Author's Note: Oh my god, you guys. You guys. I am so excited and honored by the love for this story. I know seeing Donnie this way is a bit heart-breaking for some, but be strong! Why? Because it's only going to get worse from here...
PS – 15 Chapters. This story will have 15 total chapters. Harden your hearts.
Sirens wailed in the distance. Somewhere below, a shopkeeper called out to his last employee, accusing him of leaving the safe unlocked. Doors clicked and jingled as people turned in for the evening, but the streets of New York grew more alive with its second wave, the dark rebirth it was so well known for.
A night creature of a different sort sat on the high awning of an aged business office, his arms folded over upraised knees. Warm wind rolled over the rooftop and rippled the dark fabric. Donatello wasn't sure how long he had been there, still as stone.
He also wasn't sure how long Leonardo had been there as well, watching him from one of the dark corners.
He only knew his stealthy brother was there because Leo allowed it. Another notch in his ninjutsu belt – Leonardo was the quietest of them all, both in personality and discipline. If people knew he was there, it was only because he desired it. Which meant he wanted Donatello to know he was watching him. Inwardly, the younger brother seethed at the arrogance of it all.
Leonardo. The leader.
The thought almost made him chuckle. What a kinship he could share with Raphael now, he thought bitterly. A shared resentment of the pecking order. After careful consideration, Donnie tilted his head in the aforementioned leader's direction. "Can I help you, Leonardo?"
His brother moved silently, wind catching the tails of his mask. His footfalls were casual and unhurried, his hands empty at his sides. And why shouldn't they be? They were brothers. There was no need to treat one another as enemies. Not yet. "Just checking on you," he said, his tones even and careful. "You've been distant lately."
Donnie cocked his head in Leonardo's direction. Ha. As if he had room to talk, brooding and sullen as he was. "That's true," Donatello conceded. His gaze turned back to the streets and the flash of colors that lined them. "I've felt distant. Think you can explain why that is?"
Leonardo shrugged in response, his brow ridges lifted. "I was hoping you could."
The two fell silent, each looking away from the other but keenly aware of each other's presence. Leonardo came to stand next to him, his head lifted in the same direction as his brother's. "I think this has gone on long enough," he said after several minutes of silence, with authority. "You should come home."
Donnie's features twitched and the effort to stay still was infuriating. His jaw ached with the grinding force of his frustration, his limbs tight and pulsing. Leonardo – Oh, Leonardo. "I still have work to do," he said blankly to the wind. The two refused to look at one another. The air felt hot and dry. "I have to cure Karai, remember?" In response, Leonardo folded his arms over his chest, his eyes following the heavy line of traffic below. "We haven't even seen Karai in weeks, Donatello. I think it's more important -"
"We have her."
Silence. Eventually, blue eyes moved to Donnie's face, even as the two brothers remained stoic. "You have her? At Shredder's lair?" An edge lined his normally controlled tone and it made Donnie's shoulders lift in pleasure to know he had managed to rile his cool and collected brother.
"We've had her for weeks," Donnie turned to face him.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Why would I? So you could bust in and blow my cover? So you could cure her yourself? You still need me in Shredder's lab." Donnie narrowed his eyes. "Does it matter where she is?"
If he hadn't known his brother so well, he might have missed the enraged ticking of Leonardo's mouth. "Of course it matters," he growled lowly. "That maniac Shredder has no business keeping her locked away. She deserves to be with her real family." He stepped closer, his expression drawn into an increasingly hostile glare. "And that was the plan, Donnie. The plan you came up with and we all agreed to. You were supposed to keep her safe."
"And I did," he replied caustically. "She's perfectly safe at Shredder's lair. Why does it matter if she's in a cage there or in a cage at Splinter's? So you can stare her and feel sorry for yourself?"
"That was not your decision to make," Leonardo snarled, his rare temper meeting its peak. "You kept her hidden on purpose! Her mutation is growing worse and worse with each passing day!"
Donatello snorted derisively. "Why are you acting like all of this is my fault, anyway?" He pointed a finger at Leonardo. "You're the one who dropped her in the mutagen."
The city fell strangely quiet, a hush that became deafening on the solitary rooftop. Something in Donatello's chest twinged uncomfortably at the look on his brother's face, the incredulous look of dismay that contorted Leonardo's features. He took a step back as if he'd been hit, his feet shuffling beneath him clumsily. Before Donnie had the time to process the tiny stirrings of remorse, Leonardo had set his jaw and straightened once more.
When his spoke, no hint of familiarity or warmth colored his tones.
"Cure Karai," he commanded darkly. "Cure the mutated citizens. After that, you can either cure yourself or don't. Stay or leave." He lifted his head, his eyes narrowed and white. "I don't give a damn what you do." Long green fingers twisted into shaking fists at his sides. "You're no family of mine. Not like this."
He turned and disappeared without another word.
Car horns blared up from the streets below, wafting through the air to mix with the barrage of odors and smog. Donatello stood on the roof, a lone silhouette against the city nightline, his brother's words echoing in his ears. They spoke to a part of him that hadn't listened for weeks, something buried and deep. That feeling flared to life in his chest, but it was difficult to hold on to. It felt so far away, cocooned in something new and cold like freshly molded steel. Donnie's eyes dropped to the grungy rooftop, a frown marring his features. He swallowed, an uncomfortable sensation prompting him to move, move, move far away.
He came back to the lair. The lair he'd grown up in, not the ominous hall he'd spent so much time in during the last several months. It was dark and he knew his brothers were out, patrolling the streets of New York and possibly sharing jabs and insults at Donnie's expense. An unpleasant taste filled his mouth at the thought of them all out there together, but he wasn't sure if it the desire was to be a part of them or tear them apart.
Stumbling into the dark dojo, Donnie looked around wildly until he spotted the door to Master Splinter's room. Without announcing himself, Donnie flung the door open and hurried inside.
Master Splinter – a man once known as the powerful ninjutsu master Hamato Yoshi – sat in a meditative stance, his eyes closed and clawed hands in a carefully maintained position just above his knees. He opened his eyes and turned to Donatello, looking not at all surprised to see his transformed son at his door, panting as if he'd just escaped a madman.
Donnie stumbled and dropped heavily in front of his adopted father, and it wasn't until he saw the gathering moisture on the floor that he realized he was crying. He might've been crying the whole run from the rooftop to here. He wasn't sure. When he looked up at Master Splinter, his vision was blurred and irritated, the world a mixture of greys.
"My son," came Splinter's calming tones. "What troubles you?"
Donatello sucked in a shaky breath and now the tears were almost suffocating. He bent over on his knees, his hands flat on the rug in front of him, his head bowed as low as he could manage.
"Master Splinter, I... I don't know what to do."
"You know what to do, Donatello." Clawed fingertips brushed Donnie's chin and drew him from his crouch, wise eyes meeting his as he managed to look up. "You only need to gather your resources to do it. You must find your strength, your discipline and your reason. All of these things will fuel your spirit. You are in control, my son. Do not forget that."
"I don't feel like I'm in control," he whispered fearfully.
"You fool yourself," the elderly rat said softly. "Your abilities are your own. You decisions are your own. These are the things that shape you, Donatello. But you can only build from things you have taken into yourself, not that which you have ignored. Be careful what these things are, for the removal of even one of them may cause you to fall."
Donatello's hands trembled in his laps, his eyes staring straightforward and past Splinter.
"I need to tell you something," he murmured shakily. He met Splinter's gaze. "When I was working on the retro-mutagen here at home, when I had my accident..." he swallowed, his cheeks wet with tears. "I was – I used a -" he exhaled heavily. "I used some of your blood."
Master Splinter tilted his head curiously. "My blood?" he repeated.
"Yes," Donnie rushed, his motions imploring. "I – I know I should have asked you, but I didn't think this was going to happen! The only reason I even had it was because of the fight with Shredder when Karai got mutated. I took some of it from the injury on your arm and -"
"Injury?" Splinter folded his hands in his lap. "I was not injured on that day."
Donnie's babbling came to an abrupt stop. "What? Of course you were," he said, flustered. "I took the blood from your arm on the way back home, it was all over your fur," he explained heatedly, giving his own face a furious swipe.
Splinter paused thoughtfully and then shook his head once more. "I fought briefly that day, but I was not injured. If you took blood from my fur, Donatello, it was not mine."
Donnie's brows furrowed, his sobbing gasps falling away to confused growls. "But that's impossible, if it wasn't your blood then who's -" Realization washed over him like an icy wave, engulfing his beating heart.
Shredder. Oroku Saki.
Horrified, Donatello's face lifted to Master Splinter's, his hands dropping away and falling limply to his sides. The remorse, the tangible feeling of nostalgia that had spurned him on just a short while before crumbled away beneath a growing numbness.
"Donatello," Master Splinter quickly stood and moved over to his son, crouching next to him. When he reached up a hand to Donnie's shoulder, he yanked away, his expression alight with fury. "Don't!" Donnie growled, tumbling back and into the corner of the dojo.
Distantly, Master Splinter's voice called out to him, begging for his attention, asking him to be calm, but Donnie could hear or see nothing except that god damn fire.
The fire. The house. The maze that led him away from where he'd been to the cavernous pit that trapped him there, forever keeping him enclosed in darkness.
Donnie's fingers clawed at the sleeves of his clothes and it was only when Master Splinter's voice broke through the echo of a lost memory did he realize that the heaving, gut-wrenching sounds of despair were coming from him.
"Donatello!" Hamato Yoshi exclaimed, but his son was already up and out of the dojo, running full speed through the darkness and blasting through the door without so much as a glance back.
He didn't stop running, not even when his body screamed at him in protest. Flying through the doors of the converted sanctuary, Donnie hurried past the Foot soldiers who knew his face and allowed him to pass. He raced down the stairs and through the locked doors, a simple swipe of his fingers enough to allow him passage. When he finally came to his destination, his knees buckled and dropped to the floor with a painful crack. His heavy gasps echoed throughout the room, but it was still several moments before Oroku Saki turned in his spot to face the young man kneeling in front of him.
"Hisoka," he said in greeting, his head lifted in anticipation.
Donnie swallowed, his throat dry and scratchy. Fingers moved to his aching knees and curled there. His head dropped low in a bow and his chest moving in tandem with each deep breath.
"Master Shredder," he said quietly, a strange calm settling over him. It was a comforting cloak. "I have something I need to tell you."
April O'Neil made a face at her homework, the eraser end of her pencil tapping absently against the paper. She'd been working for nearly an hour and had made very little progress, but it really wasn't her fault. She was worried sick about Donnie. She hadn't heard from him in almost two days, which was unusual, even for his busy schedule. Finally deciding she could work no longer, the redhead stood and gathered her books, stooping next to her bed to shove them back into her backpack.
She straightened with a jolt when her window flew open.
"What the -"
A silhouette dropped inside her bedroom, landing smoothly with a hop. April blinked and then exhaled in relief. "Raphael!" She hurried over and closed the window behind him, her strawberry blond brows furrowed. "What's up?" she asked, glancing outside for any sign of his brothers.
"Is Donnie here?" Raphael asked abruptly, his body language unusually cagey.
April turned to face him with a bewildered look. "No, I haven't seen him in almost two days. Why?" Raphael moved around her, checking the corners of her room and peering out of the window. April huffed. "Hey, dude. A little info, please? What's going on?"
Raphael glanced at her uncertainly and then looked back at the window, his fingers twitching at his sides. "Nothin'," he said with an indifferent shrug that didn't fool April for a minute.
She tugged on his wrist, concern welling in her chest. "Don't give me that crap. Something's happening. What is it? Is anyone hurt?"
Raphael grunted and shifted his inspection to her, her eyes scanning her as if he were checking for injuries. "Just – Okay, whatever. I just need ya to come with me, okay?" he touched both of her arms, ready to drag her out of the room if necessary.
But then the window opened again without a noise, and if April hadn't been looking over Raph's shoulder, she might've missed his slim shadow.
"Donnie! There you are!"
To her surprise, Raphael swiftly turned in front of her, effectively shielding her behind him. "Raph," she poked at his arm in confusion but the bulky turtle only kept where he was. She peeked over his shoulder to see Donnie step down from her window, his eyes narrowed above the black fabric of his mask. He was fully dressed in his armor, she realized belatedly, and now her limbs grew weak with uncertainty, her eyes darting back and forth between the brothers. Her vision clouded around the weapon strapped firmly to Donnie's back, cool and threatening in its sheath.
"What are you doing here, Raphael?" asked Donatello, flat and menacing as April had never heard him before. The stillness he kept was alarming, the most inhuman feature of his peculiar appearance. Raphael shifted on his spot, drawing his shoulders up further, his expression unmoved.
"Visiting a friend. That illegal?"
"Leave," the other snarled from behind his mask.
April's lips parted in shock and she moved to get around Raphael. "Hey, what's the big idea? Donnie, stop being a jerk." Raphael's large arm jumped in front of her and kept her back; a spike of fear pierced her heart when she saw Donnie's eyes follow the motion with a feral glare.
She looked between them again, alarm filling her.
"Stop it, now!" she commanded them both. "Whatever's going on, just – stop it right now. Donnie, are you even paying attention to me?" But his eyes remained trained on Raphael's form, and even though the mask concealed most of his expression, there was no disguising the barely contained fury. Suddenly, Raphael's protective arm felt like an anchor she desperately needed to stay afloat. Fear replaced blood in her veins as she looked back at the dark figure of Donatello. What was he doing? What the hell was wrong with him?
"He's not talkin' to you right now, April." Raphael spoke to her, but kept his eyes on the frigid figure of his brother. He snorted in disgust, eyeing the other male up and down. "He's allllll upset because I'm here. Ain't that right, Don? I bet this just drives you insane, huh?"
April's hand snatched at his arm and she hissed lowly, "What are you doing?" Raphael turned just enough to hide his face from Donnie, his mouth low to her ear and green eyes crinkled at the corners. After a lengthy pause, he exhaled.
"Proving a point," he whispered sadly.
When he faced Donnie once more, his belligerent expression was firmly back in place. He paced, never leaving April open to his brother, his posture radiating arrogance even as Donatello remained deathly silent.
"I mean, come on. Be honest, Donnie. Would it bother you if I came to see April without ya?" He pointed over his shoulder at the pale teenage girl. "After all, you spend a whole lotta time with Shredder now a days. For all you know, I could be here with April every second you're not. I could hang out with her all damn day and you'd never know the difference."
"You do not," came the unfamiliar voice from Donnie.
"Gotta disagree with you, D," he taunted. Raphael slowed his pacing, his head tilting level with Donnie's, both their gazes low and narrowed. "Lets be fair. She's my friend, too, right? You gotta learn to share a little. With me, with Leo, with Casey..." he trailed off and now even April could see the bone-wrenching way Donatello held his body, as if it physically pained him to keep still, his eyes ticking over Raphael in jerky, unnatural movements.
"In fact, I don't think she's safe here anymore," said Raphael suddenly. "So you know what? I'm takin' her with me back to the lair. Say goodbye, Don -"
"YAH!"
April barely had time to let out a shriek before Raphael shoved her back into the wall, his sai flying through the air just in time to stop the swift fall of Donnie's blade. His other hand joined it in a flash and he pushed back against Donnie's weight as it bared down on him. The metallic sound of the weapons grating against each other shocked April into action. She jumped up from her spot with a yelp, her eyes wide. "Raph!"
"Get out of here!" he yelled over his shoulder before he shoved against Donnie with a loud grunt. "Casey's on the street! Go! Now!"
The air whistled around Donnie's blade as it sliced through the air at his head and April barely contained a horrified scream when it nearly made contact with the other turtle's neck. "GO!" Raphael roared before he jumped at Donatello and the two of them crashed into April's desk, battered pieces of wood raining down on the floor. Donnie threw him off with a yell and cut through the air with one end of his blade, his head snapping in April's direction as she whimpered.
She stared at him for only a split-second before bolting through the door of her bedroom, feet pounding on the stairs even as she heard him call her name in a furious yell. Then the sounds of battle resumed and the crashing of what could have only been her bed echoed throughout the home.
"April!" A pair of arms snatched her middle and Casey Jones tugged her down the stairs, even as April cried and pointed back up to her room.
"Go help Raph and Donnie! I mean, go – go stop them from fighting, go do something -"
"I gotta get you outta here," Casey shook his head hurriedly, never letting her out from under his arm, even when a window shattered upstairs. April tried to pull away, panicked tears flooding her vision. "Casey! You can't just leave them!"
"I promised Raph I'd get you out of here, now come on!"
April fought and struggled, terror seizing her heart as she heard yet another crash sound from her bedroom. The two teenagers ran into the outdoor air just as a thunderous shattering of glass made them look up. Donnie flew out of her window and hit his back on the railing of the fire escape, his body jolting painfully against the old iron, but they only saw him for a minute before he darted back inside with a wild yell.
While she was distracted, Casey shoved April into the back of a van she didn't recognize and then jumped into the driver's seat. "Casey!" April shrieked from inside, fighting her way to the front. "Do not leave them!"
"Damn it, woman! Stop screaming and call Leo!" Casey tossed his phone back at her even as he swerved to avoid traffic. April sucked in a greedy breath and composed herself long enough to phone the eldest turtle. When he answered, she could manage only two tearful words.
"It's Donnie."
Glass littered the sidewalk, many of the sharp edges colored with blood. Leonardo edged around the pieces and turned his gaze higher. The fire escape next to April's bedroom window was now hanging by a single joint, disrupted after so many years of solemn service. It creaked in the wind.
"Come on," he told Mikey as the two hurried inside the empty antique store. However, at the bottom of the stairs, he paused and looked to his youngest brother thoughtfully. "Mikey, maybe you should -"
"Don't tell me to wait behind, bro." The orange-banded brother's lips tightened in an unusually firm grimace. "We've gotta find Raphael." Leonardo stared for a moment before he nodded resolutely, turning back to the stairs. When he reached the landing, he knew without searching which door was April's. It was lying in the middle of the hallway, splintered down the middle and ornamented in blood.
With a clenched jaw, Leonardo stepped into the wreckage that had once been April's room. Her window gaped open, curtains billowing in the wind. The lights were either broken or turned off and the room danced with shadows. No one appeared to be there, even though April's frantic call had come only ten minutes before they'd managed to arrive. Broken pieces of furniture littered the floor underfoot and they both tread carefully, occasionally shifting aside pieces when they had to.
"Looks like a tornado came through here," Mikey murmured quietly.
Leonardo stood in the center of the room and did a full circle. Piles of debris gathered in many corners of the room and he was moments away from ordering Mikey to sift through them when a groan drew his attention. Mikey was faster, at Raphael's side in an instant and shoving away a heavy bookshelf that had landed on his brother's mangled body. It was hard to tell if the weight of the shelf or the many cuts to his arms and plastron had him to the point of unconsciousness, but for the moment, it didn't matter.
"Raph!"
Leonardo dropped to his brother's side, his heart pounding behind his plastron. Mikey made a valiant effort to cover his whimper but he heard it anyway. It matched the one welling inside his own chest, even as his trembling fingers moved over Raphael's bloody features. "He's hurt real bad," Mikey whispered, looking to Leonardo for guidance. "But he's alive," Leonardo added firmly. Then he shifted forward and slipped his arms under Raphael's shell.
"Clear a path and then call Casey. We're going to need the van."
April watched as the two turtles and Casey moved Raphael as gingerly as they could to the couch in the lair, but even seeing him finally back in relative safety didn't take away the guilt, the burning shame, the horror. Hand curled at her chin, she occasionally nibbled on the tips of her fingers as the brothers got Raphael into position and quickly began treating him to the best of their abilities.
They knew enough about their own bodies, their own physiology to help some. They could repair basic wounds like those sustained in training, stop bleeding, set dislocated joints. But Raphael was just a few soft breaths away from death and nothing they did seemed to improve his condition. April pressed trembling fingertips to her eyes, a thousand images flashing through her mind even as she tried to ward them away.
Donnie. Donnie.
She had to see him. She had to talk to him. She could still pull him back, still coerce him. She'd seen his look to her in her bedroom, a naked stare that had begged her not to flee. Now he was still out there somewhere, nowhere to be found among the wasteland he and Raphael had left in her apartment. He was waiting, searching for her.
And soon he'd come here, because he was not the enemy. He knew this place.
Quietly stepping away from the turtles as they fussed over Raphael, April steeled her resolve and darted away, leaving through the hidden door to the sewers. She didn't know where Donatello was, but it didn't matter. If she got out of here and into the open...
… he would find her.
The lawnchair was still there.
Later on, April would reflect on how lonely it looked, situated on the scarred rooftop without the happy couple that had stretched out on it just a few days before, gazing at the stars and exchanging wistful whispers. Her features crumbling, April turned in a slow circle on the rooftop of Murakami's apartment. She'd come as quickly as she could, fearful of Leonardo noticing her absence. But he hadn't and now she was alone.
A deep breath steadied her, even as questions assaulted her mind. What if Donnie had been captured? What if Shredder was forcing him to act this way, what if he was acting under duress? Wind howled high above the streets of New York city and tugged at April's hair.
She waited.
"April?"
She twisted so quickly it cracked her spine, her blue eyes wide. The two stood far apart, each manning one end of the rooftop. Donatello took an uncertain step away from the edge and she knew from the way he walked that he was hurt. And yet somehow he had managed to remain relatively unscathed in comparison to Raphael, who was fading away on the turtle's couch with every passing moment. Cuts and tears decorated Donnie's armor and when he reached up to pull his mask away, a long thin slice wound its way down one cheek. The mark of a sai, April knew.
Even so, his first reaction upon seeing her was a brilliant smile.
"Donnie," April murmured, and even though she'd schooled herself in all the ways she should react to seeing him again – anger, distrust, a vehement demand to know what the hell his problem was – she found herself hurrying over the rooftop and jumping into his arms, desperate to know that what she'd seen had been a terrible nightmare and nothing more. He responded by wrapping her up into his arms with a strangled noise of despair, his head tucking into her shoulder. April sniffled at the familiar motion, grief tearing at her chest. She pulled away just long enough to examine his face, her hand tenderly drawing along the cut there.
"Are you okay?" he asked before she could.
April swallowed and nodded, her body trembling violently. "I'm okay, but... but I need you to come with me, okay?" she drew him close, and even though a part of her genuinely wanted to keep him there and know that this was the same sweet, thoughtful guy she had always known, she also recognized a deeper motivation. Much as she wanted to file away this night in the dark recesses of her memory, she knew it had been real. The strangely manic look he gave her now, panicked and animal-like was something she knew to be dangerous.
She had to keep him calm. To draw him away from whatever edge he balanced so precariously.
"Just come with me and everything will be okay, Donnie," she whispered softly. She kissed the uninjured cheek, her other hand finding the warm skin of his neck beneath the collar of his armor. "Everything will be okay..."
"What... what are you talking about?" he responded, his words stunted and confused.
April fought to keep down the spring of panic."It's okay, Donnie.. You can come with back to the lair and we'll take care of everything. Your brothers-"
Donatello jerked away, his arms dropping. His warmth fled from her and sank into his eyes where it disappeared without a trace. "Back to the lair?" He tilted his head at her, his gaze turning dark. It wasn't the look he'd given Raphael, the one that spoke of years of pent-up aggression and frustration mounting into rage. But it was still enough to frighten her, a yawning pit of darkness growing ever larger between them.
"Yes, the lair," she repeated firmly. She struggled to keep up the tender tone from before. "We've got to get back there now, Donnie. We need your help, please! Raphael – He's really hurt."
"He's alive?" Donnie asked sharply.
April stared, her lips parted in disbelief. It couldn't be. He sounded... annoyed. When she took a step forward and Donnie's response was to pull further away, her heart sank. "Yes, he's alive. And he needs your help," April gritted her teeth. "If you would just – just talk to your brothers, go see him, please, Donnie! He might not make it without you!"
"He won't make it with me, I can promise you that." Donnie shifted away, any hint of his earlier injury now gone from the tense gait.
April's fingers trembled at her sides. "Stop this right now, Donnie. You belong with your family and you know it. Whatever you're – you're angry or resentful about, it isn't worth this, Donnie. It isn't!"
"I'm not angry," he said, his voice unusually light and airy. He wasn't looking at her, but instead ticking his head in a peculiar fashion at their surroundings. Distant city lights reflected dimly in his eyes, making them glow when he looked sidelong at her. "Not anymore." April rounded his form until she was facing him, determined to make him see her. She had always, always been able to get through to him before, no matter what his mood. And she could still see that same affection he had for her, that deep love that shaped his every action since the day they'd met.
"Why are you doing this?" she begged, her hands jumping up to his arms. This time, he didn't move away from the contact and April continued, encouraged. "Just talk to me, please. Whatever's going on, I can help you, Donnie. You know I can. I care about you, we all do!"
Looping her arms around his neck, she tugged him close and pressed their foreheads together. She felt him melt against her embrace and it thrilled her, hope tentatively tugging at the strings in her chest. Her fingers smeared with blood from his injuries but she ignored them, twisting her digits into his hair and swaying his body with hers. "Come back with me," she whispered soothingly.
Donnie exhaled quietly, his eyes closed and his face close to hers. After a long moment, he spoke.
"I can't."
April's shoulder's trembled but she didn't open her eyes, instead keeping him tight against her. "Why not?" she asked desperately. Donnie's fingers reached up and brushed over hers, long digits curling lovingly over hers.
"Because Shredder is going to win," he whispered very softly.
April's eyes shot open and she jerked away, her grip falling away from him. She nearly toppled over with the desire to get away, her lips parted in horror. "Why would you say that?" she gasped, tears filling her eyes. Donnie frowned, his hand slowly falling from where it had been locked with hers. He tilted his head at her, his brows furrowed as if her repulsion confused him.
"Because it's the truth," he told her, shuffling closer even as she edged away. Anxiety washed over her mind and spread through her limbs when Donnie's lips quirked at a smile. It wasn't the smile she knew, not the one he'd sent in her direction so many times before. It was something else entirely. A madness making a terrible attempt to beguile. "Shredder is going to defeat the turtles, April. And when he does..." Donnie placed a hand to his own chest. "I'll be at his side. I'll be on the winning side, April. And you will, too."
April's features contorted in a mask of fear. "What... What are you talking about?"
"There's no need for you to be afraid," he told her with a quick smile, his words an attempt at comfort. "Master Shredder has already promised me your safety. No harm will come to you. I would never do that. You are my priority, always."
"Master Shredder?" April repeated harshly, her body shaking violently. Comprehension dawned on her and her blue eyes widened. "You – Oh, god. Donnie, what did you say? What did you tell him?"
Donnie stopped his advancement and offered her a blank stare. "Everything."
An agonized sob escaped her. "Damn it, Donnie. No, please, no."
"I swear to you, April. You're safe! I did this – I did for you. For us!" he exclaimed excitedly, scurrying to her and taking both of her arms in his bloody hand. "This way, I'll be able to keep both of us safe. Forever. I'll be at Master Shredder's side and one day, I'll even lead the Foot clan. He's already promised me." April stared up at his face incredulously, even as her terror climbed towards its zenith. He really believes what he's saying, she realized with a painful jolt, and perhaps nothing else that evening made her feel as awful as knowing that. If he'd been manipulated or coerced, or if he was simply angry with his brothers – those things she could fight. But this was more than that. Whatever pieces of Donatello that had been left were fading away like the embers of a dying fire.
A furious wave of ire burst from her chest at the thought. "He - is – fooling you, Donatello!" she screamed, snatching the fabric of his shirt. "This is not what you want! This is not what I want!" She wobbled in his grip, her head dropping for a moment as she fought to recover her breath.
"This is the retro-mutagen!" she cried out. "This is Shredder and his insanity, this is everything that's gone wrong in the last six months but damn it, Donnie! This is not YOU!" She shoved away from him, but the heartbroken expression she glimpsed on his face gave her one last burst of hope. "Come back with me right now and we can let all of this madness go!" she pleaded, and for just a moment his eyes softened and so she stepped forward and brushed a hand at his jaw.
"Let me help you."
Something in her words triggered an aggressive growl in Donatello and he snatched himself away, his eyes narrowed on her in a way they hadn't before. Turning his back to her, Donnie moved over the roof in slow combative motions, as if he was looking for something to hit or destroy. April's stomach twisted in fear as she felt him pull further and further away. Finally, he turned to face her, now several feet away. "You want to help me?" he asked in low, heavy tones. His head tilted down at her so that his eyes cast a sinister shape along his features. A few steps forward brought him to her once more.
"You can help me... by delivering a message." April reluctantly met his gaze. "You tell those turtles..." Donnie's lips quirked again. "... they have 24 hours … to surrender themselves to Master Shredder." His mouth lifted in a bemused smile and the next words were a taunting whisper.
"Or I will level the entire western half of this city."
The sound that April escaped her was foreign and painful, even as a numb sense of disbelief overtook her. As she remained silent, Donatello watched her unblinkingly. Finding her voice proved to be difficult, but she finally managed it.
"What.. What are you talking about?" she asked hollowly.
"Just a chemical compound I created in the lab," he said lightly, stepping away from her and turning his side to her. His eyes scanned the city. "With the help of Baxter Stockman," he added with a chuckle, as if he'd only just remembered a silly joke. "Highly volatile, very difficult to detect..." he went on, before turning to face her with a smirk. His eyes glinted.
"Just imagine," his voice grew dreamy. "An explosion with the range of an nuclear bomb... and all the destructive power of napalm." He dropped his head until it nearly sat on his right shoulder, his eyes roving her distraught features apathetically.
"You're bluffing," she choked out at last.
"Maybe," he conceded, unconcerned. His eyebrows lifted. "But the odds are against that. Would you like me to calculate them for you?" His grin was disaring.
"I'll call the police," she hissed.
A flinch escaped her when Donatello reached behind him and pulled out his staff. He didn't aim it at her, however, instead twirling it in his hand and then pointing over a line of buildings. "You mean... those police?" he asked, and she followed the end of the staff in the direction of a tall building decorated with a magnificent steeple top and clocktower.
"If they can't find it in their own station," Donnie lowered his staff with a hoarse chuckle. "What makes you think they can find it in the sewers?" He continued to hold the staff, his fingers twitching around its base even as he studied its immaculate structure. "I've had the Footbots lining this area for weeks. And they will never, ever find it. I made sure of that."
When April next met his gaze, all hints of mirth were gone. Instead, his narrowed gaze was as dark and macabre as she'd ever seen it, his jaw locked and his hands tight on his staff. It was then that April saw it. She saw what Donatello could have been in another life. What he might have grown into if not for Master Splinter's loving and disciplined care.
His brilliance sharpened into terrorism. His logic hardened into apathy. His obsessive tendencies, so carefully maintained by his family for the length of his life, manifesting in a neurotic, relentless blindness that cut him off from all other semblances of order, reason or morality.
They had taken for granted what he had been and what he could so easily be, April knew that now.
"You still wouldn't do it," she found her voice, even if it came out shakier than she cared to admit. "You wouldn't risk me. I could get hurt in the explosion."
She watched as Donnie's features twitched, a shift in his gaze signaling that even through the abandonment of his family, he still maintained his feelings for her. His love. "You're right," he agreed, his words deceptively gentle as he crossed the roof. A curled fingertip dropped down the length of her face, his red eyes drinking in the sight of her.
"Which is why you had better hurry," his lips found her forehead and pressed a kiss there, and when he pulled away he stooped low enough to meet her gaze with his, their faces close. "Because you and I will be seeing each other again very soon, April. You'll be safe. I'll make sure of it."
When he stepped away, April let loose an angry cry and rounded to face his retreating back.
"Donatello!" she shouted at his back, her heart pounding in the cavity of her chest, where it lay in pieces. He stopped, his back still to her, but he glanced over his shoulder in her direction. April's fingers clenched at her sides, her shoulders heaving. "If you do this," she snarled. "If you... hurt your brothers... I will never forgive you." A trembling hand raised to point an accusing finger at him.
"And I will hunt you every day for the rest of our lives until you've paid for it."
Donnie's eyes shifted thoughtfully, and for a moment, April thought she might have gotten to him. However, he continued walking until he reached the edge of the rooftop, one foot lifting to prop up on the siding. A twist turned him to face her, both his heels now dangling high above the alley.
"You'll understand, April," he told her, his face strangely blank. "One day, you'll understand."
He disappeared.