Chapter 14: A Time to Love
Mae and Wilbur insisted on taking Elphaba and Adrian to the train station in the horse cart on the first of August. True to her word, Elphaba had Bala with her in a wire cage, with a little quilt and pillow Mae had sewn for her. The kitten was wary, but soothed by Elphaba's voice. Tessy rode along, chattering with Adrian about the sights and the weather in Boston.
For the first time, Elphaba noticed the changes in Tessy since they'd first met. Her cloud of corkscrew curls was full in the summer heat, her brown eyes sparkling just a little. Her skin had darkened a shade to just the color of milk chocolate. She looked…happy.
Elphaba was glad Tessy had stayed in Amber Plains, even if her own personal tragedy had been the reason for the decision. Learning to read had done wonders for her, and for a moment, Elphaba considered asking her to come along on the trip as well. She kept quiet, however. It was Adrian's place to invite guests, not Elphaba's.
As they approached the train station, Elphaba pulled on her gloves and pulled her hat down low over face. Tessy gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and Wilbur navigated the cart into the bustling station. With the help of Mae, Adrian was able to buy their tickets and hustle Elphaba onto the train without raising any questions as to her color. By posing as a newly married couple, they were able to secure a double sleeper compartment. Though a bit awkward, their accommodations were much nicer than their trip to Dallas, and Elphaba could hide away in the compartment and remain mostly inconspicuous. She waved to Mae, Wilbur and Tessy from the one, small window as the train lurched out of the station and heaved its way northeastward.
They had a week of travel to endure before reaching Boston. Elphaba was mostly silent, watching the landscape out the tiny window and burying herself in her books. She had brought more books than clothing, which had made Adrian chuckle.
"Priorities," she had said, "Priorities."
Adrian brought her meals into the compartment, sparing her the awkwardness of having to endure the stares that would surely greet her in the dining car. As they traveled, Elphaba found herself talking more. The confinement afforded little else to do, besides read.
Adrian was well-educated, that much was obvious, but he also had a streak of wisdom that was unusual for his age. Nearly seven years Elphaba's junior, he had spent most of his thirty years in school, studying the way the universe works. Yet he had an easy nature that one would expect to find in someone far more socialized. Also considering that this was not Adrian's home country, Elphaba was impressed.
"So what country do you call home?" Elphaba asked one evening.
"Germany," Adrian answered easily.
"And where is that?"
"Across the ocean, which is about a week by ship from Boston."
Elphaba considered this, "This world seems so much larger than Oz, but then, perhaps if I'd ever been able to venture beyond the desert…" she trailed off, considering what she really knew of Oz.
"Tell me about it," Adrian asked eagerly, "I never imagined I'd have the opportunity to hear about an entirely different world…"
Elphaba smirked a little, but indulged him. She found that it was nice, to describe the lush greenery of Rush Margins, the grit and bustle of the City of Emeralds, and even the harsh peaks of the Vinkus. She found that the place itself was in her blood, coursing through her and defining who she was. It seemed less haunted, less evil, when she simply described the place, and not the events of her life.
"So what of Germany?" she finally asked him in return.
Adrian considered, "It can be beautiful, with lush countryside and cities built centuries ago. The southern border includes the Alpine Mountains, which are harsh and soft at the same time. It's a beautiful contradiction. Probably the closest thing to the place you call the Vinkus I can imagine…"
Elphaba detected a note of sadness or strain in Adrian's voice. She wanted to know more, in spite of herself, "So you've come here just to study, and then return home?"
Adrian looked distant for a moment, "Mostly, yes. It's a great privilege, to study under the Professor…but I must also admit, I don't know if I'll be returning to Germany. Our nation, and those surrounding it, are in troubled times. There is much political conflict, and sometimes it seems as though we're on the verge of war…" he trailed off, lost in his troubled thoughts.
Elphaba sat with him in silence, understanding with great clarity the reality of war. Conflict crossed the boundaries of universes, they both realized. Hatred was birthed on every plane of existence. But then, so was love. It was heartbreaking and comforting at the same time.
"So how did you come under the instruction of this Professor?" Elphaba slightly changed the subject.
"He wrote me as I was finishing my doctoral work in physics, and asked me specifically to study underneath him. He knew my parents briefly when I was a boy, and I think he recognized something ominous in the direction our country is taking…"
Elphaba considered this, "And where does he work?"
"Harvard College. It's the oldest school in the country, and has some of the greatest minds in the world on staff. I am amazed every day by the discoveries that are made within its walls. This is a great country, where men are free to pursue not only happiness, but knowledge in its purest form."
Elphaba nodded, and then added, "If only that applied to women, and those whose color is different than yours. That would be true freedom…"
Adrian nodded in agreement, and then left in search of iced tea for both of them.
The rest of the trip followed much the same pattern, and Elphaba found herself quite surprised at how quickly the time passed. By the time they arrived, she had worked her way through several books, and the anatomy of several animals was beginning to blur together in her mind. She welcomed the break that disembarking the train provided. Adrian gathered up their baggage, and they struggled into the station together. Elphaba had her hat pulled low over her face, but she quickly realized that almost no one was interested in the two of them as they made their way through the station to the street. She also noticed that Boston was considerably more colorful than Amber Plains, or even Dallas. Snatches of conversation in several different languages wafted past her ears, and she felt a twinge of hope. Already, her spirits lifted, as the energy of the city worked its way through her.
Adrian flagged down a carriage, and the driver quickly loaded their baggage. He looked startled as he caught a glimpse of Elphaba's face, but he said nothing. Within minutes, they were on their way to a hotel.
Elphaba's breath caught as Adrian led her from the carriage and into a soaring hotel in the heart of Boston. The lobby was well decorated and filled with ladies and gentlemen dressed in fine clothes, on their way to important affairs. For a moment, Elphaba thought of Glinda, floating through society in her frothy gowns, her porcelain skin rosy and well-powdered.
Glinda would like it, she thought, Glinda would drag me to a suite and rave about the towels and pieces of furniture with names I can't pronounce…
Elphaba smiled at the memory. Lost in her reverie, she realized Adrian was calling her name. She followed him up the staircase to the fourth floor, where he swung open the door to a well furnished room.
"Welcome to the Lenox," Adrian said, with an attempt at wealthy arrogance.
Elphaba gave him a smirk and dropped her heavy satchel of books. The room was quite nice, with heavy, toile curtains and an intricate, cherry wood wardrobe. There was also a genuine bathroom, which was unheard of in the plains of Kansas. Water ran from the faucets, which left even Elphaba in awe. There was also just one large, cherry wood bed.
Adrian cleared his throat as he realized why Elphaba had hesitated.
"I could only afford the one room, and we're posing as newlyweds, after all…I would be happy to sleep on the floor, or even in the bathtub. I'm afraid I gave up my regular residence when I left for Kansas…"
Elphaba shook off the awkwardness and tried to smile, "I've certainly spent the night in far worse conditions. I trust your integrity, but I am also not a dainty flower. We can alternate. You take the bed tonight," she offered.
"Very well," Adrian agreed, knowing he would not win an argument with her.
After unpacking their things, Adrian brought up a modest meal of teacakes and fruit from the hotel restaurant, along with freshly brewed tea. Elphaba was grateful. After making sure Bala had fresh water, she fell asleep quickly in the oversized chair by the window, with the promise of tomorrow's meeting with the Professor flitting through her dreams.
Harvard College was expansive, with exquisite, detailed architecture and well-manicured lawns. Elphaba was impressed, and she was glad she had chosen to wear the new dress Mae had painstakingly sewn for her. It was reminiscent of the dress Nyalana had helped her patch and restore in her days in the City of Emeralds. It resembled the dress she had worn the first time she and Fiyero had made love. She had cherished that dress, after seeing the way his smoldering eyes looked at her, knowing how much he'd wanted her. Now, she felt beautiful, powerful, and complete as a woman in this dress, and she needed that confidence today. Her hair was knotted as usual, her hat wide-brimmed and pulled low over her brow. Yet she strode with confidence, following Adrian through the wide hallways and beautiful, wooden arches of Harvard College to the office of his well-respected professor.
They stopped in front of a mammoth desk that was dark, well-made, and hand-carved. Standing behind it was an older man, with a shock of graying hair and an unkempt mustache. His suit was well tailored, if slightly disheveled, and he was studying a large chalkboard covered in numbers and symbols.
"Professor?" Adrian interrupted him.
The older man turned and his face lit up in a smile, "Adrian! It's wonderful to have you home! And who is this young woman--" the Professor stopped, taking in the person who stood before him. He was momentarily startled, but his expression quickly became curious.
"I know you'd like for me to have come home with a fiancé, but I'm afraid Miss Elphaba will have to do. She's the one I wrote you about," Adrian explained.
The Professor raised a hand to his chin and looked her over, his eyes becoming more excited by the moment. Elphaba reached up and removed her hat, almost challenging the Professor to react to her. If he was going to run in fear or disgust, she'd rather get it over with quickly.
Instead, her studied her face, and then reached out for her hand, "May I?" he asked politely.
Elphaba nodded, and he studied her hand carefully, turning it over in disbelief as he took in the coloring.
"You, my dear, are absolutely stunning. And you are everything Adrian said you were," the Professor concluded.
Elphaba snorted in embarrassment, "Stunning is not a word I've ever been called before."
"Well, it's fitting," the Professor replied matter of factly, "Now, tell me about yourself," he seated himself in front of his desk and offered her and Adrian the two chairs in front of him.
Elphaba was quiet for a moment, finding the question daunting. Explaining herself was difficult, far more difficult than learning the anatomy of a horse or even getting along with Myra Spinnaker.
"I was born in Rush Margins, in the land of Oz, thirty-seven years ago. I was the Thropp Third Descending, eventually to be the Eminent Thropp, but I gave up the title. It's a historic title of nobility without much political backing. I'm not even sure it's continued now that I'm gone…" she paused to consider, "I was born this color, green as sin from the moment I took a breath. I think it nearly drove my mother to insanity…
I completed some university and worked for some years in the City of Emeralds. I spent most of my adult years in the mountains of the Vinkus, working on my skills in Life Sciences with animals, or Animals as we call them. My life did not contain much of great merit, at least until now. I've always been more of an oddity than a person of intrigue…" she stopped, not willing to divulge her participation in the Resistance or the birth of her son. It still stung, to not remember birthing her child. She also could not bring herself to broach the subject of Fiyero with just these men. This trip was part of moving on, and she also did not trust herself to speak about him.
"You mentioned your father once, or someone you though might be your birth father…?" Adrian turned the statement into a question.
Elphaba swallowed hard, remembering the nauseating feeling of watching the Clock of the Time Dragon call the Wizard her father.
"Someone once suggested," she choked out, "that the man we call the Wizard might be my father. He was rarely seen, and he drug Oz into Civil war. He also took away the rights of the entire Animal population. He appeared rather suddenly when he took power, and many people speculated that he was…not of our world," her tone was harsh as she spat out his story.
"None of us chooses our parents," Adrian offered, trying to sound reassuring.
The Professor was rifling through his desk, mumbling to himself. He emerged after a moment with a thick document. He returned to his seat and handed it to Elphaba.
"It's not easy reading, but I'd like you to look this over. You strike me as intelligent. More intelligent than most."
Elphaba flipped through it, and the Professor continued.
"There are just a few theoretical physicists in the world right now. It's a new and controversial field, and some call us crazy. We want to explain the world, the universe even. The way I see it, if Galileo looked to the stars and saw the potential for the universe, what's to stop us from looking beyond the universe to see the potential for more? They laughed at Galileo, too.
In my readings, I've stumbled across a common thread that works its way backward through history. It's shown up in the writings of scientists and philosophers, and even intelligent observers. It seems that, throughout history, there have been individuals who seemed to simply appear in society, to barely fit in and sometimes disappear unexpectedly. People who seem to have no history, or have huge gaps in their life here. A Latin philosopher called the phenomenon Tempus Viator."
The Professor paused, and Elphaba's head spun a little.
"A handful of physicists are trying to explain with science what we've observed for thousands of years. Beyond this universe, there appear to be many, many more. Existing in dimensions we cannot experience, there are other worlds beyond this one, and every now and then, someone is able to jump that gap. Someone who is a child of both worlds."
Elphaba swallowed hard over both fear and excitement. For the first time in her life, someone was making sense. Someone had given a name to her existence.
Tempus Viator.
It sounded like something worth being, like something powerful, strong, and purposeful.
"And you think I could be one of these people?" Elphaba barely whispered.
The Professor considered her, "How did you find yourself here?" he asked.
Elphaba looked away, "I was…in a moment of great distress in my world…I could have died…and, since our world includes sorcery, I could occasionally summon great waves of power. I must have…willed myself here, but it's obviously a skill I did not know I possessed…"
They were all silent for a moment, each lost in thought at all the possibilities before them. Finally, the Professor broke the silence.
"Would you be willing to submit to some testing? I guarantee it would be conducted with the utmost respect, supervised by myself. I would just be interested to see your genetic makeup, as compared to others. Genetics is a relatively new field, and I think they would be interested."
Elphaba considered, yet she found herself too intrigued to say no. She had, after all, come here for answers.
"I expect to be treated like an equal, like a person with the right to refuse any of this. I'll disappear if that promise is broken," she demanded, her eyes locked with the Professor's.
He nodded, and Elphaba could not detect any dishonesty in him.
"So this is your work? Studying the unusual, like me?" Elphaba had to ask.
The Professor grinned, "Unfortunately, no. My work is to tell folks how to build buildings that won't fall down and railcars that can go faster without derailing. There's science behind all of that, as well. They don't pay me to think about theoretical physics, but working here affords me the opportunity to work with other great minds who enjoy thinking as well. This field of study is controversial, laughable even for some people. Someone once said to me that being a theoretical physicist is like being a composer of music on a planet that has no sound. We use what we know to guess at what might be. At least, until someone like you walks into my office."
Elphaba nodded, both overwhelmed and excited, "May I take this?" she asked, holding out the thick stack of papers.
"Certainly," the Professor agreed.
Adrian chatted with the Professor for a few moments longer, agreeing to return the following morning with Elphaba. They shook hands, and Adrian led her out of the office for the day. Halfway outside, she turned to Adrian suddenly.
"I didn't even think to ask," she blurted, "What is his name, other than the Professor?"
Adrian smiled and answered, "Friedrick. Thomas Friedrick. He came from Germany as well, many years ago."
Elphaba lost herself in her thoughts as they made their way back to the hotel. The meeting has lasted through lunch, and they found they were both quite hungry. Adrian needed to retrieve some money, however, before they went in search of a proper meal. They climbed the stairs to their room, and Adrian retrieved what he needed from the small safe where they'd locked their few valuables. Afterward, he found Elphaba by the large window, staring out at the sunbathed city.
She held her cat in her arms, stroking its colorful fur. Her hair had pulled lose from its knot under its own weight, and for once looked soft and feminine. Her features were sharp and quite emerald in the afternoon sun, yet she was beautiful, in her own way. For the first time, he noticed the dress she wore, which was black, with hints of burgundy in the lacework. There was a bit of a train on the full, gored skirt. She was quite exquisite, Adrian realized, a lady in any world, and for a fleeting moment, he saw her differently. She was more than his discovery, more than the words Tempus Viator. She was a woman.
Elphaba turned and broke the spell.
"I think I might be close to starving," she threw out with a smirk and dropped the cat softly on the bed.
Adrian shook his head and followed her.
The following day was a whirlwind, with Elphaba meeting several of the Professor's colleagues and submitting herself to far more blood-drawing and skin sampling than she would have liked. She regarded each person carefully, ready to bolt at any sign that they simply wanted to make her front-page news. She could not tolerate that. She would not endure being a freakish sideshow for the citizens of Boston. Yet she was a woman of science herself, and was every bit as intelligent as Professor Friedrick had implied. She wanted answers, in spite of herself.
So the week passed, with meetings and lengthy discussions, some lasting into the wee hours of the night in the Professor's office. It was reminiscent of her time at the University, where she'd been surrounded by culture, people, and knowledge. Elphaba was in her element, and it brought out the best in her. She let her hair get softer, since knotting it seemed less important. She glowed with anticipation and possibilities. Her eyes were brighter, her bitterness falling away a bit. She looked something like the young girl she'd once been, and Adrian was glad, feeling somewhat responsible for her happiness.
It's worth all the work, if I helped her, he thought to himself as they sipped tea in a shadowy corner of a café near their hotel more than a week hence.
"Do you think," Elphaba asked suddenly, "That someone like me could take someone else with me when I…jumped worlds? Am I strong enough to send someone else between worlds?"
Adrian considered, "I wouldn't say no. I think that's something only you could answer."
Elphaba chewed her lip, looking troubled and thoughtful. She had a way of doing that, he had realized, of suddenly becoming stormy and quiet.
Adrian took a chance, "Are you thinking of him? Of your Fiyero, who you went looking for?"
Elphaba's head shot up, "Don't ever mention him! You can't and you mustn't, do you understand?"
"I'm sorry," Adrian complied.
Elphaba lost some of her fight, "I'm sorry…it's just…you couldn't understand…"
Adrian reached out and took her hand, because compassion came quite naturally to him.
She pulled away, not harshly, but pointedly, "Adrian, don't," her eyes were hard when she looked at him, "I'm not some fair young thing that you can comfort and care for. I've seen evil and atrocity; I've been used and scarred. I'm not a young woman. In fact, I'm barely a woman sometimes. So…don't…"
Adrian smiled and took her hand anyway, "I know who you are, at least who you are now, and I'm not young enough to think I can charm you. I'm far from naïve, Elphaba. I'm not trying to make you my wife. I'm your friend, and I can assume you've had very few true friends. I respect you, and I do care. There is no pretense. You don't have to be afraid of the fact that I care."
Elphaba studied him, taking in his slightly unruly, dark hair and his deep, brown eyes that always looked sincere. His hand was firm around hers, but did not seem to be asking for anything more. She felt a twinge inside of her, and then a flood of warmth. He could not understand what his transparent honesty meant to her. He was a man of true character, and she did not know how to answer. Unexpectedly, tears pricked her eyes, and she turned and fiercely wiped them away.
Adrian pretended not to notice.
Several days later, they sat in the Professor's office as he studied the information provided to him by his colleagues.
Another professor, Professor Whitmore, stood with him, talking animatedly, "It's like nothing I've ever seen! Even with our limited methods and the fact that this research in its infancy, this is unusual…"
Elphaba cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow. She did not like to be talked about when she was in the room.
"I'm sorry," Professor Whitmore addressed her, "Your number and type of chromosomes are entirely different than anything we've encountered in human research. This is a very new field, and no one is quite certain yet as to the actual number and function of chromosomes, but yours are clearly beyond what we've seen as human…"
"And what does that mean?" Elphaba was both curious and a little afraid.
"Either that you are not human, or not human as we know it. And, as a footnote, you probably could not reproduce…" Professor Whitmore trailed off.
"Well, I certainly don't have any plans to reproduce anything," Elphaba snapped, flushing a little.
"I'm sorry," Professor Whitmore's tone softened, "I get caught up in the science, and I forget the personal. My apologies."
Elphaba nodded, and lost herself in thought. The professors and Adrian continued to chatter excitedly about what they had found, but she allowed their voices to fade. She had a lot of answers, maybe more answers than she'd hoped to find. She was clearly of another world, and she was clearly powerful enough to transcend the barrier between the two. So she must have been a child of the great and terrible Wizard. It sickened her, but in perspective, it meant she was his equal. She was more powerful than she'd known. As Professor Friedrick has described, her water allergy could have been a manifestation of her unusual genetic makeup. She was not made wholly for one world or the other, so there were bound to be inconsistencies. Yet she had also managed to produce a child, something she was ready to admit, no matter how fascinating the professors might find it. Liir was enigma she could only attribute to a phrase she'd heard Professor Whitmore use repeatedly, Life finds a way.
Elphaba was quiet the rest of the day, lost in her thoughts as she tried to sort her answers into a logical explanation of her life. She could certainly do things that no one else could. She had possibly even sent Fiyero here in a moment of emotion, grief, and energy. The power of it all scared her a little. It also broke her heart, to know she might have saved his life only to have him die in a filthy prison in this world.
Elphaba considered what she could offer this world. She could be very powerful, using her sorcery to control, manipulate, and impose fear, as the Wizard had done. Or she could create something good. She had already found one skill, in listening to the animals, that was unique to her here. She could create a purpose from her own chaos and make a difference for those who had no voice.
She was up well into the night considering it, and Adrian had trouble waking her the following morning.
Over the next few days, Adrian let his professors stew over their research, and he took Elphaba on a tour of Boston. He started with the sprawling college campus, showing her the laboratories, libraries, and dormitories for some of the smartest people in the nation. Elphaba tingled with excitement as she poured over the volumes of leather-bound books in the extensive library. Seeing that alone as worth her trip.
With her hat pulled low, he took her to the best restaurants they could afford. He let her sample food from his native Germany, as well as Italy, Austria, Ireland, and even the Far East. They walked through sprawling parks filled with wealthy ladies and gentlemen, and even made their way into the poverty-stricken quarters where Elphaba found great joy in passing out food, blankets, and even some of her own clothing to the poor.
Adrian was continually impressed by the generosity beneath her hard exterior, at the heart that beat beneath all her grief and emotional baggage.
At the end of the week, they returned to their hotel one afternoon, exhausted after a day of trekking through the city. Adrian half-carried Elphaba, because she had given her shoes to a young girl in the grip of prostitution and poverty.
"Perhaps there's a thing as too much generosity," he tossed out, only half-serious, once they'd reached their room. Adrian watched her discard her stockings and rub her feet. Illogically, he was shocked that they were as green as her hands.
"You don't know what it's like," she snapped, "to be hungry and cold and…used," Elphaba looked away quickly, realizing what she'd revealed.
Adrian stood very still for a moment, also realizing the implications of what she'd said. He was surprised, at the strength of his anger. He knew her life had been hard, but it hurt to think of her like the girl they'd seen, cold, dingy, and stripped of her humanity. It seemed such a contradiction to who she was now. Then, Adrian was again surprised, at how much he wanted her to know that she was far more than that.
He sat next to her on the bed, and Elphaba continued to rub her feet, not looking at him, "I'm sorry…you should be able to give your shoes to anyone you see fit. I didn't know…" he couldn't finish.
"You shouldn't!" Elphaba barked, "You couldn't…it's not important. It's the past. Just forget it. We should sleep…"
Adrian wasn't ready to let it go, "I would never have known, because you're so strong, so determined, and so full of compassion. Whatever your scars, you haven't given in to bitterness. You have so much goodness in you…you have so much to offer…"
Elphaba scoffed, "If only you'd known me just before I found myself here…"
"Whatever you almost were isn't what you are now…" Adrian added. He had taken her hand again, yet Elphaba didn't notice for several moments.
They had become comfortable with each other during their stay, moving fluidly around each other as they shared their small space. Elphaba had become at ease with him, which surprised her, but it was nice. Adrian was considerate and kind, and he genuinely cared. She could see that kindness in his eyes now. He had a good heart, as Tessy had said.
The clock ticked, the air shifted, and Elphaba was suddenly overcome by her loneliness. In spite of all the people around her, she kept herself sealed off in an emotional cocoon. She'd wasted so much time searching for a lover who was most likely long dead, and in front of her was the offer of the most basic of human needs. Touch. A child who is not touched will die of loneliness. It will cry in torment from the lack of human contact. In the moment, Elphaba felt the strength of that need. Against her own will, she needed to be touched.
Adrian saw it in her and his heart constricted. For a fleeting moment, he wondered, did he love her? He didn't stop to answer the question. He raised a hand to her face and brushed her hair back, and then he kissed her.
Elphaba let him, turning off logic, and letting herself feel. There were no fireworks, no great earth-moving sensation or rush of love as she'd felt for Fiyero, yet she could not stop. She needed to be touched and she trusted Adrian. Her search for Fiyero had only ended in more suffering and she simply needed to be held.
She let him kiss her, let him run his long fingers through her hair and lay her back against the pillows. He hesitated, when she started to undo the buttons on her dress.
"Elphaba…if you don't want…"
She stopped him, pulling him back before she changed her mind, "Don't talk. I've spent years talking and thinking, and very few of them…doing. Please…I've been so lonely…"
Adrian's heart broke for her, and he kissed her again. He told himself he did love her, in a way, and he helped her with the tiny buttons.
It was a shock, the feeling of his skin against hers, and Elphaba had him blow out the lamp before she let her dress fall to the floor. The scars and the harsh tone of her skin, things she still wasn't ready to completely reveal, would be lost in the shadows.
Adrian was gentle, as was his nature, and Elphaba found that her body responded. He kissed her softly and held her, taking the time to touch and appreciate her. Elphaba closed her eyes and lost herself in the sensation. She let herself enjoy being caressed by another person. She felt a twinge of guilt, knowing it was more the touch itself than Adrian that she craved, but she pushed it away.
Elphaba clutched him as they moved together, drawing him into a rhythm that worked her body towards the height of pleasure. She felt selfish, knowing she was more concerned with taking than giving in the moment, but he'd offered himself and she was in need. She let the waves of sensation overwhelm her as she surrendered to climax. She bit her lip and heard Adrian whimper a little as his body gave in as well. They collapsed together, perspiring from the effort, and Elphaba turned away. She pulled the quilt over herself and squeezed Adrian's hand, to let him know she was not angry.
She drifted into sleep and woke sometime later, to find him watching her with concern and compassion in his eyes. Elphaba pulled him to her again, taking him hungrily this time. She was trying desperately to fill a vast, aching emptiness and to heal a heartbreak from which she'd never recovered. Adrian moved with her through the wee hours, perhaps a bit intimidated by the depth of her need.
Yet when the sun broke over the horizon to signal the dawn, Elphaba was still empty. She shivered a little under the quilt and stared out the window at the sleeping city. She finally forced herself from the bed and pulled on her clothes. Then she sat in the one chair and absentmindedly stroked Bala as she considered what she had done.
Sometime later, she heard Adrian whisper, "Do you want me to go?"
Elphaba turned to find him sitting up in the bed, his hair a mess. She did not answer.
"You look as though you're terribly unhappy…" Adrian's tone was melancholy.
Elphaba look in his eyes, "No…I'm just…I feel as though I've used you…and I never imagined that I would…" she couldn't finish.
Adrian pulled on his trousers and came to sit across from her.
"A willing participant cannot be used," he began, "Do you love me?" he finally asked.
Elphaba looked away, studying the brightening sky.
"Yes," she finally answered, "You've shown me that I can love someone, but I don't love you in the right way. I love who you are, but I don't love you the same way that…" her voice caught, not wanting to hurt him.
"It's okay," Adrian's eyes were soft, "I understand…I feel a little selfish myself. You seemed so lonely, and you seemed to need…"
Elphaba stopped him, "Thank you…for making me feel again…" she couldn't meet his eyes.
"Is there hope for our friendship?" Adrian finally asked.
"Let's get back to Kansas, then…perhaps…" Elphaba answered.
The ride home two days later was very quiet, with Elphaba buried in her books. They both had much to consider, as so many lessons had been learned. It had been a good trip, mostly. However, they were both grateful to see the platform in Amber Plains come into view, as well as the familiar faces of Mae, Wilbur, and Tessy.
They disembarked and gathered their luggage, which Wilbur loaded onto the cart. Mae hugged each of them, and kissed Elphaba on the cheek. Elphaba didn't flinch quite as much as usual. She turned to Adrian instinctively, and watched as Tessy ran to greet him.
Tessy embraced him, holding on just a little longer than was necessary. She took his hand as she asked about Boston, her eyes sparkling as she leaned in a little closer than she needed to. She was clearly quite smitten with him. Adrian's absence had obviously brought out Tessy's true feelings, in spite of herself, and perhaps without her knowledge.
Elphaba felt a sudden stab in her gut. An awful realization took hold when she heard Tessy's bubbling laughter as Adrian told her about the train ride. Elphaba sat down in the cart, suddenly nauseous. She realized she had a problem, a very big problem.