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Chapter Fourteen – Nothing to Cry About
"… Well, your Daddy lives up on the hill.
Where he locks up all his pretty things, ha
He don't know I got the key, baby
I think I'll go and have myself a peek…"
– The Toadies
"Rosie I'm fine."
"Shut up."
"Rose really…"
"I said shut up."
Huffing, the red haired woman sat back on to the hospital bed she had been trying to get off of.
"It was just an accident, it could happen to anyone." Molly brushed off her emergency with a shrug.
Rosie shook her head. It frightened her beyond belief that her best friend had been hurt. Molly had always been so careful, but on that particular day the waiter at the presumably busy restaurant she had been eating at had made a mistake and forgotten that Molly had said she had a severe peanut allergy.
Rosie had arrived very early that morning, they had spoken briefly about what had happened as Molly had been wiped out but despite that she had made sure to double check that Maise was in good hands. The brown-haired mother had fallen asleep in a chair by the bed and woken up to the sound of the Molly wheezing and trying to get out of bed.
"Well, it can't happen to you Molly. I mean it." Rosie clutched her best friend's hand holding it to her chest and looking Molly in the eye. "Please, you have to be much more careful."
"I am! You know I am. But I can't control everything." The blue eyed artist huffed.
"Try to control this," Rosie's voice softened "… please. I need you. You help me think straight."
"That so?" Molly raised a quizzical eyebrow. "You called Ezra yet?"
Rosie let go of Molly's hand. Looking away from her friend, the brown haired woman clicked her tongue against her teeth, a pit forming in her stomach. "It's complicated…"
"I know it is. And you know he's the last person I'd ever side with, but think of the repercussions for you and Maise. This could get so messy. I talked to Nicola she told me she's sent you…"
"I know. How about we drop it?" Rosie said more with more harshness than she had meant to, taking a breath Rosie tried to turn the mood around "Besides I got enough to worry about with you getting yourself in to trouble."
"She tryin' to get up again." Molly's nurse, a woman with a deep Southern accent came in at just the right moment.
Thankfully, Molly let the subject of Ezra go, replying lightly to the woman she had seen most since being in the hospital. "Hey Sheryl. What's shakin'?"
"Well for one thing I have one patient who can't seem to stay in bed" the nurse said firmly, forcing Molly to lay back and pulling the cover back over the woman's legs.
"Thank you" Rosie stated to the dark haired woman gratefully, giving Molly a pointed stare. Rosie could clearly imagine her stubborn friend, half-unconscious the day before and still trying to get up. The blue eyed woman simply rolled her eyes and scoffed.
"All right sweetie, time for another blood test." The nurse pulled on some gloves and began prepping a needle from a nearby drawer.
Rosie blanched at that thought. "I'm just gonna turn this way." She spun on her heel to face the small window looking out on to the city.
"Such a baby…" Molly tsked.
"Hey!" Rosie turned back around without thinking "I'm not… not…" her hazel eyes were glued to the syringe stuck in Molly's arm, she felt her stomach churn.
"Uh oh." Molly's worried voice broke through Rosie's haze. "Rose sit down. Hey! Rosalyn! Sheryl you have to let me…"
Rosie's mind didn't really let her get to hear Molly finish. The need to get to the toilet overwhelmed her. Her cheeks blew up as she tried to hold it in. Sheryl seemed to anticipate it, as U-shaped bowl suddenly appeared under Rosie's chin.
Grasping the bowl tightly, Rosie released the scant contents of her stomach. "Ugh!" she groaned, spitting the acid out of her mouth once her bowels had been emptied. "Oh god." Her head throbbed, she squeezed her eyes closed.
"Suppose it's better than fainting again …" Molly offered sympathetically, adding as an afterthought "It's never made you throw up before though..."
"Yeah" Rosie still had her eyes closed, but she could feel the water building behind her eyelids, as she thought about it. It really didn't surprise her, with everything that had happened over the past months her stomach had been constantly unsettled. It wasn't helping that she had left her heart and soul in Charming with Jax, she trusted him but still… "Guess, I've moved on to being more nauseous lately."
"How common of you, at least fainting was dramatic…" Molly said with an evident grin in her voice, there was a long pause and she spoke again with the grin obviously gone "… hope you're not…"
Scoffing without lifting her head, Rosie smiled "I'd have to have sex for that, Mols."
"Still living celibate then?"
"Ye…" the smile dropped from Rosie's lips, her grasp on the bowl slipped when she raised her hands to her mouth. Her hazel eyes widened as she looked at her shocked friend. She could feel the spilled warm vomit seeping through the bottom of her pants.
"Rosie…"
Once again Molly didn't get to finish. She was interrupted by Rosie leaning forward and adding to the pile of vomit she had already dropped all over her feet. 'Such a mistake.'
'This was such a mistake…'
"Maise please stop." Jax sighed, as he changed Abel's diaper for what had felt like the twentieth time that day. Maise had been all but shouting for his attention. They had been staying in Rosie's house, mostly for Maise's comfort '… comfort…' he derided himself, 'that's why you've been sleeping in Rosalyn's bed too.' He pushed the thought out his head.
Rosie had called him from the road once she had calmed down a little. 'Cute wears out after 2 and a half days.' She had remarked.
At the time she was too far gone to come back and he had encouraged her to keep going. He was sure she would back before then anyway. But as the days passed by and one turned to four, he realized how much she hadn't been kidding.
Maise was as amazing as ever, but after nearly four days between her and Abel, Jax was in need of a break. That first day he had given in to each little request… sugar, staying up late, dressing herself… And that was enough for him. She was still his special girl but he had no problem being firmer with her.
He had to be.
It wasn't easy. Keeping them entertained, feeding them, washing them, getting them ready, he was exhausted at the end of every day in a different way than he ever had been before. 'I get why she's so pissed now…' though he wasn't exactly pissed, Jax could see why Rosie was more than a little frustrated when his trips took some unexpected extra time 'days, Jackson. Your 'extras' take days…'
It all required so much planning... going to the grocery store, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, handling the random outbursts and nodding along absently when he just couldn't listen anymore. 'At least Rosie thinks to call' Jax shook his head, gently grazing the scar on Abel's belly before closing up his son's onesie. 'I really am an asshole…' he recalled all of the instances he had not kept Rosie up to date on his schedule when he could have.
His phone buzzed on the changing table next to Abel. He picked it up 'Fucking Clay again' Jax felt his blood pressure rise at just the thought of his step-father.
"Jackie!" Maise jumped up and pulled on the arm that he was holding his phone in with all of her weight, causing him to almost drop it.
"MARGRET! Just give me a second!"
As soon as he had done it, Jax regretted it. Maise's face completely changed. Her posture began to slump and she withdrew immediately into herself.
She didn't bolt away or anything, she just sort of shut off. Pocketing his phone Jax attempted to fix what he had done.
"Little Bug I'm…" He tried reaching for her. As soon he did she flinched and ran away. "Maise!" Jax collected Abel into his arms and chased after the little girl, certain that she had rushed into her room. But the door to her bedroom hadn't been slammed shut and he was still having trouble finding her.
"Maise?" Worry spiked to a new high within him, he raced to the window in the bedroom to make sure it was still closed. "Maise! Please!" his heart rate began to pick up. "MAISE MAE ROE, YOU ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW!" His head was spinning as he sprinted to the living room and kitchen checking both of the doors leading outside. Abel gurgled and Jax jostled him against his chest. 'Still locked…' He went back to the hall. Turning on the light and checking in Rosie's room, Jax found nothing. He squeezed his eyes closed and tried unsuccessfully to calm his mind.
'What's that?' his head snapped up, he could hear the soft sound of mumbling.
"Maise?" he asked gently, following the sound coming from under Rosie's bed.
Lifting the dust ruffle he saw Maise in the bedroom's dim light, laying under the centre of the bed. She was clutching Jackie the purple cow close to her body and speaking into his ear. Her words were so soft Jax was surprised he had even heard her at all.
"Honey, come on out. I'm sorry…" he tried reaching his arm under the bed, as best as he could while holding Abel. "You know I'd never do anything to hurt you. I didn't mean to…" The girl simply scooted further back under the bed. His chest tightened, he was sure that he couldn't feel any more like scum.
"All right Maise…" Not wanting her to move too far out of his reach and realizing that his apologies weren't going to work, Jax sighed. He was annoyed with himself more than anything else. Tucking the dust ruffle into the space between the mattress and bed frame, Jax lay back on the carpeted floor, placing Abel on his chest and turning his head towards his sweet little girl.
He hated this.
He had blindly hurt her.
"I'll be right here sweetheart, you come out when you're ready." Jax watched her in vain. Maise seemed intent on ignoring him and talking to her toy.
The more he thought about it the more it disturbed Jax. Her reaction was something that was unsettling, it made him wonder. It was obvious that something more than his rash yelling had made her retreat so completely into herself. Even so, the fact that he had yelled at her to begin with made him feel like dirt and his sense of guilt was in overdrive.
'You are such an asshole, Jackson.'
Jax woke up to the sound of ringing, "Ahh…" he groaned, as he sat up, his back aching at the movement. Thankfully Jax had felt Abel snuggle into his chest before he gone to move, so he had a chance to make sure to hold his sleeping son properly. Taking a moment to look around, the blond biker recalled where he was. Ignoring the ringing, his blue eyes fell to where Maise had been. 'Had been' being the operative words.
"Maise?" he returned to previous panic. Neither the stuffed toy nor his sandy haired little girl were under the bed any longer.
Standing up he began yet another frantic search. This time though, he found her quickly, and relaxed completely when he saw that Maise had made her way to her own bed for the night. She had turned all of her bedroom lights on, and seemed to be resting peacefully. Flicking off the main bedroom light, Jax took in the sight of Maise surrounded by the glow of the fairy lights around her head board for a moment. She was so serene, it filled him with a rare sense of tranquility.
"Thank god" he sighed. Abel was still somehow asleep, so Jax strolled to the nursery to put the boy down, while answering the incessant ringing still coming from the phone in his pocket.
"Yeah?" The tired father abruptly greeted, once the baby was safely resting in his crib.
"Yeah?" Jax heard his mother scoff on the other end of the line. "You haven't been home for three... no four days and all I get is 'yeah'?"
Sighing and running a weary hand over his face he responded "You talk to me every day Ma."
"It's not the same. I need to see my grandson. When are you coming back?"
"I can't Mom. Not with Maise, you know that." He rolled his shoulders trying to get the kinks from the floor out.
"No one's gonna see." The lie Jax had told was starting wane. He had only done it to protect his mother's feelings from Rosie's real concerns, and maybe to spare himself a little bit from the headache of explaining. He had still gotten a headache anyway from Gemma, from Clay, from Tara... "Besides what's the difference? You've been out in public with her before." The older woman pressed.
"I just can't risk it." Jax replied, before adding "Not with Stahl hanging around too."
There was the sound of an unsatisfied puff of air "Jax, this girl is getting under your skin…"
"Maise isn…"
"I wasn't talkin' about her, baby."
"Mom. It's not…"
Then a sound came that chilled Jax's blood, it was a sound he never wanted to hear ever again, let alone once.
Jax ran to Maise's bedroom. "Maise!" She was weeping and shaking, somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. He knelt by her bed and tried to shake her awake. "Wake up sweetheart."
"Mommy" she whimpered. "Mommy…" her voice was so small, it broke his heart even further. He felt so helpless and that was a feeling he despised.
"Honey," Jax moved to sit on her bed when it became clear she wasn't waking up. He gathered her into his arms. "Honey don't cry. Jackie's here, Jackie's here…" he mumbled against her hair as he rocked back and forth. "Shush…" he lifted the frightened girl, deciding that walking around like he did with Abel might be his best bet. He wasn't really sure what else to do. The five year old didn't stop whimpering. Jax paced up and down the hall trying to hush her and cradling her close. "Shh…" his blue eyes fell to Rosie's room again, he thought of how Maise had tried to find security in there before. "Come on honey." He brought her to the room, hoping the familiarity would calm her down some.
She continued to sob, "Daddy."
He heart seized for a second. "Jackie, darlin', it's Jackie." He tried to correct her despite the strong urge not to.
She whined, crying out "Daddy" again.
Jax looked down at the little girl who was struggling to find comfort in his arms and he couldn't help but say "Yes, baby." He took a quick breath, before slowly saying "Daddy's here. Daddy's here. Nothing's gone hurt you, sweetheart. Daddy's here."
"Daddy," she clung to his shirt, settling more into his embrace.
Jax smiled in spite of himself 'This is not good. Rosie'll kill me…' though still, as he watched the girl begin to slip back into a restful sleep, it seemed worth it.
That was until another fuzzy voice broke into the scene from the phone that he was still holding in his hand.
"Are you kidding me, Jackson?" he could make out his mother's voice even muffled and from a distance, he didn't need to see her to know that her face had to be covered disapproval.
'This was such a mistake.'
Ending the call and turning his phone to silent, Jax ignored that other voice, the one in his head telling him he shouldn't be doing this. Maise nestled against him, drawing back his attention. 'Such a mistake…' He smiled softly to himself, smoothing a hand over his baby girl's sandy brown hair "Liar…"
Resting the girl on her mother's bed, he watched as she snuggled into the sheets. They probably smelled a bit like the road by this point, but she seemed to be soothed nonetheless. He saw her arm reaching out, clutching for her stuffy no doubt. He could see her bottom lip beginning to tremble again. Jax was about to run to her bedroom for her plushy when he spotted Woppy, who had made his way back to the still messy floor by the closet.
'Can't blame her…' he thought as he took in the unmoved mess, thinking of how little time or energy he had for anything but watching the kids and dealing with the MC from a distance nowadays.
Grunting slightly as he bent down Jax's eye caught on something. He picked the item up along with Woppy. He put the bunny by the girl, happy to see Maise was at ease with the stuffed animal in her grasp. He looked at her for a while, content in a way that he couldn't quite place. But soon enough his eyes drifted down to his hands.
Something in his gut propelled him to check. 'You're such an asshole' he repeated in his mind, as he counted the number of condoms remaining in the box that he had picked up off the floor. Once again despite the voice in his head Jax found himself feeling ridiculously light.
Only one had been used.
He grinned foolishly at the pack of condoms, feeling somehow victorious. She had been the one concerned about protection and she wasn't on the pill and there was no way she'd go without. 'Just me... just me…' he chuckled to himself.
Jax waited for the voice in his head to call him an idiot and say it was a mistake but it didn't come, he just kept on grinning. He plopped himself on the ground next to the bed, feeling pretty happy with himself.
Noticing the dust ruffle was still pulled up, he moved to put it back in place. Tugging the fabric out, he felt some resistance. Pulling harder he saw the corner of what looked like a stack of papers emerge.
Jax chewed on the inside of his lip for a minute. He glanced up at the sleeping girl with her mouth hanging open and thought of her mother, the box he was holding distorted as he mulled over the choices he had.
"Fuck it…" he pulled the bound pages out from under the mattress. "What the hell?" He dropped the box as yet another, in a seemingly endless line of unexpected bombshells, exploded in front of him.
Hope that you're all well and that you're liking it so far.
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