A/N: Second to last chapter! Enjoy! &*

"Casey told me that Lana is being released tomorrow," Olivia stated as she entered the squad room late in the evening.

"Oh yeah?" Elliot casually replied as he stood over his desk, mindlessly thumbing through some paperwork.

"Yeah," she responded, wondering how much to press the topic with him. "Have you heard anything from her?"

He shook his head in response but didn't verbally reply. He was trying to play it cool and casual, trying to act like he didn't really care, but he was hurting on the inside, because months had gone by without a word from Lana. He hadn't seen her or heard from her since her arrest in the hospital.

He couldn't go an entire day without thinking about her. Hell, he couldn't even go an entire hour without thinking about her. But he tried hard to keep her out of his thoughts since she had washed her hands of him.

Lana was done with him, but he wasn't done with her, he wasn't done trying. He was simply giving her adequate time to cool off, afraid that he'd push her away even more by reaching out to her too soon. So he stayed his distance but kept up with her case and her wellbeing through their ADA, Casey.

Thanks to Lana's father's social status and the fact that her record was otherwise clean, she was sentenced to serve only six months in jail – no probation afterwards. During those incarcerated six months, she was required to complete a rehabilitation program.

According to Casey's updates, Lana seemed to be doing really well with everything and in good spirits, but she maintained absolutely zero contact with Elliot.

Despite the fact that he was glad she was doing so well, his heart hadn't been intact for months, and it constantly felt like a fire was blazing in his stomach. Pieces of him were missing and his soul was drained.

He hoped and prayed that once she was out of jail, she would want to get back in touch with him. He hope and prayed that she finally understood why he had her arrested and that maybe, just maybe, she realized he did it because he loved her.

But days passed. Then weeks passed. And Elliot still never heard a word from her. Though she was free and seemingly doing better, she wasn't reaching out to him.

When a month had passed, he took matters into his own hands. He figured he had given her plenty of time to come around, and if she wasn't going to take the first step, then he would.

On that fateful day, he marched down the sidewalk to the building where Lana lived. His heart thumped in his chest and sweat beads formed on his brow. Every emotion was bubbling up in his stomach, overflowing and consuming him, but he wasn't going to falter. He was going to get her back.

"Mr. Stabler," Dennis greeted in a surprised tone in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean?" Elliot wondered with a puzzled look. "I know it's been a while, but I'm here to see Lana."

"Miss Phoenix moved out of the building a couple weeks ago," Dennis informed him.

Elliot's face fell and his brow furrowed. "...what? Where'd she move to?"

Dennis shrugged. "I'm sorry, but I don't know. To be honest, I kind of figured she moved somewhere with you."

Elliot slowly shook his head. "No. I haven't heard from her in months."

"Oh," Dennis responded with a solemn face. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Elliot replied softly, but his mind was elsewhere. "Hey, if you hear from her, let me know, will you? I just want to make sure she's doing okay."

"Of course," Dennis agreed.

"Thanks," Elliot muttered before he walked away.

The fire in his stomach continued to burn as another month passed. The hole in his heart was gaping.

"Elliot?" Kathy called as she entered their home, hands full of mail. "There's a package on the doorstep. Can you grab it? My hands are full."

"Who's it from?" Elliot asked as he entered the living room holding one of the twins.

"Doesn't say," she answered.

He pursed his lips together in curiosity then waited as she set the contents in her arms on the kitchen table then turned around and took the baby from him. As he walked toward the front door, he heard his wife begin talking to their child in motherese.

Though their marriage was still over and beyond repair, their turmoil had been less intense lately. Kathy could tell the 'other woman' was out of the picture due to all the time Elliot spent at home lately. She wanted so badly to attribute their weakened tension to the mistress' departure, but she knew that wasn't the case. She could tell her husband was suffering from a broken heart, from an unfilled void in his life, and she knew he just didn't have the energy to fight with her anymore. He wasn't happy, and things hadn't gotten better, the conflicts just decreased.

When Elliot opened the front door and stepped outside, he found a white box sitting beside the 'Welcome' mat. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he picked up the package.

He opened the box and found a folded-up note. When he removed the piece of paper, he was very surprised to see four bundles of money hiding underneath. His eyes widened when he realized they were bundles of hundred dollar bills. He grew incredibly apprehensive, so he quickly opened the note and immediately recognized the girly handwriting.

Stabler,

I will never be able to repay you for all the times you saved my life. I will never be able to repay you for all that I put you through or how horribly I've treated you in the past. You were nothing short of incredible to me, and I will forever be in your debt.

I've thought long and hard about ways to repay you, and though it will not even come close to compensation for all you've done, I've put $100,000 in this box – not for you, but for each of your kids, at the request that it goes to their college funds (I would've just written a check, but I figured cash would be easier to keep anonymous to your wife, just in case). I've caused a lot of trouble for you, so hopefully this will make at least one aspect of life a little easier for you and your family. I know your children will thrive with your guidance as their father, and I hope this helps them reach the destination you'll guide them to.

I am so deeply sorry for every time I was the cause of anything negative in your life, however I cannot say that I regret any of it. For a while, I did. For a while, I regretted our relationship and wondered how the hell we got so tangled up in each other and why. And I know at times you felt the same. But now I know that you were put in my life to save me and make me a better person. And you did both. You saved my life so many times and made me a stronger person. I can only hope that you benefitted (at least a little) from knowing me as well.

And I'm sorry for not having any contact with you since the hospital. At first, I was angry and felt so betrayed, so I ignored you out of spite. But eventually I understood and appreciated what you did. However, I still could not contact you – I had to break all my addictions while in rehab, and I was certainly addicted to you and our chaos.

I know it was abrupt, but please don't hate me for disappearing without saying goodbye; it's for the best. I no longer want to be in the way of your relationship with your family or a threat to your job and happiness.

But please don't ever forget that I will love you always.

-L