Chapter 14

Stefan kissed him, holding him as though he would break. Everything felt strange. His body was running on high alert, every sense stretching and tingling. It was like this wasn't his body anymore. Stefan's lips felt soft and moist as they brushed against his and he opened his mouth to the kiss. Stefan made sounds that sounded almost like sobbing and clutched at him. His head spun as Stefan stroked down his arm and he felt every cell of his skin take notice. Stefan's touch felt like silk and he shivered.

"I've missed you so much." Stefan was sobbing, but couldn't bear to part from Damon's lips long enough to say any more than that as he pulled him down onto the floor with him, holding Damon on top of him. Damon was too dazzled by how intense everything was, to speak or even think as he enjoyed the touches and smell of Stefan's skin. He could see a tiny pulse every now and again as he looked down at Stefan's neck and he began to feel a strange rushing sensation. He tried to breathe as his body began to shake and he felt his face tingle under his eyes. He looked at Stefan in fear as his gums started to ache and he pulled his hand to his mouth, breathing frantically in confusion. It hadn't hurt a moment ago but it did now.

"It's ok. It'll be over in a minute." Stefan stroked him comfortingly as Damon's permanent fangs broke through his gums. He cried out in pain and gasped, running his fingers inside of his mouth to feel them. They were so sharp - different from the ones that had enabled him to bite the girl a minute ago. These were much larger. He looked back down at Stefan again, relaxed and full of adoration beneath him and he saw his pulse again under the skin at his neck. His face began to tingle again and he dove into Stefan's neck and bit down. Stefan arched in surprise and gasped as he did so. The blood tasted amazing as he gulped it down, even better than the girls' and he moaned shamelessly. He didn't realise he could drink from another vampire too. He lost his mind amid sensation and didn't notice Stefan undoing their trousers. He pulled back feeling full and warm and looked at Stefan again. He was sweating and breathing strangely. His pupils were enormous!

"Take me brother. Please." Stefan said and tilted up to brush their groins together. Damon didn't even hesitate as he moved and pulled Stefan's trousers off and pulled his down to his ankles. He didn't care if anyone saw them, he could just kill them anyway. All he could think about was the urge to push inside and stretch Stefan's insides again. He remembered the sensation so clearly now and he wanted it. He was so deep in lust he didn't bother to lubricate or stretch Stefan as he threw Stefan's legs over his shoulder and pushed in. Oddly, Stefan didn't cry in pain or struggle as Damon filled him to the brink. Perhaps their bodies were different in that respect now. He broke into a smile as he began to thrust into him, knowing that he wouldn't need to be concerned about hurting him anymore or having to hold off while preparing him.

The sensations he remembered were nothing in comparison to what he was feeling now and he couldn't even moan or speak as he realised how much he could feel, how strong he felt and how much easier his body moved. He flicked his hips upwards and Stefan jolted and tilted his head back. He could find that spot inside of them easily now and he was going to ram it in. He began to increase his speed and found that he was moving so fast that everything seemed to blur around them. The floor beneath them began to creak and almost felt as though the whole Gazebo was shaking with every move. Stefan's body was curling the longer he continued and Stefan's moans had turned to sobs of pleasure as tears rolled down his cheeks. It was insane and fantastic. Damon felt his face tingle again and his fangs extended. He looked at Stefan's face and he bit into his neck again as he pounded him as hard as he could. Stefan yelled under him and scratched cuts into his back as he came. Damon drew in a mouthful of his blood and felt himself climax immediately as he swallowed it, but he couldn't stop his body. He pulled his teeth out and placed his hands onto the floor to steady himself as he came again and he screamed. The sensations just kept coming and hitting him like waves as Stefan bucked underneath him like a bronco. It seemed to last for hours until they finally slowed their movements and stopped.

Damon's throat was hoarse from shouting and moaning and he coughed as he pulled out from Stefan's body and lay down beside him breathing. That had been so much more than sex. It had felt like an explosion, a series of explosions! He draped his arm over his eyes as he relived it in his mind and Stefan crawled over to the girl's body and bit into her neck looking for any blood left in her. The sound of Stefan sucking at her caught Damon's attention and he looked over at him.

"How did this happen?" Damon asked quietly and Stefan released the girl and licked his lips. Damon actually felt a jolt of fear as he saw Stefan's face all monstrous, vein-eyed and mouth covered in blood. It was so different from Stefan's normal face that it seemed truly horrifying. No wonder people thought of vampires as demons when they looked like that. Katherine's face had done this too of course but he was used to seeing her like that. Stefan was just a boy. Damon realised now that that was no longer the case. Damon wasn't the big brother anymore, trying to protect him. In fact Stefan had orchestrated a lot of things on his own – including forcing him into this. The longer he looked at Stefan try to return his face to normal, the more Damon thought on it all.

"How can you be a vampire?" He asked and Stefan looked at him in confusion.

"Emily said Katherine was compelling me to drink from her."

"Why would she do that?" Damon frowned. Katherine had said that it was just to be the two of them. That she would take Damon everywhere, give him everything he wanted and leave Stefan to live. She was feeding him blood the whole time? He sat up, feeling emotion flooding through him.

"She said she loved me." Stefan said, confused by Damon's look of distress. "She loved you too. Wanted us all to be together." Stefan added, realising that Damon was angry and jealous. Damon's blood began to boil and he stood up so quickly he gasped in amazement at how well he could control his muscles now. He merely had to think about moving and his body would respond so quickly. He was dressed again before he could blink and Stefan looked up at him unhappily.

"Where are you going?"

"I need more blood." He said feeling the urge to get away from Stefan as soon as possible before he hurt him. Stefan stood abruptly.

"I'll come with you."

"No!" Damon said emphatically and Stefan grabbed his shoulders urgently in fear. "What are you going to do Stefan, bit me till I let you do whatever you want again?" Stefan took a step back wounded by his change in mood. Damon had never been mean before, angry and hurt yes but never mean.

"What?" He gasped hurt and Damon scowled at him.

"I wanted to die and you fed on me until you could force me to drink from her." He spat and Stefan grabbed his chest as his heart squeezed painfully.

"I couldn't let you die! Damon please…" Stefan began to crumble. His emotions felt overwhelming and he struggled to contain tears as Damon shook his head at him.

"You helped her do it to me. You held me down while she violated me. You let her wipe my mind and didn't do anything to stop it." He accused and Stefan began to cry. He couldn't stop the tears as he struggled to breathe.

"You knew I didn't want any of this with you and you let her push me into sleeping with you." Damon took a step towards him and Stefan fell back into the wall in fear as he cried.

"I love you, I love you…" Stefan said by way of explanation and Damon snorted at his agony, feeling himself harden.

"Well you got what you wanted, you and me for all eternity. But hear this brother, I will make it an eternity of misery for you." Damon said slowly as he captured Stefan's gaze with his eyes burning full of intent and Stefan stared at him wide eyed and speechless. Damon held his gaze for a minute before releasing him from it and Stefan began to hyperventilate as Damon turned to walk away from him.

"Wait, Damon…!" He called terrified and frantic and grabbed his arm. Damon shook him off and walked out of the Gazebo. Stefan threw on his clothes hastily and ran after him, but Damon was gone.

It was days of weeping and hysterics ruling his brain before he finally fell asleep. Damon hadn't come back to him and without him, everything seemed pointless. He had lost both of them. He knew he had to get out of Mystic Falls, as by now Giuseppe had been discovered and the town would be in uproar again. It wasn't safe for him to stay here where he would be detected, but if he left how would Damon find him?

Emily hadn't been pleased that they'd both turned but she couldn't help but pity his pain. The pain was so intense that he could barely breathe. He didn't want to feed or even bathe and after a few attempts to get him to talk, Emily gave up and left him to his sorrow. Nothing mattered without Damon and Damon hated him. Really and truly hated him. Three more days went past and he just sat by the lakeside numb. He hadn't fed since Damon had left and he didn't intend to. He didn't know whether a vampire could die from starvation like a human could – Katherine had given him blood in secret and therefore he knew nothing about being a vampire. He didn't know how to deal with the emotion he was feeling, how to live or what to fear. If Damon really was going to hate him forever then he just wanted it to be over.

He lay down in the grass and closed his eyes, trying to sleep. Perhaps if he just slept someone would discover him and just put a stake through his heart. He was sure that would kill him, after all that was what the stories said. He began to weep as he lay there, but he had no tears left, no water or fluids left to excrete. He fell into a groggy sleep filled with nightmares of Damon's harsh words of hatred. He wasn't sure how long he had slept, crying in his sleep until Damon had come back looking for him.

Stefan's body looked dead, his skin grey and dark around his eyes and cheekbones. Anyone walking by would have thought he was a corpse. Damon had spotted him immediately. He had fed furiously like Katherine had shown him how – stopping carriages by pretending to be injured and in need of assistance on the roads. It gave him no pleasure though, not without her at his side. He seemed to be overwhelmed by sorrow and anger and it made him feel like he wanted to explode. It was too much to handle. It fuelled his savagery towards those he fed on and scared him. Who was he? The transformation had changed more than just his mortality and body, it had changed his mind too. He was frightened of what he might become if he gave into the urge just to do whatever he wanted.

Emily had found him and gave him the most unbelievable headache to punish him for his savagery. He had almost blacked out and looked at her in betrayal. She had always been such a friend to him before, why was she hurting him so much now? Without her Stefan and he would have perished. He didn't understand.

"Why?" He choked as she stopped the pain and he stood back up from the ground.

"Look at yourself Damon!" She snapped and held a mirror up to his face. He flinched as he saw the monstrous mask before his eyes. He sobbed in grief and looked down at himself. He had blood all over him. He looked like a monster. He looked to her in fear and she softened a little, shaking her head.

"You don't have to behave this way. Katherine wouldn't have wanted this for you." She said gently and he sobbed into his hands at the mention of her name. "Stefan needs you. You must take care of each other now." Damon felt anger rise at the mention of Stefan's name and he clenched his jaw, drying his tears.

"I'm sure he can take care of himself. He always gets what he desires no matter what." He spoke with such venom in his voice that she frowned in concern.

"He is your brother."

"Not anymore."

"Damon. He will die if you leave him." She said pointedly and he blinked at her.

"I don't care." He said slowly with no emotion in his voice. She stepped towards him in concern and frustration.

"That is the vampire talking. You mustn't let that voice rule you or it will be your undoing. I have seen many vampires turn off their humanity and get themselves killed as a result. He is your link to your human life. You need each other to work through these new emotions. He can ground you." Damon snorted at her.

"I don't need him. I'm fine. Katherine taught me how to survive." He said confidently.

"She did not teach Stefan. This was not his choice remember. He is lost and in pain. He needs you." She squeezed his shoulder and he caught the scent of her blood in her wrist. His face tingled and she pulled away from him, looking at him in warning. He exhaled and blinked, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment as he reined the desire to feed back in. He opened his eyes again and she nodded at him in approval of his restraint.

"If you don't teach him, care for him, you will both be in pain. My loyalties to Katherine only went so far and the same goes for you both. If either of you go off the rails and endanger me or my family, you will force me to take action against you." She warned and Damon gasped in surprise and hurt.

"I'm sorry for your pain Damon. I was unable to stop Katherine in her plans for both of you. She was old and strong. She was not the girl you believed her to be behind her youthful appearance, but your brother is. He's barely a man and has given himself over to such grief that he will die very soon if you do not go to him."

"His grief won't kill him, he's immortal now." Damon mumbled.

"He won't feed. If he continues this way he will become weak and will be discovered and killed just as the others were."

Damon looked down at the ground, fighting with himself as he felt the familiar pull of responsibility start to grow in him. Since Stefan had been born Damon had cared for him, it was a habit and consideration which would take time to leave him completely. Even the hatred he felt right now seemed to be locked in arms with his sense of duty and brotherly love. He looked in Emily's eyes as he fought tears.

"Why is everything always about what he needs from me? Don't I ever get any choice?" Tears fell and rolled down his face as she sighed in sympathy.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered and he sniffled, pulling himself together. "Go to him. Let him repent and heal your heart. As long as you both let yourself feel, you can get through this. You can start anew." She encouraged and stepped forward to hug him to her. He lay his head on her shoulder and she squeezed him.

"Where is he?"

It hadn't taken him long to find Stefan. Emily had been right, Stefan seemed to have given up trying to hide at all. He had gotten here just in time. He scooped Stefan into his arms and carried him away to a carriage he had waiting. He had eaten the former occupants and compelled the driver to escort him today so that he could get Stefan and himself safely out of Mystic Falls. The carriage had thick drapes which would help them avoid being seen by anyone who knew them. Stefan didn't wake, despite the bumpy ride two towns over and Damon's heart swelled as he touched his face in concern. Stefan might be a monstrous vampire, but what Emily had said was true – he was still a young man who had lost everything just like he had. Stefan had loved Katherine too. Damon held him in his arms throughout the journey, trying to figure out how he was going to feel when he awoke.

He didn't know how to feel. He was torn in either direction but what he did know was that Stefan couldn't survive on his own. If Damon left him to fend for himself he would almost certainly die and it would be his fault if that happened. He couldn't leave him. One thing was for certain however, he could not share Stefan's bed again. It would be too confusing for him and he would have to try very hard not to want to hurt Stefan as it was. They must maintain their distance from each other sexually. That was the only hope for their relationship.

Stefan stirred when he placed him on the bed in a house he had paid for upfront with the purse from his latest meal. Thankfully the house was sheltered from the road and had sparse ground surrounding it so they had privacy. Stefan didn't open his eyes as he roused, just began to weep weakly. He was a sorry looking shadow of himself and Damon sighed. He went out and found a slave working in the woods and compelled him to follow him home. He would need to be careful though and not draw too much attention so early on in their time here so he intended to let Stefan drink a little but keep the man alive and just erase his memory.

He guided the man into the chair beside Stefan's bed and bit into the man's wrist, draping it over Stefan's mouth as he contorted his face in anguish.

"Stefan…" Damon said gently and Stefan opened his eyes as the blood met his lips. His eyes were raw from tears and dry. His expression completely changed to one of relief and amazement as he realised Damon was really with him. He grabbed onto the man's wrist and drank hungrily as he kept his eyes on Damon, frightened that he was a mirage that would disappear like ephemera should he take his eyes from him for an instant. Damon's own fangs filled his mouth as he listened to every gulp Stefan took, but he breathed deeply and calmed himself as he watched the man begin to wilt before him.

"That's enough Stefan." He said gently but Stefan frowned and began to suck harder. He couldn't stop. Damon leaned in and forcibly removed the man's wrist from his mouth and Stefan growled at him and then immediately looked at him in fear that Damon would be angry again at his outburst. His fear allowed Damon to remove the man from the room, wipe his memory and send him on his way again as Stefan sat up and looked after him, wide eyed and desperate.

"Damon…" He reached out for him as Damon returned to the room and stood at the foot of the bed appraising him. "Please…" He choked and began to weep again.

"You nearly got yourself killed. What were you thinking?" Damon asked calmly and Stefan dropped his hand and tried to calm himself. Happy for the moment that Damon didn't seem to be angry.

"I didn't think you were coming back." Stefan sniffled.

"If I have to live forever without her, so will you brother." Damon's mouth formed a line and his face tightened. He couldn't help it. He was still angry and resentful, but letting himself get angry again wouldn't help them right now. Stefan paled and looked down at his hands anxiously.

"I'm sorry." Stefan whispered. "For everything. I just love you so much." He sniffled again and Damon sighed. "What happens now?" He couldn't look Damon in the eye for fear he would see something in his eyes that would make him want to die again.

"I will show you how to be a vampire." Damon said bluntly and Stefan looked up in surprise.

"You'll stay with me?"

"I have conditions Stefan. Number one – I will stay with you as your brother, nothing more than that. Do you understand me?" He said and Stefan deflated, sulking sadly. "Number two – you must learn to control yourself and number three – I don't want to talk about Katherine. That topic is off limits to you brother." He said sternly to make his point emphatically understood and Stefan's eyes filled and spilled tears down his face as he took a deep breath. After a moment of Stefan's heart visibly breaking, he nodded sullenly. Damon nodded too and sighed.

"What are we going to do?" Stefan said with such sadness and fear in his voice it made Damon's heart squeeze.

"We are going to live. We owe that to her." Damon responded and turned, leaving Stefan to sob silently as he went to another room and closed the door behind him.