Never Quite Normal

By: Jessa L'Rynn & Olfactory Ventriloquism

This work is a collaborative effort. If it had been just me, this story wouldn't be right at all, so big round of applause for my co-author, Olfactory Ventriloquism. -Jessa

Disclaimer: We don't own Doctor Who. We have abducted him and are trying to get him to sign himself over. As the Doctor is currently tied to a chair, the immortal bloke appears to be on our side. Sort of. We'll have to keep an eye on him, too, it looks like.

Please note: This fic carries an M rating for a lot of very good reasons.

Chapter 13:

"Tell me what to do," Joshua's voice pleaded.

John agreed to join him at his flat, only after Joshua had insisted that he knew nothing about impressing "normal" girls. He supposed it made sense - the Doctor was used to sweeping girls off their feet and carrying them off to the stars. Earth-bound and feeling human, he probably would feel quite a bit out of his depth.

Joshua already had a few in him by the time John arrived. In annoyance, he greeted the alien with, "That'll be your first fuck up," instead of hello. "You get drunk off your arse in front of her and you'll only get to kiss her goodbye."

John talked Joshua out of going completely insane in the restaurant selection by the simple expedient of reminding him that such places expected collared shirts, which his jumper wasn't. "Of course, you could wear your uniform, that'd work." He knew they could conjure up UNIT dress in Joshua's size if it came to it, but he also had the near certainty that Joshua would rebel against the very idea.

He was right, and Joshua glowered at him, not nearly as inebriated as he'd seemed when John arrived, and too canny, therefore, to give in to that suggestion. He actually would have had fun with it, but he didn't think the Doctor would appreciate it later. Especially not when the Time Lord learned there were photos, which John would have gone out of his way to arrange.

To get an idea of the right sort of place, he requested, "Tell me what you know about her."

Joshua thought about it for a minute, and then an entire torrent of words started spilling out. "Everyone thinks her favorite color is pink, but it isn't, it's red. It makes her feel brave, red, makes her feel special. She's not afraid of anything except people hurting themselves. She wants to help. Doesn't matter what and, thank god, doesn't matter who, or she'd've never given me a second glance. She sees people, really sees them, no matter what sort of masks they wear. She's a lot more clever than she thinks she is, works stuff out, you know? She's very tender-hearted, but when she makes up her mind, she sticks to it."

John gaped at him. "Anything else?" he prompted, as the blue eyes went distant in contemplation of that last statement. John allowed himself to wonder, privately at least, if Joshua was only just now realizing that Rose had set her cap for him. By his own statement, if she'd decided to win Joshua, she would do everything in her power to succeed.

Joshua blinked. "Yes, right, Rose. She's a singer and she's fantastic. She loves music, knows it, hears it. And ice cream, she's fond of that. And chips, too, come to think of it, she and Shireen are always on about chips. She's beautiful, but you've seen her, so you know about that. She's got stars in her eyes and there's light all around her." He frowned, looking like he hadn't meant for any of that last to come out. Clearing his throat, he said, "So, I guess not much, really."

"You're a goner," John exclaimed, utterly awed. "Oh, you are doomed!" The Doctor, Joshua, whoever he thought he was, he was completely and utterly in love with an ordinary blonde girl from the Council Estates. Unable to resist the shy, wary smile, John grinned back, and never mind that it probably looked out of place on his face. "This is brilliant. Let's see what we can do."

Joshua stopped just short of taking notes as John talked. Still, he hung on every word, nodding as if John were giving him detailed instructions on how to save the world. "Honestly, if I were you, I would wear something besides a jumper and jeans, but that's up to you."

"Think I own a suit," Joshua said reluctantly. "S'pose I can wear it, long's it doesn't have pin-stripes. Hate pin-stripes, me. Bit too pretty, ya know?"

John nodded, agreeing with him, completely. "And be polite. Open doors for her and hold her chair and act the gentleman like you used to do."

"Oh, right."

"I suggested that place with dancing instead, are you sure you don't want..."

"I don't dance," Joshua said, like it was universal law.

John just shook his head. "If you're going to keep going out with her, you'd better remember how fast, because women like dancing. It's not like you can't, I've seen you."

By the time he left, he was almost certain the Doctor would act more like the one in the opera cape than his current manifestation, at least while trying to impress Rose. As he drove home, he phoned Harry on his mobile. "Are humans and Time Lords compatible?" he asked, making it clear which sort of 'compatible' he meant with the inflection of his voice.

"What?!" Harry demanded, and John could just imagine him blushing crimson at the very idea. "How should I know?!"

"You're the doctor, Dr. Sullivan. You might want to figure it out. Soon." Harry was still sputtering when John hung up, getting the distinct feeling that he was enjoying this on-going disaster quite a lot more than he should be doing.

Rose got to leave Henrick's at lunchtime on Thursday. Wilson spent his lunch hour with her, dragging her into a posh boutique in the next block on Regent's Street that was having a huge clearance sale. It turned out he'd seen a dress in the window that he was sure was perfect, and he was absolutely right. She tried it on and almost couldn't bear to take it off, it was so beautiful. The price tag was even more beautiful. Suddenly, if only briefly, Rose appreciated people like Stephanie. They wouldn't buy something that wasn't this minute's fashion, so people like herself could get a crack at it for a steep discount.

She found Shireen waiting for her when she got back to the flat. Ostensibly, she was there to ask Rose about her job, but they both knew she really wanted to hear the whole story and help Rose get ready.

Jackie, unfortunately, was between hair-cutting customers when Rose got home, and didn't take the trouble to keep her voice down in the rant she was delivering to Shireen. "I mean, honestly, all these older blokes. Even Mickey, for God's sake, he was seventeen when he first asked her out. And that Jimmy. Don't get me started on him. You know he still owes her almost eight hundred quid? Don't suppose she'll ever see a cent of it. And now this one. What's she going to do next? Drag home Sean Connery?"

Rose laughed a little. "He's a bit of all right," she teased, not even her mother able to get her down today. "If I meet him, I'll be sure to bring him home. You can have him, though. I expect he's rich."

Jackie, helpless in the face of that announcement, actually chuckled. "Cheeky brat. I raised you wrong, and I don't know how."

"You did fine," Rose said sweetly. "I'm alive, I'm healthy, I didn't get pregnant like poor Chloe Johnston. You should be proud."

"Please don't say that word in my presence again," Jackie shot back, her face white.

"What?" Rose asked, astounded. "Proud?"

"No, pregnant. You be safe if you decide..."

"Mum!" Rose shrieked. "He's not like that, I know he's not."

"So you say," Jackie grumbled. "You were wearing his clothes when you came home the other day."

Oh, right. Rose shook her head and looked at Shireen who was watching them both, wide eyed, like a cat watching billiards. "I borrowed his jumper to wear to sleep in. On the sofa. While his uncle sat up with him in his bedroom."

"So you say," Jackie repeated.

"C'mon, Rose," Shireen pleaded, dragging Rose toward her room by one hand, "you still haven't told me anything about Henrick's at all!" The instant the door was shut, Shireen leaned on it as though trying to force it shut on a bloody great pile of laundry in a tiny closet, and let out a great sigh. "I thought you said she'd calmed down."

"She had," Rose said. "But you know Mum, she's not happy if there's nothing to complain about."

Then, starting with the stolen jumper, and bouncing around from point to point, Rose told Shireen as much of the whole story as she could. She left out any of it that she thought was too private or that she didn't want to think about. Anything she was sure was only Joshua's business and no one else's, she kept to herself. More than anything, she talked about the flowers, the look on Stephanie's face when Rose got them, Wilson's reaction, and how much she loved them.

"You're a goner," Shireen pronounced, after Rose had described in detail the way Joshua had hugged her and held her so tightly, despite his bruised ribs, when she told him she'd go out with him. "And here's me thinking you just wanted to get in his pants!"

"I do not!" Rose replied, hotly. Shireen stared at her until Rose, unable to help herself, said, "He's still banged up from the car crash."

They fell into girlish giggles at that sort-of confession. When they sobered, Rose shook her head and sat down on her bed, looking out the window but not really seeing anything. "That's not what it's about. He's just... I dunno. Special. He can look at you and make you 'bout an inch tall, or queen of the world, just like that. He's seen so much and a lot of it was wrong, and you can tell just by looking at him. He's lonely, like we never are, like the next loneliest person in the world isn't. He just... he needs somebody. Not to fix him, but to care about him, to... I dunno. Hold his hand. He's trying to fool everyone into thinking he's just some bloke who can die in a gutter somewhere for all they care, but there's a lot more to him than that."

"That's just you, Rose," Shireen said softly. "Everyone else gets the drunk in the pub. You get smiles and jealousy and sheet music. And he just jotted it down while you sang it?"

"Yeah," Rose whispered. "He's brilliant."

"C'mon, let's get you ready."

The rest of the afternoon flew by in a haze chatter and preparation. Jackie shocked Rose nearly out of her shoes when she came in with a cuppa for each of them and proceeded to put Rose's hair up in a shockingly lovely style. "Make you look a bit older at least, so everyone won't think you're his daughter or something."

Rose laughed this time at the age thing. It was really driving Jackie up the wall. "You know what I think?" she teased. "You're just jealous you didn't see him first!"

Jackie laughed with her. "What would we talk about, yeah? Which booze is the best bargain? You're welcome to the broody old sod. And drink your tea, it's getting cold."