Holiday Freaking Special.

(Thank you Yours-For-Eternity who suddenly ran up to her computer and demanded that I write this.)

Jacob Black, the most adorable-est big little werewolf in all the land, stretched on the couch and sighed happily. Little Big Jakey was a very happy werewolf. Why? Why is that what you asked? Well, Jakey was merely happy because it was Christmas Time! Santa Claus would be sweeping down the chimney soon, now, and Jakey would be there to see.

"Jacob!" Bella sang, sweeping into her living room with a plate of gingerbread cookies. "Jacob, look, I have cookies!"

"Yay! Cookies!" Jacob jumped in the air and snarfed all of little Bella's Christmas cookies. "Oh no. I forgot about Cuddles!"

"Cuddles? Who's cuddles?" a tall handsome vampire dramatically entered the room. He wore a bright red Santa hat on his head and a green shirt that read "I'VE BEEN A GOOD WITTLE VAMPY-IRE!"

"Non of your business you wampyire!" Jacob cried, folding his arms and sitting down, poutinnj g.

Bella walked over and cleaned the cookie crumbs off of Jacob's face. "Can you tell me, Jakey?" Bella asked, for she was really curious on this 'Cuddles' on the Christmasie night.

"No!" Jakey yelled hiding his face from Bella.

"Please?" Bella asked.

Please Press Pause

Bella: -presses pause- Uhh…

Jacob: YES! I TOLD YOU GUYS I WAS THE MOST ADORABLE-EST BIG LITTLE WEREWOLF IN ALL THE LAND!!

Edward: Adorable-est isn't even a word. Moron.

Jacob: Shut up Cullen or I'll come over there and kick your….

Bella: JACOB!!

Jacob: …Sorry –shrug-

Edward: Ha-ha. You got in trouble.

Bella: Edward.

Jacob: Ha-ha-HA!

Edward: STFU.

Me: -stares- -pressed play-

The button 'Play' has been pushed.

"Make me." Jacob said, sticking out his tongue at Bella.

"JACOB! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT TO BELLAAAA!!" Edward said, wagging his finger at Jacob.

"SHE STARTED ITTT!!" Jacob said, glaring at Edward.

Quite suddenly the doorbell rang, and just in time too, for Bella dearest was about to hit both Edward and Jacob upside their little heads.

Bella rushed to the door and swung it open. To the person standing on the other side Bella looked like a homicidal maniac. Her hair had popped out of her bun and was sticking up on end for no apparent reason but Bella looked like Cruella de Ville from 101 Dalmatians. It should've been 191 Dalmatians though because the number 191 is so much better that 101. But yeah, that isn't the point.

A random girl named Kiwi stood in the doorway and stared at Bella, terrified. She peeped behind Bella's shoulder and saw Edward Cullen turn on the radio. The song playing was 'Nelly Furtado- Maneater'.

Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

And poor Kiwi, now scarred for life, watched, horrified as Edward Cullen began to swing his hips around and dance and sing along to that song.

Please Press Pause

Edward: ….I saw a Harry Potter music video for that song…

Bella: What's with you vampires and Harry Potter?

Me: I saw that music video too…

Edward: I liked it. –shmile-

Jacob: HEY! I'M NOT GETTING ANY ATTENTION ANYMORE! WHYY?

Kiwi: Bella. I think your boyfriend lost his mind.

Bella: I AGREE.

Me: -presses play-

The button 'Play' has been Pressed

Bella, well she could not handle Edward's sexyness while he danced to Maneater, so she ran over to where Edward was and shoved him out of the spotlight. Bella, being all weird and everything started to sing and dance to Gangsta, a song that the narrator of this story does not know.

I'M A GANGSTA YA YA A GANGSTA

I'M A GANGSTA YA YA A GANGSTA!!!

The narrator of this story L.C. FREAKIN' CANDLE, has at last realized that this is where we shall insert the sneak preview from a long ago….

Jacob stood up, "YOU'RE A DORK."

"NO YOU ARE!" Bella yelled.

"NO YOU ARE!" Jacob.

"NO YOU ARE!" Bella.

"NO YOU ARE!" Jacob.

"GUYS! GUYS!" Edward raised his arms and stopped the two from bickering.

"WHUT?" They both yelled at him, furious.

"You are BOTH dorks. Except me. I am MR. OH SO CHARMING. Because I am. I'm charming. Ya. That's right. I'M SO CHARMING THAT I KNOW THE SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE. Yup. FO SHIZZLE."

Please Press Pause

Bella: -presses pause- DID EDWARD JUST SAY 'FO SHIZZLE'???

Kiwi: -is completely terrified- I—I think he did…

Edward: You sang 'I'M A GANGSTA' so why can't I say 'FO SHIZZLE'?

Jacob: FO SHIZZLE MY GANGSTA PLAYA.

Me: Lessseeee….Bella's a Gangsta…Edward's a Playa….

Kiwi: Kiwi's scared…

Jacob: AND I'M THE CUTEST WEREWOLF EVAH –HAPPY-

Me: No. You are a –flips through clipboard- A Looser.

Jacob: Dangit.

Me: -sigh- -presses play-

The button 'Play' has been pushed

A mutated bunny rabbit ran through Bella's house, spotted Jacob and roared. This was perfectly normal though, because you see mutated bunny rabbits attacking everyone randomly on holidays…

"DANGIT MATTHEW! I TOLD YOU TO SLAM THE STUPID BUNNY INTO THE NEXT HOUSE THE NEXT HOUSE!!!" Sabrina Green from L.C.FREAKIN' CANDLE's story 'A Midnight Ride' ran through the broken house and yelled and pointed at the mutated bunny.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW HEAVY THAT THING IS??? IT'S A LOT HEAVIER THAN A BUNCH OF MONEY BAGS THAT WE STOLE AND DROPPED OFF AT THE POLICE STATION YOU KNOW." Matthew yelled, also from 'A Midnight Ride'. How the hell these guys got here, WHO KNOWS? Heck…Who knows anything anymore? This entire fan fiction defies the laws of science.

"OHMYGOODNESS IT'S A CUTE WITTLE BUNNY WABBIT!" Edward yelled, staring with wide anime sparkly shiny eyes at the bunny.

"CUDDLES YOU MADE IT!" Jacob screamed, throwing his arms around the extremely tall, fat, ugly, undead, mutated bunny.

Please Press Pause

Bella: -presses pause- That is CUDDLES?

Edward: I didn't know you had a mutated bunny rabbit….

Kiwi: I didn't know mutated bunnies existed.

Bella: I second that.

Jacob: It wasn't mutated before….

Me: Stupid freaking Matt and Sabrina, I told them not to use the mutated growing undead zombie potion on the rabbit. –mutters-

Jacob: ….WHAT?

Me: NOTHING!! –PRESSES PLAY QUICKLY-

The button 'Play' has been….
Me: SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!!!

Kiwi: Hey, Candlestick, be nice.
Me: It's L.C. Candle.

Kiwi: Eh. Whatever.

Okay, okay. HIT START ROBERT!

…………………..

…………………..

BETTY: I'm sorry, the narrator L.C.FREAKIN' CANDLE has seemed to run off screaming…. Ermm…. (-turns to Robert, the director 'What now?'-)

Robert whispers; UH…UH….UH….TELL THEM HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND UPDATES WILL BE MADE AFTER CHRISTMAS????

BETTY: Right. Okay. HAPPY HOLIDAYS. UPDATES WILL BE MADE AFTER CHRISTMAS.

-Everyone runs off stage in search of L.C.Candle-