Thanks a lot for all of your reviews over the last chapter. This chapter has taken a lot longer to get up than I would have liked. But today has been pretty hectic (I got an email off a US summer camp where I may be working in the summer, woo!) so I've had my mind all over the place. But I did manage to write on my mobile (despite the battery being so low I didn't think I'd make it home with it still on) and I'm just in the process of uploading the next two chapters to my computer to edit and finish off. So the next few chapters should be pretty quick up...

Note: I don't really know much about anti-depressants, but I have a friend who used to take some, so I'm basing certain aspects of that on her experiences. They may not be completely accurate, but I'm not a doctor, or a chemist and Google only tells you so much.

Disclaimer: I don't own Skins...if I did season 3 cast would be in it forever and ever.

The small pill went down easily and the water helped to wash it down. She hated taking medication, she hated swallowing something that wasn't really supposed to be there. She understood painkillers and antibiotics, but she didn't really get anti-depressants. They were cold, un-emotive drugs that left the taker a bare resemblance of the person they once were. The doctor said they would make her feel better and for the most part, they did. She didn't feel upset, she didn't feel angry and she didn't feel like she couldn't handle her emotions. After a week of taking them they began to make a bit of difference, but she didn't feel happy or able to deal with the problems in life. She didn't feel anything at all. Emily sat in bed watching Katie get ready for college. She wished she could have joined her, could have gone to start rebuilding her shattered life. But her mum had insisted on one more day in bed to recover from the virus.

-

"Don't forget to bring me back something to do," Emily reminded Katie, eager to find a way out of her boredom and worrying about not completing her exams, or at least thinking about failing. She thought about worry and how much time she had spent worrying in her life. It was an emotion she often disliked but she realised that on the grand scheme of things it wasn't so bad, it was better to worry than not feel anything.

"You must be the only person in history to want to do work when they're ill."

"You should try spending a week in hospital then being forced to stay home by mum."

Katie smiled, a look of empathy spread across her face and Emily was reminded of the broken leg she had suffered summers ago.

"If you think it's bad now, you should have seen her then," Katie laughed thinking about the same thing and Emily joined in.

-

It felt different to laugh; like her mouth was laughing along but her head was still trying to catch up on the joke. She didn't like it. Laughing was fun, it was something people enjoyed to do and she wanted to feel angry that she couldn't do it. But the pills got in the way of that too. She wondered if it was all in her head. When she was lay on the toilet floor of the club she wanted to be rid of every thought and feeling in her, now she was rid of them but the inability to feel the things that had almost drowned her scared her. If she really needed to feel, would she still just feel indifferent or would she be able to break free from her anti-depressant prison?

"I don't know if you're cut out for college" Katie mused, whilst applying her makeup.

Emily frowned, "what do you mean?"

"This is your second year and again right before your exams you're not here, well this time you're here physically, but not mentally."

"Thanks," Emily laughed again, the absence of feeling not escaping her.

"You know what I mean, don't you?" she checked and Emily nodded.

Emily continued to watch Katie go about her daily routine of makeup, hair and clothes. She didn't really want to watch her, she wanted to curl up in her bed and sleep, letting the world pass by like she had done weeks previous.

-

The week she'd spent in bed was a blur, she could barely remember it, probably because there wasn't much to remember except for the presence of Naomi in her bed. No matter how she had tried to deny any thought or feeling, Naomi had been there the whole time.

"Naomi is confused again" Emily whispered, making Katie look up from the mirror. "I told her where to go."

"Good, the bitch needs to stay away."

Emily took a deep breath "I loved her Katie, I know you never agreed with it but I did, still do, I love her."

Katie frowned, "You're not thinking about having her back are you? Don't be stupid Ems you did good letting her go."

-

Katie had finished reapplying her make up and had moved on to packing her bag with as many personal effects as she could carry, along with the bare necessities of college equipment and notes. Emily rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm not going back, not now; not unless something changes."

"So you're thinking about it?" Katie checked, not sure whether to slap her or hug her.

"It's not like that, I just don't know. I can't feel a thing, but if Naomi is willing to work then maybe...oh, I don't know, I just don't want to rule anything out."

Katie stared at her, "She broke your heart!"

"I know, but I cant help how I feel," Emily sighed.

"Don't do anything right now,"

"Wasn't going to, bed rest all the way," Emily rolled her eyes.

"I mean for a while, don't rush back into it or this will happen again."

"You don't know that," she told her defensively.

"Ems..."

"I'm not going to jump into bed with her the first time I see her, I'm not that stupid."

Katie finally left for college, leaving Emily alone with her thoughts. Katie was right, though Emily didn't usually admit it. Rushing into taking Naomi back was the wrong thing to do, it was too soon and ultimately would probably end in the same place they were now.

AN: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you can find the time to leave a small comment!