A/N: Thanks for all the nice reviews every time again. You guys keep me going. xx
"I love you."
Nellie's jaw dropped. Was this a dream? Was this her pure imagination?
Ben sat next to her on the branch and had turned to her some moments ago. He smiled at her when he said it. Her mouth went completely dry and she wasn't able to form a sentence in her head. Ben scrutinized her the whole time - probably waiting for a response.
She couldn't believe it. Could it be? Could it be after all this time?
"Do you think she loves me, too?"
She felt her heart break into a million pieces. How could she be so blind and even think for one second that he could mean her? Nellie hardly fought against the tears that were building up.
She looked at Ben who smiled brightly at her, eager for her reply. The girl looked down fast, not able to bear his love-filled gaze any longer; not since it didn't belong to her.
"I…yes…sure" she whispered, every word another ache.
Ben was oblivious to what his confession had done to her.
"I'm so excited. Valentine's Day is soon, you know? And I planned on finally telling what I really feel for her. I'm so nervous. I hope she loves me, too. Ha, she's perfect."
He smiled again and swung his legs happily while humming a melody fitting its rhythm.
Nellie felt completely numb. She couldn't believe it.
Since the day Ben had told her about Lucy, she lived in a state of denial.
All this time, she had hoped that it would be over soon - that they both got tired of each other and stopped seeing. But the more time passed, the more Nellie had to realise that it was pure naiveté: the more time passed, the closer they got. They were almost inseparable by now.
She tried to ignore it, which worked well because they never really talked about her and if they did, Nellie had always changed the topic. But now it all came crushing down on her. She felt like she might choke from the pain she was trying to hide inside of her.
And the worst thing was that she couldn't tell him.
She couldn't tell him what she really felt; she couldn't tell him that she'd die to be that girl for him; because it wouldn't change a thing. He'd probably only feel guilty and it wasn't fair of her to blame him for her feelings although it'd probably be easier then.
Ben loved Lucy; it was so obvious that Nellie couldn't believe this statement was still so shocking to her now. She should have known that something like this would happen sooner or later.
But she had probably hoped it would be rather later than now.
Ben happily chatted on about how he planned to tell her but Nellie shut him off.
She was lost in her own sadness, trapped in a bubble filled with heartbreak and jealousy:
Jealousy for the girl who can have the whole lot.
What did this stupid Lucy girl think who she was?
That she could simply walk into his life and could have him all for herself?
What about Nellie?
What about her feelings?
She had been there for Ben when Lucy didn't even know about his existence and this should be for nothing now?
She was so disappointed.
She couldn't believe Ben would be so charmed by a girl. A simple girl. A girl he only knew some months.
What did she have that Nellie hadn't?
Was it only this stupid yellow hair he had always been talking about?
"Nellie, are you listening to me?"
She winced and turned to him.
"No, sorry…I was…lost in thoughts" she replied weakly, not to eager to know what piece of new information about the Lucy-girl she might get now.
"I asked you to help me." The smile appeared on his face again.
"With…what?"
She didn't want to know.
He rolled his eyes smirking, obviously trying to tell her playfully that he mentioned it already but Nellie wasn't in the mood to joke now.
"I asked you how I should tell her."
He bit his lip nervously, probably really struggling with the plan.
"Well…just tell" she simply responded, hoping to end the conversation.
"No…I can't just tell her. This has to be bigger."
You obviously didn't have a problem with just telling me.
She fought back some angry tears again. What did he think? That she would happily suggest him the most romantic ways of telling the yellow-haired girl that he loved her?
"Nellie, please…" he said sadly. "I'm really nervous. You're my best friend, I trust you. You're the only one who can help me with this."
Nellie looked up to him. This was really getting to him. She sighed deeply. It would break her heart but he was right.
She was still his best friend and no matter what happened, she wouldn't want to lose him once again.
So, she put all her courage together and tried to hide all the pain and sadness inside of her to be there for him, to help him with his problem.
"Well…you're telling her for the first time that you love her; the three most magical words in this world."
She picked every word carefully, trying not to expose herself in front of him.
"It has to be really romantic."
Ben sighed quietly.
"I…m not really good at these romantic things…"
Nellie closed her eyes, trying to think of all the things about romance she had read in her books. She'd always had a weakness for these things; the flowers, the love-filled looks…
The girl shook her head, trying not to focus on these images and how much she had always wished she's experience them one day, too.
Then she got an idea.
"You should take her to the Thames place. Remember, the place we've always been and where we went swimming some months ago? Get there in the evening, watch the stars and then you tell her…"
Ben turned to her, smiling brightly.
"What a great idea! You're the best, Nellie!"
He hugged her and tugged her close to himself.
She hid the face in his chest, trying to capture this moment.
Nellie had always felt so safe in his arms; as if nothing could harm her as long as he held her like this. But now it only increased the pain going on inside of her and it sent waves of sadness through her body.
Once more Nellie was glad that she had such a good self-control or she had been breaking down sobbing and breathing heavily once more.
Ben got back after a time, smiling sweetly at her and stroking back some strands that had been falling into her face.
She wished this moment could last forever.
But it was over earlier than she had hoped and Ben slid back on his previous position.
Nellie looked down the tree; neither able to think of a subject they could talk about, nor in the mood to find one. She simply wanted the day to be over, so she could hide in the sheets of her bed and simply pity herself in her miserable situation.
She focused on a squirrel that was making its way up the tree; a big nut in its mouth, probably stocking up for the following cold days. The girl tried to pay all of her attention on it but it soon disappeared inside a hole in a tree and left Nellie alone with her thoughts again.
"Nellie…can I ask you for another favour?"
Ugh, these cryptic questions.
She turned back to him, scrutinizing him. Sometimes she simply couldn't make a rhyme out of his words.
"What is it?"
He bit his lip, obviously afraid of her reaction.
"I…don't know how to say it…"
You weren't so nervous with pretending your confession was for me earlier!
"Just tell me, Ben. Nothing to be scared of."
He inhaled deeply, putting the sentence into a logical order into his head before he said:
"I…never kissed a girl before."
Nellie's eyes widened.
Had she heard this correctly?
What did he want to tell her with this?
"…so…" Nellie asked hesitantly.
"Well…" he turned back to her again. "I hoped you could…help me with this?"
He smiled lightly, trying to cover his nervousness.
Nellie frowned.
"Ben…I've never kissed a girl either. How should I help you with this?"
He laughed lightly at her blunt statement but fast got serious again.
"That's not what I mean."
"Then what do you-"
And then it clicked. A sudden realisation flushed through her:
He wanted to kiss her.
She looked at him, an expression of shock on her face.
"You…you want to share your first kiss with … m-me?"
He nodded slowly.
"Yes…I trust you so much and I feel so nervous about this, so I thought…we could both experience this together."
The light smile appeared on his face again. She noticed how awkward he felt about this whole topic but how important it was to him at the same time.
Nellie thought about her options.
She could refuse his proposal, which would be her good right and probably the best decision if she didn't want her heart to break even further.
Or she could give in and could be something Lucy would never be able to be; Ben's first kiss.
Nellie had never been too reasonable, that's why the response already came out of her mouth before she even thought it through properly:
"Alright…let's do it."
A brighter smile crept onto his face and a wave of relief seemed to flush through him; almost as if she had taken all of his doubts away, by simply agreeing to his proposal.
"You don't know how much this means to me."
He slid closer to her.
No, you don't know how much this means to me.
Nellie felt her heart racing, her hands started shaking lightly.
Ben closed his eyes and moved his head closer to hers, slightly tilting it so that their noses wouldn't bump against each other.
Nellie simply watched him - too taken aback to fully take in what was happening right now.
With every inch he got closer to her, the more her body was driving crazy.
When their lips met she couldn't fight it any longer, though and closed her eyes as well.
His mouth was so soft on hers. She never imagined it could feel that good.
Ben laid an arm carefully around her. He pulled her closer and stroked in comforting movements over her back. It worked. Nellie felt so much at ease that she would have probably fallen off the tree if he hadn't held her that way. But she couldn't care less at that moment.
She replied when he started to move his lips on hers; firstly because she didn't want him to feel awkward and secondly because even if she didn't want to, her body would have reacted differently anyway.
He cupped her cheek with the other hand and moved his fingers in soft and tender circles over it. She smiled against his mouth. Her whole body was filled with hormones that made her heart beat faster and faster. It was simply too good to be true.
This felt so right. Their lips moved in a perfect rhythm, almost as if they've always been waiting for this moment; to be united.
She never imagined kissing a boy could feel like this. Kissing had never been a big issue for her. But now that she was experiencing it, she didn't know if she could ever think of something else again.
In these small seconds, Nellie's world was alright again and all the pain was forgotten.