Chapter 14 -- Jacob's Baby Shower
Disclaimer: I do not own Jacob Black. However, I do own this story... and the dreams of Jacob that run idly through my head when I'm not really thinking of anything else.
I was standing in the doorway, looking out at Jacob and the mass of people that were obviously waiting around for my arrival. I really didn't want to discuss the real reason I was late. Of course, Edward and I had gotten into another argument.
"So you're going to let Jacob throw you a baby shower, when you refused to let us throw you one?" Edward asked angrily.
"Billy wanted to throw one and Jacob didn't want to have to open up a bunch of pink gifts. Can you blame him?" I had asked.
"Yeah, I bet that's exactly what it was!" Edward huffed.
"Why are you always so jealous of Jacob?" I exclaimed. "I married you remember? Not Jacob!"
"Yeah," Edward growled. "But it's obvious that you're in love with him and not me. You're the one that called out for him when we were supposed to be making love!"
"That was an accident!" I said, aghast. "Why are you still bringing that up? I thought you said that you were going to forgive me and that we were going to try to work things out?"
"Working things out meant that you were going to at least spend some time at home with me. Not spending every waking hour in La Push with Jacob!" Edward complained.
"I haven't spent every waking hour in La Push! I've gone over there like twice in the last week and a half," I defended myself. "Jacob is the father of this child. He deserves to spend some time with me so we can figure out how things are going to work!"
"So how many times have you slept with him since the baby was conceived?" Edward spat. "I just want to La Push him off a cliff!" he fumed.
I didn't answer him. I didn't trust myself to speak. I just walked out the door and climbed into the Mercedes and headed to La Push. I was already running late.
"Bella?" Jacob asked, frowning. "You're late." He was standing next to Seth and Old Quil by the grill in the backyard.
"I know," I said. "I'm sorry. I just got tied up in things at home..." I trailed off. "It's fine."
"Edward?" Jacob asked intuitively.
"No," I lied. "Just stuff..."
"Okay," Jacob said. I could tell he knew that I wasn't telling the truth. "Are you hungry? There's food in the kitchen and stuff..." I stepped in front of him, cutting him off.
"Can we talk?" I heard myself ask suddenly. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams... like I was falling off of a cliff, falling through the air, and there was no one to catch me and pull me back up and put me back on my feet again... no one except Jacob Black. I needed him.
"Bella, are you okay?" Jacob asked me again. "You don't look like you feel so good..."
"Can we just talk?" I asked him again. "Is there somewhere in the house that isn't being... occupied?"
"Wait here," Jacob instructed me. I watched him walk back into the house. I stepped into the kitchen and watched him walk into the living room.
"Sue?" he called. I heard the distinct murmuring o fhis voice and knew he must have been talking to Sue about something or another. A few seconds later, he came back into the kitchen and took my hand. He led me back to the back of the house, into Sue's bedroom.
He sat me down on the bed and sat down next to me.
"What's wrong, Bella?" he asked.
"Everything," I said quietly, trying to blink back tears. I found myself explaining the argument that Edward and I had had that morning.
"That's stupid bloodsucker!" Jacob swore, regurgitating a load of expletives. I could feel him shuddering next to me.
"Jacob, please calm down," I pleaded with him. "Please? That's really the last thing I need right now."
The sound of my voice must have helped him calm down because the shuddering eventually came to an end and he cleared his throat before turning to look me in the eyes again.
"Sorry," he replied, shaking his head. He sighed.
"I've tried to work things out with Edward," I told him. "I really have. I don't know what else to do!" I cried. "He should have known before he brought up this whole plan that it was just going to ensure that you'd have a greater role in my life. I know he's just trying to protect me, but this is getting ridiculous."
"It's going to be okay," Jacob told me, wrapping his left arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.
"How is it going to be okay?" I asked him. "Edward's going to end up making me choose between you and him. His jealousy is becoming too much for me to handle," I cried, blinking back tears. "I owe it to him as my husband to be there for him and to work things out with him, but I owe a lot to you because you're my baby's father," I said, desperately trying to figure things out. I was on the verge of breaking down.
"Edward is being stupid," Jacob said flatly. "I'm not saying that because I want you to choose me in the end I'm saying it because it's true. He's asking you to be in two places at once and that's not possible."
I knew Jacob was right. I just didn't know what to do about it.
"Bella, honey, I told you a long time ago that I wasn't going to keep ripping you in half. Whatever you choose is up to you. But I'm always going to be here for you and for Norah... whatever the two of you need from me. You're always going to have my heart, whether you want it or not."
I felt like my heart was tearing in half. Suddenly, I found my lips on Jacob's, kissing him, really kissing him, the sensation of my lips on his mingling with the baby, his baby kicking in my belly. His hands rested on my belly and Norah kicked with a frequency she only did when Jacob was near. As I pulled away from him, he wiped away the tears trailing down my cheeks away with his fingertips. He smiled at me reassuringly.
"I love you, Jacob," I told him, hugging him, burying my tear-stained face into his shoulder. I knew I did. I knew it had been a long time coming, but I had been too stupid, too stubborn to realize it.
"I know," Jacob whispered, comforting me. "But that's not enough, is it?"
"I don't know," I replied, being honest with him and myself for once.
A soft knock at the door interrupted us. It was Sue.
"Honey, people are wondering where the expectant mother is," she said warmly.
I sniffed back tears and Jacob hugged me tightly once more. Sue came over and handed me a tissue. "You look beautiful," she said. "Smile."
I couldn't help but laugh. She hugged me and Jacob wipped away the last of my tears before leading me out into the living room that was now packed with lawn chairs with lots of people in them. The two couches were pushed up agains the wall. A living chair was in the corner of the room and Jacob led me over to it and sat down next to me on a lawn chair.
"Thanks for coming you guys," he said. "We really appreciate it."
A chorus of yeses and mutual agreement followed.
"It's a beautiful name you've picked for her," Embry's mother said, smiling at me. Coming from a woman who had named her son after a soap opera star, I wasn't sure if I should take that as a compliment or not. Jacob caught my eye and I knew he was thinking the exact same thing.
"Thank you," I said hesitantly.
"Is the middle name after someone as well?" Emily's sister, Heather, asked.
"Umn, yeah," I replied. "My good friend Alice. We're really close."
Sue handed me a present. The tag said, 'To: Bells. From: Your Good Ol' Dad and Sue.' I couldn't help but smile. Trust Charlie to make the best out of nearly any situation. My dad sure did know me through and through.
I unwrapped their gift to find a bouncy seat in an eggshell color, Norah's name embroidered on the top of the seat in a forest green.
"Jacob picked out the theme and everyone tried to find things to match it," Sue said "I thought it was really cute. I embroidered her name on the top of it."
"Thanks," I said, smiling, still uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on me.
I continued to open gift after gift: a mobile with blue birds and robins hanging from it, a receiving blanket set in red, orange, green, and yellow, several sets of bottles, a beautiful bassinette with a yellow bumblebee pattern...
After I had all of the gifts open and had graciously thanked everyone, Jacob handed me another gift, this one out of his pocket.
"Jacob..." I said, noticing this gift was rather small and boxy.
He leaned in toward me and smiled nervously. I could feel my heart pitter-pattering rather quickly.
"I just want to thank you for doing this for me," he said, resting his hand on my belly. He leaned down and kissed it, soliciting "awws" from the shower guests. He sat down in front of me as I opened the box. I didn't have the heart to remind him that my original motive behind Norah's conception hadn't been for him at all, but for myself.
Resting inside the box was a necklace with a silver charm on it... a heart with a garnet, a sapphire, and an emerald on one side and the letters J, B, and N on the other. I stared at in in shock and awe.
"It's beautiful," I whispered. "Jake, you didn't have to do this," I murmured, knowing the necklace must have cost a fortune.
"I did it because I wanted to," Jacob replied.
"You still need to see the nursery," Heather piped up from one corner.
"I -- I do," I said, grateful for the distraction. Jacob took my hand and led me into Leah's old bedroom, into our daughter's nursery.
"I thought Leah wasn't moving out until next weekend?" I asked him, confused.
"She moved out yesterday," Jacob said. "Heather came in from out of town with the girls and her husband and they brought the furniture for the nursery with them. There was nowhere to put it all, so Leah agreed to go ahead and move out before the shower."
"That was nice of her," I replied. Jacob had orchestrated the building of the nursery and Leah's move-out in less than three days? I was shocked.
We walked into the nursery and I gasped. The room didn't look the same anymore. Large trees were painted on one wall and the Pacific Ocean was painted on the other. The sun was painted above the closet and the carpet was the color of sand. Norah's name was in block letters above the window. The entire room was reminiscent of La Push. The crib was a cherry wood; the changing table matched it. The eggshell upholstered cherry wood rocking chair completed the room. I didn't want to leave. I was in shock, but in a good way. The nursery felt like home... how I'd always imagined my home to be. I loved it. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
"You like it?" Jacob breathed in my ear.
"Uh, yeah!" I gasped. I walked a bit further into the room. The closet was open and stocked with clothes and everything. Everything Norah could ever need. Above the crib hung a dream catcher identical to the one Jacob had made me.
"Heather brought over some clothes that were her daughters when they were really small... enough to just get us started, plus the things that people brought for the baby already," he said, nodding toward the closet.
I turned around and hugged him tightly, feeling guilty about what I had said in the car earlier in the week. Jacob had been right. Things were ready. What had I been thinking?
"I told you things would be ready by this weekend," he said, reading my thoughts.
"I'm so sorry," I told him, blinking back tears.
"Bella, you're going to have to stop crying," Jacob laughed. He started wiping away my tears again.
"I can't help it!" I exclaimed. "This is just too much. And I was so mean to you last time we talked... I don't deserve you to be this nice to me. You should be furious with me and -- "
"Still have that box?" he asked, cutting me off.
"Yeah," I said, showing it to him.
He took the box from me and pulled the necklace out. He walked behind me and put it on my neck.
"There," he said, grinning.
I turned around and found myself kissing him again, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting the box fall to the floor. Quil walked by and wolf-whistled.
"Damn, you know sucking face like that can make you go into labor," he said.
I jumped about a foot into the air. Shit.
"Keep your mouth shut or you'll be walking with three legs," Jacob growled.
"No need to threaten anyone, Jacob!" I admonished him.
"It's not like I was going to go to the bloodsucker's lair and tell them," Quil said, rolling his eyes. "It burns too bad."
"Good," Jacob said, smirking.
My stomach growled impatiently.
"You should eat something," he said, placing one warm hand against my belly. "You need to feed our baby."
"I should," I agreed. "Let me thank Heather for the nursery things first though."
"Already did," Jacob replied. "It's more a gift for me than for you, no offense. Just I'll be the one really using it for the baby. You've got a nursery back at the vamp -- I mean, at your place."
"Oh," I said. For some reason, I kept forgetting that fact and I really didn't like it too much.
I walked into the kitchen. Sue and Charlie were at the kitchen table, eating.
"Did you like the nursery?" Charlie asked me.
"It's gorgeous!" I said. "Norah's going to love it!"
"Too bad you won't be around much to use it," Sue said, sighing. "But then again, I'm sure you and Edward have a beautiful nursery."
"We do," I agreed, ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I made a plate and sat down and started eating.
"That's a gorgeous necklace that Jacob bought you," Sue said, nodding toward the charm on my neck.
"It is," I agreed. "I thanked him for it earlier."
"So what is the baby going to call your dear old dad?" Charlie asked.
"I figured Grandpa Charlie," I reasoned. "And Grandpa Billy and Grandpa Carlisle..." I added, thinking of Billy and Carlisle.
"Hmph, Grandpa," Charlie said. "Makes me feel old."
"You're not old," I laughed.
"I was thinking I could go by 'Pops,'" Billy said, roling himself into the kitchen.
"I like that," Jacob said. "Pops Billy," he laughed.
I just shook my head. "Whatever you want to go by, you can. Just as long as it's not something completely out there... I don't want to hasve to refer to my father as 'Goody' or 'Pappy.'"
"Hmn, 'Pappy'..." Charlie said thoughtfully.
"Reminds me of pap smears," I said, laughing hysterically.
The color drained out of Charlie's face. "Maybe not, then."
The entire room filled with laughter.
I returned home that night with a smile on my face. As much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, I found life on the reservation easy-going, calming... I always came back from Jacob's in a good mood... well, when he wasn't being pig-headed, at least. I wasn't sure if it was because of the setting on the reservation or because Jacob was just a perpetually happy person. He almost always tried to make sure I was in a good mood.
I walked into Carlisle's office to find him studying over a book on the lymphatic system.
"Carlisle?" I asked him.
"Bella?" he asked, looking up from his desk at me.
"Do you have a minute?" I asked him.
"Sure," he said, getting up and walking over to the front of his desk.
"I know we talked about having the baby here and you bringing the epidural and everything and just doing everything here," I rambled.
"Yes," Carlisle said, nodding.
"Is there some way we could do it at the hospital instead?" I asked. "Jacob wants to have some of his family be there for the birth and I think being surrounded by vampires here might make some of them feel a bit.. uncomfortable. I thought the hospital would be a more neutral location..." I broke off uncomfortably.
"If you want to have the baby at the hospital, then that's fine," Carlisle said. "I can still be your doctor and deliver the baby there, if that's what you're asking."
I nodded.
"Bella?"
Rosalie was standing at the door, looking just as uncomfortable as I felt.
"Yeah?" I asked, looking at her strangely. Rosalie was definitely the last person I expected to come looking for me.
"Can we talk?" she asked me.
"Sure," I said quickly. "Thanks, Carlisle."
"No problem," he said, going back to his notes on his desk. I turned and followed Rosalie to her study downstairs. It was a place I hadn't been before. The entire room was a dusty blue and transparent bookshelves lined the eastern wall. She sat down on the cream chaise lounge in one corner and invited me to sit on the matching loveseat next to her.
"You never came to visit me," she said quietly. "Was my letter too straightforward?" she asked, looking up at the ceiling.
"No," I said. "I'm sorry, Rose. I've just been busy."
"You know, I know you love Edward," she said, looking over at me. "But if I were you, I would want more than just this," she said, gesturing to her gorgeous figure.
"I do want more than that," I said quietly. I rested one hand on my belly and sighed. "That's why I'm in this predicament in the first place."
"Bella," Rosalie sighed, straightening up. "If I were you, I wouldn't want to be with anyone but the father of my child. I'd want the whole happy family, the whole enchilada," she said, grimacing. "I'd think of myself, put myself first. But then again, that's what I've always done. That's what I did when I was twelve years old and my father brought me the fanciest dresses from London. It's what I did when I celebrated my engagement to Royce King. And it's what I did when I begged Carlisle to change Emmett into one of us. I've had a history of doing what I had to in order to put myself first. I'm not proud of it." She sighed once more before continuing. "I think you're choosing wrong, Bella. You're trying to make everyone else happy, but deep in your heart, you know that you want to be with Jacob. Otherwise, you wouldn't have done some of the things you've done recently." She met my eyes and I knew she was talking about my slip-up with Edward and my constant presence in La Push.
For once, I was silent. I didn't know what to say.
"You don't deny it," she said quietly.
"I can't," I whispered.
"Then you know what you have to," she said. "He'll be fine. He's strong. He'll move on. But you only have this short life and you can't waste it trying to make everyone else happy. That's no life at all."
"But Rosalie -- "
A soft knock at the door interrupted me.
"Rose?" Edward called. I breathed out ever so slightly, nervously.
"Yes?" Rosalie asked, rolling her eyes. She got up and headed toward the door and threw it open, one hand on her hip.
"Can I talk to Bella?" he asked her.
"We were busy," Rosalie snapped. "Whatever," she said, looking toward me and nodding toward Edward. She smiled at me ever so slightly as I got up to join him. She leaned in and gave me a quick hug. "Thanks for talking," she said. "Even though we really didn't get to have much of a conversation."
"You're welcome," I said weakly.
Edward wrapped his cold hand around mine and we walked up the stairs to our bedroom. He sat down on the bed and looked up at me.
"I'm sorry about what I said this morning," he said. "That was completely out of line."
I didn't say anything. I bit my bottom lip and looked down at the floor, my hands resting at the small of my back.
"I was just upset because you haven't been around that much lately. I'm sort of... jealous of Jacob because he was able to give you the one thing that I couldn't. I just feel like we're growing apart and I'm trying to pull you closer to me, but every time I do, you get frustrated and you run to him. I don't know what to do, Bella. If you want to be with Jacob, then I can let you out of this marriage... I just want you to be happy."
I was stunned... Edward was giving in? What was this?
"Edward, I'm married to you. We're going to work this out. I'm jsut a little... preoccupied right now. This baby is going to be here really soon... we've got five weeks to prepare for her arrival. I love you, Edward. We're going to figure this out, okay?"
Edward nodded. He didn't look convinced.
"I talked to Alice this morning... after you left. There's something that she's not telling me. You might want to go and talk to her," he said, sighing. "Maybe you can work it out of her."
I nodded and headed to Alice's room up in the loft. I found her relaxing in her hammock, listening to Claire de Lune and reading a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's poems.
"Hi, Bella," she said, sadly.
"Alice, what's going on? Edward told me that something was wrong..."
"Nothing's wrong," she said.
"Obviously something is. I didn't squeeze myself up that tiny staircase for nothing," I said irritably.
"I had a vision this morning... after you left. But you haven't realized it yet... you've made your decision..." she sighed.
"My decision?" I frowned. "My decision is to stay with Edward. We've already discussed this." Even as I said it, it didn't feel right. I knew who I wanted... and it wasn't Edward Cullen. But that didn't matter. What I wanted didn't matter in the slightest. I knew that leaving Edward would break his heart. And no hearts were going to be broken because of me.
Except for Jacob's.
I could feel my chest tightening. I couldn't break Jacob's heart. But I couldn't break Edward's either.
"I can see you thinking," Alice said. "It's not fair to stay with Edward if you love Jacob more than you love Edward. It's not fair to him and it's not fair to you and it's certainly not fair to Norah."
"I can't leave him!" I cried, collapsing in the middle of the floor. "I can't do it! And I won't do it, Alice! I can't survive without him."
"You keep telling yourself that, but I don't think it's true. You keep telling yourself that so you have to stay with him. Just because you married him doesn't mean you love him more than you do Jacob. You just made a decision because you had to. You've got time before the baby gets here. Things are ready at both places. Everything's just waiting on you, Bella."
She hopped down from the hammock and hugged me tightly.
"No matter what happens, Bella, you're my sister. I love you," she said. "And I'll do whatever you need me to do for you. I just wish I could make this decision easy for you. I know it's got to be unbelievably hard."
I just shook my head, choking back tears.
"Calm down, Bella," she said. "Calm down..." she murmured. "Don't get so worked up. It's not good for the baby."
I forced my emotions back under control.
"Alright," I said, unable to cry anymore. I was all cried out by that point. That's all I had done all day long.
"You know, just because you're the first person Edward's fallen in love with doesn't mean that there won't be anyone else. I mean, he has eternity. But you only have this one short life. The best I can tell you is to make the most of it."
I knew she was right. I just didn't know what it had to be so difficult. I thought back to a phrase I'd once told myself so often... Death is peaceful, easy. Life is harder.
Boy, was that ever true.
Another chapter finished! Two posted today! I'm on a roll! I'm also very beat. I forgot this was the longest chapter in the fic. Ick. Over 4,600 words. My longest chapter ever for a fan fic. EVER. Yay me. This is your reward for getting me past 300 reviews on this story! Anyway, thanks for reading! Don't forget to review!
I really liked the quote from Twilight at the end. hehe. :D
xoxo