sometimes it scares me on how much love I feel for you. When we are apart, I constantly think about you and look forward to when I will see you again. When I come over Charlie's I dread the time when I have to leave. My feelings are so intense for you and I have never, ever felt like this before."

I looked at Edward stunned that he had these intense feelings for me but I could really understand them because I felt the same way.

"Edward I feel the same way and I just love you so much. Edward I want you to be with me intimately tonight but I would like to discuss something with you. I know when we have made love before you have been very gentle and considerate of my feelings. I also appreciate that but you have been always in control and holding back. I would like to give you the gift of 'no holding back'. I am not as breakable as you think and I want you to experience loving me and showing me those intense feelings you have for me and just feel instead of worrying about being too rough with me. I have intense feelings for you too and I want us to just enjoy the feelings. Do you think you could do that for me?"

When I looked up at Edward his eyes got a dark lust look to them and I knew he was turned on by what I said.

"Bella, I don't want to hurt you but I also want to show you my true feelings for you. You have to promise me that if I hurt you, we have to stop and you tell me."

"I promise."

Edward turned over to his nightstand and turned on his ipod music with his sexy playlist. We started kissing and touching each other all over. Before I knew it Edward was on top of me straddling my legs and playing with my clit to make sure I was wet enough. He took some of my juice and used his fingers inside of me to get me lubricated.

"I need you inside of me now Edward."

Then he was inside of me filling me up with his gorgeous cock. He lifted my legs on his shoulders and he was at a different angle and he felt so good. I was looking at him and he was doing as I asked and enjoying the feelings. He was thrusting in and out so hard but it was so pleasurable and I was moving my hips to meet him. It was the most intense pleasurable feeling I have felt so far.

"Edward please look at me."

He opened his eyes and looked at me and I could see all the love he had for me. I thought I could see tears in his eyes but wasn't quite sure. Soon after that we both came harder than we ever had before and it was the best orgasm ever!

We collapsed together next to each other, afraid to let go of one another for fear of losing this intense bliss. I looked up at him and kiss him chastely and said,

"Thanks for my birthday gift. I am not talking about the party, seeing Angela or my material gift. I am talking about feeling your orgasm and letting go for me. The looks on your face seeing you enjoy having sex with me and not holding back was the best birthday gift I could ever get."

I saw tears come down Edward's face.

"I never ever experienced anything as intense and wonderful in my life. I am so happy you are in my life and I never want to let go of you. Bella, you have fears I will run away from all your drama and baggage but I also have fears you will get tired of me or I will do something totally stupid and you will walk away. I could not live in a world without you by my side. Baby I love you more than my own life."

"Oh Edward I love you more than my own life too. I could never leave you so don't even worry about that."

We continued holding each other and fell asleep.

The next morning we got up and took a shower (of course we conserved energy), got dressed and ate some breakfast. Edward had called his mom and asked her to keep Lilly a little while longer. He briefly told her what was going on and asked her to be available for Bella if she needed it. We decided if she needed my mom Alice and Rose would take Lilly out.

I then decided to call my dad.

"Hello"

"Hey dad! I was wondering if Edward and I can come over in a little while to talk to you about something."

"Sure bells I will be here all day. Sue is here too, is that ok."

"Yeah dad that's fine. We will be there within half hour."

When we got to my dad I looked at Edward.

"Edward I am scared on what I am about to hear. I have waited for this for a long time but now I am so scared."

"I know baby but I will be here for you and so will everyone else. Maybe you could move on from all those feelings you have bottled up inside."

I nodded and went to get out of the car but Edward was right there helping me.

We walked in and Sue and my dad were at the table drinking coffee.

"Hey dad, Sue!"

"Hey Bella, Edward is everything ok?"

"I am not sure dad. You have been keeping something from me. You may not want Sue here though. It's up to you."

Charlie looked at Edward.

"Charlie she saw us talking and I promised her I would never lie to her."

"I understand son, Bella let's sit down and Sue I want you to stay."

Sue got up and got everyone some coffee.

"Daddy why didn't you tell me mom had contacted you? You know how long I have been waiting for that. How could you not tell me?"

"First of all, your mom just recently contacted me. After she left we had some correspondence but she was very vague. I tried to find her multiple times but always came up blank."

"When you were born your mom and I was so happy and excited for our future. You were a great baby and slept through most of the night early on."

"Your mom loved you very much but sometimes she was sad. When you were up she was alive but when you were sleeping she felt lost and alone. She didn't understand any of her feelings and anger started to seep in. She was always afraid of taking something out on you."

"Just so you know, I didn't know any of this until recently. She never talked to me about anything. I knew she was acting differently and I asked Carlisle about it. He said it could be post partum depression but was hard to say."

"When you were about 4 yrs old she came to me and said she had to leave. I was totally stunned and couldn't believe what I was hearing. She said she felt trapped and alone and needed more from her life. She didn't want to leave you but she was afraid of her feelings and doing something to you. She felt if she stayed you would suffer worse than if she left."

"She left and stayed with some friends in Phoenix and tried different ideas on improving her life. One day she would be fine, the next day she would be acting crazy. All the doctors she went to never seem to be able to help her."

"About 4 yrs ago she met someone and has been seeing him for a while. They have a doctor in the family and diagnosed her with Manic Depression Disorder. She has been through a lot of tests and different meds and now is a lot better."

"Bells I wanted to tell you but you had so much going on and I was going to wait til after your birthday. She wants to see you."

I was crying at this point and didn't know if to be happy that she finally contacted us or extremely mad that it took her this long.

I stood up and started to pace back and forth.

"I just don't get it, dad. How could it take her 20 years to get help? Why couldn't she just go to Carlisle and stay here? I still don't think she wanted me and all the inferiority of not feeling wanted by your mom did a lot of damage to me. Maybe I wouldn't of left when I got pregnant."

OMG noooooo!

I just realized I was just like my mom. I ran away from everyone and made a bad decision. Did she realize she made a bad decision? I ran away from everyone in the woods behind my house. I heard Edward calling me and remembered I promised him I wouldn't leave him. I turned around and ran to him.

When I got to him I cried,

"I am sorry I ran from you. I promised you I would never leave you. I just needed to get away. I am no better than my mom!"

"Bella its ok I knew you weren't leaving me. You are nowhere near being your mom."

"Yes I am Edward! Don't you see she felt the need to run and not ask for help, I felt the need to run when I got pregnant and I didn't ask for help either?"

"Oh Bella it's different. You came back and understood what you did and you have moved on from it."

"I don't think your mom understand what she did. If she did she would of came back a long time ago. You are so much better than her. Why don't we go back to your dad's."

I nodded and we walked back. When we walked through the door, Sue ran to Bella.

"Oh sweetie are you ok!"

I looked at Charlie and he was fiddling with his hands in his lap.

"Sue I will be ok I think. It's just a lot to take in at once. I ran because I realized I was no better than my mom when I ran away when I got pregnant . "

"Daddy I am so sorry you had that done to you twice. I never realized til now what I did to you. "

"Bells we are over that and I knew bringing this up would bring those feelings back but you are no where even close to being like your mom. You ran for a different reason and I never want you to compare yourself to her again. I love you Bells but I think you need to confront her so she can see what she has done to you."

"I know daddy but I am just scared!"

"I know you are Bells but you have such a support team. Your mom had been ill for a while and maybe she can explain herself better."

"Bella you are so much stronger than you were when you got here. If you can accomplish Rosalie's sarcasm and Tanya's attitude you can attack this too."

"I know Sue and thank you for the support."

"I think I want to think about this for a while. Edward I would like to visit with your parents without Lilly being there. Also I need your dad there too. I have questions for him."

He nodded and understood and went to make phone calls.

I went to hung Sue and my dad and said my "I love you."

"Love, Alice will be picking up Lilly in 30 minutes and will take her to school tomorrow. Dad will be home in 1 hour. "

"Ok. Thanks Edward!"

"Dad we are going to go now. I want to ask Carlisle some questions and ask Esme's opinion. It's not that I don't value yours or Sue's I just need her opinion is all."

"Bells don't worry about it; we are not offended at all. Esme was there for you growing up so it's natural to have a bond with her. We love you bells."

I hugged both of them and then Edward and I left.

"Edward can we go to the diner and get something to eat that is totally not good for us at all."

He smiled and said "no problem babe"

We ate greasy burgers, fries with gravy and milkshakes.

We got over to the Cullen's and walked inside and Esme was right there hugging me.

"How are you sweetheart?""

"I don't really know. I am so confused."

"Talk to me honey. Do you want something to eat?"

We laughed!

"No mom, we just pigged out at the diner. I will let you two talk, I am going to find dad."

"He is in his office."

He kissed me on the forehead!

"Call me if you need me."

I looked over at Esme and smiled.

"Esme I just don't know what to think. She claims she has been ill for a long time with some manic depression and never got any help until recently. No one knew what to do for her. Isn't it too farfetched? Couldn't she had contacted me and explained so I wouldn't feel so unwanted. I left just like she did and I was convinced I was just like her until Edward, Charlie and Sue convinced me otherwise. Why didn't she come to Carlisle instead of leaving? She wants to see me and I am scared of bringing these feelings that I have buried out. When I realized that I ran just like her, I ran away to the woods and I promised Edward I wouldn't run away again from him. I let him down even after the best night we ever had. I convinced him to love me and not hold back and to just feel and it was amazing. He cried though because it was so magical for us and then I go and run. I disappointed him and let him down. I feel like I am going backwards again because of my mom."

"Oh sweetie come here and let me hug you. All the questions you have, only Renee can answer. Even though some old things are resurfacing once they are faced it will be over and you will never wonder. Who knows you may even be able to build a relationship with her. Now for Edward, thanks for the TMI, but you didn't let Edward down or disappoint him. He knew when this came out you would react differently. You are here with him now so I don't want to hear you let him down. You need to ask him to feel satisfied though. I think you should meet with her but with support not by yourself. "

I was crying again and I said to Esme that I needed Edward.

She yelled for Edward and he came running.

"Mom is she ok what's wrong."

"She just needs you. Bella do you see how he reacted, how could you think you let him down."

"What do you mean mom. Why do you think Bella let me down? How could you say that?"

"Calm down Edward. I didn't say it, Bella thinks that because she ran into the woods and she promised you she would never run away from you."

Edward sat on the couch and took Bella on his lap and held her while rocking her.

"Bella baby, I am not disappointed in you and you have not let me down. I knew you would react differently and I ran after you to make sure you were ok. Look at Bella"

She turned and looked at me and nodded that she understood.

We stayed like that for a while and then Esme and Carlisle came back.

"ummm son I am glad you had a good night!"

I looked at my dad and mom smiling and then looked at Bella.

"Sorry I was just so overwhelmed that I let you down I might have told your mom a little about last night. Sorry!"

I smiled and kissed her forehead.

"It's alright baby, I was going to talk to my dad concerning my emotions anyway. I still don't understand why I cried. "

"Yep best night of my life!"

We all laughed and Bella asked my dad about manic depression and found out some interesting facts.

Epov

"Dad, can I speak with you in your office?"

"Sure son."

"Bella I will be right back."

She nodded and I walked to my dad's office.

"Ok dad last night Bella and I had a magical night. I have been holding back when we have been intimate because I didn't want to be so rough with her and make her relive what Tyler did. Last night she asked me to make love to her but not to hold back. Obviously she had picked up on what I was doing. We also talked about our feelings and admitted to each other that they were pretty intense. This maybe too much information but I never experienced this before. When we were "doing it" so to speak and she asked me to look at her and just feel, I cried dad. I have never cried before like that and my emotions were all over the place. She told me afterwards that seeing me experience an orgasm with feeling and not holding back was the best birthday gift ever! I lost it dad and I don't understand."

"Oh son, we all have been there that have met our soul mates. When I met your mother and we got more serious in our relationship and were intimate I had felt like that more than once. It's just that they reach your heart in a way no other did and sometimes it's overwhelming. Just enjoy it and don't feel bad if you get emotional. We men have a stereotype that we don't cry but we are human too. Bella is a special person with what she said to you and you better hang on to her for life. Have you thought about using your grandmother's ring when you decide to propose, and I know you will, or pick something else out?

I am not sure yet dad. I will have to look at grand mom's ring again and see. I really love her more than anything dad and I can't imagine my life without her or Lilly. Do you think I should talk to Bella about adopting Lilly?

I think you definitely need to talk to Bella if that's what you want to do but you have to wait till all paperwork is done concerning Tyler. Jenks should be able to help out with that too.

Thanks dad, I love you!

Love you too, son!

Bpov

When Edward came back from talking to his dad he seemed alright. We decided to leave and go back to his place and I wanted to talk to Lilly before she went to bed.

I called Lilly and she was telling me about all the fun she had with Alice and Rose today and that Alice was taking her to school. I told her to be good and I would see her after school tomorrow. Now I had one more phone call to make.

"Hello!"

"Hey dad it's Bella!"

"Bella are you ok?"

"Yeah dad I think I am ok. I just wanted to call you and tell you that I will see mom. Set it up for me but I do not want Lilly there and I want Edward, Esme and Carlisle there along with you and Sue. I can't be by myself for this."

"Ok bells I didn't expect you to do it by yourself. I will set it up for you and let you know. Honey I hope you aren't too mad at me for keeping this from you."

"No daddy I am not mad at you, I understand, I love you daddy very much."

"Love you too bells, good night."

As I walked to our bedroom (yeah soon it will be our room) I felt a little relieved that this part was over. Hopefully seeing my mom again won't be too bad. Yeah right who am I kidding but I need to do it for my family's future.

I would really appreciate it if I could get some more reviews. I think I got cut on how many people are reading my story. This is my first fanfic and I am trying my best. Thanks for everyone's support.

Does anyone else love the trailer for "water for elephants". I read the book and I can't wait. As I was reading it, I was picturing Rob Pattinson playing the part.