Spike was quiet on the way back to the mansion. One hand was entangled with Amy's, holding that bit of warmth firmly, as if she was one of those little round things thrown to drowning people. She was pretty, and the idea of sharing a bit of passion with her had some definite appeal, but… But there was the possible doom of that hunter hunger thing. There was the chance that Buffy would stake him because the fact that they'd… well, that was out now. He could get killed by something else. And he had the impression that Amy didn't want just some passionate shagging, but more. A relationship. Relationships were hard – not that he was afraid of a bit of effort, but it made things more complicated than find a nice bed, lure her into it with him.
Of course, he couldn't try the same things that he'd used to make Dru stop being angry at him. Well… not exactly anyhow. Amy might like pretty dresses, or flowers, or jewelry, but the pretty girls in the pretty dresses would definitely be a 'no'. How did you court a mortal girl? Back all those years ago, when he'd been alive, there had been flowers, pretty words, poetry… No, definitely NOT poetry. His poetry hadn't been good then, and it wouldn't be good now, and he refused to even consider… Bloody hell, make that he refused to write any. Not a single page.
And the whole question would be irrelevant if they didn't figure out a way to defeat or banish or lock back up this ancient hunger. Hard to court anything if you're both deader than dead. He felt himself shiver, all the way to his bones. They couldn't even come up with a bloody plan because they didn't know enough about what they faced. He wished for a moment that the Judge hadn't incinerated Dalton – that vampire hadn't been a good fighter, but he'd been absolutely brilliant at gathering information.
Wait, had anybody ever done anything with Dalton's books? Could they still be locked up in the office of that factory? It was worth checking, wasn't it? Yeah, he'd have to go check.
"Amy? There's a stop I'm going to make. Place I used to lair, there was this minion, smart, lots of books. I think his books might still be there." He glanced at her, trying to read her reactions.
"What happened to him?" She looked at Spike, her eyes filled with worry and questions.
"One of Dru's insane plans burned him to a crisp. But nobody else seemed too worried about his stuff, and we left the factory a little bit after that, then the country in a hurry…" Spike frowned, thinking back on the Judge. Stank of humanity, did he? Was that supposed to be an insult?
"Do you think he had anything that would connect to this?" Amy's question was faint.
"Honestly, I don't know what all he had. A book on the Order of Turaka, one with a chapter on the Judge, another that had the Feast of Vigeous… he had boxes of them." Spike sighed, shaking his head.
"Well, it can't hurt, can it? And what are those Tarot order people?" Amy had a tiny smile, as if it felt a bit better to have a plan, no matter how feeble or short term.
"Turaka, luv. Ancient order of assassins. Hired them once to harass the Slayer, too bad they didn't kill her as a bonus." With a small smile, he remembered that. The plan had been perfect – hire the assassins to go after Buffy. It was planned to keep her busy and out of the way long enough for them to grab Angel and use him to restore Dru. Things hadn't gone quite the way he'd intended, but… Nothing ever did in Sunnydale.
"Ancient order of assassins… oh my." Amy looked a bit unsettled. "Wait a minute… how ancient? Would they know anything about this ancient hunger? I mean… if it shows up and eats the world, not only are they in the world, but… umm… no more jobs?"
"Are you suggesting that I ask the Order of Turaka if they know anything about this Most Ancient of Hungers?" Spike looked at her, partly shocked and partly impressed by the idea. It was daring, it was either daring or damningly risky… "That might actually be a decent idea."
"And if it's not, how could they make things worse?" Amy shivered, as if the whole situation was making her upset, which it probably was.
"Well, they could get pissed, send people out to try to kill us all. Maybe they'd get lucky and… actually, I don't really see how they could make things more than a little worse." Spike shook his head, the whole conversation feeling almost unreal. "I'll just pop over to check about those books."
End part 40.
Amy slipped into the mansion, thinking over Spike's words. Not just the part about incinerated minions, but about ancient assassin orders, about hiring them to maybe kill Buffy and all the violent vampire things that dragged in. Spike wasn't a normal guy, didn't think like a normal human, didn't react like a twenty something man would. Gorgeous as he was, could she deal with something like that? Did she want to get involved with someone who considered hiring assassins as an acceptable distraction?
She sighed, leaning against the wall. Spike was trouble… everything tonight had reinforced that. She was starting to understand why Willow had said that a relationship with Spike would be awkward at best. He was devious, and had a violent streak, and didn't look at people the same way… and utterly sexy, and oddly charming, with this voice… She was definitely attracted, in all defiance of common sense.
Slowly, she made her way back to the main hall, where they'd had s'mores earlier. Faith – who they would be calling Caitlynn – was sitting there, ripping a stack of paper into bits and feeding the bits to the fire, looking unhappy. None of the others were in sight, although she thought Willow was probably asleep. "Hey. Where did everyone else… where is everyone?"
Faith-Caitlynn looked up, smiling just a little. "Amy… where's Spike? Willow was tired, so Angel took her to bed." She paused, a small smirk crossing her face. "Not that anything's happening up there with her out like that. Wes went to make a couple phone calls and has been hiding in the kitchen. Xander left with you… is he with Anya now?"
Amy shrugged a little as she sat down. "I don't know, we left him and Buffy still researching. Giles separated us after… well, Buffy and I yelled at each other. Spike said a burned minion may have had some useful books and went to check. That's just about everybody… oh, we did find a little in some of Giles old books. It sounds like the shadow-man is something called the Most Ancient of Hungers, and it's a bigger, scarier nasty thing than we'd thought. End of the world bad… if it gets here. It was sent away by some sort of barrier thing. We don't know what the barrier was, how it's made, or what happened to let the thing look through, but it's not here yet."
With a wince, the disguised Slayer looked over at Amy. "That doesn't sound encouraging. What's being done?""
"Giles went to make phone calls to anybody that might be useful, including the Watcher's Council. Spike's thinking about checking with the Order of Turaka to see if they know anything. Basically, nobody knows enough to say more than it's bad, it might get worse, and it's very old and scary. We're all trying to find more, but… Where do we even start looking?" Amy leaned her head on her knees. "What are you burning?"
"Angel had a copy of the Slayer Handbook. I'm ripping out and burning everything that sounds stupid." Faith-Caitlynn smirked just a little. "So far, that's most of it."
"Ah. So… what's going on with you and Wesley?" Amy smiled cheerfully, wondering if Faith even realized the way they looked at each other.
"Me and… but… Amy! There isn't anything… we're not…" She paused, taking a breath. "You mean the tension. Right… he was supposed to be my Watcher, I went evil, he got chewed out by almost everyone for letting me go bad, got fired, bailed from here, met up with Angel, I tortured him, which I really shouldn't have done… wish I hadn't, but…. I was supposed to trust him, to let him help me. It never worked, and now… I don't know."
"So, like everything else in Sunnydale, it's a complicated mess." Amy shook her head. "If we survive this, I want to move to Virginia. You never hear about near apocalypses in Virginia, or Mouths of Hell, or any of this mess."
"Thought Whistler was trying to have you work for the forces of good?" The little smile was purely teasing. "And me and Willow."
"I can work for the forces of good someplace saner. Anywhere would be saner." Amy found herself smiling just a little. "And maybe me and… well… maybe I wouldn't have to go alone? Maybe we won't always be fighting evil all in a big group?"
"Dreaming about having that toned vamp to lean on? He's pretty easy on the eyes, I'll give him that, but… " Her voice trailed off, as if she wasn't certain how far would be too far.
"But he's a vampire. Killed lots of people, part of the Scourge of Europe, well known for torture, mayhem, violence… tried to kill Buffy repeatedly, which actually doesn't sound bad right now, and… It's ridiculous, frightening, I should be running away." Amy looked at the flames, staring as if they held the answers to everything. "But I'm not running from him. Guess I'm not all good and flawless… and if I had him with me, I'm not sure that I'd care. I'm also not sure how good I'd stay."
"Does that bother you?"
"Not as much as it should." Amy reached out, capturing a palmfull of fire, using her magic to remain unharmed. "Spike is like playing with fire. I just don't know if he'd end up burning me."
"Damn, Amy, you should know better than asking a question like that here. Nobody gets to live happily ever after with a snuggle-bunny. They die, or turn psycho, or fuck around on you… It's not going to be when you get burned, it's going to be how bad." Faith shook her head, poking a scrap of page into the fire over Amy's palm.
"Don't remind me. I want to pretend that if we survive this big scary evil, things will be… the sort of thing that's supposed to be normal. Where the biggest problem is transportation and getting a good boyfriend. Not preventing the apocalypse, or fending off hordes of demons." Amy tossed the handful of fire back into the fireplace. "And I don't even have any way to try to help gather more information. I'm only marginally more useful than Buffy. Wait… didn't Willow say that Xander's girlfriend Anya used to be a demon? Would she know anyone that might know something?"
Shivering, Faith-Caitlynn nodded. "Yeah… that was one of the things that happened while I was away. Anya used to be a Vengeance Demon – you don't mess around with those. I don't know if she really likes any of them besides Xander, but I can't see how asking her if she knows anyone who might know something would be a bad thing. Go ahead, call her. If I'm Willow's cousin Caitlynn, I probably don't know all the demon stuff yet, and certainly not the personal details. If I'm Faith, I'm supposed to be dead."
"Umm…. Good point. I just hope she's not… " Amy sighed. "I know, I can chase Wesley out of the kitchen to use the phone there. You two have to start talking again. Even if he is just your Watcher."
"That's all there is! And barely even that!" Faith's protest seemed a bit forced, as if she was trying to convince herself, not Amy.
Grinning, Amy made her way into the kitchen. Maybe it was a bit juvenile to think of it like this, to take such glee in it, but the words kept going through her mind. 'Faith and Wesley sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, second comes marriage, then comes Faith pushing a baby carriage…' Deny it all she liked, but Amy was certain that Faith had a crush.
Amy was still smiling as she evicted Wesley from the sanctuary of the kitchen. "Hey, Wesley. I'm throwing you out of the kitchen. Need to call Anya, and I have no idea how it will go… go talk to Fa- Caitlynn, she can tell you how our researching went. And Giles will probably be trying to call you."
End part 41.
"Maybe I have been too hasty in this. Maybe we all were. If all that happened was Willow turning Amy back human… if there wasn't an affair…" Buffy's words were low, quiet and tight with tangled emotions.
"Then you and Tara broke what there was, and things will never be quite the same. Maybe you can fix something. Willow and I managed to be friends again after the fluking, maybe you and Willow… or Tara and Willow…" Xander's voice trailed off, and he looked at Buffy.
She was sitting on the floor, her legs covered in pink sweatpants as she sat cross legged on the floor. A shirt in white with a pink and gold heart didn't quite meet the pants, revealing a hint of toned stomach. She looked beautiful, but… but there wasn't the same sort of warmth to her that had been so attractive when he'd first met her. That warm, hopeful, human-ness that had made him fall hopelessly in crush with her. When had it gone away? Had it been a gradual thing, or was it an effect of dying? Had he missed Buffy changing as much over the past six years as he had?
There was something lost in Buffy's eyes as she looked at him. "We really messed this one up, didn't we?"
"It sort of looks that way. But I hope we can fix it. Spike… he pointed something out that all of us should have been able to see for ourselves. That spell… when Willow brought you back? We knew it was big, but… it was dangerous. She could have died trying to bring you back. And for some reason, you've just been angry at her." Xander shook his head, wishing that life didn't have to be so hard. "Whatever had you so mad at her… we need to figure out how to not get eaten first. If we defeat or banish or rewall this ancient hungry shadow, they you and Willow can sort out your issues."
"Do you really think that I'd let something like that get in the way of stopping an apocalypse?" Buffy looked shocked, almost hurt by his words.
"I'd hope not. The Buffy that I went to high school with… you'd try your best not to." Xander sighed, leaning on a thick book, trying to force the muscles of his chest to go back to normal instead of feeling like they were too tight. "But you're different now, angrier, and farther away from us inside. Five years ago, you would never have questioned me really being me when we were researching. Three years ago, you would never have been about to rip someone apart for treating our helpful vampire like a person. Even when Willow started dating Tara, you wouldn't have accused her of having an affair in your house. What happened, Buffy? Because… the new you doesn't seem to work well with others."
"I didn't want to come back." Her whisper was barely audible. "And I knew that only Willow would be powerful enough to have done it."
"We were getting our butts kicked." Xander's words were low, almost bitter. "Everybody was pretty beat up, and we'd even reprogrammed the buffy-bot to do patrols. It wasn't enough. And Faith was in jail, so she wouldn't be here or dead to let a new Slayer come… and I don't know which would be better of those two."
"Faith is trouble, Xander. Was it bad enough that you'd be willing to have her back again?" Buffy was looking at him, her eyes wide and shocked. Her fingers traced over the tooled leather binding of the book.
"Yeah. It was bad enough I'd have welcomed Deadboy with a smile." Xander managed not to shiver. "And Giles was gone. He went back to England after you… well, after."
"Things had to have been bad for you to be willing to work with Angel. Even Spike." Buffy's voice was low, almost thoughtful.
"Yeah. I don't like him, but in certain circumstances… I trust him. He's a good fighter, tough, and he likes Dawn. He won't let the town get overrun by rampaging demons if he could stop it." Xander sighed. He missed the olden days, when Buffy was Good, Spike was Evil, and there was no impending apocalypse… at least, nothing like this.
"So…. We look for something on the Ancient Hungry Shadow thing?" Buffy opened the book, looking like she was facing some horrible fate.
"Yeah. Unless you know someone to call for information, we check the books." Xander frowned, knowing that his stomach would be tied in knots and his head throbbing by the time he finally crawled off to bed from this. "Spike's right, I don't want to be an entrée."
"Xander? Do you know… have you seen Willow lately? I really… I do need to apologize to her. But I can't do that unless I can find her." Buffy glanced at him, her eyes looking sad and lost and shimmering with unshed tears.
Xander looked at her, part of him wanting desperately to believe that she was the Buffy they'd all known, the Buffy from before, that he'd been willing to do anything for. But if she wasn't… if she was Buffy the jealous wench that would have a cow about Willow staying at Angel's mansion, have a cow about Willow talking to Angel… If the remorse was just a clever, convincing act… He didn't want to believe that of Buffy. "Doesn't she have classes in the afternoons? Why not try to catch her at the campus?"
"Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll have to do that." Buffy smiled a little, and then turned back to her book. "That's just nasty… Why did I have to grab a book with illustrations?"
Xander tried to hide his smile. The prayer went upwards, a bare little thought – Please let Buffy be herself again, let her be making her way back to the hero I loved instead of this cold and distant person. Let Buffy be right again. Let the world be right again.
End part 42.