Chapter 14: Truth

Third Age 3020, March 16

Rivendell

-Rachel-

That was the most painful thing I had done since leaving Edoras. I couldn't believe what I had gotten myself into and I certainly didn't think Kelleth would take it that bad. I fed Winnie a second carrot. "Am I a bad person?" I asked her. She did not respond, being a horse. She simply nuzzled my face with her nose, wiping away the tears there.

Kelleth's mention of stress, frustration, and worry had me remembering the very same words Thèoden had spoken to Éomer as he sat by my bed after Pelennor. He hadn't known that I was awake. His prediction that day had, in fact, come true. I had surely brought him little more than stress, frustration, and worry. And my heart broke as I had made a promise to myself to not let that be our fate. For how could my recent actions have spared my love those tortures?

I composed myself and walked back to Elrond's house. Claire only had time for a quick hello before Elrohir shuffled her out of my room and to his father.

When I got back to my room, Legolas was there, as always. His father had sent him to Rivendell after he sailed away to the Undying Lands, leaving Mirkwood to diminish. Legolas was not ready to sail just yet.

"Did you talk to the Ranger?" he asked me as I sat down in a chair.

"I did. He was…displeased with what I had to say."

"So you broke his heart."

"His heart is only bruised. He did not truly love me. It was a dream in the back of his mind. An infatuation."

My Elf friend smiled. "I do not think you understand the effect you have on men."

"Men hate me."

"If Éomer were not so protective, you can believe many men of the West would have attempted to woo you, Rachel. You do not give yourself enough credit."

"You don't try to woo me," I joked, wanting to change the subject.

"My heart does not need companionship when my race is diminishing. Truly, I have all I need in this world through friendship."

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," I called.

Claire walked through, looking disheveled from her ride to Rivendell and extremely tired. "Hey, Legolas," she said.

"I am pleased to see you, Claire, but I suspect you two have much to talk about. I will return with an evening meal for the three of us." And he left the room.

I sunk into a chair, Claire following me. "What the hell is this big secret no one will tell me?" I asked her.

She was absentmindedly stroking her thigh. "I could ask you the same thing. Elrond was acting weird when he mentioned you, and Kelleth said something about you being under Elrond's care. Where is Éomer? Why isn't he with you?"

"I asked you first."

"No way," Claire said. "If I tell you my news, we'll never make it to yours. There's no way it's bigger than mine."

"Wanna bet?" I joked. "I'm pregnant."

Her jaw dropped. "But…I thought you had PCOS."

"Which made conceiving unlikely, not impossible."

Her eyes moved to my stomach. "So…there's a baby in there?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, I guess there is."

"So you ran then? From Éomer?"

I shook my head. "I only found out about the baby a week ago."

"Then where is he? It is his, right?"

"Yeah, it's his," I snapped. "Who else do you think I've been sleeping with?"

She held up her hands in defense. "Sorry. It's just…you're here alone. Ever since your induction into the Riders, you two have been inseparable. I won't lie and say rumors don't travel fast. People are saying you're the next Queen of Rohan."

I was so tired of explaining this to people. The brothers, Legolas, Elrond, Elladan, and Elrohir. "I left. I was scared. Now I can't go back." I tried to get it out as simply as possible. I assumed it was pregnancy hormones that were making me cry all the time. I didn't want to do it again. "The reasons why I left are complicated. I'm still trying to reason with the fact that I actually did it. Can we not talk about that?"

She looked unsatisfied, but she did not pry. "I guess you wanna know my secret then?"

"Seriously, Claire. The suspense is killing me."

She took a deep breath. "Please don't freak out. This is the kind of thing that would freak you out and I don't want to hurt the baby."

"Claire if you don't spit it out—,"

"Four months ago I was in the Tuckborough Woods looking for the Entwives. Merry, Pippin, and I have been searching for them since we got to the Shire after the coronation."

"I know, you told me at the last check in when you visited for three days then took off."

"Yeah, you and Éomer are disgusting. Can you blame me?"

"Please don't talk about him," I said, wrapping my hands around my stomach.

"Sorry," she paused, still stroking her thigh. "I was attacked in Tuckborough by a group of Orcs. Merry and Pippin weren't with me. They shot me with an arrow. That's how I met Kelleth, Alanric, and Trover. They were tracking the Orcs and they saved my life. They took me to Tom Bombadil—,"

"Tom Bombadil!" I said. "That's so cool."

"Yeah, he's great. Maybe I'll take you to meet him." She paused, briefly. "Anyway, the arrow they shot me with was tainted. Tom didn't know what the poison was. He worked for days to find a cure, but the only thing that numbed the pain was atholas. I sent Kelleth and his brothers to Aragorn to ask about the poison. He—he said it's called violeth. And there's no cure. He guessed I have two years left."

I looked at her, not comprehending her words. "W-what? What do you mean two years?"

She sighed. "I'm dying, Rachel. I didn't want to tell you or Kristen. It's why I didn't send the brothers to check in at Ithilian, like I was supposed to."

"So you used Rosie and Sam's wedding as an excuse to avoid us when you've only got two years left?" I don't know why I was getting so angry. Damn hormones!

"It's not like that. Kelleth only told me Aragorn's message three days ago when he found me in Bree. It's why I had to see Elrond as soon as I got here. I came here after I sent the brothers away. Not even Elrond had a cure. He granted me passage on the Last Ship to leave Middle-earth with Galadriel, Celeborn, Gandalf, Bilbo, and Frodo. I'll go to the Undying Lands and the poison won't spread."

"Claire," I hesitated. "I—I don't know what to say."

She smiled. "You don't have to say anything. Let's not focus on this. My problems are arbitrary. I want to help you."

"Why? I'm not dying, I'm having a kid. There's got to be a cure."

"Elrond has been searching for three months. If there can be a cure, he will discover it. There is nothing I can do. It's out of my hands." She paused, her eyes moving back to my stomach. "I wish you'd tell me what happened."

I sighed. After what she told me, my problems seemed like mere snags. I owed her the truth. So I explained why I left. And why I could never go back now.

"You can't think he won't come after you," she said.

I shook my head. "He would have found me by now. Or at least sent out scouts to bring me back. It's not like I didn't leave a trail. There is so much more I could have done to cover my tracks. Subconsciously, I kept it conspicuous. I hurt him too much. He won't want me back."

She shook her head. "I think you're wrong. But whatever. I can't say I agree with what you did, but I get why you did it. What did Thèoden say?"

"Thèoden is the one who asked me to break it off," I said. "Though, it was for different reasons. He didn't know about the PCOS. Éomer didn't know about the PCOS."

"Then why did Thèoden ask you to leave?"

"One of his advisors told him the people wouldn't accept me as queen, since I wasn't of Rohirric blood."

"Bullshit," she scoffed.

I nodded. "Yeah, but he could be right. There are so many villages in Rohan. Who's to say that the outer lying people have different opinions than the ones in Edoras or Aldburg?"

"Well, I can't argue with that." She paused. "Does Kristen know?"

"I haven't told her. Though, it's entirely possible Éomer went looking for me in Ithilian. Where else would I go?"

"You'd come to me, naturally." She stood up from her chair and pulled me into a hug. "I'm so glad I found out first! I thought living so far north would keep me out of the loop."

"There's no such thing as the loop," I said, hugging her back.

"So what are you going to do? I've seen girls in the village get pregnant out of wedlock. It's never pretty and it's hard for them to make money."

I sunk back into the chair. "It's so weird, but I haven't worried about money since we were home. The royal family had buckets of it and no taxes to pay."

Claire rolled her eyes. "Poor little rich girl."

"We've given you stipends!" I defended.

"I was only joking. But, seriously Rachel?"

I sighed. "I guess I'll try and find a way home."

Claire shifted uncomfortably. "Rachel, there is no way home. When I first came here, before the coronation, I asked it of Elrond. He said the Valar are the only ones who hold the knowledge on that kind of magic."

My spirits fell. "And the only way to get to the Valar is to sail to the Undying Lands."

She nodded, her face somewhat somber. "But, hey! Sam's wedding is in two weeks. You should be my plus one!"

"I don't know," I said hesitantly. "I don't think I'm in the mood for a wedding right now."

"But this is iconic! You can't miss the wedding of Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton! And you can see Merry. He never shuts up about you."

I sighed. "I guess it would be nice to see Merry."

"Yes!"

Third Age 3020, Late March

The Shire

We traveled to the Shire very slowly, as Elrond had advised. He was worried about the baby. My morning sickness was still very much a thing and my breasts felt like they were on fire, but I refused to complain to Claire. She was the one dying, not me.

The Shire was absolutely beautiful. There was still a nip in the air, but the sun shone brightly for us on our arrival. The greenest grass you had ever seen cascaded over the small rolling hills that held little Hobbit holes. Farms larger than I expected had all been planted anew for the upcoming spring and the smell of the fresh earth was, luckily, one my stomach could tolerate. When we got nearer Hobbiton, many of the small creatures came out of their holes to catch a glimpse of us "big folk".

"I thought Aragorn had banned anyone who wasn't a Hobbit from entering the Shire?" I asked Claire.

"He did, but I had already set up camp in Tuckborough when that decree was passed. Plus, Merry, Pippin, and I had made all of these plans. So Aragorn left it to the Thain of the Shire to decide if a big person could enter. Pippin's father is still Thain, so it wasn't hard to convince him that I'm trustworthy."

"And he won't try to bludgeon my head with his hairy foot when he sees a new stranger?"

She laughed, turning down a road. "Like their feet could reach your head. You're with me, Rachel. Don't worry."

I made Windfola follow Arrod as Claire led us to the door of a hole. She hopped of her horse and I followed. She gave three brisk knocks on the door, which was opened by a familiar face. "Lady Claire, you've returned!" Merry greeted jovially.

Claire bent nearer his height to give him a hug. "It's been a month, can you believe it? And I brought a friend."

Merry peeked over her shoulder and his eyes landed on me. "Lady Rachel!" he practically screamed, letting go of Claire and running into me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I laughed and sunk lower to his level. "It's so good to see you, my old esquire."

"Is it true you're the second-in-command to Lord Elfhelm now?" he asked.

"Yes," I lied. "I was lucky enough to get furlough to come visit Claire. I didn't know there was to be a wedding. I hope it's okay that I showed up uninvited."

"We're Hobbits! The more the merrier!" he practically yelled. His enthusiasm was infectious. "Does anyone know you're here?"

"A few saw us arrive. We haven't actually spoken to anyone."

"Come then. We must find Pippin!"

The remainder of my day was spent greeting my Hobbit friends. Sam was absolutely ecstatic I had come, even though he and I barely knew each other. Frodo was very polite and welcomed me as well, asking about Kristen. I told him she and Faramir were married now, which bit at the still-festering wound in my heart. Pippin just wanted us to eat all day.

The accommodations in the Shire were obviously not built for big folk so Claire and I made camp at the edge of the Old Forest near the Brandywine River. I didn't think anything in Middle-earth could still surprise me, but after visiting Rivendell and the Shire, it rekindled some of that magic that I thought had left.

The wedding was beautiful. Millions of flowers flew through the air as Sam and Rosie kissed. It wasn't quite as painful to attend as I thought it would be, but my heart still ached. I had kept my running away a secret from the Hobbits, not wanting to ruin Sam's big day. As far as they knew, I was still under Éomer's courtship and a Rider of Rohan. They certainly didn't know I was pregnant.

"When do you think you'll start to show?" Claire said to me at the reception. I had been offered a small tankard of ale, but refused. I doubted the people of Middle-earth knew the side effects of drinking while pregnant.

"You know, I'm not a pregnancy expert."

She chuckled. "You're about to be."

"We shouldn't talk about this here. Let's just be happy for Sam and Rosie."

She stared into her drink. "I think you should tell Merry. I heard him say something about accompanying you back to Rohan for a visit. He's still an esquire."

"If he asks, I'll tell him I'm not due to return for months."

"It's going to look weird, Rachel. Thèoden is dying. All of Middle-earth knows it. And you're his ward and not there to be with him when he passes."

"Can you please just stop talking about this," I begged, feeling the tears coming on. "I know I did the wrong thing. I probably shouldn't have come here with you. I'm almost seven weeks pregnant and these stupid hormones have me all out of whack. I'm so tired I feel like I'm going to pass out at any moment and the smell of that pumpkin soup has my stomach rolling in ways stomachs shouldn't roll. Not to mention the stupid cramping." All the things I promised myself I wouldn't complain about came rolling out of my mouth like the stupid morning sickness. "Thèoden was like a father to me. I know his time approaches. He could be dead right now and I wouldn't know it. And that pains me more than leaving Éomer. Please stop trying to make me feel guilty so I'll go back. I can't go back."

She looked shocked at my outburst, but nodded softly. We went to bed that night with this animosity between us that I thought had passed since the war. I guess it was still there.

We left the Shire three days later, both in dejected moods. Merry never asked me to return to Rohan. Our trip back was even slower than before and accompanied by the side-effects and horrendous cramping. As we crossed over the ridge to Rivendell I was exactly eight weeks and four days pregnant. It was then something went wrong.

Erika: Have no worries about me continuing! I've already written two of the four books Awakening will contain and I've started the third. And thank you for the compliment! I'm glad to hear this is at least somewhat realistic.

Leb: The whole point of the Undying Lands is that i literally keeps you from dying. That's why Frodo goes with the Last Ship: because the wound he sustained from the Morgul Blade would have eventually claimed his life. You can only die from old age, unless you're an Elf. So Claire wouldn't necessarily need to go back to Earth just yet. She just wouldn't be able to live on Arda so far from the magic of the Valar. I hope this chapter clears some of that up!

As for Kelleth coming back...we'll just have to wait and see ;)

gginsc: Kelleth is a pretty proud guy. How could you not be when girls like Amaril are fueling your ego. Thanks for the review!

anadethel: How could Rachel not stay with Eomer? Lol, I liked Kelleth too. But don't worry, I hate leaving loose ends untied.