-1A/N: I'm glad people liked the end of the last chapter. For those wondering about Felix, he WILL get his comeuppance but it may not come from the source you expect.

I went back to my room in a daze and slumped onto my bed. Wow. What had just happened? Jasper had kissed me. He'd kissed me. Why? I sighed and got up. I knew Alec liked me. Jasper had kissed me but I didn't know how he actually felt about me. Felix wanted to use me. I was confused and upset with three guys around me and no idea what to do.

Why was nothing ever simple?

I sighed again, louder and returned to my bed. I knew what I should do. I needed to keep avoiding Felix, make it clear I just wanted to be friends with Alec and…I didn't know what to do about Jasper. Sure, he hadn't hurt me but he was confused, as was I. we both needed our space to get over our losses. Yes, I would give him space.

I lay down and closed my eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

Jasper's POV

She was avoiding me. After I'd kissed her, she'd gone back to her room and I hadn't seen her since. She wasn't in her room though. I checked. She was definitely avoiding me.

But why had I kissed her? I had just felt…something. Something strong and uncontrollable. Anyway, I needed to talk to her.

I knew that she had to go to the main hall in the evening so I waited until she left the hall before grabbing her and pulling her into an alcove. She screamed, not realising it was me. I clamped a hand over her mouth.
"Bella it's okay, it's me" I hissed "Don't scream" she tugged at my hand and I released her.
"Jasper…what the fuck are you doing?"

"Can we talk somewhere else?" I asked. She hesitated but nodded and led me to her room. I locked the door, so we weren't interrupted.

"So? What is it? What's so important?"

"You've been avoiding me"

"No…I haven't" the liar.

"Yes you have"

"I've been busy"

"Bella, I can tell you're lying. You've been avoiding me. I want to know why. I kissed you. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"No. that kiss didn't mean anything. I mean, we were both confused and upset" What? She thought I'd kissed her because I was upset? Yes I was bloody upset but not so upset that I didn't know what I was doing! What did she think, that I'd imagined she was Alice? God, Edward must have damaged her brain, she never used to be that thick.

"I wasn't confused! I kissed you because I wanted to!" I said.

"No! You wanted a release from the pain! I wanted it too which is why I let you!" she explained.

"Bella, that's not true. I cared deeply about Alice and I'm desperately upset that she's gone but it was you I wanted when I kissed you. Not Alice. Not a release. You" I said, firmly. She shook her head, unwilling to believe it. I grabbed her and forced her to look at me.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that I'm lying" I said. Her chocolate eyes met mine but after a minute she looked away again.

"I'm not and you know it" when her eyes found mine again, they were hard.

"let go of me Jasper" she ordered. I released her. She moved away a few feet and stared at me.

"Go on" I prompted "Say what you want to say"

"I want you to leave" she said, her voice monotone.

"No. say what you want to say, not what you feel you have to" I said.

"Fine. I enjoyed it last night. I enjoyed every second and I wished it had lasted longer but it didn't. I'm going insane! I've got you claiming to love me, Alec expressing interest, I just can't handle it anymore! I feel disloyal to Edward but I don't know why because I haven't done anything wrong! I'm left here living this life because if I don't I'll feel worse and I really want to give up but I can't. I have to keep fighting, existing but I don't know who I'm existing for anymore. I just…don't know what to do" tears were streaming down her cheeks. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to me. She pressed her face against my chest, trying to stop crying.
"it's okay Bella. It's okay" was all I could say. Eventually she stopped crying and looked up at me.

"What do I do Jasper? How do I go on?"

"I don't know" I admitted "I've asked myself that every day since it happened. Up until I arrived here. Because…I found a new purpose. Alice was my purpose and when she died I was lost. But now…you are my new purpose" Bella hugged me again, tighter.

"Jasper…I don't know if I'm capable of love. Not anymore. I want to but I don't know if I can"

"Just please…promise you'll try?" I asked.

"I promise"