Chapter 14: Pasts

When Garrus woke up to find his arm around a human body, he thought he was still dreaming. Then he opened his eyes just enough to see that his human was, in fact, lying there beside him. As he remembered the events of the past night, he felt that sense of joy and contentment he'd gotten well acquainted with the past few days swell within him. Smiling to himself, he wrapped his arm around her waist and moved closer.

She shifted, releasing a soft sigh of pleasure and sliding her hand around him. They were pressed so close together now that he could feel the soft rise and fall of her chest with every breath, hear her heart pounding gently in tune with his own, smell every trace of the scent that made him ring with longing.

Gentle enough that it wouldn't disturb her, he let his hand slide under her top to rest on the warm flesh of her back. His talons deftly, cautiously, possessively felt along the curve of her spine. He could feel her muscles were still tense from the night terrors that had plagued her the night before, but he could also feel it ebbing away at his touch. As she relaxed and sighed dreamily, he buried his nose in her hair, breathing in the fragrance from the fabricated flower she had worn there so often lately, and planted a soft kiss at the crown of her skull. The action was enough to make her reposition, her leg moving closer to his. He followed her movements, his hand snaking over her hip to rest on her thigh and—wait a minute. "You're not actually asleep, are you?"

"Yes, I am."

He scoffed, delivering a light shove.

She simply rolled over and whacked him with her pillow. As he laughed it off, she smirked with a small roll of her eyes, pressing herself against him fully. "I was enjoying it too much to interrupt you."

He smiled, laying his head against hers. "Should I keep going, then?"

Her eyes lit up as she crawled over until she was practically on top of him. "I have something better in mind." So she leaned in and kissed him.

Garrus had always wondered why humans did this to show affection; after she had done it to him the first time, he had discovered why and elected to do it with her as often as possible, incompatible biology or not. He kept her close, reveling in the taste of her, losing himself in every sensation, so intoxicated from the contact that the world around them faded away. She clearly reciprocated, not breaking the embrace for one second even as her fingers nimbly began to trace the edges of his plates. The ghost of her touch made his nerve endings dance with enticement, his actions becoming more ravenous in response. Every thought was buried in her pulse, her scent, her warmth pressed against him. As his talons traced her spine once more, he reached to—

Knock, knock.

They pulled back, more utterly confused than particularly startled.

"Did you just hear…?" Echo started, sitting up and glancing in the direction of the front door.

"Yeah," Garrus nodded as he sat up next to her.

"Expecting someone?"

"No one ever comes by here. Dad and Solana would've messaged ahead."

Echo shrugged. "Well, if you wanna answer that, I can be moving my stuff over."

"Right. Five minutes." So he left her to her task, quickly changed clothes, and went to open the d—

"One side, Vakarian!" The door had barely opened when Urdnot Wrex pushed his way in.

Tali stepped up behind him, shaking her head. "We told him to restrain himself, but he doesn't know the meaning of the words. Be thankful we didn't let him bring any weapons."

Garrus just looked at her. "What…'we'—how—?!"

"Can you blame me for being a bit impatient when there's nothing to fight?" Wrex shrugged, "Took your sweet time answering the door, by the way."

"It's his house and it's pretty early by Palaven time," Ashley commented as she strode in and shoved a bag into Garrus' arms, "I'd say he has a right to."

"Uh, speaking of which—" Garrus started to protest, tossing Ashley's bag into a corner.

"Oh, they weren't kidding when they said Palaven was hot!" Kasumi winced as she rushed in, "Why do I always have to wear black?"

"You'd think that cloak of yours could help with that at least a little bit," Zaeed shrugged just behind her.

Liara sighed as she stepped in and let the others pass her. "All this time and still bickering like children."

"The heroes of the galaxy, everyone," Joker jabbed, hobbling in just behind her and closing the door.

Garrus almost started panicking. It was definitely all of his surviving former squad-mates, Joker taking up the rear. Not what he'd wanted to see on the other side of that door. "OK…not that I'm not happy to see you all, but what are you doing here?"

"Don't tell me you actually forgot," Jacob said, "Biannual reunions to keep in contact, the ones you've been backing out of? It's your turn."

Any other explanation and Garrus could have easily cobbled together an excuse to shoo them out, but this one made him freeze. They had been planning "reunions" on a group extranet channel, but he hadn't been up to seeing them with the weight of shared loss hanging over them and had carefully maneuvered out of joining in, finally blocking the channel. When they had noticed his absence from the connection, some of them had messaged him directly more than once with threats to stage the next meet-up at his house, which was evidently exactly what they were doing now. He had taken the messages seriously at the time since he realized he couldn't talk his way out of it forever, but he hadn't kept up with them and, given recent events, eventually forgot about them entirely. "Oh, no. That was today?"

"Yeah, it was," Jack answered, "What's your deal?"

"I, uh…well…it's just that—"

"What's going on out here?" That was when Echo Shepard came out of the hall.

Garrus winced. "—that."

It took all of three seconds for everyone to realize who was there. Those three seconds were followed by nearly a solid minute of stunned silence and poorly concealed staring, punctuated by a few sharp looks in Garrus' direction.

Thankfully, Echo seemed to interpret the shocked looks as being relative to her "war hero" status and ignored them, instead turning to look questioningly to Garrus. "Friends of yours?"

Garrus, notably, wasn't looking at any of them, even going so far as to start wringing his hands in the same nervous/guilty gesture she'd been so familiar with on the Normandy. "Yeah." At least until about ten seconds ago…

"Uh," Joker whispered in Garrus' general direction, any path to hobble closer currently blocked by the others who were all too stunned to move, "what is she doing here?"

"I can hear you," Echo scoffed, leaning against the wall enough to get a better angle on him, "I'm standing right here."

"Yes! You are. Right here."

Garrus was still shrinking back into the wall. What was that Earth animal that could pull its head back into a shell when it was in danger? A turtle, that was it. What he wouldn't give to do that right now.

Liara finally stepped up. "Shepard."

Echo sighed. "Well, at least there's one person here I know. Nice to see you again, Liara."

"And you. Though, I must confess, I didn't entirely expect you to be here…" She said this with a brief glance in Garrus' direction.

Let it never be said the turian didn't know when a conversation was going too far. "Echo, would you mind giving us a minute?"

Echo, likewise, could always tell when a situation was getting tense. Right now, it was clear that the best means to relieve that was in Garrus' court, not hers. "Yeah, sure." So she left the room.

"Alright," James called, "Nice meeting you." Then, the second he heard a door closing, he turned absolutely enraged on his turian companion. "¡¿QUE ESTABAS PENSANDO?!"

Garrus winced and shrunk back again. His translator didn't always catch human languages that weren't Alliance Standard, but he could still somehow tell James was screaming "What were you thinking?!" Back to the turtle.

"What is she doing here?!" Jack demanded, "What happened to leaving her alone?!"

"Why didn't you say something when we were walking in?!" Kasumi followed suit, "Having all of us in the same building is only gonna make it worse!"

"She's not—" Garrus started to explain.

"Unbelievable!" Ashley snapped, "You give it the big talk about how it's better for her that we all stay away and then you turn right around and bring her back in without telling anyone?! So much for turian honor! Of all the 'do as I say not as I do'—I ought to take Wrex up on his offer to feed you to a thresher maw!"

"Are you done?" Garrus groaned as she calmed down.

She took a second to catch her breath, already prepared to keep going. Then she took a moment to consider, realized that yelling about it wasn't solving anything and that he was taking it anyway, and sighed. "…yeah, I'm done."

"Good," Miranda countered, "Because I haven't even started!"

Garrus groaned, all the restraint he had now occupied with not biting back, no longer even bothering to pay attention to who was saying what as they all stopped waiting their turn to yell at him.

"This has to be the stupidest thing you've ever done!"

"You should've told us!"

"She wouldn't have done this to you!"

"I realize we are all fragile right now," Samara finally stepped in, "but we should remain calm. She will hear us."

"Maybe it'd be better if she did," Joker shrugged, "Obviously, he's not gonna tell her anything."

"Jeff…" Liara started.

"No!" Joker ignored her, turning a sharp glare Garrus' way. It wasn't often they saw the jovial pilot angry, but right now, he was fuming. "After what happened to EDI, I thought we'd all agreed to back off. Turns out, you just found yourself a nice amnesiac pet!"

That particular comment sent Garrus over the edge. "That's too far, Moreau!"

"Enough!" Liara cut in, grabbing Garrus by the arm before he could attempt retribution, "All of you! This isn't about us, it's about Shepard!" When three seconds passed with no argument, she took a deep breath and stepped back, releasing her hold on Garrus. Her words had had the intended effect, the same effect Shepard herself once would've had on them all just by her sheer presence, and she took the opportunity to speak up. "You all agreed to stay out of her life to protect her, in case you've forgotten."

"In case you've forgotten, T'Soni," Zaeed stepped up, "some of us only made that call because Vakarian here did!"

"Then the question becomes why Garrus has, after three years, let her back in."

Seeing Liara's point, all eyes turned to the turian in question.

Garrus sighed. "Liara sent me a message that she was coming to Palaven for the deliberations with the Primarch. I hadn't seen her since I left London, so I went to the transit station and…she recognized me."

That bought their undivided attention.

"Her memory's coming back?" Ashley inquired.

"No, it was just because she saw me in the hospital the day we all left. She didn't realize we'd actually met before and I didn't have the heart to tell her. We were going the same way anyway, so I figured I could have five minutes and that'd be it. But she tracked me down before I left and…I just couldn't push her away again."

None of them could say anything to that. Now that they were past the initial yelling phase, it was hard to be angry at him after hearing how he'd been brought to this position. A few of them even thought through it enough to doubt that they would've done any different than he had, especially when they knew what she had been to him.

"It's still selfish," Joker shook his head, "I mean, you obviously haven't told her about any of us, so how come you get to—"

"It's not that I haven't told her about any of you," Garrus corrected him, "I haven't told her about us." That silenced them all. Garrus let out a defeated sigh as he fell back against the wall again. "Nothing's changed. Nothing at all." Though he stayed somber enough on the outside, he was inwardly battling with the mourning he thought he'd finally been free of. He had accepted that she might not recover, but seeing the crew here, the family she deserved and lost, made it hard to remember that. As he reminded himself why he'd accepted it, he decided it was best he tell them so. "And after all this time, she still doesn't remember anything…I don't think she ever will."

"'After all this time'? And this has been going on for how long?" Wrex stood up, "Over a month? You've had plenty of chances—"

"Let's be fair," Liara pointed out, "I've been in contact with her since you all left and I've never even told her I knew her before the war." Once again, she let the words speak where Shepard could not, ready to take action if they proved to be inadequate but finding that they were enough to silence any argument. After she had done this, she turned to Garrus. "You're certain she's past recovery?"

Garrus nodded sadly. "It's just been too long. She's been in contact with you the whole time and after everything we've done…like I said, nothing's changed."

Liara was saddened to think of it but reminded herself this was why they had all walked away that day. "Then…then it's safe for us to be around her. But we can't say anything. Telling her about what she lost if we know she can't have it back…we just can't."

As the others debated within themselves whether to consent to this plan or continue arguing, Samara took note of one person in particular. "Tali? You have been silent. Do you have anything to say?"

Tali didn't answer at first. She knew better than any of them what Shepard and Garrus had meant to each other, how hard it had been for Garrus to walk away, how much he'd been going through after losing her that way. After he had left the hospital, she had paced and paced for hours, pondering whether she should follow him or try to help Shepard recover without his help. She'd finally admitted to herself what the others knew, that only Garrus would be able to make any real difference, and raced after him, not even sure what she would say when she caught up to him. She had come back to the battery on the Normandy to find he had already cleared out his belongings and gone to join the Primarch's company until they could return to Palaven. She had known then and there that his decision was made and he couldn't spend any more time in any place that would remind him of his love as long as he couldn't have her. But now he was back with her anyway, finding a way to be with her despite the memories so cruelly stolen from her. No, Tali didn't dare try to make any decision about what the right answer was in this situation. Still, she knew one thing: "…what's important is that Shepard is happy." She turned to Garrus. "Is she?"

Garrus remembered the way Echo had looked at him, the things she'd said the night before, the light in her eyes when she smiled at him. All of that should be proof enough, but he knew he couldn't speak for her feelings. He only knew how deeply he felt. "…I hope so."

So Tali moved closer and asked what the others wouldn't. "Are you?"

This answer was easier. True, it was hard carrying the weight of her lost past, but it was worth it to take some weight from her shoulders for once. He knew he loved her and he finally was being allowed to live a life with her. "Happy" couldn't hope to match what he felt to be so close to her after all they'd been through. "Yes."

Tali smiled softly behind her helmet. "Then there is no reason for us to stand in the way."

Argument over. None of them could disagree with Tali for long, especially not when she was right. A few of them clearly weren't happy with this outcome, but their options were too limited to object. Echo was there. And if she really was past all hope of recovery, there was no risk in coming back into her life.

"Uh…hi?" Echo had just walked back into the room. "Am I coming back too early?"

Garrus took her side. "No. You're right on time."

Joker, leaning against the corner of the back wall, nearly smirked. "Yeah, she's always had a knack for that."

"I'm sorry?" Echo called.

"Uh," Joker caught himself, "I was just saying…you're Commander Shepard, right?"

She sighed. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"Which means," Garrus quickly redirected the conversation, "everyone here knows who you are and you don't know any of them."

"Just Liara."

"Then allow me to correct that," Liara stepped up.

It only took a few minutes to introduce her to everyone. None of them could deny it was strange having to talk to her as if she had never known any of them, but most of them managed to readily adopt the tactic Garrus had been using of telling the truth but carefully leaving her out of it—even if it had felt right lying to her, all of them trying to keep a story straight would have been so difficult it would give them away immediately. They started when she asked how they all knew each other and they realized that the only acceptable answer was the more-or-less honest one that they had all served on the same ship over the course of the war. Obviously, she was curious how so many different species had all served on the same ship, which led to Ashley outright stating that she was a Spectre and the war wasn't a time to be picky on squad-mates. The whole tactic would've fallen apart had Echo gotten the chance to ask which ship it was, but Grunt managed to change the subject just in time.

"This small human female is the champion of the galaxy?" he questioned, astonishing the others with how he managed to keep his battle-master respect out of the obvious challenge, "She couldn't defeat a bunny rabbit!"

To which Echo promptly utilized her typical strategy for dealing with bothersome krogan: head-butting them as if she was one.

Grunt immediately started laughing. "Never mind. I like her!"

Tali smiled to see Echo slowly making friends with them all again. When she had a chance, she stepped over. "So, Shepard, is it true you were originally trained as an engineer?"

Echo nodded. "Yeah, I got pretty good with the tech side of things as a scavenger. Since I was also pretty good at fighting by extension, it just went from there, but I do still prefer fixing things to blowing them up."

Tali just barely kept from laughing. That was quite a statement considering how much Shepard enjoyed blowing things up. "Well, if you don't mind, I've been working on something that needs a little fixing."

"Oh. If it's the geth, I draw the line—I am by no means qualified as an AI tech and those repairs are too important."

"No, no, it's just some algorithms for the automated systems we're setting up until the geth are back online. We're trying to achieve the highest efficiency possible from just using the materials we can salvage from the fleet."

Echo perked up then. "Oh! Why didn't you just say so? Here, let me see." She quickly pulled Tali aside and started exchanging data over their omni-tools.

Joker shook his head when he saw this. "Good to see some things don't change." He sighed. "We should probably start spreading out."

While the squad was going to retrieve the things they'd brought, though, Garrus took one in particular aside. "Liara. If you didn't want this to happen, why'd you bring her here and then send me that message?"

Liara hesitated to answer. "Truthfully? I couldn't get around bringing her here, no one else in the Alliance was both qualified and available. I sent you the message to warn you, in case being in the same place with her would prove too painful. I suppose I was hoping you would take the chance to see her. …I'm actually glad it worked out this way."

Garrus gave all of four seconds to ponder what might have happened had he not gone to the station that day. If he had simply resigned himself to a life that he knew would never be complete without her, never even knowing that she was past the point of no return and needed him as much as he needed her. The new memories they'd gained made their first love seem…not enough. When he looked over at Echo now and saw her talking to Tali just like the old Shepard used to, he smiled. "Yeah. Me, too." …better than old times.

Maybe fate was on their side after all.