A/N: I'M BACK!! Welcome to another OT5 story of mine. Please read and review

Summary: It wasn't his fault. It never was but one wrong turn destroyed everything. Love was never his forte. As he shields himself from the world, he found someone to hold onto...but will he be able to fight for this person against them, against the memory, against the desire...?

Disclaimer: I don't own POT...though I wish I did so that Ryoma and I can live happily ever after!!

PS: "" for dialogs, '' for thoughts, italics for flashbacks, dreams and memories and bold for foreign, wired or text conversations.

A/N: Shall I kill Xander? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...let me think about it ok? XD

willwillwill

Unable to get any shut-eye, Xander busied himself with the necessary items that he needed to bring with him to America and those that he needed to hide from everyone.

"Ok let's see...past medical records, annual executive check ups, pervious laboratory results...what else?" He muttered as he stuffed everything into his suitcase. He closed his eyes and sighed.

'The changes in my blood work are slow. This means I have ample amount of time to reverse it.' He slumped back on his bed. 'My Thalassemia was cured yeas ago. My parents said that the bone marrow transplant was a sure thing.' He bit his lips.

"Damn birth defects." He muttered. He opened his eye and glanced at his bedside table, to Ryoma's picture. 'Just when things are getting brighter and brighter for me.'

willwillwill

It was like waking up to a nightmare...only relieving it in broad daylight. Tezuka forced his unwilling body to rise from the bed, knowing that it'll be another day of torment. He grudgingly took his glasses from the nightstand and put it on.

"Mitsu?"

Tezuka didn't move. He couldn't move. The weight of misery in his heart was causing his body to lag. 'Was there any scientific explanation to how such a purely psychological stressor could cause much damage to one's physical being?' he asked his self.

'This is one of those moments where I wonder why medicine and science couldn't probe deeper into the emotionality of a person.'

"Mitsu."

This time, his arm muscles twitched to acknowledge to one calling to him. "What is it?"

The bed shifted and a pair of warm limbs wound around his body. Tezuka willed his body to relax as he entwined his fingers with his captor's. "You're up early Syusuke." He muttered.

Fuji, who noticed or rather sensed Tezuka's tensed silence, buried his face into the nape of his neck. "The last time you emitted such morose aura was the morning after Ryoma took off two years ago."

"Really?" Sadness flashed in those hazel orbs. He took in a deep breath. "I didn't even notice."

Fuji placed a kiss on his neck. "Talk to me Mitsu. We all are suffering. We're almost falling apart. Share your pain with me."

Tezuka's lips curved up into a sad smile. "I was wondering how the physical body copes up with non-tangible stressors like heartache and such."

Fuji let out a light chuckle. "And what did you find out?"

Tezuka moved until he was the one holding Fuji inside his embrace. "Nothing. All those years studying the human body and its functions failed to explain why my body is reacting this way." He noticed that the remaining sleeping bodies next to them roused into wakefulness.

"This is one of those times when I curse science to being unable to comprehend everything."

There was a curt knock on the door.

"Keigo? Are you awake?" came Xander's voice from the other side of the door.

Tezuka glanced at Fuji before prodding at the diva. "Your cousin is asking for you." he muttered.

Atobe sat up, bleary-eyed. "Come in." He said while rubbing his eyes. The door gently opened and in came the redhead, looking like he endured a rather sleepless night.

"I'm sorry for bothering you so early in the morning—" Xander muttered as he watched Sanada sit up.

"It's ok Xander." Sanada told him, causing the redhead to smile shyly.

Xander composed his self as he tried to fight back the sleepiness that's finally trying to claim him after it so graciously evaded him last night. "I was just hoping if I could talk to you about the winery Keigo."

Sensing how tensed his cousin seemed to be, Atobe made a move to get out of bed. "Sure thing. Give me a minute or two and I'll be right back." He said before disappearing into the bathroom.

Xander let out a sigh of relief before he settled into one of the chairs by the window. "Did you sleep well last night?" The question was directed towards the three of them.

"Well it's rather understandable that we felt a bit...awkward. It is our first night here." Fuji made a move to get out of bed.

Xander nodded and turned his gaze past through the window. "I'll be fine here. You can tend to your morning rituals." The glassy look on his eyes made them feel uneasy.

"I'll be right here waiting."

will

Sweat dripped down his face and unto the soil beneath him. He woke up well before the first rays of the sun peeked past the clouds of the night. For some unknown reasons, he felt restless and the unexplainable burst of energy compelled him to continue working on his new garden.

"But by the looks in your eyes, it is very obvious that you still feel something for your former lovers. I'm not blind or stupid Ryoma. I'll bet that even Richard could feel the desire radiating from you every time you happen to look at them."

He collapsed on the ground, exhaustion finally claiming his body. He buried his heads between his outstretched hands that he propped on his bended knees. "D-damn Ryoga...how nice of you to slap the reality to my face."

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the dark comfort it gave him. 'Desire being present or not...I couldn't just go back. I simply can't walk right back into their welcoming arms after they so easily pushed me away.'

"Yuki-kun called in today. The French Open is fast approaching and his coach, Kirihara Akaya proposed a joint training."

He bit his lip hard. 'Seiichi is coming...to play tennis nonetheless. It's bad enough that I'm clashing against my former lovers behind my current lover's back, now him?' He threw his head back to stare into the bright horizon.

'Is there someone who is out to see to it that I get tormented every minute of my life? I don't deserve this! I only wanted to be happy.' He gave up and completely collapsed on the ground.

"My life sucks."

will

It took surprisingly fast for Atobe to finish up and go back to his awaiting cousin. He would usually take minutes to hours inside the bathroom.

"What is it that you would want to talk to me Xander?" He asked as he settled in front of his dazed cousin. A second later he heard his lovers coming out of the bathroom as well. "Would you prefer to talk in private or—"

Xander snapped back to reality. "No it's ok. It's nothing really personal. They can stay." He turned and smile at the three. Silence reigned inside the room as Tezuka and the others settled down.

Atobe's forehead furrowed at he studied Xander closely. His shoulder seemed tense. He kept on wringing his wrist. He kept on biting his lower lip. It's easy to conclude that something big was bothering him.

"Ok. What is this about?" Sanada's voice, although a whisper, seemed to bounce off against the walls.

"Well," Xander took a deep breath. "First I want to know how long will you be staying. I'm not being rude or something but I do know that you are quite the busy type of people."

All four of them eyed each other awkwardly. The duration of their stay was clearly not discussed clearly among them.

"Maybe a week or two." Fuji told him. "We just wanted to—"

"Oh great." Xander's relieved whisper caught him off guard.

"Great? Why?" Tezuka asked.

Xander looked straight to Atobe. "Nothing. I mean..." He took another lungful. "...it's great that you'd be staying for a while. There is actually a favor that I would like to ask mainly you, Keigo."

Atobe leaned in. "What is it? Anything Xander, as long as I find it within my power and ability, ask me anything."

Fuji's eyes narrowed just a bit however it was obvious enough to Tezuka's and Sanada's eyes to catch. 'Another sigh of relief. What the hell is going on?' He mused.

Xander toyed with his watched for a few seconds, trying to reorganize his scattered thoughts.

"Xander."

'I wonder if it'll be alright to leave Ryoma into Keigo's care for a day or two.' He mused as he stared off into space once more.

"Xander!"

His eyes blinked and refocused on the worried faces before him. "Oh I'm sorry. I wasn't able to get a shuteye so I'm probably spacing out." He chuckled. "Ok back to the topic." His eyes flicked nervously back to his cousin. "I would like you to look into the winery's financial status."

Now Atobe's curiosity needed to be fed. "Xander, are you is some kind of trouble—"

"No, no!" Xander shook his head vehemently. "I'm not in trouble or something. I just want your opinion regarding the business. I mean, who could best evaluate a business if not an Atobe?" He smiled at them.

Atobe sat back and crossed his arms. "Are you sure?"

Xander was out of wits to say. 'He can't, as in absolutely, cannot know about the letter or the check-up.' He took in a couple of lungful to gather his thoughts. "Ok actually Richard and I are flying to Boston this evening to meet with a possible clientele. There is a long-standing offer of importation of wine and I'm going to test the waters."

"Why now?" It was the first thing that came out of Tezuka's mouth.

"Well, the meeting was scheduled two weeks ago but I cancelled due to the deaths of Ryoma's parents. Ryoga was still out of town, training, and no one was really there to be with him throughout the ordeal." Xander wanted to bite his tongue but resigned to the fact that he was partly honest regarding the whole thing.

'I can never really leave Ryoma unless it's life and death situation...and NOW is a life and death situation.'

Sanada couldn't help but mentally scowl. 'He did so much for Ryoma...so much that he almost deserved him.'

"Ok, ok I get it." Atobe sighed. "I will look into this. How long will you be gone?"

"Oh thank you!" Xander beamed at him, breathing easily at last. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" He moved to embrace his cousin. "Two days...promise I'll be back in no time."

Atobe smiled as he hugged his cousin back. "Anything for you Xander."

"Oh while you're at it, can you look after Ryoma? He may look tough but he actually needs the human warmth."

willwill

Xander was long gone before they could move. The second part of the favor unnerved them. After the intense battle yesterday, although Xander knew nothing about it, they couldn't quite believe that Xander actually handed them the price that came for.

"Did he realize what he was offering us?" Sanada blurted out. An eerie chill filled the room as soon as the redhead almost skipped out.

"Of course he doesn't." Tezuka replied. "He knew nothing about our past with Ryoma and if he did, he wouldn't hand over Ryoma even for a few seconds."

Atobe sweat-dropped. The excited aura was almost caressing him and he knew by heart who was the one responsible for emitting it. "Syusuke..."

The tensai just smiled at them, closing his eyes. "Oh we'll look after him alright." His words had the usually sadistic twinge to it. The three of them shuddered as the brunette stood up and disappeared to the bathroom...

...humming cheerfully.

will

Richard ran after Xander who, after changing clothes, ran outside to get to his car. The redhead had forgotten about breakfast.

"Master Alexander!" He called out just as the redhead was getting inside his car.

"I have to hurry and tell Ryoma." Xander told him. "It'll take time and I need to hurry."

Richard reached his young master. He scanned his handsome face, noticing that the usual reddish glow in his face was rather absent. "You forgot to eat breakfast master Alexander. You know very well that you need to boost up your body to battle this—"

"I'll take breakfast at Ryoma's then!" Xander cut him off, scared that someone would hear their conversation.

"No!" Richard insisted. He shoved a brown paper bag at his young master. "You will bring this and you will eat breakfast on the road. I already called Suzu to prepare you a vegetable drink that you will take the moment you arrive there."

"But Richard!" Xander protested.

Richard loomed over him. He may only be a butler but he's still in-charged of the welfare of the master of the castle. "Do you want to get well soon or not?"

Xander saw the determination in those grey orbs. He knew he's being petulant right now but he just could ignore the urgency of his situation. Finally giving up under the stern glare, he lowered his gaze. "I do—"

"Then take care of yourself more!" Richard flicked hard on his forehead.

"Ouch!" Xander massaged the sore part, pouting at his butler.

"Now go." Richard smiled gently at him. "You will have hell of a time explaining to Ryoma-kun about your abrupt departure."

will

Soft blue eyes peered past the fleeting clouds. A trembling hand touched the small window reverently.

"Seiichi-san?"

Yukimura turned to face Kirihara who was seated next to him. "Do you really think this is a good idea? I mean, can't we just fly directly to France and train there?"

Kirihara glared at him. "You are going to train with one of the best there is Seiichi-san. As your coach, I am more than willing to give it another push if it will secure your success in the Roland Garros."

Yukimura smiled sadly. "Ryoga-san was very kind to have accepted this joint training. I mean he's risking a lot just to practice with someone like me."

Kirihara rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Stop belittling yourself. You climbed up the ranks from 150th to 38th in less than two years. 10th is not that far off from 38th."

The teal-haired man sighed and propped his chin on his hand. He cast his eyes once more at the clouds that vanished behind the plane's speed. 'Is this really ok with you, Ryoma?'

Kirihara studied his face for a while. The bruises that his friend refused to talk about already faded. 'Something else is bothering you Seiichi-san. You're actually scared of the reception that you will receive once you set foot in Echizen Ryoma's domain. Yes, what you did was unforgivable and yet he easily gave you mercy.'

'Beyond those spoken words lie the knives that severed your strong relationship. Forgiveness is easy...but complete absolution is a rare commodity.'

willwill

Xander went straight into the orchard after ingesting what Suzu called as "Elixir of Life". It was a bitter or rather acrid mixture of vegetables with a revolting smell that almost made him retch out the wonderful sandwich Richard made for him.

As he walked down the familiar path to the apple orchard, he was rehearsing or rather still choosing the appropriate method to be used in breathing the not-so-good news to his lover.

"Ok how about I go like this," Xander took a deep breath before flashing his certified swoon-inducing smile. "There's something that I need to tell you Ryoma-love." He shook his head. 'Too flashy and sappy. He never fell for that smile before why start now?'

Then something came to him. "I know! What if I snivel a bit? Ryoma's a sucker for cry babies." his triumphant smile soon disappeared. "No...he could see through me. Damn!" He scratched his head.

"Why do I have to be so transparent!?" He leaned against one of the bigger trees and sighed. "How should I tell him something that he might not like to hear?"

"Well, you could try getting directly to the point." The second voice made him jump and glare indignantly at the speaker.

Behind him stood Ryoma, all dirtied up and sexy as hell, with a sack of loam soil perched on one of his shoulders. "You know very much that I don't like beating about the bush."

"Ryoma—!" Xander brain turned blank when it registered that Ryoma was only not wearing a shirt.

The golden-eyed man shook his head and dropped his load on the ground. He wiped off the sweat beads on his face. "You were going to tell me something?" Ryoma asked before he stepped to Xander and tip-toed to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"Uhh...I-I..." Xander stammered, trying to jumpstart his neurons back to life. "I-I was g-going t-to—"

Ryoma sighed and playfully snapped his fingers. Xander blinked a couple of times before his eyes refocused on Ryoma. "You were saying?"

Xander shook his head, ridding his head of the pornographic images of Ryoma. "Sorry. I got distracted."

Ryoma smiled sheepishly. "That's the obvious truth isn't it?"

Xander chuckled a little before he realized that he still wasn't able to do what he came here for. "Uhh yeah...I came here to tell you that I will be gone for a day or two."

It was Ryoma's turn to have his brain shut down. "Wha-what?"

Xander sighed and took the towel that was tucked inside Ryoma's back pocket. He bit his lip as he started wiping the sweat off the supple skin before him. "I said I will be gone for a day or two. Ri-Richard and I will be flying to Boston tonight." He mentally counted for the days in his head.

"We'll be back thursday."

Ryoma felt his throat tighten. 'Two days?! That can't be! Not with Atobe and the others still here and Yukimura arriving tonight! Oh god!' His head was racing a mile a minute that he didn't notice that he was backing away from Xander, fear evident in his eyes.

"Ryoma? Are you ok?" Xander asked; worry etched on his face.

Ryoma shook his head. "Y-you can't go." He stammered. "You can't leave me here." he grinned nervously. "You're kidding right?"

Xander studied Ryoma for a while. 'Why such a negative reaction? What are you so afraid of?' He took a step closer to him. "I'm not kidding Ryoma."

"THEN TELL ME THE BLOODY REASON WHY!!"

Silence punctuated the outburst. Both Ryoma and Xander stood there, perturbed by how things are turning out.

will

Atobe glanced at Xander's empty seat worriedly. After the talk, he was nowhere to be found.

"Richard, where is Xander?" He asked. The rest of the occupants of the breakfast table froze. "I haven't seen him since this morning."

The silver-haired butler was frozen in mid-air as he was serving soup to Tezuka.

Fuji noticed the tenseness of the butler. "He'll come down for breakfast if he's hungry Keigo." He turned his attention back to his bread.

"He left for the Ryoma-san's villa, Master Keigo." Richard replied.

"Oh I see." Atobe drawled out absent-mindedly. He cast a worried glance at Yosuke but the latter just shrugged.

"So..." Richard stepped back. "My master must've have broken the news to you already regarding our departure tonight."

Tezuka looked up to him and nodded. "Yes. He came to us this morning."

Silence reigned amongst them as Richard tried to select the gentlest of words to say.

"There would be a favor that I would be asking of you, if you don't mind."

Atobe looked up from his soup. "What is it Richard?"

The silver-haired butler smiled at them. But something was off with his smile. It almost mimicked that of Fuji's when he's in the mood.

"I would appreciate it if you would stay away from Ryoma-kun for the duration of our absence." He made sure the he's able to see their withering expressions. "You should remind your selves that he is Master Alexander's lover...not yours anymore."

"You should know your boundaries." He stood there for a few seconds, savoring the impact of his words on them. From the corner of his eyes he could see Yosuke's turned from shocked to nasty.

"If there's nothing else that you need of me, I will take my leave and do one last inspection of the winery." He bowed. "Please enjoy your meal."

The echoes of his footsteps kept on bouncing back and forth inside their heads. Seconds ticked by slowly...as if waiting for the tension to reach its limit and explode.

"Why you—" Yosuke gritted his teeth and was about to follow him when Atobe grabbed his arm.

"Tell me Yosuke..." Atobe was still staring at Richard's vacant spot. "Does he know about Ryoma and us?"

will

The weather suddenly morphed from humid and sunny into windy and chilly. Neither of them moved since the outcry.

Xander cleared his throat. "There's nothing to be upset about Ryoma. It was the business deal that I put off because Papa Jiroh and Mama Rinko died. I will be back in no time." Something wild and vivid churned in his stomach.

"Nothing to be upset about?" Ryoma glared at him in disbelief. "You're leaving me! You're leaving me to fe—" He clamped his mouth shut before he uttered something that would surely make things worst.

Xander grabbed Ryoma's shoulders and shook him. "It's not like that Ryoma!" He was getting exasperated as well. "What are you so scared of?! It's not like something bad will happen while I'm away."

Ryoma stubbornly averted his eyes. 'I'm scared of being alone, trapped. With Xander gone...no one can protect me.' He closed his eyes tight, wanting to ward off the thoughts that were plaguing his head. 'I'm weak. I cannot defend myself. i can't—'

"Ryoma!" Xander shook him hard this time. 'What the hell is wrong on with you?!' He gave up trying shaking some sense into his head so he pulled him into a crushing embrace instead.

Ryoma opened his eyes. "Can't I just come with you?" His voice came to the redhead frail and cracked. "Please let me come with you." He held on to him tightly as he could.

Xander closed his eyes and buried his face into the ebony locks beneath him. 'I can't Ryoma. I couldn't fathom letting you know about what's happening to me.' He took a deep breath and returned Ryoma's fierce embrace.

"I'm sorry, love." Xander muttered. "You have so much in your hands already. Don't worry. I will only be gone in a blink."

Ryoma bit his lip hard, trying to suppress the tears that came to his eyes. 'Please Xander I'm begging you. You can't leave me here to face my demons all by myself. Please..." He buried his head into his chest. 'I don't know if I'm strong enough to fend off the desire...the longing...these damn emotions that kept on haunting me!'

Ryoma gave up and continued to hold on to the redhead. Alas...he was unable to air out his reasons as to why he was clinging to him like he's his only lifeline.

Xander gritted his teeth when he felt Ryoma's shoulders shook. He instantly knew that the raven-haired man was crying. 'I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry Ryoma. I want to stay. I want to find out what is causing you to act like this but if I don't leave, I'm not sure how long will I be able to hold you like this. I'm so scared of what I'm about to do and I want you to be there for me.'

His icy-blue eyes glassed over as tears claimed them as well. 'But I know that the knowledge of my illness would only add up to your agony. And I just couldn't do that to you...'

'I love you so much that I couldn't bear seeing you suffer more.'

willwillwill

The day passed on swiftly, leaving several individuals trapped in an endless swirl of confusion and frustration. Almost everyone was occupied with their miseries that they didn't notice the minutes slipped to hours.

"You call me if anything happens ok?" Xander cradled Ryoma face in his hands. The raven-haired man has stopped crying hours ago but hurt and betrayal were still evident in his golden eyes. "Or if you feel lonely, feel free to call me. If not, I will call you every ten minutes so that you'll be too annoyed to be lonely ok?"

Ryoma nodded. "Ok." He closed his eyes only to feel Xander's light kisses on each eyelids. "If you don't, you will be sleeping on the floor for the foreseeable future."

Xander left the burden on his gut lightened a little. He captured Ryoma's lips in a slow kiss, wanting to embed the taste of his lover in his senses. "I will keep that in mind then." He muttered against his lips as icy-blue and gold met in a smoldering gaze.

"Ahem." They heard Richard clearing his throat. "We have airway clearance Master Alexander."

The redhead looked up to his butler pleadingly. "Ok fine." He felt the grip of his wrists tightened. "Ryoma?"

Those golden orbs shimmered in tears but Ryoma stilled his self. "Alexander Hawthorne...you love me right?"

Xander smiled at him. "Yes I do." He caressed Ryoma's elegant face gently. "With all my heart."

Ryoma closed his eyes, allowing the tears to escape. "Ok..." He took Xander's hands and placed a kiss on each palms. "Remember that I'll be here...tomorrow...and tomorrow's tomorrow waiting for you."

Xander felt his heart swell with happiness. It may not be the magic words that he had been expecting to hear from the man's lips but it must be the closest thing to a declaration of love that he could get from the Echizen Ryoma.

"I'll hold you to that."

willwill

Ryoma stood by the view deck watching Xander's private jet took off into the night. His grip on the metal railings was very tight.

'It's on me for the next two days. I would have to double my efforts in driving them away. I cannot afford even a minute of weakness.' His lips were set in a firm line, his eyes blazing with a newfound determination.

'Xander deserves everything and I will give him that.' He took a deep breathe before turning his back...only to come face to face with two individuals that he wasn't ready to meet just yet.

"Ryoma." Those hopeful blue eyes...Ryoma bit his lip as he tried to pacify his racing heart.

"It's been ages, bratling. You look fine for a farmer." Kirihara Akaya smirked. "How about a nice welcome hug for your former rival and best friend?"

willwillwill

A/N: my brain is not working very well. I have been living with a reversed biological clock this week. I was on a completion duty in the delivery room in an 8pm-8am shift. I still can't get over the sleepiness and all.

But I'm glad that we were able to deliver 7 babies in 4 days. Yay for the babies! We have been sleeping on hospital beds in an empty pediatric ward with no ventilation.

Ok class starts on June 10. I will have a very hard time finishing this up but I WILL FINISH THIS STORY! Yeah...Ryoma will be in hell for the next chapters...or maybe heaven. IDK...XD

So if you want more,

PLEASE MAKE ME HAPPY AND REVIEW!!