A/N: Merry christmas everyone!! This christmas has been amazing, especially compared to last years :) Gots myself a nikon P80...HOLY HOT DAMN. Its like gods camera...only like better. Hope everyone got good loot this year, and enjoy this update, i bounced ideas off my pimp KJ, and ive settled on the plot twist for this story, it shall be good. Merry christmas kiddos, heres my present to you all. (oh and get the new Shiny Toy Guns cd, carah faye may be gone, but hot DAMN can sisely sing)

Like a bullet...meant to be shot,

You're the target, dead on the spot.

When I focus...I never miss,

It starts with a kiss.

She ricochets!
And you don't notice;

She's in your head!

And you just don't notice(notice, notice).

I'm not in love. It's just far too soon, we've both agreed on this fact. We accept it, we even vainly believe it. But if I were to take a step back and look at us through a lens, or be a 3rd person observer with no personal interest in the matter, I'd smile and think to myself;

"There goes 2 girls madly in love."

But no. Not yet, it's far too soon for that. Let's just call it...like. I'm in very deep like with Spencer Carlin. Very deep. So deep that I can't breathe when she calls or texts, and I stop just short of heart failure when we see each other. After having Aiden all to myself at school or wherever I pleased, you can imagine it's not fun or easy for me to do this distance thing. It could be worse, Sheri was dating some guy who lived in New Jersey, that's like...3000 miles, I thank God we're not that far apart, but to a very Spencer crazed hormone charged girl, 2 hours seems like it could be the next galaxy over. Waiting for Friday nights? Psht, those infomercials at 2 in the morning go faster than that wait to see her again.

But, we wrestled through those first few months of the school year, and before you could shake a leg, Thanksgiving break was on us. One whole week. One week with mom gone to Bahamas, and Kyla with her. One whole week alone with Spencer. I got all hot and bothered just thinking about it. The only problem was, Spencer hadn't asked if she could stay at my house. It was killing me. Finally, I decided to bring it up when she came over on the Friday before break for our usual ritual of watching movies, groping, making out, and cuddling. A knock on our gigantic front door shattered my thoughts, and I almost tripped running down the stairs, Spencer got me that excited from just knocking on my door. With a breathless smile, I wrenched open the door. There she stood, casually leaning against my door frame, her eyes immediately roving up and down me. I'd learned from our first few Friday night innings that wife beaters and short shorts were the way to go. She just smirked that absolutely gorgeous smirk at me, and even standing there in her worn down jeans and converse, a faded band shirt, and an oversized hoodie on, she was the sexiest thing in the world to me at that moment.

"Hey."

I can't resist, usually we save the kissing for inside, cause it escalates rather quickly between us, but today I just need to taste Spencer. Now. I have her pinned on the doorframe in no time flat, my mouth viciously pressed onto hers, my tonuge at ramming speed into her mouth, I need my Spencer fix, and I need it now. Even when it's pinning and groping and rough love, somehow, Spence is the gentlest touch I've ever felt. While I've left bruises from the slamming and throwing around on her, she never leaves more then the hickies on my neck or my collarbone. She handles me like I'm the most priceless thing in the world, and to break me would be to lose the most precious thing in her life. The thought just made me crazier for her. I feel her arms wrap around my ass and hike me up, my legs wrapping around her waist in our well practiced position, I think we spent more time like this than any other way. Something about being supported and protected from falling by her was amazing to me. She lifts me up and away, gently kicking the door shut behind her and carrying me up the stairs.

"Everything alright Ash? I haven't seen you this on me since your period. Moodswings outta whack or what?"

Her comment makes me pause in my minstrations. I had been feeling moodier than usual, and having a lot more cravings, I can't tell you how many times I woke up poor Spencey from her sweet dreams to make me a milkshake or a grilled turkey, cheese, and tomato sandwich. And definitely been hornier...muuuch hornier. I shrugged and returned to sucking on her pulse point, discarding any misgivings. I always laugh at how hard Spencer tried to not drop me while carrying me up the stairs and into my room, me latched onto her neck like a vampire the entire time. My baby was a tough girl. She set me down on my bed, unhooking my hands from around her neck. I looked up to make a joke, but stopped when I saw her serious expression. I jumped up and framed her face with my hands.

"Spencer, is everything ok?"

She nodded before swallowing hard, her eyes going back and forth.

"Yeah...yeah, it's just uhmm. I have something to give you, and something to ask you."

I nodded eagerly, I know it's bad, but damn do I love presents. She licked her lips and did the shifty eye thing again before suddenly dropping to one knee. I all but fainted onto the bed. She has a box. AHHH.

"I know how it looks, so don't think I'm a total romantic idiot Ash. You know what today is?"

I frowned then remembered suddenly. Our 2 months!! She must've seen the recognition because she smiled softly and continued on.

"I know it's going to be cliche, but I've thought about it for a while, and I don't know, I like the idea."

She pauses again, in deep thought, then sighs.

"I know we agreed no 'I love you's' cause it's just not possible, so I won't even go there, but...with you, I feel something different Ash, something new and absolutely terrifying. You're in my mind 24/7, and I can't sleep or function right if I'm not talking to you in some way shape or form. I'm crazy for you Ash, and I'm way over my head in this one, I just know it. This is something I have no experience with at all, and it's scaring me Ashley, scaring me senseless when I stop and think about it. But I love it."

With that, she opens the small box and slips a small ring onto my ring finger, a thin band with a rose etched into it.

"It was my mom's, she gave it to me ages ago, and I want you to have it. It's not an engagement ring, far from it, I'm not an idiot or idealistic about love. It's a promise ring. It's my promise that I'll always be here for you, always protect you, and always support you."

It took a few moments to get my heart restarted again, and by that time she was now on her two feet again, smiling serenely at me, her hands jammed far into her pockets, a nervous habit I've noticed.

"Also uhmm...I was wondering, since your mom and Kyla's out of town, and my mom's spending break with Ben and his family...could I stay here?"

Scratch that, my heart is still stopped.

"I'll cook n clean, I won't cause a mess, I'll watch whatever movies you want and-"

I cut her off with my lips on hers, this time not a hard and rough kiss, but a languid one, exploring her mouth like I didn't already know every twist, contour and scar in her mouth (football accident). She pulls back, a smile still on her face.

"That a yes?"

I smile widely.

"That is a 'what took you so damn long you big jerk.'"

She grins and pushes me back onto the bed, her hands pinning mine above my head, and we have successfully switched the direction of this visit entirely. She licks her lips again, that nervous twitchiness in her face once again. In my head I'm screaming at her to take me, right here, and right now, but my mouth is locked shut by the feeling of her on top of me, hovering just above me.

"Ash, can I tell you something?"

I nod, my voice isn't working right now. She sits back, putting pressure on my center, making me arch just barely off the bed. I see it in her eyes she notices and it's all I can do not to yell at her to have sex with me at this very instant. See? Random bouts of Spencer craziness, dunno what's gotten into me.

"I'm nervous, about this."

I'm confused, and she can read it in my face that I am.

"Dude, don't get me wrong, I've gotten laid, girls fell and fall all over me."

I glare, sex suddenly not on my mind, that is something you don't want to hear from your girl. I move to push her off but she pins me down, and I find I can't budge a bit. She is strong.

"This isn't an expose of my sex-life Ash, I'm saying, I've gotten around, I've been with girls, and this time, every time me and you get close to do anything besides groping or kissing or biting, I just...I get nervous as hell Ashley."

I can see it in her eyes, for the first time since I've met her, Spencer Carlin's scared. Of me?

"Nervous of what baby?"

She swallows hard.

"It's...it's happened before where I'm a girls first, and when we actually do...do have sex, they just, leave. And then I'm that big mistake they made, that big black splotch on their perfect lives, and it always finds me."

I finally understood, I understood all of those gentle touches, the hesitation every time one of our hands snaked under each others shirts, that one time I tried to get her jeans off and she bolted right out the door and was nowhere to be found for several days. It finally made sense. Spencer broke in girls, was used, and just got used and left. She didn't want to be another notch in somebody else's belt. She had let go of my arms and looked to be in deep thought, still seated on my midsection.

"I don't want you to be like the rest of them."

She spoke quietly, barely above a whisper, and her voice cracked in the middle. I saw tears in her eyes. My warrior woman, Spencer Carlin, who hadn't shed a tear when she burnt her hand or fractured 2 ribs, was crying. Over me. I reached up and brushed a few tears off, having troubles keeping my eyes dry from all this.

"Spence... Spencer come on look at me."

Her eyes wandered over to mine, and she had the look of a small wounded cuddly animal. She was strong, but all that strength just covered up the fact that she hadn't known actual love her entire life. The only love she had was from Leslie and Buttercup. And me. I pulled her down to my level and stared into her eyes.

"I'm not like the rest of them. I'm Ashley. I'm me. You're you. You're Spencer. And I'm crazy about Spencer. And I'd never want to hurt Spencer, and I'd never use her for sex and leave her."

I took her left arm and traced over her tattoo of 'love like winter'.

"I'd never do this to you..."

I showed her her tattoo.

"I'd never just be a piece of a lyric tattooed into your arm."

I pulled her down onto me and hugged her tightly and whispered into her ear;

"I'd be the whole damn song."

She hiccuped into my neck and laughed, a good deep belly laugh, a Spencer laugh. And everything was well again in the world of Spencer and Ashley.

As Spencer drifted off to sleep in my arms that night (a pleasant and new change from the usual), I mouthed 'I love you' continually into her soft hair for hours before falling asleep, holding a fallen angel in my arms, and promising to never hurt her.

--merry christmas!!!!!!!!!! and happy hannukah to my fellow jews!!