A/N: I know that most of you would rather get some resolution to the cliffhanger I left you with, but I'm sticking with the format I always intended to write this story in, back and forth from past to present.
I also know that this storyline may – okay, it probably does – seem completely crazy to some of you. But really…have you been watching this show? You know, the one where the crazy nanny was stopped by the man who killed his brother on false pretences, the show that stretched a love triangle out for five years, the one in which the last episode featured the ghost of a high school kid? I appreciate your support, I really do, and thank you to those of you who continue reading, it means the world. Everyone's a bit OOC, I know, but it is AU. For those of you who don't like what I'm doing with this storyline…well, I've written like four other things, if those interest you. If not, thank you for reading up to this point. I have to admit that sometimes I think my best writing has been in In Vino Veritas, but I'm always trying to do better. :)
…Sorry about the insane length of this author's note!
Thirteen: October, 1994; Tree Hill, North Carolina
Lucas politely thanked Mrs. James for the drive home from school, and waved to his friend. He walked through his front door, grinning to himself. It had been one of those inexplicably good days.
His happiness faded away when he saw his mom and Keith sitting together on the couch clutching each other's hands. Keith looked totally solemn, and there were tears shining in Karen's eyes.
"Hey, baby boy," she said softly, opening her arms. "Come here."
Lucas frowned, walking over to step into her embrace. His mom hugged him particularly tightly. "What's going on?" he asked.
Karen settled him onto the couch on her left, between the two adults. "Honey…I just got a call from Peyton's dad. Her mom was in a car accident this afternoon."
He felt a sudden chill wash over him. "Is she okay?"
"We don't know, son," Keith said gently. "She's in the hospital right now. Your mom is going to go down there."
"What about Peyton?"
Karen pulled him into another hug. "I'll make sure she's alright, sweetie. Stay optimistic, okay, Luke? Believe that everything will be okay. Anne's like Peyton; she's strong." She kissed Lucas' forehead. "I've got to get going. I love you. Both of you,' she added, pressing her lips briefly against Keith's.
He took her hand in his and squeezed. "Drive safely," he said meaningfully. "Call me later."
After Karen slipped out the door, Keith placed a hand on Lucas' back. "Do you want a snack, bud?"
Lucas shook his head, pulling away. He felt numb, unsure of what he should have been feeling. "I think I'm just going to go to my room."
Keith nodded understandingly. "You come to me if you want to talk."
"I will," he whispered.
-x-
Peyton was sitting on an ugly reddish-brown chair, her knees pulled up to her chest. She pressed her chin against the black denim that covered her bony knee, her unruly curls falling into her face. Her mother had tied a dark blue ribbon into her hair to tame it that morning, but Peyton had tossed the ribbon out of the window of the car on the way to the hospital, while her father stared straight at the road, his jaw set tightly.
"Peyton?" A hand landed on her shoulder and she looked up into Karen's sympathetic eyes.
"Oh, sweetie," Karen said quietly before she crouched down in front of the chair and engulfed Peyton in a hug.
There was something so warm and…mom-like about Karen's embrace that all the sadness and grief Peyton hadn't been able to feel before suddenly flooded her senses, and she buried her face in Karen's neck to keep from sobbing too loudly.
"It's okay, honey," Karen said softly.
"I…I want my mom," Peyton gasped out, and she could have sworn she felt a tear fall onto the crown of her head.
"I know you do," Karen said softly.
-x-
Almost two hours after Lucas' mother left, Haley, Brooke, and Nathan showed up at his door.
All four of them sat at separate corners of his bed. Haley clutched Lucas' pillow tightly, while Nathan tapped his foot incessantly. Brooke traced out the pattern on Lucas' comforter with her finger, and Lucas watched them all, his eyes a dark, sad blue.
"It'll be okay," he finally said.
Nathan scoffed, glaring at him. "But what if it's not?"
His words were all it took for Haley to burst into tears. "She must be so sad," she blubbered. "And so scared."
"Peyton's gonna be fine," Nathan insisted stubbornly. She had to be fine, because he didn't know what to do if she wasn't. They were only kids. He wasn't equipped to deal with this.
"Haley, please don't cry," Brooke requested quietly. She wasn't holding it together all that well, and Haley's tears weren't helping. Karen Roe and Anna Sawyer had worked valiantly to fill the void that Mrs. Davis' total absence had left in Brooke's life, and the thought of losing one of them horrified her.
The thought of what would happen to Peyton if she lost her mother horrified Brooke. And all of a sudden she was crying too.
The Scott brothers sighed heavily in unison, exchanging scared, worried looks before they quickly looked away. None of them knew what to do, and neither of the boys knew how to comfort the girls.
Haley lifted her face from Lucas' half-soaked pillow, her cheeks blotchy and stained with tears. "This isn't supposed to happen. It's not fair." Just over two hours ago, she'd been joking around with Luke in the backseat of her car, looking out the window to wave to Peyton, who was still waiting for her mom. Mrs. James had rolled down her window, asking if Peyton wanted a ride. Peyton shook her head, curls bouncing against her shoulders, and assured Haley's mother that her own mom would be there soon. The mere thought of the happiness and confidence shining out of Peyton's eyes as she spoke made Haley's eyes ache with even more tears.
Lonely and jaded even after her eight short years of life, Brooke clutched a handful of Lucas' comforter tightly in her fist as a tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. "Nothing in life is fair."
-x-
Peyton's mother died at 5:52 a.m. on a Thursday morning, while Celebration played on the radio at the hospital. Her father pulled her into her lap, and she could feel his tears in her hair as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, baby."
-x-
"I have to go see her," Lucas insisted. He was standing with three of his four best friends, looking at his mother and Keith imploringly. "We all do," he added for emphasis.
Keith pulled Brooke, who looked like she was about to have a meltdown, into his lap as Karen pulled Haley close to her, reaching around the little girl to pat Nathan's shoulder comfortingly. Keith extended a hand to Lucas, who took hold of it.
"You guys are great kids," Keith said. Karen, whose eyes were rimmed red, was too choked up to speak. "And we are both very proud that you want to be there for your friend. But we need to give Peyton some time alone with her dad right now, okay?"
Lucas respected his uncle. Idealized him, even. But this once, he really didn't think that Keith knew what he was talking about. He wanted to talk to Peyton. It seemed scary, and it would probably be awkward…but what else was he, what else was any one of his friends, supposed to do?
"I know that this is hard for all of you," his mother said gently. "It's hard for Keith and me, too. But we need to give Larry and Peyton some space right now. Yeah?"
Lucas and his friends exchanged sad, disappointed looks. "Yeah," he sighed. His parental figures had overruled him. There wasn't much more he could do.
-x-
There may not have been anything more for Lucas to do, but his half-brother had never handled authority quite as well. Nathan walked to Brooke's house, which was close to his own, and she snuck out the front door while her parents argued bitterly in the living room. Together, in the light screen of darkness that occurred only around seven in the evening, they walked to the part of the town where Lucas and Haley lived. Haley dropped the ladder her older sister Vivian used to sneak out of the house when she wanted to meet boys, and the three of them scurried through the bushes as the sounds of the game show her parents were watching filtered out of the window.
Lucas felt a surge of both relief and rebellion when the three of them showed up at his door in their pyjamas and fall coats. Haley smiled softly and Nathan said, "Let's go see Peyton."
He grinned, grabbed his way-too-big sweater with the logo of Keith's workplace emblazoned on the back, pulled it over his head, and slipped out the door without a word. He didn't need to say anything. They understood each other.
It was a lot easier than they expected to sneak into Peyton's house. Her front door was unlocked. They tiptoed through the hallways as quietly as they could. When they reached the top of the stairs, they realized that it looked like both Larry and Peyton had hidden themselves away in their bedrooms, and all four of them made a beeline for Peyton's door. When they got there, Lucas paused with his hand on the doorknob. He wanted to see her, very badly, but he wasn't sure if he was really ready.
Brooke elbowed him, shooting him a glare. "Open it," she mouthed, so he did.
Peyton was curled up in a small ball in the middle of her big, which seemed very big all of sudden. She was facing the wall, and none of them were sure if she'd even heard them come in. They exchanged a series of nervous looks before they all cracked small smiles: the same thought was running through all of their minds.
Still without speaking, they clambered onto Peyton's bed. She rolled over, her eyes registering shock before she saw who they were. She sighed, but it came out as more of a sob.
"Oh, P.," Brooke said quietly as she settled on one side of their friend, pulling her into a close hug.
Haley placed her hand tentatively on Peyton bare calf. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"Don't say that," Peyton whispered, bursting into a fresh batch of tears. "I hate it when people say that. It's not your fault.'
"Okay," Haley whispered.
Peyton buried her face in Brooke's neck. "I want her back," she wept. "I feel all…alone."
"You're not alone," Nathan pointed out kindly from where he sat at the foot of the bed. "We're right here."
Peyton lifted a hand to wipe her eyes and then let that same hand fall onto the bed at her side. Cautiously, Lucas took it into his and squeezed. "Sorry we weren't here earlier," he whispered. "My mom thought we should give you some time alone."
She shook her head. It was hard, being all alone with her dad in the house, which suddenly felt so empty. It was hard listening to him cry when she herself was desperately craving comfort. "I'm glad you're here now," she sighed, tears slipping down her cheeks.
After a brief silence, she continued, "I miss her so much already. I need her, especially now." That was the cruellest twist of fate when it came to losing someone so close to you. Peyton needed the exact person she no longer had.
"You should try and sleep," Haley suggested. She always felt better if she went to sleep right after she'd cried for a while. It helped her forget, and she didn't feel quite so sad when she woke up.
Peyton's eyes searched all of theirs in turn. "Will you stay with me?"
None of them thought about their parents, some of whom would inevitably be worried when they saw that they were missing, or about the punishments they'd suffer for disappearing into the night. Instead, they all said, immediately and with certainty, "Of course we will."
Haley, curled up at the far end of the bed, drifted off almost immediately – she was an early riser and she always fell asleep first, no matter what they were doing. Nathan, who was active nearly every minute or everyday, followed her to dreamland soon aft, lying at her side.
Brooke and Lucas stayed awake a little longer, lying on either side of the girl whose tragedy had brought them together for the night. Brooke whispered a story, reminding Peyton of the night when they were five and all the lights went out and Anna helped them make a fort in the living room, how she'd taken their flashlights away and stayed with them in that secret, wonderful world all night, trying to prove that there was nothing to be afraid of.
"She loved you," Brooke said with tears in her voice.
Peyton took a shuddering breath in, whispering back, "She loved you, too."
Lucas stayed silent while the girls talked and cried, waiting patiently until Brooke cried herself to sleep so that he could talk to Peyton privately. "What're you thinking, Peyt?" he asked her quietly, out of both curiosity and concern.
"I miss her," she gasped out into her room, lit only by the moonlight. "I miss her already, and I-I'm scared that it's going to hurt this much forever."
"It won't," he promised her. "It won't."
"At the same time I…I sort of want it to. Because what if I forget her? What if one day I don't love her as much?"
"You won't," Lucas repeated. "I'll make sure you remember her forever."
"You'll be here forever?" she asked in a very small voice.
"Yeah. We'll be friends forever, and I'll make sure that you always love her as much as you do right now."
She mumbled something about that sounding good, and with an exhausted sigh, allowed herself to drift off to sleep.
Lucas fell asleep with his hand still clasped securely around hers, and didn't wake up until bright morning light filtered into Peyton's window, and Larry Sawyer barged in after receiving a slew of panicked phone calls from their parents. But when Lucas opened his eyes, he didn't see Mr. Sawyer's weary, depressed expression or the glare of the six a.m. sun. All he registered was the feeling of Peyton's lanky legs resting over his and the smooth skin of her cheek pressed against his, her tears making the apples of their cheeks stick together.
And he knew that the way he felt would make sure that he always loved Peyton as much as did right at that moment.
-x-
Karen heaved a sigh, cupped his face in her hand, and called him her little hero when she came to pick him up nearly an hour later. Though she hadn't originally planned on letting him attend Anna's funeral, he pleaded with her so much that she finally gave in, bought him a black suit, and seated him in the back of the car on that dreary day.
Peyton's skin was disturbingly pale, and she kept her hand tucked in her father's for most of the day. When Haley started to cry, her mother bent down to hug her, and Peyton had to look away.
Brooke, true to her determination and stubbornness, came to the funeral without her parents, who were too self-absorbed to care. She sat next to Nathan, who'd come with his mother, nervously watching her best friend out of the corner of her eye.
Wind blew through the graveyard so forcefully that the trees shook, and Peyton eyed them warily. Karen came up to her, shooting her father a supportive smiled before she crouched down and tucked Peyton's hair out of her face. "Look at that," she said softly. "Even mother nature is upset about your mom."
Peyton didn't find any comfort in that statement, and she couldn't stop her lips from trembling. "She shouldn't have left me."
"Oh, honey –"
Peyton cut her off, biting back tears. "I don't really want to talk right now."
Karen rubbed her back soothingly, catching Lucas watching in the distance, a frown etched onto his face. "Okay," she said gently. "But you tell me if you do. Alright?"
Peyton nodded, pressing her lips together, and returned to her father's side.
The entire service, she had to resist the urge to scream. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to go at home and find that her mother had cut up an apple for her and poured her a glass of chocolate milk. She wanted her mom back.
Her dad bent down eventually, whispered in her ear, and she took a couple tentative steps forward, grasped a handful of dirt, and let it fall into the ground, onto the coffin that held her mother's body.
As she stepped back toward her father, she actually thought she was genuinely going to lose it. Somehow, some way, this had to be a dream – the worst possible kind of nightmare. Maybe, if she just ran home right now, her mom would really be there in that soft, worn-in sweater that she wore when she sat at home to draw on Sunday afternoons. She would scoop Peyton up the tightest, most perfect hug, and listen while all the horrific details spilled from Peyton's lips. Then she would plant a kiss on her forehead and say, "I'm right here, baby."
And when the realization that that thought was an impossibility really hit her, her knees buckled – and then all of a sudden there was a hand over hers, holding tightly, holding her up.
She looked to the side to see that Lucas was standing next to her in a black jacket, wearing a worried smile. She remembered two nights ago, when he'd said that he'd be there forever, and she squeezed his hand with all her might.
Peyton rested her head against his shoulder, the wool of his fall coat warm against her pale, chilled skin, and for just a moment, it felt like she could really breathe again, because he'd promised her forever, and there he was.
A/N: Let me know what you're thinking…