* I don't own The Outsiders.
Who said everything was okay or maybe it is?
(DPOV)
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I'm trying to read the paper, I have off today, though I have to go work tonight. The television flickers in the corner of my eye, a monotonous voice telling my little brother about the horrors of the world.
"Pony, change the channel or do something else." He glances over to me, obeying. I watch as he turns his head toward the window, wondering what he's thinking about. I always ponder what he can possibly be thinking. I have no clue what he's seeing right now, I see a sheet of rain and lightening outside, how's that interesting? Yet, he continues to look out the window, I feel like I'm missing something. I certainly didn't watch a thunder storm out the window when I was fifteen.
I can tell he's still wary of me. Sure he talked to me about the party for Johnny, but he did that for his best buddy, not because he wanted to talk to me. No, he just knew I was the one to talk to if he wanted something done.
I've been home all day because you can't put a roof on a house in the rain. I got a nod as a good morning and a nod as a thank you for breakfast, otherwise, nothing. He doesn't talk to me, or even acknowledge me other then when its necessary.
It stings. My baby brother is either scared of me, hates me, or is feeling a combination of the two. I've destroyed our relationship and it hurts like hell.
I don't know exactly where things went so wrong. I don't know if it was switching from big brother to parent that did it or if it was something else. I don't like being the bad guy. The brother in me wants to let him stay out and party, but with the state breathing down my neck and my parents counting on me, I can't let him do any of that stuff.
I've been staring at the same paragraph for the past 10 minutes, I sigh as I turn the page.
I can't blame him for hating me. I hit him, I hurt Ponyboy, and I can't just expect him to get over it. We can't act like it didn't happen. I can hope, but doubt, he'll forgive me. Nobody hits him, especially in our family.
I'm suppose to protect him. I promised to protect both Soda and Pony.
Two-Bit told me that Ponyboy felt like I hated him. I don't know how I didn't cry when Two-Bit told me that, it was a strike to my gut. I can't believe he feels I'd give him up if it wasn't for Soda.
I gave college up for my brothers and never regretted the decision. Do I wish I could have gone to college? Yes, of course I do, and I had the chance to let the both of them go to a boy's home or foster care as I went to school. I didn't want to. I wanted my brothers with me, I need to be around them. I know Pony may hate me right now, that may kill me, but not having him around me at all...I can't even imagine it.
I love them both so much. I worry about Soda and Pony, but I worry about my baby brother the most. I know I'm protective of him and so is Soda. He's just so young and I despise the fact he lost so much time with Mom and Dad. I'm scared about how he's going through so much without our parents, and how that will affect him when he's older. I don't want it to cause him to make mistakes. I want to keep him locked up just to make sure he's all right, but I can't do that. I worry when he's late, then I get mad when I find out he's okay. It scares me shitless that I could lose him. I probably have now, just in a way I hadn't thought about.
Sodapop I can handle because he's not so difficult to understand. I know where he is and what he's doing, he's constant, stable. I know Soda well enough to know how he's going to react in a situation, that's comforting.
Ponyboy, however, I don't understand. He's always absent minded, I don't always know where he's going to end up. He doesn't seem to grasp the fact walking home alone is dangerous, I know he's smart, but he doesn't use his common sense. It pisses me off that he's so impressionable and curious too, like that time he tried drinking.
I walked through the front door, hoping Soda would give me a back rub. I worked all day and then took the midnight shift too. I was sore and tired and just wanted to go to bed. The gang all nodded at me, but I could tell something was off. Why were they all up?
"What's going on?"
"Nothing." I looked at Two-Bit, he didn't even look at my face, much less meet my eyes when he said that. Then I heard it, someone gaging in the bathroom and finally emptying their stomach.
I glanced around then headed down the hall toward the bathroom, the smell of alcohol and puke hit me, disgusting.
The door was cracked, I pushed it open all the way. Soda and Johnny glanced hesitantly up at me, Ponyboy either not noticing or not caring who was in the door way.
He looked horrible. He was sweaty, groaning over the porcelain of the toilet as another wave of nausea hit him. I was so mad, I saw red.
I shook my head, "Johnny, you don't gotta watch this." I motioned for him to leave.
"Soda, how long has this been going on, and who the fuck gave him the booze?" I had to talk over Pony chucking up whatever was still in his stomach.
"This is the second time he's puked, you're home just in time. I don't know where he got the booze, he probably just went to some party. Not like alcohol is hard to find on a Saturday night. He was home on time, came stumbling in and well basically not too much longer this started to happen." I rubbed Pony's back and Soda wiped his face off.
"Now see what you get when you drink too much. What's one of the rules I gave you? No drinking. Now why don't you tell me why the hell I come home after midnight to find you drunker than Two-Bit! Do you even know how bad you smell?" He groaned when my voice raised, and he turned his head so he could look at my face. The gang was outside the bathroom, looking in now, wondering the same thing I am. Pony just didn't do this sort of stuff and I was going to make damn sure it stayed that way.
" I was curious."
You got to be kidding me.
"Curiosity killed the cat." I hissed at him.
"That must be why they got nine lives, huh?" He laughed at his joke, the gang holding in their own laughter for my sake. I shook my head, great my little brother turns into a comedian/smart ass when he's drunk.
"Your grounded, I hope you enjoy the indoors."
I admire him, I've found myself wishing that I could just find a way out of this world, and Pony does that. I love him, but I just don't know how to get through to him, I don't know what to do with him.
"Hey Pony, want to get some lunch at the Dingo? Rains lightening up, we can walk and you can stretch your legs some."
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting out of here for a while."
Maybe I can talk to him, stop by the book store or something on the way back.
We got to work things out.
(PPOV)
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I was surprised when Darry veered off toward the bookstore, I'd been wanting to go here or the library for weeks. I don't mind re-reading some of the same books, but when I started to re-read the same book within two weeks, it was annoying and boring. Of course, I was still too weak to really go anywhere, not that I was allowed to anyway.
Lunch at the Dingo was awkward. I don't know what to say to Darry, we don't have anything in common. Both of us had been tip toeing around each other, neither or us bringing up the night he hit me, but neither of us forgetting it.
I followed behind him, he turned just in time to see the grin spread across my face as we entered the cozy bookshop.
"I can get one?"
"Yeah, I'll just wait over there." He pointed to a large chair in the seating area. I wondered if he knew I could spend hours here? Guess I got to speed it up. At least he wasn't waiting behind me or reading over my shoulder, I can't stand that.
It had to be at least forty-five minutes before I finished reading the descriptions of the books that I thought looked interesting. I struggled between two books, damn.
"You can get both." I jumped a little when I heard Darry's voice right behind me.
"Really?" I looked up at him, hopeful.
He nodded. I cursed under my breath, I guess a little loud because Darry looked at me confused. "You alright, Pone?"
"Yeah, now I don't know how to decide which one to read first." He rolled his eyes, his mouth twitching in amusement. I guess it was kind of funny how my biggest problem at the moment was deciding what book to read first.
As we walked home, I could tell Darry wanted to say something yet, the silence between us just seemed to go on forever.
"You know I love you, don't you?" I was shocked, Darry never talked or said anything like that to me in a real long time. I glanced at his face, it was serious but seemed a little vulnerable.
"I really do. I know you think I don't care, but that's a lie. I never regretted anything. If anything, I've been selfish. There was a chance you could have been sent to a real nice home, a big chance actually, but I couldn't give you up. I couldn't stand the thought of not having you around all the time."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I couldn't believe Darry was saying this to me. I guess he knew I was thinking that because he said, "I know I don't tell you that I love you all that often, and I'm probably not going to start either, but you're my little brother and I worry about you. I was worried sick that night when you didn't come home, so when you came home and you were fine and told me you fell asleep in the park, I was so pissed because I was all wound up and worried for nothing. I didn't mean for that to happen and I swear to God it never will again." He was watching his feet the entire time he said this, I stared at his profile in bewilderment.
As I digested what he just said, I felt kinda chocked up. Darry wouldn't have said that unless it was true, even then he wouldn't have said it unless he thought it was necessary. He does care, and I finally felt like everything just might be okay. i felt a load of tension release.
In response to his speech I only had four words to say, "I love you too." He slung his arm across my shoulders, grinning slightly at me.
We both stopped on the porch, watching the clouds part as the sunset.