-Authors Notes-
Hello grown up Rachel. Yay, Rachel chapter. I think a lot of you will be satisfied with this chapter and I will give a small thing away, this will be the last time we see St. James.
So I can't actually tell you how much I enjoyed writing this chapter for that reason alone.
Anyway how is everyone? Good? Good!
As always drop me a review, I do so love to hear what you think. ALSO it's now like just over 3 weeks till new glee. Say it with me "YAYYYYY!"
Muchos love. Live long and Finchel.
-X-
"Rachel, over here!"
"Rachel! Rachel!' Two paparazzi called to her as she slipped into the car and her driver closed the door.
"The album hasn't even launched yet", Rachel said watching the photographers shrink into the distance out of the tinted windows.
David didn't look up from his phone as he spoke, "Yes but you're a up and coming star. The single is already making waves and it hasn't even been released, all of your broadway experience means people don't know what you'll do next. The album? TV? Movies? You're a wildcard".
"They sell pictures of anyone having 15 minutes of fame these days", Rachel sighed as she leaned back into the chair.
"You're not some hussy from a reality TV show Rachel, you're a talented performer with four years on some of the biggest shows on Broadway who is releasing an album and expanding her wings", her agent replied.
Rachel knew he was just trying to placate her but that was her agents job. To keep her happy.
The silence that had now fallen over the car was interrupted by 'Sweet Caroline'. Since every contact in her phone had personalized ringtones she instantly knew it was Noah but why was he calling?
"Hello Noah?"
"Hey Berry!" he exclaimed down the phone to her.
"I think at our age Noah you are more than capable of calling me Rachel. Anyway how are you? How's the family?"
"Yeah Yeah Rachel, everyone's fine. I've actually got one of them attached to my leg as we speak".
Rachel just laughed at the mental image of Noah Puckerman with a child dangling precariously from his leg.
"So Rachel I'm calling because me and Quinn, we're organizing a party in two weeks, for Schuester"
Rachel leaned her phone against her shoulder just to clap her hands, "for his 40th I assume?"
"Yeah but Quinn wanted to arrange a mini reunion, get his first and original glee club back together and all that. Quinn wants to do a number for him".
"Noah Puckerman I would be thrilled to come back to Lima for the party and a performance. I will have to coordinate with Quinn and offer my assistance in arranging a song to sing. I was after all co captain, a role I feel I metaphorically will always hold. What date is the party? I've been meaning to visit soon, oh it will be wonderful to see everyone again. And visit my fathers while I'm in town".
Rachel waited eagerly for a response, "Noah?"
"Sorry I must have fell asleep", he laughed down the phone. "Take a breath once in a while. Well anyway it's on the 20th which is his birthday".
"I'll probably fly in next week. Please send my best to Quinn and let her know I'll give her a call tomorrow, or maybe later".
"Oh she'll totally look forward to that. One more thing, do you still talk to Jesse?"
Rachel felt her face fall, it had only been a few months since she last spoke to Noah did he really expect her to be talking to Jesse by now? Or should she say Jesse speaking to her?
David tapped her knee, "Rachel honey are you ok?"
"Who's that?", Noah asked at the sound of Davids voice.
Rachel mentally slapped herself and regained her composure.
Nodding to David she replied to Puck, "That's David. No Noah, Jesse and I haven't spoken since... well since the engagement debacle. I fear he may be unwilling to join us for the soirée if he know's I'll be there. However I can try and contact him if you wish?"
"If you can, I know it'll be awkward but he was in glee. Let me know if St. Poofy Hair can come"
"It was nice talking to you Noah", she said seeing her apartment building come into view.
"You too Berry!", he laughed as he hung up the phone.
She looked up at David, "I guess I need to book a flight, I'm going home".
-X-
Rachel had fed the google monster within her for only a second, just long enough to ensure he still lived at the same address.
She slipped into jeans and a sweater before putting on her black converse. Rachel had decided to walk to his apartment which was only 6 blocks away.
Slinging her bag over her shoulder and closing the door to her apartment she slid her iPod into her pocket and on shuffle.
Rachel enjoyed quiet walks through New York, it was then she could fully appreciate the small details of the city that she loved so much.
Her iPod began to pump 'Hard to Say I'm Sorry' into her ears and she quickly skipped the song, for where she was going it hit too close to home. It being the song he had once serenaded her with to ask forgiveness.
Now it was she who needed forgiveness.
Rachel reached his apartment and turned off the music. She sat on the steps to his building for a few minutes giving herself a pep talk before entering.
She wasn't proud of entering his building with a key she still had but she figured she would make up for it by knocking on his actual door and she didn't want to risk him not letting her into the building at all.
"Rachel Berry, well I never!"
Rachel looked to the older woman collecting her mail, "Mrs Fignesse, how are you?"
"I'm fine dear", she returned with a smile, "I'm surprised to see you it's been, oh, what a year now?"
"A year last week", Rachel felt suddenly very sheepish.
The woman made her way to the elevator with Rachel and patted her on the arm, "Well you know I don't like to pry but I'm glad you're here. He's been a wreck, even now".
Rachel fought a smile because if there was one thing this neighbor loved to do it was pry.
They stood in the elevator in silence.
"Well Mrs. Fignesse, this is your floor, no?"
"Oh you remembered", she exclaimed as she walked out of the elevator turning for a moment, "but please tell me you're here to help the poor boy?"
"Bye bye Mrs. Fignesse", Rachel waved as the doors closed but not before she caught a glimpse of the dejected woman's face obviously upset at her lack of gossip.
Her conversation with the woman had not put her in a better mood about her current task. "He's been a wreck, even now", she repeated in her head.
Eventually arriving at his floor the walk to his door seemed longer than it ever had previously. Reaching the red door with its metal '35' screwed into it she felt her mouth dry up.
Raising her hand she knocked as loudly and firmly as her nervous body could manage.
"Yes?" he threw the door open and it sounded like he'd pulled it off of the hinges.
Upon seeing her Jesses face contorted in both anger and pain.
"No, no, no" was all he said as he made to shut the door but she placed one hand firmly upon it, pushing with all her might.
"I need to talk to you Jesse", the door was closing but very slowly with the full force of Rachel Berry pushing against it. He finally conceded swinging the door open, leaving her free to enter.
She picked herself up carefully from the door she was now leaning against and walked into the apartment she once almost lived in. It was a shell of what it once had been. Gone were the homely touches they had made together, which apparently, were a lot. Instead the apartment held the bare minimum, new furniture replaced that which they had picked out together, however on the wall there still hung a small picture of Rachel.
In the frame she had squealed with delight at finding as it had a gold star on it. The only difference was although the picture was still hung, the glass was now smashed and cracked.
The picture was the only evidence that someone still lived here, the rest of the apartment looking like a minimalist show home.
He sat in a chair at the dining table so she walked over and took a seat opposite.
"What do you want Rachel?" his voice asked bluntly.
"Well I am here for a reason of course but first I wanted to see how you are doing?"
He didn't break eye contact with her but his eyes did narrow, gone was the cheeky grin or cocky raised eyebrow from his face, replaced with heavy bags under his eyes and sallow skin.
"How am I doing? HOW AM I DOING?", Rachel flinched at his raised voice, "You broke my heart Rachel, you broke my heart IN FRONT OF EVERYONE WE KNEW! You used me, strung me along, treated me like your lap dog. I'm a joke Rachel, a laughing stock. The only person who didn't see that Rachel Berry didn't loved me was apparently me!"
Rachel although flinching, sat and took the yelling. It was a lot less than she deserved.
"I did love you Jesse, I..."
"Just not enough to marry me? You humiliated me and then moved on overnight. The next week you were working on a new show, new life, now a new album. Forgot about me in a heartbeat".
She felt the tears in her eyes but held them in, letting him blow out some steam.
"I didn't move on overnight Jesse, I channelled my hurt and pain into my roles, like a good actress does. And I did love you. You may choose not to believe that but I did, you just weren't the one. It didn't feel right, marrying you".
"Oh you're not just good, you're a GREAT actress Rachel, fooling me all those years", he let out a long sigh. "What did you come here for Rachel?"
"Actually it's trivial, I... I shouldn't have come you're clearly in no state to see me. But I meant what I said when I left. I hope that one day we can be friends Jesse because I'll always love you", she stood up as she spoke.
He slammed his hands on the table. "But you're just not 'in' love with me, right? No Rachel you came here, tell me the trivial thing you came here to say"
She didn't sit back down as she spoke.
"William Schuester. His 40th birthday is in a few weeks and Quinn and Noah are organizing a party with a reunion of his first glee club. They'd like to do a number in his honor. I came because you were part of that glee club and it fell on my shoulders to enquire whether or not you would be joining us?"
She searched his face for a answer before he spoke, watching him comprehend what she'd just said.
"New Directions? The club that tried to turn me away at first? The club that I transferred to FOR YOU! That even after I proved myself loyal to them, there were still certain members who obviously despised me? You came to ask me if I wanted to form a reunion with the worst decision of my life?"
She couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She didn't sob or moan, tears simply spilt silently down her cheeks, "don't say that. I loved you, I did. I defended you, never wavered from your side. They accepted you eventually, they were your friends..."
"Some friends. So many of them remained friends with me that they had to send you, YOU of all people to request my attendance?", he looked down to the woodwork on the table, "I think you should go now Rachel".
"Just... just tell me how I can fix this?", she begged.
"You've done more than enough Rachel. Please send my regards to the happy couple and my apologies that I will not be attending the festivities. I don't honestly believe I could stand to be in the same room as you for that long".
Rachel nodded, she had her answer. She couldn't say anymore as she couldn't bear to endure another onslaught of abuse for her previous mistake.
With a heavy heart she made her way to the door.
"Leave the keys", he said not looking up from the table.
She stopped and hung her head, digging the keys from her bag she placed them on the counter as well as a notepad. Scrawling a quick note she placed it under the keys before retreating.
She closed the door loud enough that he would hear she had gone since he had his back to her now and hadn't moved.
Rachel despite the tears and hurt, curiously placed her ear to the door. She heard his chair scrape along the floor followed by the ripping of paper and then a choked sob.
She slumped against the wall next to the door as she took a tissue from her bag and dried her face.
Closing that chapter of her life, with Jesse, had been a long time coming but seeing him today had done that. She couldn't have that argument with him or herself anymore.
She only regretted it her taking her this long to pluck up the courage to get the closure she so desperately needed.
Rachel jogged down the stairs and out of the door to the building letting the cool air hit her face all at once. It refreshed her in an instant.
She didn't walk home with a spring in her step but she had expected worse from her first exchange with Jesse in a year, so she did have some semblance of relief at getting it out of the way.
And as she got closer to home she remembered that she had to call Quinn about the song for the party.
Rachel assured herself, things could only get better from here.