Corruption, Deception, Insurrexion by P. Dizzle tha Prime Legend Champion
Associative Disclaimer: Except for a few references to a little inspiration from "Between Friends" by start-a-revolution, this story is completely fictional and original.
Proprietary Disclaimer: I own absolutely none of the "materials", including CM Punk, and McMahonism. Everything unfortunately belongs to Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Oh… except for Christan. He's owned by Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett.
Rating: T
Summary: The end of John Cena's friendship with his secret crush at the hands of her boyfriend becomes the catalyst to a war which shall shake the foundation right off of Raw. A story of love, betrayal, wrestling, corruption, redemption, and……… McMahonism!?!?!?
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a/n: Okay, peeps. I've made a decision. CM Punk's entrance theme song in this story will change at Unforgiven. And, um, based on my little Heat chapter's involvement in the entire picture, I know about the fact that Trish Stratus is going to be leaving WWE after Unforgiven. Any suggestions as to what I should do with her after Unforgiven for this story would be gladly appreciated.
EDIT: I feel kinda stupid about having thrust Edge's Rob Zombie entrance theme onto CM Punk (and then "Blood Brother" after it anywhere after Summerslam), so I changed it to "This Fire Burns" by Killswitch Engage, the song he uses in ECW anyway. Oh, and there's no point in having had CM Punk go blonde again at first so I'm removing that. So he's had his black hair look and his real-WWE ECW theme the whole time now according to changed facts. Oh, and as for the theme change thing above: I had originally planned for "This Fire Burns" to be the theme he'd switch to. So there's no point in it anymore.
Chapter 14: More of This Raw Nonsense
Date & Show: September 4, 2006, WWE Monday Night Raw
Immediately beginning this episode of Raw was the entire House of McMahonism (with the conspicuous exception of Edge and Lita) standing in the ring with the Corporate Ministry music playing in the background. Vincent Kennedy McMahon was on the microphone.
"Ladies and gentlemen, or should I say, heathens and followers in McMahonism alike, (insert boos) I plan on introducing to you the man who should be the most pleased champion in WWE history. We originally had plans for a grand celebration for our WWE Heavyweight Champion Edge, but unfortunately, despite his girlfriend's obvious optimism and her best wishes, even he could not accept the art of partying, after the way that last week went down for McMahonists everywhere," Vince began to a loud mixed reaction. "DX played with our things, they spray-painted our people, and they stepped on our pride, all for their own personal enjoyment, for their own fun. They're a bunch of children in WWE contracts and wrestling adult bodies, damnit! (insert cheers) And this is what you have to hear from Mick Foley in a holy testament from the WWE studios in Stamford, Connecticut as a result of this! You shootheads in the production truck, roll the clip before I come down there and fire each and every single one of you!" (insert boos)
With a completely seething Mr. McMahon giving the order, the people in the truck did begin to roll a clip.
The footage showed Mick Foley standing before us inside WWE studios in Stamford, Connecticut, as Vince McMahon siad, and his shirt had a noticeable green unhappy emoticon face on it with the Mankind mask covering part of the face.
Mick: "As you all can see, I'm Mick Foley, and the shirt I'm wearing right now is as unhappy am I am. I have to make a statement right here addressing an event last week that was very personal to me. You see, last week, when Shane McMahon and I tried to take the Rated R Superstar gold convertible for a quick spin before the night was over, Shane McMahon started the car, and he and I ended up having to be plastered with the smelliest and slimiest green smoke I've ever known in my life. We wanted to take a ride. Instead, we took the embarrassment for Edge and Lita. What's worse is, my old pal the Rock was there, and by instructions from DX, he showed a picture of the Rated R gold car in its most desolate state. And even though Shane McMahon got cleaned up and changed his suit in time to come out and help out Edge once again by ensuring that our WWE Champion defeated his inferior old friend, Christian Cage, I still ended up having the back of my shirt spray-painted, branded, by that green slimy spray paint logo of D-Generation X. Obviously, my personal message will be directed towards D-Generation X. Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, and Trish Stratus. You four are the exact problem of what is wrong with this WWE's fan demographic. You prance around like a bunch of children, your actions solely to embarrass other people so as to feel better about yourselves, and rambling on about nothing through your actions rather than your words. Especially the two co-founders of DX, Triple H and Shawn Michaels. Last I recall, Triple H, you're in your upper 30s, and Shawn, you're in your lower 40s. The both of you were doing fine in your careers evolving from the Attitude era, and even in your current washed up states, you could outperform anyone in the WWE. Yet now you guys are running around, doing little sophomoric pranks and jokes, trying to relive your glory days at everybody's expense. And those people… no, those degenerate heathens who have the audacity to call themselves fans, actually cheer for you at your every little childish prank. Quite frankly, not only is this growing old, but as of August 28th, 2006, it's been haunting me! (insert cheers and crowd laughter) The thought of me being branded like a piece of property, like a dumb sonofabitch! Me! Mick Foley! A true family man! A loyal apostle of the great religion of McMahonism! (insert loud boos) A man who has given all he has to this business, to being cemented as a Hardcore Legend! A man who's swallowed his teeth and lost his ear to the trash can while working for a terrible owner who happens to be a legendary wrestler except for the fact that he's a has-been! A man who's had to see a fan-made sign telling people to hit his then three-year-old son with a Singapore cane! - That's right! I still haven't forgotten about that "Cane Dewey" sign! - And for me to have to stand here, and realize that I was tied up around my ankles and gagged in a boiler room, then spray-painted with another entity's name, branded inferior to that entity like an immediate piece of crap, is a thought that I have had trouble living down, despite being comforted by my wife, consoled by my kids, and uplifted by my McMahonism and New World Order friends, including the beautiful Melina of the nWo. (insert mixed reaction) Do you understand me, DX? Do you understand me!? I've been having nightmares for a week of my life thinking about how I was branded, how me and my black Cactus Jack "Wanted Dead" shirt that I was wearing were treated like we were amounted to absolutely nothing, and we were treated like that by a bunch of degenerate wannabes! And yesterday, when Hulk Hogan phoned me, and he allowed my good friends MNM and Melina to speak to me, and Melina said the words, "Mick, I hope DX is the farthest thing from your mind," that's when I couldn't take it anymore. That's when I snapped! And when I snapped, I immediately hung up, and I called Vince McMahon, and I told him, "Vince! I want Triple H at Armageddon in an extreme rules match!" (insert cheers) And then Vince McMahon asked me if I was sure, and he tried to plead me out of it, but no matter what he said or did, I still said, "Me! Triple H! Armageddon! Extreme Rules!" And he had to remind me that the next pay-per-view is actually called Unforgiven, and Armageddon is a Smackdown event in December. But in any case, he finally still gave me the match that I wanted. And I promise you, Triple H, you're about to step foot into the ring in thirteen days with the most violent sonofabitch on the face of the planet, the Hardcore Legend, "Cactus Jack" Mick Foley, once again! (insert cheers) And after you bleed through every bone in your body, Helmsley, you greedy, heartless, cerebral and senile son of a bitch, and then after you get pinned by a man who you personally branded just weeks before, then let's see you try to have a nice day ever again! Yeah!"
As he said "Yeah!", he executed a tired thumbs up, and then the clip was done.
"Now, as you all just saw, this is what the immaturity of Triple H and D-Generation X can do to a man," Shane McMahon said on the mic, receiving boos for even speaking. "And I hope Triple H is ready to pay the price, because everyone here knows that when Mick Foley gets into that mode, he's no longer a cute and cuddly Dude Love style teddy bear, no no no. He becomes a mean jack. Cactus Jack! The toughest and the most hardcore S.O.B. you've ever seen in your entire God-forsaken lives, each and every one of you! (insert boos) You have to admit that! (boos continue) But in any case, now to introduce to you, the couple of "the Queen of Extreme" Lita and our WWE Heavyweight Champion, "the Rated R Superstar" Edge!"
"Metalingus" by Alterbridge then came on, after which Edge came out with the WWE Championship around his waist, and he ran across each side of the stage showing off his title. Once he got back to the center to walk down the ramp, Lita appeared out of the smoke and walked down with him, the couple holding hands while receiving boos all the way down. They then separated and slid into the ring together in their usual way, including Lita's waist being pressed against a kneeled Edge's face, before the Rated R Superstar got o a turnbuckle and raised the title high in the air, Lita signaling towards him as he accepted the jeers of the crowd with glorious pride. He then got a microphone from the ringside area and immediately started talking.
"Okay, cut the music," Edge instructed, being booed even further as the song stopped. "Let's just cut to the chase and get the picture straight. You see, people, I'm supposed to be celebrating. Lita and I are supposed to be feeling like we're on top of the world. I mean, for crying out loud, you pathetic ex-'Heads! I'm the WWE Heavyweight Champion! (insert boos) I have singlehandedly brought back order and McMahonism to the most prestigious championship in all of wrestling! Never has this magnificent strap around my waist been able to show its place as a true belt to behold since the day that quitting bitch JBL lost the title to a certain no-good thug named John Cena! And while we're on the subject of John Cena, let me remind young M-Cena and every single person in this building of a certain truth that I think he chooses to ignore and to neglect. You see, John Cena, when this is eventually over, Maria will stay as she was when this all began: together with CM Punk, and completely unassociated with you! Because CM Punk is a better athlete, a better star, and a better man than you any day of the week, just like me! And to my old pal Christian Cage: at Unforgiven, I'm gonna prove to you that the same thing that goes for John Cena, CM Punk, and Maria, also goes for you, me, and the WWE Championship! Just like Maria will stay Punk's girlfriend, this belt is staying with me at the end of the day, and no fake thugs or fake talk show hosts or fake cool people from the Insurrexion will never again know what it is to have a girlfriend or a championship belt by the time this is all over! (insert boos) And RVD, despite the fact that earlier tonight you beat Shelton Benjamin in a fatal 4-way to become #1 contender for the Intercontinental Championship, that applies for you too! Charlie Haas isn't a close friend or member of McMahonism, but even so, you will not win the Intercontinental Title at Unforgiven. And talking about Unforgiven, that takes us back to Christian Cage, who obviously still has yet to know exactly what kind of match his "charismatic" self is gonna be involved in. You see, Christian thinks that he's gonna team with Stacy Keibler in a women's pinfall match against me and Lita in which Stacy pinning the petal on my arm or forcing my lovely lady to tap out - like any of that would happen anyway - means Christian takes from me the one thing that means more to me than anyone or anything, with the very possible exception of Lita: this WWE Championship. (insert cheers) And I cannot have that inferior piece of crap who I carried for fifteen years beating me for the-"
And Edge suddenly stoped himself in the midst of speaking, because that damn music was starting up. "My Last Breath" by Evanescence, the theme music of Christian Cage. Christian came out in his TNA "got charisma?" shirt, which riled up the McMahons a little bit and helped the fans cheer for him. He stood at the stage, thumped his chest, and pointed a kiss at his peeps, before taking the microphone in his left hand and holding it up to speak.
"Scuse me, Edgemeister, but I… I wanted to come out here and to make a point. And that point is, that you proved last week why Stacy Keibler's gonna pin Lita at Unforgiven, and why I'm gonna take the WWE Championship from you in our own hometown of Toronto, Ontario, Canada! You see, the reason that this is gonna happen is because you and me, we're superior beings, but in terms of who's superior to the other, well let me put it to ya this way: when you put the Rated R Superstar and Captain Charisma on an even playing field, you, the so-called "big grasshopper" of the team, you cannot beat me," Christian stated, sending fans into a frenzy of cheers.
"What do you mean I can't beat you? Last I recall, last time we were in the same match before you made your little "comeback", who was the winner? Me!" Edge pointed out. "And it just happened to be the Money in the Bank ladder match that Matt Hardy claims he was supposed to be in!"
"Oh, yeah. That match wasn't just you and me. It also included our old buddy Chris Jericho, that pathetic loser Shelty B - who back in 2004 had to crap-feed my Peeps with a complete farce of a speech in order to steal my votes at Taboo Tuesday - the Big Red Freak, and Chris Benoit. Anybody can win a six-man ladder match," Christian retorted.
"You think it's complete luck just because it's the one you couldn't win? Last I recall, after we dropped Gangrel's gothic image, I won every ladder match I've ever competed in! You haven't! You only won every tag team ladder match you've ever competed in, all in which you were associated with someone cooler than you, like me! You never could win a ladder match on your own!" Edge countered with a grin on his face, leading to more crowd disapproval. "And if you want a pure example of what I'm talking about, remember when you betrayed me because you were jealous of my success and you couldn't accept that you were a complete failure? (insert "ohhh"s) Yeah, who came out of that feud the Intercontinental Champion? Not you, Christian! Me!"
"I did beat you for the title, by the way, you had to take it back," Christian pointed out. "Oh, and who came back to beat who for the World Tag Team Titles, and then carried them over from Smackdown to Raw, where they've been to this day in which they are held by the Chain Gang? Last I recall, that was me! And my tag team partner wasn't as well-renowned as yours. I teamed with my good friend, fellow Canadian Lance Storm, whereas you had to pair up with your hero, Hulk Hogan. And you still couldn't beat me!" (insert cheers)
"Two things, Christian: that wasn't one-on-one, and that wasn't even-ended: you had to win by interference from your pal Chris Jericho. Isn't that right?" Edge reminded him, again being booed for making a point against the Peeps Master.
"Yeah, well let me explain to you how this shindig works, Edge. I've made you look sad every time we've beefed. And I'm including when I first got here to the WWE. All I had to do was show up, and you didn't even know I was aligned with Gangrel, and you were distracted out of your boots like I was some long lost ex-girlfriend or something. Just like that, that's how you let Owen Hart beat you in an awesome match at Breakdown '98! And do I have to remind you, that fateful day when we met? My first day at your elementary school in Kitchener? We were both fifth graders. I heard the name "Adam Copeland", and I looked at you and barely paid attention. You heard the name "Jason Reso", and you saw me raise my hand. Who, Edge, approached who because he was impressed with whose actually having possession of Ninja Stars?"
"That's fifth grade, Christian. That's kiddie stuff," Edge said, trying to pass it off as such.
"You approached me because you were impressed with the fact that I had Ninja Stars on me! You, Edge, were impressed by me before we ever even talked to each other! I was worth more than you then, I'm worth more than you now, and I'm gonna prove it at Unforgiven when Stacy pins Lita-"
"Speaking of that, Christian, just like you think you know me, I said you think you and Stacy are facing me and Lita in a women's fall match where the women determine the fate of mu WWE Championship. See, you're wrong. You and Stacy aren't even facing me and Lita. You and Stacy Keibler are gonna take on the mixed gender tag team of me, the WWE Heavyweight Champion Edge, and the WWE Women's Champion, Mickie James! (insert mixed reaction) And this match is gonna be a "one title changes hands" mixed tag team match. Which means, if the women - in this case, Stacy Keibler and Mickie James - are legal in the final decision, only the Women's Championship can change hands based on the decision. Meanwhile, if you and I are legal in the final decision, only my WWE Title can change hands. You're getting either a new Women's Champion, a new WWE Champion, or both the same champions! (insert boos) It's either or neither, Christian. Not both."
"Well, that only works better, Edgeward. Because now I know what's gonna happen at Unforgiven. See, it's gonna go practically the exact same way it went back when I beat that jackass who constantly wears white pants to become the NWA World Heavyweight Champion in a reign more impressive than both of your WWE Championship reigns combined!" Christian proclaimed, much to the glee of these fans. "Mickie James is gonna go up top and try to give me a hurracanrana, I'm gonna counter it with a snap powerbomb, (insert small cheers) I'm gonna walk towards you and you're gonna try to get me in Edgecution, and I'm gonna counter out of it and give you the Unprettier instead, (insert small cheers) and I'm gonna pin you 1, 2, 3, and become the WWE Heavyweight Champion! (insert cheers) And after the announcement is made, all of my Peeps in our hometown of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, the very place where we grew up and where I later on ended our tag team alliance by beating you in the head with a chair, (insert cheers) are gonna storm the ring and lift me up in the air like a true hero, and you're gonna be lucky if they don't trample all over you like a complete jackass, and you're gonna be forced to stand there with the same fake smile as your personal whore (insert cheers as Lita vehemently denies such claims and shouts obscenities at Cage) clapping your hands and showing me either real or fabricated respect, because-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute, Christian! You're a chumpstain! You're a joke! For the longest time while you were in WWE, all you could talk about is being Captain Charisma, thinking you're cool, and having imaginary fans you call Peeps! What in the hell makes you so sure that anything you just said is gonna happen anyway? Until that one sudden fluke at TNA, you never could get over your horny devices and counter a girl's hurracanrana, so right there, the very first part of that statement is wrong!" Edge pointed out.
"Well, now that you mention it, Edge, that's exactly why I'm gonna beat your ass when we go back home at Unforgiven," Christian confusingly stated
"Why, because you're a horny, self-deluded, Creepy Little Bastard?" Edge quipped happily.
"No! Because I'm Captain Charisma!" Christian stated profoundly, holding up the microphone so that the fans could say the last word: "Bitch!" As Cage's music finally came on, he thumped his chest and pointed to his wildly cheering fans once again, then walked away to the back, leaving Edge to fume along with the rest of the McMahonists, including his girlfriend.
Minutes later, all of them had finally left to the back, with the exception of Shane McMahon, who was still in the ring.
"Last week, the Chairman of the Board, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, stated that the two members of the Undertaker's newest incarnation of the Ministry of Darkness that he got from the Raw roster would be revealed on Smackdown, and that they would make the first of their sporadic Raw appearances in order to challenge the Chain Gang's Matt Hardy and Taka Michinoku for the World Tag Team Championships. That takes us straight to our Smackdown Rebound. Roll the footage!"
Once this happened, we went into our Smackdown Rebound, which showed at first images of the Ministry and the nWo from old days, with Cole and JBL talking about how new incarnations of those two factions would be facing off in the ring. Then, out came to the nWo music Scott Hall, leading to many shocked cheers and a surprised Michael Cole shouting out the words, "It's Scott Hall!"
"Hulk Hogan and the rest of the nWo Hollywood Future hasn't made it to the arena yet, so I just decided to come out here. Hey, yo! Undertaker! Show yourself and show us who your Ministry are, right now!"
The Dark Bell then rang, and Scott Hall got his answer, the Ministry members being revealed one by one, standing behind Undertaker: they were ECW's Kevin Thorn (with Ariel) and Gangrel, and Raw's Kane and Viscera!
"These soldiers will lead an uprising of darkness against your New World Order, which in the end will rest… in… peace!" Undertaker declared, before he quickly extended his arms forward and set off something from underneath the ring which started a ringside inferno.
From his office, Teddy Long later said the following to Hulk Hogan after he led the nWo into Teddy's office:
"Alright, Hulkster: I'll tell you what you got. See, tonight, your brand new nWo's gonna have the opportunity to draw first blood. Representing the nWo will be Randy Orton and Scott Hall. And representing the Ministry will be Kevin Thorn and the Undertaker!"
Footage of this match will be detailed via the commentary.
Cole: "The Undertaker promised that his new Ministry of Darkness is gonna put an end to this New World Order, which Hulk Hogan brought back to life with the intention of leading Smackdown into a "Hollywood Future". This tag team match, with the Undertaker and ECW's Kevin Thorn against Randy Orton and Scott Hall, is to draw first blood.
JBL: "These guys are putting it all out there. This is truly going to be a magnificent faction war between the Ministry and the nWo."
Cole: "Undertaker's got him goozled up! Oh, and a thumb to the eye by Randy Orton, which he quickly follows up with that inverted back breaker!"
JBL: "The New World Order is running wild!"
Cole: "The Undertaker's gaining momentum! It could be the end for the nWo tonight! But there's Scott Hall, Razor Ramon right there breaking up the three count."
JBL: "What is that illegal vampire-looking guy from ECW, Kevin Thorn doing!?"
Cole: "He's taking Scott Hall out of the match! … This could be it! Undertaker's signaling for a Tombstone. But what's Brooke Hogan doing on the apron?"
JBL: "Look over there, you fruit booty!"
Cole: "It's Chavo! And he just rolled Ariel into the ring, but why!? … Oh, my god. Oh, no! He just hit the Gory Bomb on Ariel!"
JBL: "She was ugly anyway!"
Cole: "And that assault just distracted the Undertaker. RKO by Randy Orton! No! Not this way!"
"Here are your winners, Scott Hall and Randy Orton, n.W.o.!"
Cole: "The nWo steals one! … And Kevin Thorn's cleaning house on Hall and Orton! But here comes MNM and Melina!"
JBL: "Finally, this guy gets what's coming to him. Vampires don't win in this business!"
Cole: "Snapshot by MNM on Kevin Thorn! Kane, Gangrel, and Viscera are taking a steel chair assault from Mark Henry and now Chavo backstage, and now that damn Hogan's out here! … And an Atomic Leg Drop to Thorn! Another Leg Drop, this time for the Undertaker! For Friday Night Smackdown, the New World Order's Hollywood Future has just reached dawn. This is sickening!"
JBL: "Nobody can stop the nWo!"
Hogan: "4 life!"
"Now, we just figured out that the nWo on Smackdown is unstoppable, and that the Ministry has got two guys who have a chance at taking the World Tag Team Championship away from the Chain Gang, after which they just might never be on Raw again. Personally, I don't care. We McMahons own all three brands, and I'd do anything to get rid of the Chain Gang having any kind of status," Shane announced. "So, without further ado, from the Undertaker's new Ministry of Darkness, please welcome the #1 contenders for the World Tag Team Championship, Viscera and Kane!"
After that, "Slow Chemical" by Finger Eleven came on immediately following a burst of flame at the stage, and out came Kane and Viscera to an eerie red lighting scene, and actually quite a bit of cheering. Viscera, still wearing a pair of "wrestling pajamas", used the steps and ropes to get into the ring, while Kane just got on the apron directly and went over the ropes to get in, then reset the lights via setting off his flaming pyro at the four corners of the ring. After his music died out, the Chain Gang theme came on, following which Taka Michinoku and Matt Hardy came out and bumped knuckles while walking out, then Matt raised his V1 handsign as they walked down the ramp. The two Chain Gang soldiers both then used the steps and ropes, Matt first, to get in the ring, then Matt went to lean on the ropes and throw up his V1 sign again, while Taka came on a turnbuckle and raised his arms out high and wide. Both men were severely cheered as they did their entrances, and then the bell finally rang.
Everyone by now could figure out that the Chain Gang's Hardy and Taka were at a serious size disadvantage against Kane and Viscera. Both teams discussed among themselves who would start the action, and it was soon decided on the old rivals Hardy and Kane. Matt stepped up to Kane and exchanged some words with him, following which he extended a hand to the Big Red Monster. Kane accepted the handshake, after which Matt Hardy quickly attacked Kane rights and left, before finally leveling him with a right hand discus punch, which caused him to stagged backwards a bit as Matt ran off the ropes and came at Kane with a running forearm/elbow strike. Kane stagged back a little further, after which Matt backed up, then dashed forward at Kane, only to get tossed over Kane's back across the apron. Matt did manage to hang on and get back onto the apron, however, but instead of anything good coming of it, he ended up getting assaulted in the jaw by an uppercut from Kane as soon as the seven-footer turned around. Matt was sent off the apron right near the announcer's table, after which Viscera came down from the apron and picked up Matt, set him on the table, gave him a huge slap to the chest, then picked him up and rolled him into the ring.
Kane took Hardy and irishwhipped him, then went for a clothesline, but Hardy ducked it, and courtesy of Taka, Kane quickly ended up the recipient of a missile dropkick off the top rope. Taka then quickly left the ring, allowing for Matt Hardy to get an elbow drop on Kane. Matt then got up and delivered a quick leg drop to the Big Red Machine. After this, he covered Kane, who powered out after the count of two. As soon as Kane got up on both feet (but not to a full vertical base) Hardy grabbed his head, then hit him with several knees to the head of Kane. Once done with this assault, Matt hit Kane with a dropkick to the lower legs, causing Kane to fall down on hit knees. After this, Taka came into the ring without warning and managed to bypass the referee's admonishment in order to dropkick Kane in the side of the head. Matt then barely managed to drag Kane away from the ropes, and then to hook his leg for a cover. Again, Kane kicked out emphatically after two. Matt then got up, gave Kane a quick knee to the head to keep him down, then tagged in Taka, who slingshot over the ropes to hit a senton to the back of Kane. He then hit a quick legdrop on the back of Kane's neck, following which he instructed Hardy to get down. Once Matt did so, he dragged Kane's legs down to the outside, though Kane was able to land on his feet. Matt quickly dodged a Kane clothesline and ran off a little bit, and as soon as Kane ended up within range, Taka hit him with a baseball slide, knocking him back into the security rail. Taka then ran off the ropes on the opposite side and made a suicide dive through the ropes onto Kane, both men hitting the railing! As a result, both Kane and Taka were down, and the referee began his ring out count. The show ended up going to a commercial break
Once that commercial break was over, Matt Hardy and Taka were both in the ring, with Kane in the corner. They managed to set him up seated on the top turnbuckle. After this, Taka ran off the ropes, and Matt backtossed him as high as he could, so that he ended up on Kane's shoulders. Once this happened, Taka crossed his legs, then saulted down, taking Kane down in a frankensteiner off the top! Taka then quickly left the ring, after which Hardy made the cover. 1… 2… no! Kane still kicked out, and not tiredly either! Hardy got up, and immediately went to punch away at Kane, back, before he shot forward with his arms and ripped Hardy away from him before getting up once he did so, he irishwhipped Matt into one of the neutral corners, then charged at him with a huge clothesline within that corner, following which he took him with one hand and hit him with a sidewalk slam. Kane then went to the Ministry corner and tagged in Viscera, who came into the ring, bounced off the ropes, and immediately nailed that huge splash of his on Matt Hardy, following which he got off him, turned him over, and then started riding on his back with the Viscagra! It was an embarrassing yet entertaining move, as painful as it was for Matt Hardy. Vis then picked up Matt Hardy, took both of his hands by the neck, but could not hit the Embalmer, because Hardy had determination. Matt gave Viscera several forearms/elbows to the head, then hit him with a hard kick to the gut, forcing him to let go. However, he then hooked his arms and locked his head in, then dove forward and hit a very sloppy-looking Side Effect takedown on Viscera. After this, Hardy made the cover on Viscera. 1… 2… no! The 500-pound World's Largest Love Machine (if he can still call himself that while in Taker's Ministry) was able to power out of it immediately after the two was heard! As Hardy looked on flustered, Viscera was able to get up. Hardy quickly did so and came charging at Viscera, but ended up getting bieled to the outside.
However, this match was not going to last long, as Edge suddenly appeared with a steel chair, came into the ring, and pelted Viscera straight in the face with it as soon as Big Vis turned around. Edge then gave the wobbly big man another chair shot, sending him stumbling back, through the middle and top rope, falling down flat on the outside. Kane then came into the ring, and Edge immediately hit him in the gut, then in the back, then in the head with that chair, leveling him down. Taka got into the ring, and Edge saw it and immediately shot him with what sounded like the hardest of steel chair shots, which actually caused the chair to get bent over. Edge then dragged Taka all the way down to outside the ring, then carried Taka and set him down on the announcers' table. He then helped Matt Hardy up, as the black-haired North Carolinian was having trouble rising to his feet on his own, but not with honest purposes. Instead, he flapjacked Hardy onto the table with Taka already on it, driving both Chain Gang tag partners right through the table, and one right through the other! As Edge's music then came on, he rubbed his hands so as to say that business was just handled, then left through the crowd. And lucky for him that he did, because he apparently didn't even know that John Cena was making a bee-line towards that area and sending the fans into a frenzy. And for some reason, his music played, which meant he still didn't know that until he turned around and saw Cena. He then laughed at the leader of the Chain Gang for being unable to protect his soldiers from such an unfortunate assault, as well as for being unable to protect himself from something else: CM Punk, who had just arrived from behind Cena, turned him around, and hit him with a Uranage slam, into that Anaconda Vice submission grip. While Cena refused to tap out because of his typical fighting spirit, he was brought into major pain, and could do nothing about this submission even into the commercial break.
During the break, Maria had finally gotten down and forced Punk to let go of John Cena, who probably wasn't going to be there next week now. Now they were walking through the back, trying to find their locker room.
"CM, why do you have to keep doing this? Please, tell me!" Maria pleaded with him for an explanation.
"It's the exact same thing I've been saying this whole time, alright!?" Punk yelled, his head suddenly snapping towards Maria. He saw her scared face, then immediately sighed in regret, before taking her into a convincingly loving embrace. "Look, Ria. I'm sorry I just yelled at you, but… I just don't understand. Why won't you believe me about John?"
"Because he used to be my best friend out of all the stars and studs in the entire locker room," Maria explained somberly.
"Babe, I… I'm sorry," CM finally apologized. "But what am I supposed to think? He's a guy, who sees how beautiful you are inside and out, and who likes to be street because he thinks it's cool. I don't know him that well, and he's admitted to being in love with you. Even if it wasn't his intention from the start, you can't tell me not to think he is or will be trying to take you away from me, or not to act on it."
"I know, I know! But like you just said, you guys don't know each other that well. Don't you think that you should try and go talk to him or something?" Maria suggested.
"Maria, it's not that simple. I never liked or trusted the stench of that man, and I probably never will. To think that I could lose you to him… I just can't," CM admitted to both Maria and himself.
Meanwhile, in Vince McMahon's office…
"What the hell was that!?" Vince yelled, berating the WWE Champion Edge, who was standing before him. "We had a tag team with a clear path to pummeling Matt Hardy and Taka, and taking the World Tag Titles away from them! What were you thinking!?"
"Mr. McMahon, I was thinking about Raw!" Edge replied immediately. "If the Ministry took the tag team titles, they could easily end up losing it to somebody from Smackdown, like the nWo, and Raw would never see the titles again!"
"What do I care about that!? I'm Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the WWE Chairman, and the God of McMahonism! I own both Raw and Smackdown, and ECW! And I would give my left arm for that whining batallion they actually call a Chain Gang to lose those tag team titles if I had to! And now it looks like I will have to!"
"No: you won't!" Edge shot back, surprising the boss. "See, I have an awesome idea by which we could easily claim the tag team championship for our own. Here's what we'll do. First, next week, you put Taka Michinoku one on one in the ring against me, after which I will kick the crap out of him and force him out of action. After that, it's over for that tag team. Taka has to relinquish his tag team championship. Then, in two weeks on Raw, Matt has to find somebody who wants to team up with his whining ass. And trust me, unless it's that brother of his, who practically died three years ago, or somebody else like Taka who can be the sizzle to his state, there's no way in hell that he can beat this supreme tag team combination I've got in mind."
"And who? Who's the supreme tag team combination you've got in mind?" Shane asked somewhat angrily.
"Shane, it's funny you ask. One of the partners is a guy who came to me about a losing streak, after which I gave him a couple tips, including to keep his head up," Edge began to detail. "And trust me: he knows what it takes now to get back on top of the picture. As for the other guy? Well, Shane, it's you…"
"What!?" Shane shot, in surprise and seemingly in protest, until a smile started creeping up on his face. "You mean-"
"Yep. I can see it now," Edge boasted with a smile that became contagious to the McMahons. "(imitating a ring announcer) Here are your winners, and the new World Tag Team Champions, Shelton Benjamin and Shane McMahon! (end imitation) What do you think?"
"You know what, Edge? I think that reeks of awesomeness," Shane said, after which Edge had to throw on a little laugh.
In the midway point of the night, Mickie James' music came on, after which she came down the ramp jumping and skipping as usual, with Candice Michelle walking right behind her, ready for this diva tag team match. Once down the ramp, both ladies slid into the ring this time, Mickie going on the top turnbuckle and screaming with her hands up as usual, and Candice leaning bent over on the second rope right next to her, blowing on her magic wand as she did so. Despite the McMahonism affiliation, the two women did get some cheers, simply because of their attractiveness. After this, "Legs" by Kid Rock came on, and out came Stacy Keibler and Victoria, both looking good as well as ready to rumble. Neither did any antics while walking down the ramp, and while Victoria used the steel steps and cross the ropes normally to get into the ring, followed by raising her hands in trademark manner, Stacy got directly on the apron and crossed the ropes slowly in order to show off her 41½-inch legs as usual. After this, both teams got in their corners, and the match was set to begin.
Stacy and Mickie both went to the apron, meaning the former Vince's Devils in the match would start the action. However, that was quickly proven wrong, for as soon as Victoria stepped towards Candice, the GoDaddy Women decided to tag in Mickie James. As soon as Mickie stepped into the ring, however, they locked up in a grapple. As the stronger Victoria pushed Mickie back into her corner, Candice blind tagged herself back into the match and Mickie reversed the position, holding Victoria in the corner while Candice stomped at her gut. Mickie went back to the apron after the first of those stomp kicks, but with each one, Victoria was seated lower and lower, until she was on the floor in the corner. That's when Candice used her knee to squeeze Victoria's head in between knee and turnbuckle, until the referee started his count, after which Candice let go. The GoDaddy Woman then dragged Victoria out from the corner, and then did her trademark GoDaddy dance, stimulating a few of the male fans before dropping an elbow on Victoria and covering her. Victoria kicked out after two. Candice then pulled Victoria closer to the corner, then tagged in Mickie James.
Mickie got into the ring, and both women picked up Victoria, following which they hit her with a double team suplex. James then covered Victoria, who kicked out after the count of two. Mickie picked up Victoria, and shot her with a forearm, following which she irishwhipped the Vicious Vixen, and greeted her return by taking her up and hitting her with a backbreaker. Mickie then lifted Victoria into a seated position, then ran off the ropes and came back to hit her with a dropkick to the head. However, Victoria immediately laid on her back before getting hit, then raised herself up when Mickie was within range and got her in a cover! 1… 2… no! Mickie James kicked out, and then both she and Victoria quickly got up. James swung towards Victoria for a clothesline, but Victoria was able to duck it, get behind Mickie, and pick her up and drop her with a rolling backdrop suplex! After this, Victoria and James both got up to a vertical base, and Mickie hit Victoria with a spinning back kick to the midsection, followed by a front kick to the chest. She tried to follow that up with a spinning back kick to the face, but Victoria caught the leg and flipped her over to she fell on her back!
Victoria then went over to her corner and tagged in Stacy Keibler, who came in as James was getting up. Stacy ran at Mickie and hit her with a clothesline. Mickie quickly got back up, and took another clothesline from Keibler. Mickie got up again, and Stacy gave her a knife edge chop to the pectorial region, following which she irishwhipped her and tried to toss her over for a back body drop, but James instead leapt over Keibler's back and got her in a sunset flip pin. After the count of two, Stacy reversed it into a rana cover, but Mickie re-reversed it after two. Stacy reversed it again after the count of two, and that's when Candice got in the ring and kicked Stacy in the face, causing it to be reversed again. However, Victoria got off the apron and before the ref could hit three, pulled Stacy out of that pinning predicament, and then out of the ring. After a brief check-in between partners, Victoria rolled Stacy back into the ring. Mickie James then tried to take advantage of the apparent mistake to go down and cover Stacy, but in very much the same way that Rob Van Dam got the job done a few hours ago, Stacy reversed it into a small package, and Mickie stayed down for the 1, 2, 3!
"Here are your winners, Stacy Keibler and Victoria!"
The fans got loud as Stacy once again pinned the WWE Women's Champion, apparently holding some kind of edge over her. As Victoria joined Stacy in the ring and raised her arm in victory, Candice suddenly struck Keibler from behind the minute their backs were turned. She then tried to go after Victoria with a right hand, but Victoria blocked it and held onto Candice's wrist, after which the follower of McMahonism looked scared and tried to plead her way out of the predicament. However, she ended up kicked in the midsection, lifted up 270 degrees, and dropped in Victoria's special Gory neckbreaker, the Widow's Peak! After this, Victoria raised her arms up in her usual trademark fashion, and her music came on, much to the glee of the once again pro-Insurrexion crowd. After this, she got on one of the turnbuckles and waved a kiss to the fans, following which she came down and helped Stacy Keibler up. The still-stunned James got Candice out of the ring, while Victoria tended to Stacy and eventually celebrated with her in the ring.
After the next few minutes, Victoria and Keibler were in the Chain Gang locker room, tending to the three bruised soldiers that are Cena, Hardy, and Michinoku. The girls were applying ice packs to the parts where each of the guys hurt the most, and then there was a knock on the door.
"Come on in, the door's open!" Stacy invited, Victoria looking at her a little questioningly. The person that took that invitation and entered was Todd Grisham.
"Hey, Todd. Good to see you," Stacy greeted him hospitably.
"Hi, Stace. Same here. I see you and Victoria are helping the guys heal up. Is Cena okay for me to get a word with him?" Todd asked, cutting to the chase.
"We're supposed to be helping the boys ice up their bruises here. What are you doing letting-"
"Vic, it's alright. I got this," Cena cut into Victoria's complaint as he picked himself up, evidently struggling in the neck and shoulder area thanks to that sudden Anaconda Vice from before. He walked up to Todd Grisham, sucking up the pain in his neck.
"Well, I can't talk loud, or it might sting my neck a lil' bit, but then again, we don't need to talk loud," Cena explained first of all as he came up past the girls to Grisham. "So, Todd Grisham. I know you got questions, so shoot away."
"Thanks. Now, as we just saw, during the tag team championship match pairing up the World Tag Team Champions behind you against the Undertaker's Ministry of Darkness members Kane and Viscera, that Edge and CM Punk came from out of nowhere in a strategic assault and laid Kane, Viscera, and all three of you. Obviously, from the looks of it, you guys are, um… not in the best spot. But how's about letting the Chain Gang in on the condition and the toughts of its lead and main soldiers?" Todd asked.
"Well, first of all, I'd like to comment that for once you didn't try too hard to make yourself look cool," Cena began his response.
"Thanks. So, I'm finally gettin' the hang of this job now?" Todd asked.
"Now you're tryin' way too hard to get the game right, so shut up," Cena replied. "Anyway, back to the point. So apparently CM Punk and Edge got it all figured out. They're gonna jump us from behind in the middle of a tag team title match. Well, I don't know about Edge, but as far as Punk-ass? That just goes to show ya what McMahonism can do to a guy. See, I don't like CM Punk. And I probably never will. But I respect him, because of how hard he works, because of what he represents when he's not a jealous jackass, and because he makes Maria happy. The problem is, now I gotta beat it into his head that I care about Maria on a level by which I can accept not bein' wit' her if she's with someone else that I can respect and that, like I said, makes Maria happy. And he's equally motivated to try and beat it into my head that he wants her nowhere near me because he thinks I'll steal her from him, when we all know the kiss-stealer on Raw is Ric Flair - shoutouts to the Nature Boy, by da way - and the girl-stealer on Raw is none other than CM Punk's new best friend, the WWE Heavyweight Champion, Edge. And that's where the chaos lies. In any case, we're done for tonight, cause we obviously gotta heal up from that cheap shot they took at us. But next week, the in-ring assault batallion of the Chain Gang will be loud in livin' color, as my Japanese boy behind me, Taka Michinoku, takes on said WWE Heavyweight Champion, Victoria teams with Trish Stratus of D-Generation X to take on the skankeroo job of a ho train that is Lita and Candice Michelle, and I team up wit' my boy, Shawn Michaels of D-Generation X, to take on the combined forces of CM Punk and Umaga. All I gots to say to Vince McMahon and the bulk of his cult in the back is this: get ready to feel the fury of cornered soldiers. For that is the only fury beyond that of a woman scorned. Word Life!"
"H… h-hold on, hold on, hold on," Matt Hardy cut in, sitting on the bench while favoring his ribs. Todd came over to him and gave him the microphone. "Now, I saw that video for the new team that's coming to Raw in about a month or so, Cryme Tyme. And I just want to say, to both JTG and Shad Gaspard, that I promise you, upon your arrival, that the World Tag Team Championships will stay in the Chain Gang, and you will not be able to take it from us without a fight. But one piece of advice to one of you, specifically JTG; whether you're wrestling for tag team titles or robbing a jewely store, smoothie shop, whereever it is, in the fastest time possible, one way you can succeed is to not stop at a careless point in the middle of your actions to give shoutouts to your homeys. Hey John, I'm still having some trouble saying this."
"It's a'ight," Cena shrugged it off.
"Wait a minute," Todd began to gripe. "You… you let… Matt Hardy-"
"He's Matt Hardy. You're a robot-I mean, an announcer. There's a difference," Cena cut him off.
"Anyway, JTG can shout out to his homeys all he wants, but he'd better understand the job isn't finished until it's finished," Matt continued. "Especially against me. Matt Hardy. The Indestructible Soul. The Man Who Will… Not… Die. And that's just a word of advice from Version One."
Once it came near main event time, Trish Stratus and Christian Cage were walking down the hallway looking to get to the Gorilla position so that they could come out for their intergender tag team main event tonight.
"So, Christian. Are you ready to go kick some ass together with me one more time?" Trish asked Christian in reference to the past.
"One more time. It's funny you should say that," Christian surprisingly replied.
"What do you mean?" a confused Trish asked.
"I called Jeff about five minutes after Shawn Michaels did earlier tonight. He told me you may be planning on retiring after Unforgiven," Christian explained.
"Oh! Is that so?" Trish asked, surprised to see he knew.
"Yeah, that's what he said," Christian answered.
"Well, um… I'm sorry to disappoint you, Christian, but… he's right. I'm currently mulling over my career past Unforgiven," Trish finally revealed. "But speaking of which, in case one of us isn't here again after Unforgiven, I just want to say to you personally, that you're one of the coolest people I've ever met. It was after hanging out with you and Edge and the 3 Xtreme after the shows that I truly started to feel like I belonged here."
"And you did. You proved it, whether with or without me. Look at you, Trish. You're still in the prime of your career, and already you're regarded as the greatest Women's Champion of all time," Christian praised her. "But seriously, what did you expect? I'm Captain Charisma. You think I got that from switching to the personality of a dried prune every time I'm gonna go out and wrestle just because I'm afraid I won't take my job seriously if I don't, like Lance Storm? No. You think I got that from being a pathetic excuse for a British ambassador like William Regal, who went from drinking people's piss to kissing people's ass to butlering people's mentally challenged nephews-"
"Eugene isn't that bad," Trish cut in to object.
"Yeah, but he was never my best friend," Christian reminded her. " Anyway, from all that to being forced to dress like a buxom wench to playing the role of kiss-ass town crier to a false king whose ass I've been known to beat continuously? You think I got Captain Charisma from being like William Regal? Ah-ah. You think I got Captain Charisma from being a corporate bodyguard who tries and fails to successfully love and marry the boss's daughter and then goes on to become a womanizing straight bully like Test? I don't think so."
"First of all, don't slag Test. He was my first friend in the locker room. Secondly, you almost went down that path yourself," Trish said in Test's defense.
"Yeah, but I didn't," Christian replied. "In any case, Trish: as much better as I am than my fellow ex-members of the Un-Americans, I can't say I'm that much better than you 'cause I think you're as cool as me. I like you better than anyone else here. And if this is our last opportunity to hang out or do something together, then I want to make this a blast all over Edge's face."
"Thanks, but about that last time hanging out thing, Christian… I don't know. I might ask you to give your Peeps the pleasure of seeing us kiss for old times' sake," Trish teased.
"When, right now?" he grinned as he asked.
"No! At Unforgiven! In our hometown in Toronto! In front of the people who've known us forever! Can't you take a hint?" Trish, disappointed, corrected him.
"Aw, come on!" Christian complained.
"What? It's just thirteen days. If at that time we both feel like that would be a really good moment, and our attachments are okay with it, then yeah," Trish proposed.
"You just told me why it's not gonna happen."
"What?"
"Why would our attachments be okay with it?"
"Oh yeah, good point."
Just minutes later: "You think you know me."
Obviously, this was the start of "Metalingus", the entrance music of Edge. Flamethrowers ignited at the edge of the ramp just before the Rated R Superstar and his girlfriend came out of the smoke and did their usual dance-like pose, receiving a mixed reaction consisting mostly of rambunctious boos before walking down the ramp, each with an arm around the other's waist. They dropped the position once down the ramp, after which they both slid into the ring in the usual manner, except the waist on the face thing was abandoned this week. They just both went on turnbuckles and posed proudly, before Edge's music died out. After this, the song of Trish came on, and out she came, pointing to the sky at the stage, before walking down the ramp pointing to the now cheering crowd. She then climbed the steps, got on the apron, but stopped right after that as her music died out. After this, Christian's theme came on, and out he came after the first ten seconds, scanning the area of his now cheering peeps. Wearing his red and golden "4 the Peeps CC" jumpsuit for the first time in WWE, he soon began walking and thumped his chest to his fans once he got to the ramp. He walked down it with confidence, and slid into the ring himself, after which he held the middle rope down for Trish. She then entered the ring, and as she stood in the ring and pointed up high as usual, the Peepulation Master got on the turnbuckle, started out scanning once more, but then swiftly took the hood off and pointed a kiss to part of said Peepulation, before thumping his chest and pointing towards all the other fans there. With Edge and Lita watching intently, he finally got off the turnbuckle and conversed with Trish as far as who would start first. Edge and Lita tentatively climbed the steel steps on the other side, and crossed the apron to enter the ring.
Shortly after the bell rang, it was Christian Cage that went back to the apron first, meaning that Edge had to go to the apron and allow Lita to fight Trish. Both of the women, old friends and bitter rivals from the minute Trish first came to what was then the Federation, got in each other's faces and started talking smack. With a quick slap from Lita, it soon evolved into a legitimate tradeoff battle of right hands between the two girls. Lita was soon the first to go down, after which she got up in the corner, and Trish got in a chest chop to Lita. Trish then hit another chest chop, and began to lick her hand before going for a third one as she usually does. However, Lita shoved Trish away before that could happen. Trish charged right back in and took a stomp kick to the gut from Lita, sending her falling backwards. Lita then got out of the corner and picked up Trish, following which she quickly got her in a drop toe hold. Lita then came down to Trish and got her in a front facelock, before picking her up and lifting her for a vertical suplex. However, Trish landed on her feet, ran off the ropes behind her, and hit Lita with a running forearm as the redhead turned around. After Lita got up, Trish irishwhipped her and gave her an arm drag. Lita then got back up, came at Trish, and took another arm drag. After that, she got up again, but stopped herself from running forward. After this, the two women circles the ring, until Lita backed up towards Edge and tagged in her boyfriend. Edge came into the ring as Trish tagged in Christian and he quickly charged after his old friend before Captain Charisma could enter the ring in a rare heel strategic moment. Edge then enjoyed a brief few moments of copying Christian's chest thumping motion, which infuriated Trish into stepping into the ring and getting into an argument with the referee. Edge then quickly slid out of the ring and picked Christian up violently as he was slowly rising to his feet. Edge then hit Christian with a right hand, and a right forearm shot, after which he took Christian's head and shoved it down into the steel steps. By now, Lita had joined the argument between Trish and the ref in order to keep it going longer and more solidly.
As Christian was down, Edge laughed at the fans that were booing right before him, then picked up Christian and rolled him into the ring, before getting on the apron and stepping in himself. In that process, he then tapped Trish's ass, causing Lita to come over to Edge with a questioning look as well as causing Trish to turn at him with a sneer while he grinned at her. He then made a comment about that being all the action she gets these days, after which she went for a slap, but Edge blocked it, then took her by the head and sent her over the top to the outside. Lita went back to her team's side of the apron as commanded, but Edge stood over Trish grinning. He turned back around, however, and quickly received a spinning heel kick from Christian Cage. Both Edge and Christian then got up after a few seconds, and the two friends once again turned rivals already got into a heated exchange of simultaneous right hands, which Christian quickly took the advantage in, after which he irishwhipped Edge and met his return with a missile dropkick. Christian then covered Edge. 1, 2, and the Rated R Superstar kicked out. Christian then picked up Edge, kicked him in the gut, got him in a front facelock, lifted him up, then sent his stomach into the ropes, before going down on his back and kicking Edge's head from below! Edge ended up going over the ropes and barely touching the apron, landing hard on the outside. Cage then got up and ran off the opposite ropes, not noticing that Trish tagged herself in, and ran back to where Edge just fell from, seemingly to dive on there. That is, until he saw Lita keep Edge down and tend to him. After that, Christian stopped, and Lita got up and came forward. However, that's when Christian turned around and noticed that Trish was charging at him. He took her and sent her over the top, tumbling onto Lita and taking the Rated X Redhead down! Christian then took the opportunity to thump his chest to the adulation of the Peepulation as the show went to commercial break.
When the broadcast returned from the final break of the evening, Edge was backing into the corner to get away from Christian, who was walking towards him confidently. After pulling his tights up a bit, Christian picked Edge up by using the hair, and then irishwhipped the Rated R Superstar into the other corner. With a jumping forearm attack, Christian painfully forced Edge out of that corner. He then got behind Edge, and pulled him back towards him while jumping onto the middle turnbuckle and applied an inverted headlock. Edge, immediately knowing what he was going for, turned around and suddenly threw Christian off the turnbuckle. After this, Edge came down on Christian in a mount position and began punching him viciously, until the referee told him to come off. After that, Edge decided to take a page from something that "the Reverend" D-Von Dudley/Brother Devon from TNA had done one time to former DX member "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn/Kip James, by imitating the DX symbol to draw Trish Stratus into the ring. This obviously distracted the referee, as Lita came into the ring, and walked towards Edge, who turned her around so her back was facing him, then lifted her up as if in a backdrop suplex, but way over his head so that she ended up doing a backflip onto Christian. After this, Lita got up, and exited the ring. Trish stopped complaining to the referee, and Edge covered Christian, who kicked out after a two count. Captain Charisma was no longer in need of extremely major help, but he was in need of help now. Edge picked Christian up and gave him a snapmare, following which he quickly dropkicked Cage's back as he was sitting up. Edge then got Christian in yet another cover, but again, Captain Charisma managed a kickout after the count of two. After this, Edge picked up Christian, and dropkicked him below the knee, causing Christian to fall forward flat on his face. Edge covered Cage again. 1, 2, kickout.
Edge started to get a little mad, and got up in confrontation to the referee, as he saw that Christian wasn't about to be pinned anytime soon. Christian began to get up though, and after Edge picked him up, Christian Cage quickly ripped the barely older man's hands away from his head, and then took Edge down in an inside cradle! 1, 2, Edge barely kicked out of that assault. After that, both men quickly got up, and Edge tried to go for a clothesline on Christian. However, Cage ducked it, stopped behind Edge, and got Edge in a backdrop suplex. The Rated R Superstar quickly rolled out of the ring, so Christian didn't have the opportunity to crawl over for another cover on him. Christian took the opportunity to get up instead, and went off the ropes on the opposite side so as to dive back here once again, but was tripped up by Lita and ended up shakily getting up and running over to the ropes, resulting in him getting hung up on the middle rope.
Trish Stratus quickly came over to Christian and tagged herself in while Edge was still getting up on the outside, after which she came over to Lita and forced her into the ring by tossing her over on her keister. On the outside, Edge used the middle rope in a hangman's neckbreaker, taking Christian down. As Christian rolled to the outside and Edge made it to his corner, both men were rendered ineffective at this point. After getting up, Lita tried to beg off Trish, but that was only a cover, as she went for a low kick and a snap suplex. After this, Lita picked up Trish, then went for a clothesline, but Trish eluded the move with the Matrix dodge. Once she got back up from that, both women turned around, and Lita ended up walking right into a spinebuster from Trish, following a few mounted punches. The referee then made a DQ count, which reached three when Trish stopped punching Lita. However, as soon as this was going on, Mick Foley was starting to walk down the ramp. Trish saw Foley and got distracted with decisively winning a shouting match against the smiling Hardcore Legend. She failed to notice Lita getting up, and as soon as she back up, she ended up being placed in a Russian legsweep takedown by Lita, who flipped over and tried to use the ropes for leverage in a cover. However, Trish managed to kick out of it, which had Lita befuddled for a second. Lita quickly got up as Trish was slowly starting to, then stalked away at her. Once Trish was up enough, Lita applied a front facelock, and swung her leg back and forth in going for her Litasnap DDT, but they were right next to the ropes, which Trish hung onto in order to keep Lita's impact from being impactful to Trish at all. Trish then flipped over Lita with her legs in hand for a jackknife cover. 1… 2… Lita managed to kick out! After this, both women struggled to get up a little bit, but Lita beat Trish to it and gave her a missile dropkick as she was getting up. Instead of going for the cover, however, Lita got up, pulled Trish into a familiar distance while having her lay perpendicular to one of the turnbuckles. Then she started climbing the turnbuckle, apparently to go for her talented Litasault Splash. But that was before a voice could be heard saying…
"Hey. Hey, Lita. Look over here. I've got somethin' to say to you."
The voice was extremely familiar, and ended up receiving cheers, especially after Lita came down and joined the fans in looking at the Titantron and seeing that it was indeed "the Game" Triple H.
"Hi. As you probably can tell from looking at me, I'm Triple H, the eleven-time heavyweight champion of D-Generation X. But that's beside the point," Trips started, Lita quickly getting into demanding mode as to what he was doing. "The point is, you and I seem to disagree on alot of things. However, I do know one thing that we were never supposed to disagree on, but we ended up disagreeing on it for so long. See, I was always under the impression that you were only with Edge as a valet, as a hench wench, as his little whore. You, of course, tried to teach me better, but I never understood it. However, I started thinking over the weekend. About the fact that… even after the whole deal with Kane and Matt Hardy was over last year, you stayed with Edge. Hell, you're with him to this day. About the fact that… you seem to actually be enjoying the little rebel superiority act that you and Edge have going on while, strangely, both being members of McMahonism. About the fact that now we're actually seeing you wrestle some matches, and Edge got you an opportunity at the WWE Women's Championship despite the fact that your fellow McMahonist, Mickie James, was and still is the Women's Champion. And I realized, that… that you and Edge, I don't know how to describe it, but you do share everything together. You have a very special bond. And for that enlightenment, I've decided to thank you by having some friends set up some balloons to celebrate and commemorate your relationship with our reigning current WWE Heavyweight Champion, which has been standing strong for over a year. Oh, speaking of the balloon ceremony… look up above the screen."
Upon that warning, she looked above the screen, and there were green and white balloons beginning to come down from there. However, she was far from satisfied with that, because the balloons actually held hilarious messages such as "Suck It", "Lita's a Sexy Ho", "What does Hacksaw say again?", and "Lita: Feverishly Choking the Chicken!" While whining and complaining to Triple H and to the laughing fans, Lita was oblivious to the fact that Trish was up. That is, until Trish reached behind her and got her in a schoolgirl rollup. 1… 2… 3!
"Here are your winners, Trish Stratus and Christian Cage!"
While Trish's music came on, that announcement from Lilian Garcia lit up the crowd. Trish quickly rolled out of the ring to where Christian had just fully gotten up. Edge was inactively seething at the apron about all the criticisms laid on his girlfriend from Triple H's ballons, and now he - as well as Mick Foley - got into the ring and joined her in complaining to and about everyone. Christian and Trish were now walking backwards up the ramp together, both with their arms raised up high, and Christian putting an arm around Trish and pointing to her with the other hand. That is, until they turned around, and somebody slid a microphone down the ramp over to them. Trish came down, and picked it up. The music then stopped.
"Hey, Team MEL! I just want to tell you, that right there was a message from the single greatest force in the universe, D-Generation X! And I'd like to remind you that if you're not down with that, then we've got two words for ya!" Trish shouted out on the mic, which she held up for the fans to say "Suck it!", then handed over to Christian, since he had something to add to that.
"And not only is that message brought to you by DX, but it also fully endorsed by yours truly, "Captain Charisma" Christian Cage, your next WWE Heavyweight Champion, because that's how I roll!" Christian followed up, the fans singing along with the last part. The DX music then came on, though, instead of Christian's, since this fan favorite moment was mainly DX generated. Trish and Christian, at the middle of the ramp, got into a shouting match with Edge, Lita, and the consoling Foley, who were in the ring. In the middle of this, Christian thumped his chest and pointed to his Peeps, while Trish did a crotch chop and started up an X firework burst at the turbuckles on each side of the three McMahonists in the ring. Trish and Christian were smiling. The trio that the Insurrexion had spent their time dubbing Team MEL was not. And that is how we left our broadcast.
a/n: Well, guys. By now, as you can tell, I'm slightly working with the fact that Trish Stratus is supposed to leave after Unforgiven in real life. However, this is not the only place where I address that. There's also someplace else: at in the WWE forum. There's a topic about the fact that Trish is gonna leave, and I made a big long post in that topic. These are my views on the departure of the most beautiful woman wrestler and greatest Women's Champion of all time.
It's gonna be weird looking at Raw and seeing no Trish for months on end. It's gonna be weird seeing that Raw always had a few women wrestlers who could completely rule the world, and that number is about to be severely limited for the first time in awhile. It's gonna be weird that I've got… no… idea what three or four people WWE can ever turn to that are currently on the roster for good women's wrestling. That's the After Trish feeling. And that feeling is gonna be weird. And I'm gonna miss seeing Trish week in and week out being the Quintessential Diva that only she can be.
However, I applaud and respect her for hanging up the boots at this certain point in time, especially since I believe that taking care of Trish time wasn't truly the only reason for this decision, despite all the emotion she showed about the whole incident. Her upcoming marriage to her fiancée and the breakdown of Kurt Angle definitely had something to do with it. Combine both of those possible extra factors together with the "taking care of Trish time" thing, and really think about it, and tell me that the following doesn't make sense:
You have the opportunity to quit for a little while, to take care of yourself, to live your life at home and be with your family instead of touring eternally, after you've already established yourself as the greatest champion of all time. Your engagement to your one true love is about to fall, to bow… at the feet of actual marriage. At the soles of holy matrimony. Something which even some princes and princesses can only dream about. You also have the opportunity to save yourself whilst you are on top of the world instead of waiting until you become what you've seen too recently out of one of your greatest colleagues, whose overdosage of nonstop action has led to him becoming a broken down, pill-taking, shell of a man who, quite frankly, has gotten closer to death than Shawn Michaels in the late 1990s… and then wisely took the opportunity to step down himself. When one thinks of all the logic in this, you have to tell me that in her boots, you would rather take the opportunity and leave even for a little while.
To Miss Stratus, I say this: whether I loved you for giving it all you've got show in and show out and proving yourself a true Diva or I hated you for slutting yourself out to Vince McMahon or screwing with Chris Jericho's heart, you proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that for factors both related to and completely distant from your physical beauty, you are never boring. I don't know where Katarina Waters will be between not even making it to the main roster and ascensding even past you, or whether you will eventually return to face her on an episode of Monday Night Raw. But at the moment, what I know is that you are walking out the Michael Jordan of women's wrestling. For making those words possible, and for everything you've done to deserve that, Trish: thank you.
-P. Dizzle tha Grand Champion, signing off.