"Come on, Nepeta," Karkat said, grabbing her wrist before running off, barely catching the look of concern on Kanaya's face.

"Karkat, shouldn't we call a Lyft or something?" Nepeta asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah… yeah, do that," Karkat answered, his head spinning. God, everything was falling to shit. Why did life have to happen so fast, and why did his have to be a complete disaster all the time? Karkat took a breath. Maybe it would be okay. Gunshot wounds weren't always fatal.

By the time Karkat and Nepeta got to the hospital, Solomon already had a room and was being more than thoroughly examined, Dessie was trying not to cry on the phone with someone else, and Kankri was sitting aside, silent, his head down in his hands.
"What's happening?" he asked, feeling nothing but an overwhelming panic. Dessie hung up her phone, blinking her tears away.
"I-I-I walked in, and… oh, gosh, it was terrible. One in the shoulder, one partway through his liver… it's lodged. They need to take it out to prevent infection but they're worried about him bleeding out, and he already lost so much blood. God… Karkat, I'm so sorry, I should have been there, I could have…"
"What? No, no, Dessie, don't feel guilty. You're the one that got him here," Karkat said. Dessie sank into a chair next to Kankri, choking out a sob. Karkat didn't know how to handle it, but apparently Nepeta did, as she crossed in front of Karkat and gave her mother a hug. Dessie took a breath, steadying herself. "God dammit," she muttered. "Where's Meulin? Uh… Simon and your grandmother are coming, too." Dessie glanced back at her phone again, seeming more than a little frazzled, and very impatient. Karkat couldn't just stand there and watch her face anymore. He peered into his father's room through the window. It looked like he was stabilizing. The doctors were finishing closing up the wound on his shoulder. His hand went to the doorknob, hovering for a moment before he went inside. "Dad," he muttered to himself."
"He's stable for the moment," the doctor said. Karkat hadn't realized he'd heard him come in. Solomon let out a murmur. Karkat couldn't help but step closer, taking Solomon's hand in his own.
"Dad!"
"S'alright… been through worse," Solomon gave a weak smile despite himself. It was clear he wasn't totally lucid; Karkat was a little amazed he'd said anything at all. He turned to Dessie when she walked in the room behind him.
"Hang in there, love," she said.
"Dessie, do you… do you know who did this?" Karkat asked. "You said you walked up. Was anyone else there?"
"Muh… Dar," Solomon muttered. "Zahhak." And then he dozed off.
"What?"
"Mr. Zahhak was leaving as I drove up," Dessie answered. "I don't know if they'll believe me. It's my word against his."
"Wha- what do you mean; there's no evidence? No nothing?"
Solomon stirred in his bed, shifting a bit, and Dessie indicated that it might be better for them to leave the room. "Karkat, honey," she explained, "I wasn't there; I don't know if police did a thorough investigation. I don't know. There's a lot going on."
"Mom!" They both turned to see Meulin at the end of the hall. "What happened?" Karkat started pacing in the hallway as Dessie explained everything again. His phone went off.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: hey KK
TA: how're things looking?
CG: What, with my dad?
CG: Not good.
CG: He got hit right below the ribcage and it went through a vital organ…
CG: The kidney or liver or something?
CG: He bled a lot before Dessie got there.
CG: I don't know, I'm too panicked to remember most details.
TA: what do the doctors think?
CG: I don't know, dude!
CG: I'm getting all agitated even talking to you about this
CG: Pacing around the hallway in the hospital.
TA: shit dude im sorry
CG: Ugh
CG: It's fine
CG: You're just being a friend.
TA: i'd be lying if i said i wasn't curious though
TA: weren't your dad and my uncle simon pretty close?
CG: Still are.
CG: Dessie said he's coming soon.
TA: huh
CG: And Nana Rosa
TA: that makes sense

TA: hey
TA: do they have any idea what even happened?
CG: What do you mean?
TA: well he got shot… someone had to be behind the trigger
CG: Right, right.
CG: No, he hasn't been very lucid.
CG: He muttered something about Mr. Zahhak though.
TA: yeah, equius had to catch a ride home from Daniel
TA: which is weird
CG: Doesn't he have a fucking butler for that?
TA: yeah that's what's weird
CG: Huh. Noted.
CG: Oh shit.
CG: Doctor's back. Dessie looks… distraught.
CG: I have to go.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Karkat tried to listen in on the conversation as the doctor told Dessie what was going on. It didn't sound very positive. It was clear Kankri and Nepeta were trying to catch all the details as well, and Nepeta was signing everything she could hear to Meulin. The gist of it was that they were going to hold off on surgery for a couple days to see if his system would be fine without removing the bullet, but apparently it was doubtful because… more lead than normal bullets? Karkat wasn't sure. Simon and Nana Rosa arrived before too long had passed. Simon seemed very agitated, and Nana Rosa made a point to go into the room immediately, stroking a hand on Solomon's face as the rest of the Maryams piled into the hall. They were making quite a large crowd, up to 11 of them at that point. Kanaya hugged Karkat tightly, patting his hair a bit.
"Are you okay, Karkat?"
"As okay as I can be right now. How're you doing?"
"About the same. Is he okay?"
"I don't know… they're going to keep him here for a few days." Kanaya took Karkat's hand, clenching it tight.
"This family is a strong one. We can get through this."
Simon hugged Dessie, and then Malati hugged Dessie, and everyone was silent for a long time. Nobody knew what else there was to say; a family member was in the goddamn trauma center because someone broke into their house with a gun. Eventually, Karkat heard Dessie's voice again; she was talking to his grandmother.
"Um, Rosa, I hate to put you out, but do you think the kids could go with you tonight? I would prefer to stay here until Solomon is released, but I don't feel comfortable with them staying here."
"What? No, I want to stay," Kankri said. It was the first time he'd spoken all afternoon.
"Kankri, please, no," Dessie said. "Please, go home with your grandmother and get some rest."
"Dessie, with all due respect, you're not my mother and you have no legal authority to tell me what to do."
"Excuse me?"
"Not to mention I work here. I'm sure I could find somewhere to take a nap if my rest is really your concern."
"Kankri, don't be rash," Rosa said.
"Come on! I'm practically an adult, and if I want to stay I should stay, right?"
"You disrespectful little shit!" Simon shouted.
"Simon, please!" Dessie matched his volume. "This is a family matter. And we are in a hospital! I will not tolerate arguing right now. Please. I am stressed out enough; we all are. So can we all… please just cooperate? Kankri, fine. If you want to stay, fine. The rest of you should go; it's getting late and they're going to make us leave soon."
"If Kankri gets to stay, I want to stay," Karkat said.
"Karkat, I—fine. Fine," Dessie resigned much easier that time.

That weekend was exhausting. Hospitals were terrible, and Karkat hated seeing his dad in such pain. It was quiet and serious and sterile. Kankri and Karkat were fidgety and anxious, waiting to get more news, and when they fell asleep it was just as restless. Karkat fell asleep in his chair in the hall, and Kankri wandered off to pass out somewhere else with employee-only access. On Sunday afternoon, the doctors finally came back, talking to Dessie about putting Solomon in surgery that night. Karkat was beginning to get too tired to eavesdrop anymore. Dessie nodded a few times, then the doctor walked away and Dessie came back over to the boys.
"Okay, so… here's what's happening. Your father is going to be in surgery tonight… they're going to try to take the lodged bullet out of his liver, and patch everything up, and hopefully everything will be fine!" Dessie explained. Her voice cracked, a clear indication of what little hope she had. "And… then they'll release him tomorrow and we can all go home." Karkat frowned. She was trying too hard to convince herself; it wasn't at all convincing him. And the fact that Dessie was worried only had him worried, too. It didn't help that they couldn't go with Solomon when he was wheeled away into the surgery room; they couldn't say anything else to him. They just had to sit. And wait. As Sunday bled into Monday, and Dessie didn't say anything about the boys going to school—it seemed like a low priority at that point—Karkat's worry only grew. Kankri sat up in his chair as someone ran down the hall in the same direction Solomon had been taken, and got up and followed. Karkat glanced back and forth down the hall, and then followed as well.
"Boys, where are you going?" Dessie asked, and then she trailed behind them as well. Kankri seemed to know exactly where he was going, and the three moved through the halls faster than they had on any of the previous days. Karkat turned a corner to see Kankri arguing with the doctor to get access to the room, accompanied by the beeping of a heart rate monitor.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Vantas, I can't let you in there."
"You don't understand, that's my father, that's my fucking father!" Kankri shouted. Karkat had never seen him so vitriolic and angry—usually that was Karkat's thing. "Please let me in, I want to see him; I need to see him."
"Kankri, you don't want to be in there right now," the doctor repeated, softer that time, but Kankri stepped past her anyway—actually, it was more like shoving her aside—and went into the room. Karkat walked up to the doorway, Dessie behind him, and Kankri was standing at the foot of the bed, angrym bitter tears rolling down his cheeks as the doctors tried to staunch the bleeding from under his ribs. Solomon was struggling for breath. Kankri turned sharply to Karkat.
"Karkat you need to get out of here,"
"What? No! Why?!"
"Please, just go, Karkat, I don't…"
"Kankri, you're being stupid. He—"
"I don't want my baby brother to watch our father die!" Kankri shouted again. Karkat withered, then took a couple steps back, out of the room. With Dessie sounding so broken and Kankri shouting at him, things looked awful, and Karkat did something that, despite being part of a fairly religious family, he never did. Karkat got on his knees in the middle of the hospital hallways and he prayed.
"Dear God…" he murmured to himself. "That sounded so stupid. I'm… I don't know how to do this sort of thing. Please, my dad is a good person. He's always followed your rules; he's always done his best to do right by you, and he doesn't hesitate to admit when he's wrong. Don't take him away. I'm only just now realizing how he does what he does, and I want to be able to do that, but I can't if he's… I think people need him. People need him to unify them, to show them how to fight back. To show them how to be better. I need him to show me how to be better. He doesn't deserve… to die," Karkat felt himself tearing up. "Amen…" and he stood up, and slouched against the wall. He could hear the heart monitor beeping. Bee-beep. Bee-beep. Bee-beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Everything else inside the room was muted. Solomon was gone.

Nobody said a word on the drive home. Dessie was trying incredibly hard not to lose her shit while she was driving, Kankri was contemplative, staring out the window, and Karkat was… well, he was crying, just letting tears roll down his cheek. He couldn't bring himself to say anything or think anything else other than what was now fact. His father was dead.
Nepeta and Meulin came back from Nana Rosa's that afternoon, and were both told the bad news. Nepeta fell into a silence much like Karkat's, whereas Meulin started bawling as soon as she heard. Dessie spent the rest of that day on the phone. Karkat couldn't help but feel bad for her; having to explain over and over again to friends and family that Solomon was gone. She was the one who had to tell his best friend; she was the one who had to tell his sister; she was the one who had to tell his mother, for Christ's sake. Karkat couldn't listen to her crying on the phone anymore. He went upstairs, feeling simply numb by then, pointlessly booting up his computer.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has started memo: FUCK

CG: Hey everyone.
CG: So…
CG: Bad news…
CG: My dad…he…
CG: Didn't make it.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo

CC: Karkat, I'm so sorry!

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo
TG: fucking blows dude
CG: Don't be sarcastic, Strider.
TG: im not
TG: it may shock you to know that i am in fact
TG: capable of sincerity
TG: give me the benefit of the doubt dude
TG: instead of hopping all over me the minute i open my mouth
TG: all up in my business like youre trying to hop on my dick
CG: GROSS, fuck off.

Karkat hardly even had the energy to be angry.

TG: nah man the fuck is on
TG: your sympathy fuck i mean
TG: looking for one?

twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo

TA: wouldn't put it past him
TG: haha nice one man

Why were they always like this? Why were all Karkat's friends objectively terrible? He never asked for anything from them, and now, when all he needed was a little sympathy, all he got was a myriad of jokes and fucking around. It was more than a little infuriating.

CG: You FUCKERS!
CG: Stop ganging up on me, it's seriously not cool.
CG: I'm having an honest to God crisis.

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo

AG: Honestly, Karkat, when aren't you having a crisis?
CG: UUUUGH forget it.
CG: Why did I think I could talk to you assholes?

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: guys, come on
EB: karkat just lost someone important to him.
EB: i don't think it's the time for dick jokes.
TG: what are you like his boyfriend or something?

And Strider was back to his deflection; his "no homo" bullshit even though he'd already admitted he wasn't hetero either.

EB: dave, no.
EB: i'm not…
EB: i'm straight, dave.
TG: sure
TG: youre about as straight as i am
TG: but sure

CG: Egbert, PLEASE. I DON'T need your fucking help.
CG: Strider, SHUT UP.
AG: Soooooooo
AG: What exactly was the point of this group chat?
AG: Half of us aren't even online right now.
TA: man i wish i wasn't
CG: I was trying to get to that.
CG: I could honestly really use some moral support right now.
CG: So you're all invited to the funeral.
CG: Not that any of you will actually show up.
CG: Now leave me alone.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum!

All Karkat wanted to do was curl into a ball, but he couldn't even bring himself to get up and move to his bed. He started pulling at a loose thread on his sweater sleeve, finding some kind of satisfaction as it unraveled. It kept him from staring blankly at the computer screen, until another message popped up.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AA: hey karkat
AA: i know you want to be left alone right now
AA: but i just wanted to say im here for you
AA: ive been there
AA: and if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me
AA: ill be at the funeral and ill make sure sollux is there too
AA: just because some of them are being jerks doesnt mean you dont have friends to help you through hard times
AA: dont seclude yourself for too long
AA: it doesnt help

He hesitated before putting his fingers back on the keyboard. It was a bit odd to be hearing from Aradia, but any kindness was more than Karkat really expected.

CG: Thanks.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

Messages and calls came consistently from all of Karkat's friends, apologizing for his loss. School that week wasn't mandatory. Nana Rosa, Aunt Malati, Uncle Aarav, Kanaya, and Porrim came over one afternoon for tea and to console the family, despite needing some consolation themselves. Karkat couldn't bring himself to cry anymore. He'd been crying on and off for days. Kankri was surprisingly quiet as well. Karkat supposed he'd done his mourning already. Karkat made a rare appearance outside of his room one evening, walking quietly down the stairs to scavenge something from the cabinets for dinner, but he overheard Dessie on the phone again.
"I don't know how we're supposed to pay for the funeral, mother. We didn't have any life insurance. And that's not to mention the state doesn't know what to do with the boys. No, Solomon and I weren't married. I'm not their legal guardian. The next of kin would be Malati or Rosa. I'm sure the boys would be fine going to live with their cousins, but I… no, I just can't imagine losing them too. No, I know Solomon and I were only together for a couple years. I still feel like these boys are my sons. Well it's not as if they had a mother before I got here. I agree, shame on her. But that's not the problem right now. I'm at a loss, mother, I have to do all sorts of paperwork, and even if everything does get approved, I would need to start working more hours. Yes, that's why I'm so frustrated by this. I…" Dessie sobbed. "I'm sorry. N-no, you don't need to. That's so… Mother, please. Don't. H-hi, Dad. I told Mom, no, you don't need…" she sobbed again. Karkat felt uncomfortable listening in. He didn't realize money was so tight. "Th-thank you. Yes, it will help. A lot." Karkat had never met Dessie's parents. Apparently they moved to a different state when she went away to college, but he didn't doubt he'd be meeting them soon.

The funeral was the following weekend. It had been put together pretty quickly. Of course, Karkat had no idea what the average time for arranging a funeral was. Maybe two weeks was normal. Karkat sat in the front row, Kankri on one side and Jade on the other. Of all his, Nepeta's, Meulin's and Kankri's friends combined, Aradia, Sollux, Kanaya (duh), Terezi, Equius, Feferi, John, Jade, Dave, Rose—though she was there for Kanaya—Damara, Porrim (also duh), Latula, Horuss, Kurloz, and Cronus were there, among a ton of adults who knew Solomon for his charity work or efforts as a pastor or the myriad of other things he'd done. Karkat was a bit surprised so many of his friends had come, but also a little bitter that it wasn't all of them. He was also more than a little frustrated with Dave, but that was just a twinge of emotion in what was currently a raging shitstorm. He kept his head down while the pastor spoke, and Jade squeezed his hand tight. It was all generic anyway. What the family would say was what meant everything. Dessie took the podium next. As if she wasn't stressed out enough losing her fiancé, trying to keep the family together, and keeping in contact with the police for their investigation, she also insisted on writing a eulogy. She sniffled a bit before even speaking.

"Solomon Vantas was… one of the kindest, greatest people I ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was so inspirational to me, so influential to the word; how he was just… always trying to help whoever he could, always trying to make peace or find a diplomatic way around a problem- that was all he wanted to be. A diplomat. He wanted to make a better future for his kids, for my kids… Solomon was…" Her voice cracked. She was about to lose it. "…my best friend, and my first love. When we met in high school, I knew I'd found someone I could confide in. Someone I knew I wanted in my life. He had such an idealistic concept of what the world could be. And… oh, the way he lit up when we talked about how we could improve the world, leave our mark… and then we fell in love… and then… both left for different colleges. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to find him again, but I was. I swore I'd never lose him again. And yet, here we are. Solomon Vantas was… a great man, who did great things, and I will not let that be in vain. He may be gone, but the impact that he's had will be with us forever." Karkat was scrunching up his face, trying not to cry. He didn't want to cry in front of everyone. He didn't want to cry at all anymore. And then Dessie took a step down from the podium, wiping her cheek as she came down to the kids. "You all have an opportunity to say something if you'd like," she said, directing her attention more towards Karkat and Kankri than Nepeta and Meulin. Karkat shook his head no, instead letting his brother take the stand.

"My father was an ambitious, idealistic man. He was always trying to do something to help someone, and help this town. Someone I always admired, and from this day on I will be taking up his cause and do my best to be as he was. Thank you for everything, Dad." Somehow Kankri still managed to sound pretentious as fuck. A few other people from the community came up and said stuff about Solomon, and that was it. The coffin was lowered, Karkat threw his handful of dirt in, and it was over.

Karkat stayed quiet, standing by his chair as he watched the exchange lots of emotional hugs before everyone started heading off to the house for the reception. The last people to approach Karkat were Dave, who looked like he had some shit to say, and John, who had the most perfect sympathetic look on his face. Somehow, it still made Karkat want to punch him. Some things never changed.

"Hey," John said, placing a hand on Karkat's shoulder. Karkat could feel the morose frown on his face, and John looked at the ground for a moment. It was an awkward silence, until John pulled Karkat into a hug. Why did people keep doing that? But after a second, Karkat accepted it, leaning his head into John's shoulder and letting himself cry for the first time that day. He hadn't cried since the day it happened, but now that the funeral was over, everything felt so… so permanent, and John's hug was just so. Perfect. Warm, friendly, all-encompassing… it was everything Karkat needed in that moment, to just be enveloped by the walking embodiment of friendship. He just hoped John didn't notice him crying into his shirt. Karkat took a breath before breaking the hug off.

"Are you, uh, coming to the reception?" Karkat asked. He hated what an ass he'd been to John all year. The kid was nothing but nice.

"Um…no, sorry. Jade and I have to catch the bus home."

Karkat didn't say anything, but the look of guilt that flashed across John's face was evidence enough that his disappointment was obvious. "Oh. That's fine," he said, glancing at Dave before walking back over to his family. Karkat looked over his shoulder again at the two boys, very quickly engaged in conversation, as he walked away.

Karkat didn't want to deal with the reception. His house was full of essential strangers tossing around words of false pity. He hid himself away in his room, turning up some music to drown out his thoughts. A knock came on the door and Dessie let herself in.

"You should come downstairs," she said.
"No. I don't want to and I don't have to."
"Everyone just wants to make sure we're okay."

"Yeah right. They don't care about us. They just don't want to feel bad about not saying anything. It's a load of shit."

"Your friends are here… Aradia, Sollux, Feferi…"

"Not even Terezi could stick around…" Karkat muttered.

"You're in mourning. I get that. Come down when you're ready," Dessie said, walking back out. Karkat turned his music back up. "Title and Registration" was somewhat calming, until he heard the line "souvenirs from better times". Fuck, why couldn't he have any souvenirs from better times? Karkat spent his whole life lashing out at people, and isolating himself. Everything sucked. He changed the song. "Things We Lost in the Fire" came on. Well, the lyrics weren't much better, but Bastille's tone wasn't as dismal as Death Cab, anyway. Another knock came on Karkat's door.

"Go away!" Karkat called. The door opened and someone stepped in anyway. Dessie. "I thought I sa—oh, it's you." Aradia.

"Who did you think it was?"
"Dessie. What do you want, Aradia?"

"Oh, nothing," Aradia said, hopping onto Karkat's bed. She was uncharacteristically chipper. "Just wanted to be a friend and make sure you were okay."

"I don't need your help, alright? Just leave me alone to mourn."

"I'll let you mourn, but first let me say my piece. Listen; I know how losing a parent feels, and take whatever time you need, but you still have plenty of people around you to help you get through this. We love and support you. Your dad isn't gone either."

"Yeah he is."

"No, he's in your heart." Aradia smiled, and Karkat made a sound halfway between a scoff and a laugh.

"What is this, some Big Hero Six shit?"

"Yeah, except you're gonna figure it out faster than Hiro did."

"Or you?"

Aradia's smile faded a little bit, but didn't vanish. "Yeah. I felt… pretty dead there for a while.

Karkat furrowed his brow. "So… what are you now?"

"I feel… very much alive. And I intend to stay that way."

Aradia and Karkat weren't close enough friends to warrant a hug, but she patted him on the shoulder, and then left. Karkat took a breath. People… cared about him. He needed to get his act together. By the time Karkat felt composed enough to make an appearance, Aradia had left. He found Sollux lingering around and leaned against the wall nearby.

"Hey," Karkat muttered, feeling slightly less terrible.

"Hey," Sollux answered. "You okay?"

"No. But… I will be."

"What did Aradia say to you?"

"Nothing. Basically told me not to be an idiot."

"Well that's impossible," Sollux said, a tiny smile forming. Karkat laughed a bit. It felt good to laugh.

"Yeah. That's a hell of a girl you've got, Captor."

Sollux frowned at him. "Not my girl."

It was Karkat's turn to frown. Sollux was such a fucking idiot when it came to romance. He'd been blundering over his feelings for Aradia since the 6th grade. "You gonna do something about that or what? You know me, Sol, and you know I'm a romantic, so shut up and actually take my advice for once: date that girl. You love her, and she loves you. You know it, I know it. Now man up and make it happen. She's got a good heart. Wants what's best for everyone. I don't say this a lot, and maybe it's because of my own issues, but you two are perfect for each other. Gotta be honest, Sol, I could see you marrying her."

"Jesus Christ, KK, don't even talk to me about marriage yet."

"Fine. But ask her out. For real."

"Why are you pushing this so much right now?"

Karkat groaned. "Because, you never know what curveball life is going to throw. We can't waste time feeling sorry for ourselves, feeling sad and not acting because we don't think we're good enough, because we think we're too broken to deserve love. You and I are alike in that way, and the difference is that you actually have a chance. So take it."

"Are you going to take yours?"

"I don't know. Dave confuses me. And I'm in no shape for that right now."

Sollux was quiet for a moment. "Is that what Aradia told you? To take action?"

"Not exactly." Karkat paused, taking a breath. "She told me I can be sad—I should be sad. But I shouldn't let myself be alone in my sadness. She told me… people care. And if I need them, they're there. But… it's kind of the same thing. Isolation does no good. She's right about that much… Sollux, please. It would—ew, I'm about to get really sentimental, don't hit me. It would make me a bit happier to know my friends are happier."

Neither of them said anything for a moment, then Sollux smiled, laughed, and frogged Karkat in the shoulder. Karkat rubbed it, but smiled. "Hey! I told you not to hit me."

"That was nothing. Besides, it wasn't for the sentiment. It's 'cause you're right."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And, I'm gonna ask her out."

Karkat was glad at least one good thing came out of that day. Things were going to be okay. It was a little bit of relief when little things fell into place. It was still weird and depressing not to hear his dad humming around the house while he cleaned, or wake up to him and Dessie making breakfast, and Kankri was only more up his own ass about things, but the world didn't feel completely off its axis. But, Karkat was still surly. He couldn't help it, it was in his nature. He was getting really tired of the flowers being sent to the house and people bringing frozen meals over every two hours as if Dessie or Kankri weren't perfectly capable of cooking. Dessie was starting to work on adoption paperwork for Karkat so he could still live with her. Kankri was almost 18, so he didn't need to be adopted. It was pointless. The other thing that set Karkat off? All the asinine "sorry for your loss" cards and messages from people who didn't really care, or at least didn't care enough to show their faces. Karkat got one of those messages two days after the funeral.

adiosToreador began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AT: hey karkat
AT: i know you're probably getting a lot of messages
AT: i just wanted to apologize
CG: Don't give me that bullshit, 'sorry for your loss' speech I've been getting from every single person in town who doesn't actually give a shit
CG: My dad knew a LOT of people
CG: But none of them actually give a shit about me or Kankri or Dessie
CG: They just say it to alleviate some of their guilt
AT: no, i mean
AT: yeah, i am sorry for your loss
AT: like genuinely i feel really bad about it
CG: Yeah, could have fooled me
CG: You know, the one time I ask for ANYTHING from my friends, from you guys
CG: It was to show up to my fucking dad's goddamn funeral
AT: well
AT: that's what i meant
AT: i was messaging you to apologize for not showing up
AT: but i was in my operation
CG: Right.
CG: Guess I'm the asshole here now
AT: no you're allowed to be upset
AT: and i would have rescheduled if i could
AT: i know you're not the sentimental type and we're not really close
AT: but i'm here for you if you want to talk
CG: Yeah, well,
CG: Thanks
CG: Sorry I'm being kind of a dick about it.
AT: it's okay
AT: i think i would be acting the same way

Karkat couldn't really be mad at Tavros; that kid had a pretty shit lot in life, too. Karkat heard a knock on the door, and had to bring the conversation to a close.

CG: Tavros, you couldn't be an asshole if you tried.

CG: Anyway, I have to go.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering adiosToreador

He stood from the couch and went to answer. The first thing he saw was a giant fucking boquet.

"Oh no, not another one. Get this shit out of here! Do you really think this is what— " The person shifted the boquet, showing their face. "Dave? What the shit are you doing here?"

"Wanted to…apologize."

"Don't act like you cared about my father."

"Dude, I met your dad. Your dad was cool. But that's not what I meant. I mean, yeah, I'm sorry about that, it sucks and all, worse than a vacuum cleaner sucks up all the little carpet fibers and gets stuck to the floor. But… I meant about the relationship junk."

"Oh…that…" Karkat muttered. "Come in." He stepped aside as Dave came inside and thrust the flowers into Karkat's hands. Karkat went to the kitchen to find a vase, even though he was pretty sure they were all being used. "So… you ready to tell me what the fuck happened?"

Dave huffed, flopping onto Karkat's couch. "I know I was a huge wishy-washy pain in the ass. I'm…still trying to deal with some shit. But. I want to be… a thing. With you."

Karkat dropped the flowers in the sink, gaping up at Dave. "You… want to be boyfriends. Do you really think right now is the best time for that?"

"You said to talk to you when I was ready to explain; well, I'm ready to explain. And… to answer that question, yes. Er… no… I mean. I want to date you. And I want you to date me. And I want us to not date other people."

"Yeah, shitlips, that's what being boyfriends means."

"Okay, no, I mean, look. I don't handle affection well, especially publicly. But I want to get better, because I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am. My bro seriously fucked me up, and it's like, I gotta be manly, and tough, and… fuck, do you know how exhausting that is? Like yeah it's chill to not be straight in theory, but when I try to actually do things… it's all this toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny and shit that Rose used to say that I thought was a bunch of bullshit, but it's real, and it's in my head and I know I let it get to me and I fucked up. Cause like, Karkat, I gotta be honest, I liked you the first time I saw you. That day on the beach. And this entire thing has been the person I want to be fighting the person I thought I was supposed to be. So, I didn't want to hold hands in public, I didn't want to do all that fluffy shit, and putting a label on us really freaked me out. But I want to make this work, because I do… really like you, and I hate this shit, and I know I'm absolutely rambling right now but I had to get this out there, once I understood what was happening. So, if you want to give me another chance, maybe we can, like, ease into things? In public, anyway. I'm all for the makeouts behind closed doors. Because it was never that I didn't like you or you weren't good enough. I just didn't know how to handle my own feelings."

Everything clicked into place the more Dave talked. Of course he would pull away. Of course he would be all cagey. Flirting was easy; commitment was hard. "Look," Karkat finally answered, "you know I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now too." He paced over to the couch and flopped down beside Dave.

"Of course you are. Your dad just died."

"Well, Dave, I… still like you. I never stopped liking you. I was just put out for a while. But now that I know why… well… okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. I want you to be comfortable. No titles until you want it. Not too much PDA. We can work our shit out together."

"So…"

"So we're dating now," Karkat said. "And you can start by holding my hand." He slipped his hand into Dave's, not expecting anything more than that in the moment. Dave flicked his sunglasses up, letting his red eyes meet Karkat's red eyes, and then Dave kissed him on the lips once again.