Dean kept his hand on Cas' shoulder and turned around. Gabriel was looking at them with a big grin. He was holding a bag that he handed to Dean, swung around dramatically and landed on the couch:

"So all those secrets and stress and anticipation and the main battle happens without me? That was very anticlimactic, I tell you." Castiel shrugged at this but continued his cooking.

"Looks like it didn't traumatize you that much." Dean replied, while taking out a bottle of a purplish drink with no label. He put it on the table and gave Gabe a suspicious look.

"It's Blackberry Mead. It's made locally and from Cas' honey at that. Delicious and nutritive."

Dean took out some pistachios and put the opened bag directly on the table. Gabriel took a handful and started shelling them. Dean was relieved to see him looking like his old carefree self.

"A girly drink? And me asking Cas to buy some Scotch... I'm disappointed, man."

"Try it before knocking it off, Dean-o. I bet my sweet ass you'll be plastered in no time."

"You're on!"

Gabriel was right. And Castiel actually joined them although he only filled half his glass, turned the liquid around and kept making remarks about what the taste reminded him of. Dean chuckled and pushed Cas' glass to make it spill. Castiel caught his hand and held it for a while. Gabe smiled and said abruptly:

"So, you guys are banging now?"

Cas turned red in an instant. Dean looked away. He heard:

"This is very inappropriate, Gabriel. And I find the world quite lacking. Sexuality is about human connection and intimacy, not just fun. At least in my experience."

Carefully, Dean looked in Cas' direction again. He was staring at his glass pensively. Maybe he was really drunk too. After all that's how they had begun, when they were trying to drink their pain away. He was about to say something to back him up when Cas pushed his chair back and got up:

"I'll finish preparing dinner. Dean, can you set the table?"

Dean sighed and followed him. He heard Gabriel snigger and shouted:

"Don't expect flowers or candles or shit like that!"

"Really, Dean-o? I'm disappointed. Luckily Cas' food tends to be delicious, it's a good thing you're not the one cooking."

Dean didn't bite and brought the plates over. Cas put a big smoking dish in the middle of the table and frowned:

"Actually, Dean's a better cook than I. I've missed him these past weeks."

Dean closed his eyes. Cas didn't realize how hurtful it was hearing him say that so casually. He suddenly realized coming here had been a bad idea.

He faked a smile through dinner, listening to Gabriel teasing Cas, who took it in stride and always answered seriously. It was one of the things he l... No, not going there again.

There was pie for dessert and Dean's heart leaped. Castiel knew him well. He was attentive and sweet and Dean wanted to cry. Here he was wanting a man's heart, when a few month ago, he would have scolded himself at the thought.

"So, I propose we play a card game." Cas said, when they were finished.

Gabriel frowned and turned to Dean:

"I can't believe what I'm hearing. Is this your influence?"

Dean shrugged:

"Why don't you two start without me. I have a phone call to make."

It was weird being outside the barge without fear of being caught. If he wanted, he could go anywhere, leave the memories, forget his feelings. He had to try:

"Hello, Bobby?"

"Dean..."

The voice was gruffer than he remembered but still laced with affection. Dean felt warm all over. Here was someone who thought he mattered, who had loved him unconditionally. He felt his voice waver but he didn't let himself cry:

"So, I've been shot at. A lot."

"So I've heard. And also that you didn't ask me to help you hide."

"I didn't know your number, Bobby. I don't even know if you still live in Lawrence."

"I don't." There was significant pause, then "I'm with someone."

"Really? That's great, Bobby. What's her name?"

"Ellen. And she can't wait to meet you, so you'd better heal fast and get your ass down here."

"Yeah... about that. I was thinking..."

It took a while to explain, especially without telling why he couldn't stay with Cas. But Bobby didn't disappoint.

"In which State are you, boy?"

In the end, it was decided. Bobby would come on the next week-end and pick him up. He would have to learn not to hurt too much until then.

Just as Dean was about to hang up, Bobby added

"I can pick your brother on the way, too, just send me his address."

Dean's knees buckled underneath him. He had forgotten. He was so focused on his selfish pain that he had managed to forget about Sam. He choked as he tried not to sob.

"Sam's dead, Bobby. He was killed at Crowley's."

There was a sharp noise, like a whale getting strangled. Bobby wasn't good at crying either.

"I don't understand..."

"I tried to save him, Bobby, I swear."

"No, it's not possible..."

"Believe me, Bobby, it is." He pushed the red button as his godfather was whispering:

"Wait..."

He left the comforting darkness and joined Castiel and Gabe under the harsh light of the barge's small lamp. Everything hurt. He sat down and looked at Gabriel who was looking perplexedly at his friend:

"When did you become so good at bluffing, Cas?"

"Ex-FBI agent, Gabe." He smiled at Dean : "Care to join forces? I've just won a week supply of food!"

Dean smiled at Cas' quiet enthusiasm. He had a strong suspicion that he would pay for the food anyway.

"No, thanks, I... my legs hurt. I'm gonna lie down again."

He could never really tell what lied in the blue of Cas' eyes, but the concern was still obvious. Gabriel reminded him of the game and Dean escaped.

He tried to fall asleep so Cas would leave him alone. Through the open window, he could hear the toads' soft responses to one another, along with the restless cricket. He had missed all that, the cold air, the absence of road noise, the cocoon that was the small bedroom.

But when Castiel opened the door, some time later, Dean's eyes were opened too. He heard the foot steps and saw an arm reach for the bed lamp.

"You need your medicine?"

Dean shook his head. Cas grimaced:

"Maybe you came out of the hospital too soon. I hate seeing you like that. I wish I could heal you with just a touch."

Dean brushed his cheeks of the tears and sighed:

"You're so great. I won't ever be able to thank you enough for all you did."

Cas' lips twitched upward:

"I can think of a way..."

His hands were already on Dean's skin. He batted it away. He wanted Cas so much, but it wasn't fair.

"I can't."

Cas looked shocked. He stood up clumsily, knocking down Dean's water bottle.

"I'm sorry, Dean, I though... Of course, you need to rest. I'm sorry."

The door closed quietly. But in Dean's heart it resonated for the whole night.