"I'm such a goddamn idiot!"
The day that Xuan had had her fight with Klaus she paced back and forth in her room. She could see that Hoa was watching her worriedly. Why should she be worried? She'd been the one who had warned her after all. It had been a good warning, one that she should've listened to. Now she was left in this mess with no one to blame but herself. It appeared that her personality just wasn't conducive to happiness.
If she'd been completely silly then she would probably still be fairly happy. That way she wouldn't have known what she'd done so terribly wrong for another few months. If she'd been a completely sensible person then she wouldn't have been in this predicament. She never would've gone near Spooky's or Klaus more then she had to. Yet, she wasn't either. Xuan was a mix of both and she had ended up miserable. Tiredly she sank to her knees and started to cry.
She felt arms slowly circle around her. Turning her tear-stained face upwards she saw Hoa staring at her sympathetically. Xuan turned away.
"I made this bed for myself," she muttered, "That I have to lay in it now isn't your fault. It's mine, just mine."
"It doesn't matter whose fault it is," Hoa said quietly, "You're upset. I'm sorry."
Xuan choked back a few more tears.
"It's my fault."
"It's as much his fault as yours," pointed out Hoa.
"I'm the one who's going to have to deal with it though."
"Are you dealing with it?" Hoa asked.
Bowing her head Xuan let a few tears fall from her eyes and onto Hoa's shoulder. It reminded her of the time she'd cried in Klaus's arms months ago. It seemed like she was crying an awful lot these days.
"Not really," she said as she wrapped her arms around herself, "I'm going to have to though. Soon too."
"We'll get through this. You're better off without him anyway."
Looking at the floor Xuan said;
"Yeah, I guess so…I…I just didn't want to be better off without him…"
Seeing the tears start up again Hoa hugged her a little tighter.
"You're not the first woman this has happened to," Hoa whispered, "You won't be the last either. I wish this hadn't happened to you. But what's done is done now. We just have to go on."
Sealing away the last of her tears Xuan nodded.
"It'll be okay," she said, "Just you wait and see."
There was a knock on the door. Hoa stood up and headed towards it, giving Xuan a look over her shoulder. Quickly Xuan pushed away her tears and got to her feet. She gave Hoa a curt nod. Very slowly Hoa opened the door.
"Can't anything be done on time around here?" Seung asked irritably.
"I'm sorry but my hearing isn't so well and Xuan has been feeling rather poorly lately-" Hoa said, playing the old woman card again.
"Well she'd better get over it," Seung snapped, "I can't have her getting sick right now. I can't have the two of you hanging around here forever either. Giang said he'd take you off my hands. He needs a new wife and all after the last one kicked it."
There was a very long pause. Clenching her hands into fists Xuan said very calmly;
"Could you please explain that one a bit more?"
"You never were too bright," he sighed, "He figured he'd do us a favor. You marry him and the old bat goes with you. No dowry. All in all it's a good deal. We just need to get you to the countryside as soon as possible."
All Xuan wanted to do was just sit down or perhaps go to sleep. She didn't want to have to fight anything. Yet, she knew that she would have to fight this now or never. Xuan picked now.
"Seung," she said, "We'll just go if you want us to. Really, it's no big deal."
That was true; they did have the money now to do so.
"Don't call me by my first name," he snapped at her, "And no, it's not fine. I told Giang it was done. He sent someone over. We have to do things fast you know."
Over the past few hours Xuan's world had been turned upside down and picked apart. Now there was this. Fury and frustration grew in her like a flame. She tried to keep it down, but it was impossible. Everything was falling apart. Rage at the direction her life had taken swelled within her. The flame very quickly became a roaring forest fire.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" she yelled, "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU!? JUST LET US GO!"
The punch, when it came, hit her stomach with a harsh collision. Stumbling backwards she fell to the floor. Hoa rushed to her side and Xuan tried to take in slow breaths. It wasn't helping much. Worriedly she curved her arms protectively over her stomach.
"Fucking ungrateful bitch," he hissed, "After taking the two of you in off the streets this is what I get?"
"I have…nothing…to be grateful…for," gasped Xuan.
For a minute Xuan thought that he was going to kick her. That certainly seemed his intention but he stopped himself.
"I' m not going to deliver damaged goods to my brother," he said, "Or at least not too much anyway. Now, they're getting a ceremony together for the day after tomorrow. He already brought some female relatives to take care of you. He's probably a sight better then anyone else you're going to get with that fucking attitude. We're going to bring you there in advance, today. And no funny business. Now you can get up and walk to the van or I can call up some friends and we can drag you there."
Swallowing hard Xuan looked over at Hoa. For once she found her grandmother's face oddly inexpressive. It was passive, almost like she didn't care. Yet, Hoa knew. Hoa knew everything. She couldn't be passive on the inside. Hoa had to put up a show though. Xuan had to do that too. She couldn't risk being hit again.
"I'll walk," she said quietly.
Very slowly Hoa helped her up. Seung nodded, as if she was finally acting like she was supposed to. Xuan wasn't done though. Not by a long shot.
.
.
.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Pogo asked for the millionth time.
"No," snapped Séance.
The two of them were walking down the street, towards the junkyard where Xuan lived the day after the two of them had last met. Séance had been thinking about it. Once or twice Pogo had even asked if he'd been sick. (Yeah, he'd been sick alright. Sick of complications!) Well now he had to go and sort the mess out. If she wasn't going to come to him, and she wasn't, then he'd just go to her.
Pogo said it hadn't seemed like a good idea. It looked like it was about to rain after all. Yet, Séance knew that the more he put this off the more trouble he'd be in. God, how he needed drugs then.
"All I'm saying is that her cousin might not exactly be happy to see you after what you told me-"
"Junkyards don't normally look like that, right?" asked Séance, cocking his head.
He saw Pogo scrutinize the shop.
"They do when they're closed."
Séance frowned.
"It's a weekday though. Pogo, go find out why it's closed."
"I'm not your errand boy," snapped Pogo.
(Of course he was.)
"Ah, but you are the only one who can speak Vietnamese well. So go find out."
Pogo wanted to say something, but instead kept silent. Shrugging he walked up to an old woman that Séance assumed was a neighbor. After a few hasty inquiries he got the answer. In the meantime Séance tried to practice what he was going to say. It wasn't going well.
He was almost relieved when Pogo got back. As he walked towards him a few drops of rain started to fall on the ground.
"So what's up?"
Digging his hands into his pockets Pogo hesitated. (This wasn't going to be good.) Finally he said;
"She said that Seung closed up the shop so that he could go see his brother, Giang, get married tomorrow."
"O-kay," shrugged Séance, "We'll come back later."
Pogo paused.
"He's marrying Xuan."
More drops fell on the ground as Séance stared calmly at Pogo. Shrugging his shoulders again he started walking back in the direction of Spooky's. He could tell that Pogo was shocked, but that didn't matter. He just kept walking as the rain poured down in heavy sheets.
"Are you alright?" Pogo asked, jogging to keep up with him.
Very slowly Séance turned around.
"I was too late," he shrugged, "No big deal."
If his hands were shaking because he was angry at himself and not because of his withdrawal problems, no one would know. And if it was rain drenching his face or tears, no one would know.