Chapter 14

Unloved and Unwanted

Point of View: Electra

((A/N: This scene is very intense, if you can't take very intense, sad things, don't read this, skip to the next chapter))

I fell back into my bed, I had almost killed Ed. Rather, Vengeance had. I didn't know if I could take it any longer. Vengeance would go after Mustang next, then I would be truly unloved. It was a common fact that Roy Mustang had feelings for me, ever since we were children in fact. I never doubted it myself. I looked out my window; the first drops of rain had begun to fall.

I took the sai, the one that had almost killed Edand held it in my hands. The blade lookedvery friendly, and very sharp. I turned over the sai in my hands over and over.It looked so good, I could end it all right then. If the sharp knife punctured my skin in the right places, I could end everything once and for all, and I could finally be at the peace. That is, whatever peace that an alchemist such as myself can receive, which, as far as I knew, wasn't a lot.

I finally made my decision; I would rather die than kill Roy. I poised the knife above my left arm, and lowered it to the bluish vein in my arm. With my eyes closed, I took a deep breath, and pushed. The pain of the knife cutting my flesh shot up my arm, and was almost overpowering. I yanked the blood-soaked knife from my arm. The blood gushed from the wound and onto the bed. I winced at the pain, but I wasn't finished yet. I slit open both of my wrists and let the blood flow. I wanted to die, and surely, with what I was doing to myself, I would die a cruel, miserable, painful death.

I sliced my arm open over and over again. I took the necklace that kept me from throwing up blood, and cut the string. I threw the necklace across the room. As soon as it hit the ground, it shattered. Once it had shattered, I threw up blood. There was now blood everywhere, and the stench circulated the room. I don't know if it was the smell or if I was just going insane, but my thoughts began to start acting strange, and I began thinking things over again. I thought about how I got dragged into this and everything that led up to what was now happening.

This was what I deserved. I had gotten mixed up with Lust, I hadn't killed the Crimson alchemist when I had the chance. Possibly worst of all, I let Vengeance take me over. Now they would kill the one I loved, and all because of my stupid mistakes. The only way to stop it was for me to die, and that was exactly what I was doing. I woulddie, alone, and unloved. This is what I deserved.

Death wasn't coming quick enough, so I raised the dagger above my head, and plunged it into my stomach, the way they do in the old plays my mother and I used to go to when she was still living. The pain was immense, but I stabbed myself over and over. A normal person would probably be dead already, but Vengeance had the gift of immortality. I was slowly taking that away from her by destroying myself and my body which were whatkept her alive. On top of that, the fake philosopher's stone keeping us both alive had shattered.

I guess I knew this would happen all along, and I think Roy knew it too. We could never have been together anyway, I had bad connections. Then there was the military, which would keep us apart. There was also the Crimson Alchemist, he would kill both of us, like he tried years agoduring the war in Ishbal. I never thought it would come to this.I could know no happiness, my life was full of horrible things.

The loss of blood was making me weak. I painted onto the wall with m own blood, then collapsed to he ground. I lay there conscious for a few minutes, contemplating my own life. I had died, been resurrected, killed without thought, then fallen in love, which was forbidden from me. Talk about Romeo and Juliet, only this time, Romeo didn't care about Juliet. If he cared at all, he certainly didn't show it very well.

I plunged the knife into my arm one last time, and let it stick out of my blood-stained flesh. The pain which circulated my body was so immense, I could barely breathe. My heart was still beating, but it was becoming difficult. I started to have minor spasms as my body got closer, and closer to the death which I longed for. My hair was covering a part of my face. It was soaked with blood, and made my face look bloodstreaked.

My body gave a massive shudder as my heart almost stopped beating and my lungs almost failed, but some force kept me alive. I desperately wanted death to hurry up and take me, to end this eternal emotional pain that I had kept inside me for almost twelve years. Then I blacked out, not dead, but extremely close to death.

For a second time…