Well...sorry for not updating for a while. I had to start it up twice because it always ends up being deleted. :P But it's here now...finally...

Chapter 14
Feel Yourself

She's trapped and she doesn't think she wants to get out as kisses trail on her flesh, warmth lingers and lingers and oh--it feels so good, she doesn't want it to end. She doesn't want them to end. Life's worth something when she's with him. When she's with him, all she wants is him and when she's away from him, all she can think about is being close to him becuase life's meaningless without him. If he goes, she'll go too. She's trapped in his arms as the rain falls out.

When it rains, he's her sunshine umbrella, shielding her from life and horror and hate. It gives her an afterglow feeling as he leans down and promises her that he'd always be there for her. Especially because she's there for him. And she'd forget everything.

She's forget herself.

Her body embracing his own as the drops of rain smudges on her soft flesh. It becomes dry later on. She knows. She'd get sick later on. She knows. Her hair twists into grayness and vagueness and he just realizes that he has to reach in closer to see that beauty in her. She's destroyed because of the rain. But he always fixes her, always lets her hair fall out of its clip. It's free from the clip. She's free.

He realizes he loves her every steps she makes.

Their silent dance.

And he'd close his eyes, imagining, loving, caring, with their black-haired emerald-eyed girls and unnatural blonde-haired violet-eyed boys running around, their fantasy. He opens his eyes back as he twirls her around and around. They'd think he's insane but the rain's his music and the sun's his spotlights and they're the stars. He doesn't care what they think or say or do. And after it's done, they'll wait.

For another storm.

Her voice's full of happiness and childlike laughter. They're nothing so purer when the lightening storm threatens to strength.

But until there's another storm, the only voice coming out of her is weak, fatigue and full of horror.

Step one.

Try to be happy.

Step two.

Don't let everything be taken from you.

Step three.

Find life from death.

Step four.

Embrace the world in gray.

Step five.

Drown yourself.

In darkness.

Step six.

Wait.

Step seven. Step eight. Step nine.

Look at what you have.

And what you don't have.

But what you don't understand is.

What if you have nothing?

Except these steps of your nothing life.

Johnny 13 was not the fatherly type.

He drank.

And he knew his rules. 'Thou art shalt not stopth drinking any timeth soon' but it wasn't more of his rule. It was her rule. He watched as his sister slipped into drugs and alcohol, overdosing and overtaking life in alcohol and anger and hate. Her soft hair turned so greay, and her eyes had this anger that he didn't see before. He didn't know how, but he knew that he started being the same.

And he was scared that he'd be angry.

He didn't want to overdose on heroin.

But he did.

It felt so right at the moment but it wasn't. All it gave him was this dizziness and he didn't know why he loved getting so dizzy. His head wasn't clear as he ate and drank and looked at her pass by. She was so innocent. Until he turned her innocence into something real.

He didn't regret it.

No one could regret.

Happiness.

No one could regret.

Aliveness.

No one could regret.

Making someone so real.

But he regretted it anyways.

Because her happiness was a shield.

To her anger.

It made her all the more angry.

And her aliveness was only a reminder.

Of how the dead feeling really felt.

And making her real.

Wanted her to be real in someone else's eyes.

But he regretted realizing that.

He never really wanted her happiness.

He wanted her anger.

When Danny walked into his house, he realized that it smelled like death and despair. It always smelled so light and soft and alive but it was suddenly so gone. It didn't feel like home before. When was it home?

He can hear deadly whispers. It's killing him.

He can't feel anything. But the stabbing pain.

Jack's voice brought Danny back into reality. He wished he was back in his nightmare. It would be better. It would feel better. "Danny, how are you?"

"I'm fine," Danny replied. He didn't care. If he was his father. Or his friend. Or a stranger. It was just talking and he wasn't going to seal himself in. Because he can't anymore. The lid's broken off so he couldn't. Even if he wanted to.

Jack blinked. Was that Danny just speaking back? With this furious attitude? With hate and destruction? It wasn't Danny. At least not the one he kept in mind. "Danny, listen--"

"What happened to Daniel?" he retarded. His back was straight. His face was stiff. "Why don't you listen to me? I'm done with listening to you!"

Jack slowly nodded his head. "I'm listening."

"You abused me. You hurt me and broke me and you expect me to look at you the same way. I'm sorry but I'm not a toy." Danny looked down. "I'm just so done with it. I don't want to get hurt again because you don't care!"

"I do care!" Jack exclaimed.

Danny shook his head. As slow as he could. "If you cared, if you had this one inch of care for me then you would never hit me like that. You have no idea how it hurt. It really hurt..."

Jack froze. "I didn't know."

"You don't know," he corrected him. "You don't know anything about me."

:the truth slips out:

Why don't you just feel it?

Stupid Jack.

But as you say those words.

You realize that.

When you do say them.

All you can feel is you.

You can feel yourself.

Slip.

If you review, then you made my day. I'll update more now that it's the hoildays. It's almost been a year on this fic. I can't believe it. Don't worry. You'd seriously get more updates.

;) Gab