G'day!

Wow, it's been almost a year since the last time I updated this fic. I was disappointed with my writing & was a bit discouraged, too. Felt like I had so much to tell but couldn't express what I had in mind in words.

I almost forgot about this fic until I heard Steve broke up with Lynn (on the show). I personally hated the character Lynn, but loved playing around with this character – writing about her (I did write about her in both "Set you free" and "The only girl", even "In love and pain"). Of course, Lynn can't hold a candle to our beloved Catherine, but I kind of like to give her some credits (at least thanks to her, Catherine knew about the proposal. Its better than nothing). My favourite scenario involving Lynn is actually how Lynn broke up with Steve first (Chapter 5 of "Set you free"). Anyway, thank God they are no longer together. Best news of the month.

So I revisited this story and realized I actually pretty much finished this story – just never had the courage to post it. After almost a year, I guess no one still remembers the storyline of this silly fiction, so please reread the previous chapters if you need to. I'm so sorry it took me so long. But hey, I did it, I finished it!

Final chapter will be posted later :)

Look forward to hearing your feedback or comment or appreciation!

Aloha!

P.S: Thank you so much, Paula, for always helping me out! You are the kindest sistah in this fandom!

Chapter 14:

Another hectic day passed by and eventually, after 20 hours of chasing all the leads, Five-0 captured the murderer and wrapped up the case.

Catherine stayed in her office, trying to finish all the paperwork after the case. She didn't like to leave things unfinished. She didn't realize it was pretty late until she opened up a new message on her phone and accidentally saw the time.

Catherine went out of her office and noticed the light in Steve's office was still on. Being curious, she went closer to his office door. Steve had his back turn to her and was leaning towards his desk. He was lost in his own thoughts, too busy looking at the painting hanging on the wall - of the boat wandering on the ocean, and two ship models right next to it.

"Everything alright?", Catherine asked, her voice was so soft as if she was afraid she would startle him.

"Yeah, everything's fine", it took Steve a while to answer Catherine's question. He was trying to wrap his own emotions inside his head, trying to control his damn feelings, but it was tough, especially after dealing with a case that hit so close to home.

The recent interrogation reminded him of when Catherine chose to stay in Afghanistan, and when she chose to leave him behind in Hawaii.

Steve gradually turned around to face Catherine. She was taken aback by the pain clearly written on his face. It felt like someone stabbed her in the middle of her heart with a sharp knife when she saw Steve hurting.

"Are you drinking?"

"Yeah, a bit. I saw you were still working. Didn't want to leave you here alone".

Catherine gently shook her head, moving closer to Steve.

Realizing he might cross the line, Steve quickly changed his words: "I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. Didn't want you to be the last one in the office. A good boss should stay later", Steve would rather stay in the office with her, even in different rooms, than coming home to a lonely house. He just wanted to spend more time in the same atmosphere with Catherine.

"I'm fine. You didn't have to do that. I've just finished. I was about to head home. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Actually, I could use your company. Just 10 minutes, if you don't mind", he waved another bottle of Longboard in her direction. His favourite brand. Their favourite brand. He couldn't remember how many times they had shared those peaceful, quiet moments, drinking Longboards and enjoying each other's company.

"Okay", she moved closer to stand next to him, accepting the bottle from him. Sensing Steve wasn't really in a good mood today, she took a sip, patiently waited for him to speak first.

"How are your hands?"

"A little sore, but I'm okay."

"I'm glad you're safe."

"Thank you."

He looked at Catherine intently, then diverted his head in another direction – her hands, trying to keep his emotions in check. There was nothing that Steve wanted more than to reach out to hold her hand.

"I'm really okay, Steve."

"Cath, I never thought we would have this day. You were in danger, and the only thing I could do was to say "I'm glad you're safe".

This was the hardest thing, that they made a promise, yet he remembered, and she didn't. He's in love with her, and she's not.

"I'm sorry if I crossed the line today. I was trying to be professional, but I freaked out thinking about the slightest danger you were in. It was hard, you know... to let you go in the field this soon. I didn't mean to doubt your ability... I keep forgetting that you don't remember the things I remember". Steve took a large gulp of his drink.

Catherine knew Steve was referring to the moment earlier today, when he pulled her in a tight hug in front of HPD and their team after she had taken a bad hit to her head by the back of the suspect's gun. Catherine was touched by the overprotective side of him, but at the same time, she felt a bit underestimated. She hadn't talked to him since coming back to the office.

Noticing Steve had no intention to stop drinking, Catherine leaned in and took his bottle away, "You're not supposed to drink, Steve. It's not good for your new liver."

"It's okay. Nobody cares anyway."

"Don't say that! Everyone cares."

"Everyone" never stopped me from drinking. No one ever said anything. Well, except for Max, I guess it's his doctor nature talking."

"Then I will. I care. My great uncle got a liver transplant a few years back, but he didn't stop drinking even after the transplant, in the end, it didn't work out so well for him."

"Yeah, Uncle Glen. I remember him."

"Wow, you knew?", Catherine was surprised. She didn't realize how much of her life she had shared with Steve.

"Yes, you two were close. He was your favourite uncle. We even visited him together once. Before my last deployment. Before he passed away."

"Steve, I'm sorry. Those memories with you... I still haven't remembered anything...", it's Catherine's turn to knock back her own Longboard.

Steve wanted to say something to comfort her, like "Take your time" or "Cut yourself some slack, don't push yourself too hard", but he couldn't. It sounded very selfish of him, but he really wanted Catherine to remember the time of her life she had shared with him. His patience was wearing thin.

They stood next to each other in complete silence, each contemplating their own past, present and future.

"It's a really nice model of the USS," Catherine finally broke the long silence and pointed at the USS model he was staring at since she stepped in.

"It really is. It's a gift from your father."

"Oh really? Were you two close? I can't really imagine my father and older brother can keep peace with my "boyfriend"."

"Well, we didn't even use the words. We pretended it wasn't an exclusive thing, but it was, for both of us. Lucky for me, your dad and Michael both approved."

"How did you convince my dad?", Catherine wanted to recall all those memories on her own, but her curiosity got the better of her.

"I really wasn't good at first impressions. You hid me well, it took him a long time to figure out there was something going on between us. That was the first mission we did together, you joined the mission at last minute. He happened to be the leader of the team. I lost my head, about you being under my direct command and him being my C.O. My luck couldn't get any worse."

"Was the mission successful?"

"Yes, but after I almost blew up the mission trying to get you out of danger. Keeping you safe was all I could think about. My priority changed, I let my emotions cloud my judgement. I put myself in more danger and risked failing the mission."

"I treated you unequally, you knew it, I knew it, you called me out on it and I refused to apologise. We both were so stubborn to think from each other's point of view. We fought for the first time, and your dad chose that exact moment to walk in and confront us. Your father asked me to have a private conversation with him and asked you to leave. Even though you were so angry at me, you still defended me in front of your father", Steve smiled at the fond memory.

"I would be still angry now if you risk failing the mission because of me. I guess some things never change."

"Yes, some things never change. I would never apologise for putting your safety over mine. It's always been that way, no matter what."

Catherine's heart ached to hear Steve saying that, yet she had butterflies in her stomach watching his facial expressions. She didn't realize she was picking up her second Longboard, "What happened after that? What did my dad say?"

"Even back then, I never told you what your father and I discussed. I'm not sure if he told you."

"Tell me now. I want to know", Catherine's stubbornness kicked in.

"As my C.O, he gave me a piece of his mind for letting my emotions cloud my judgement, but as a father, he then thanked me for trying to protect his daughter. He said it's not a good idea that his daughter got involved with a Navy man, but he said he knew it could happen one day. He was worried that our relationship could affect your career, so he asked me, no, ordered me to break things off with you. He even pulled rank on me", Steve laughed, his eyes lighting up thinking about how intense that conversation was with Catherine's father.

"Oh, it totally sounds like something dad would do", Catherine rolled her eyes, "and did you break up with me?"

"No. I don't know where I got the courage from, but I refused to follow your dad's direct order. He wasn't too happy about it."

"Of course he wasn't."

"You know what's funny? I never had the courage to tell you I loved you until years later, but the first time I met your dad, I was brave enough to tell him that I loved his daughter. Love was a big word for me. It was terrifying, but I didn't lie. I was young, but I really meant it. I told him I wouldn't leave you unless that's what you wanted."

"That was very nice of you, Steve, but I would have really appreciated it if you could have told me you loved me before you told my dad."

"You never told me you loved me either."

"Fair enough. But I always wondered: Did I love you the way you loved me?", it was a weird question, but she needed to know. Everyone around her told her that she loved Steve so much that she sacrificed almost everything for him, but she had no recollection of that.

"That is something you need to find out on your own. I believe so. I... hope so", Steve let out a soft sigh, he turned to look intensely into Catherine's eyes, hoping the memory would trigger something at the back of her mind.

"How did my dad react after that?", Catherine's heart sank when she saw the disappointment in his eyes because she didn't seem to recall any of this. She wished she could, but the truth was she remembered none.

"He said I earned his respect. He gave me two options: break up with you or take up an official punishment. I took the punishment, it was a no-brainer. He kept in touch after that. Years later, David was the one who recommended me to SEALs, along with Joe White. He acted like a true second father to me. I think I was closer to your dad than my own dad. He was there for me most of the time. Even after you decided to stay in Afghanistan. He checked up on me. Having a connection to not only you, but also your family... it meant everything to me, Catherine."

There was something he didn't tell Catherine. He looked up to David a great deal, so when David told Steve to move on from Catherine, it broke him down, tore him up inside, completely destroyed him. It was hard enough to receive "advice" from people around him, it was thousand times harder when the advice came from the Rollins family. But Catherine didn't need to know about this now.

"When I left Naval Intelligence to transfer to Navy SEALs, your father gave me this model of USS as a gift. He knew me well. It reminded me of all the fond memories we had on that ship. You got me another one, this one", Steve pointed to another model of USS ship right above. "Like father like daughter. You both picked the same gift – a model of USS Enterprise. David actually beat you, your gift reached me several days later. You were not very happy about losing to your dad."

He kept both models in his office ever since he started Five-0. It was his way of keeping all memories from his Navy time close, keeping Catherine close.

"I'm glad you liked the gift. What about this painting?", Catherine pointed to the painting hung on the wall in front of her.

"It was my 30th birthday present – from you. It was one of the rare birthdays that we were lucky enough to have our leave at the same time and actually spent my birthday together. You rented a private boat for us, we were on the boat for a week, and I got to see you create this painting."

It was a blast watching Catherine focusing on working magic on the painting. She woke up very early in the morning, working on the painting a couple hours every morning. He wanted to seduce her back to bed for a couple more hours, but the sight of her painting melted his heart, so he sat back, grabbing a cold bottle of beer, enjoying the magnificent sight in front of him. The woman he loved, the blue sky, the ocean. Some mornings, she painted while he went fishing, next to her. In silence. Everything was perfect, it almost felt unreal. Steve loved his job, but he secretly wished this vacation would never end.

"I knew you painted a lot during your free time, but I didn't really spend much time with you to realize how talented you were. You were serious and focused. I was totally surprised. You looked relaxed, it's nice to watch. That week was awesome. No work, no duty, no mission, no assignment. Just us, the boat, the ocean, the water. I had the best time of my life."

"I thought we broke up at some point. You still keep my presents in your office?"

"Couldn't get rid of them. They've become too important. There's another painting, Waimanalo Beach."

"My favourite spot on the island? That I remember", Catherine interrupted Steve.

"Yes, that's right. You left it at your place, I moved it to my house. I actually tried moving this painting out of my office once. Put it in my garage for a week. Didn't feel right. So I put it back to where it belonged."

He remembered that week. It felt a lot longer than just a week. Whenever he couldn't concentrate, he looked up at the wall, but nothing was there, except for some solemn certificates and achievements. The single thing that had always centred, balanced him, grounded him, calmed him, for so many years, was no longer there.

He remembered not being able to breathe. Just like some of the bad nights when he woke up and realized losing Catherine wasn't just a dream, but a reality.

That was certainly something he would never want to go through ever again.

He remembered the next day, he came into the office, put the painting back before anyone else arrived.

"I learnt a lesson. Never deny who I was."

Catherine silently looked at Steve, using her eyes to encourage him to continue.

"I was just a guy. Who fell in love with this girl for 16 years." Best thing ever happened to him. She helped him get through the most difficult times of his life. No matter what happened, he could never deny what she had done for him. Even when she's no longer in his life, she would always be a very important part of his life. That kind of love would always be imprinted in his DNA. "I stopped caring what people would think of me and if they would judge me. It gave me peace."

Those words touched the deepest part of Catherine's heart. She wanted to cry for him, she hated herself for being the reason this man was in such pain. She wished she could immediately remember everything about them, she felt so useless that she couldn't.

She gazed up at the painting as if there was something she would remember.

"Did you remember anything?", Steve asked, his voice was full of hope.

"Steve, did you check the back of the painting?"

"No, I didn't. I framed it right after we landed. Why?"

"I think I left something there. I always do. I don't remember this painting, but I do remember I draw a lot. It winds me down, grounds me. And I always write something at the back, some random thoughts while I draw."

"Let's check it out together. Are you up for this?", Steve was both excited and nervous to rediscover something from their past. Together.

"I am. Let's do this", Catherine was eager to find out. Finally, there was something she could discover by herself instead of just listening from someone else's memories.

Let me know what you think :)