Okay I have a super long authors note. Only because I got three nameless reviewers and I just want to thank you guys out there!
AMAZING- Wow. Really thank you so much and I'll try to get better...colds do suck. I don't know about original. I have been pointed out that there is a story like mine on here, but it was original for myself when I began writing it or at least when it was running through my mind. As for your questions I guess most of them will be answered this following chapter.
InsanityisFUN!!!!- That is one of my favorite lines in the chapter also. Only because it holds the truth -" I don't think anything can phase me after all thats happened"- to that non-real situation.
Nienz9- Yep. I kind of based it off Internet chatting, but you know it's a journal. I've wanted to make this story as imaginable as possible. Although that seems highly unlikely due to the fact that Bella & Edward are talking through a journal, in different times. But carrying on, it seems likely that this would happen between two people in their situation. Well, thank you!
All the rest of you guys are amazing, really! So enjoy the chapter and Review!
IMPORTANT~-_~-_~-_~-_~-_~-Ps. Readers this is mostly journal talking. It's the thing of the past and the present..... (haha.... come on people that one was funny... okay maybe not.)
Bpov
"We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken."
-Fydor Dostoevsky
What do you mean? The words appeared on the old page. I gulped and automatically regretted my decision to tell Edward that I was dreaming about him. My heart beat raced as I placed the pen on the page, but no words came. Movements in my arm felt nearly impossible.
My arm felt as if it was stone, really, really heavy stone.
Bella? Please write back.
Okay. I had this dream about you and Jane. At least I think it was her.
Describe her, He commanded. I thought back to the dream in the hallway. Jane's beautiful features flashed violently in my mind, the memory almost as vivid as the dream.
Long chestnut hair, gray eyes, pale skin and she smelled like roses, I wrote down quickly.
That sounds like her.
Well she's haunting my dreams
As am I?
Yes.
Is that all I get?
I bit my tongue hard before writing again, Yes.
You're not going to tell me about your dream?
Honestly the dream doesn't matter.
It matters to me.
Why? cause it's a dream about you?
Not only that, but it might tell us something about this journal situation. Why were able to communicate to each other.
It's a meaningless dream it won't explain much, I explained
What is in this dream that you don't want to tell me about?
Nothing!
For some odd reason I can't believe you Isabella.
Yes odd indeed.
Bella your being childish
I've been told that a few times today.
I can't believe I'm arguing with a journal!
You're not arguing with a journal! You're arguing with me.
How would I really know?
I can send you a picture!
I'd love to see that!
Fine. I sat up and stomped over to my desk, and swiped the picture and stomped back over to "Edward" and the journal. I took a deep breath and folded the picture in half and stuffed it in between the pages and slammed the journal shut.
And then I opened it up.
Epov
She was so irritating, I concluded, wanting to throw my journal across the room. The dream couldn't have been that bad, unless, well it was a more private dream then of course it was worth hiding, but this- was unsophisticated for an almost fully grown women. It could of helped us solve this situation, whether we were mental or not.
I can't believe I'm arguing with a journal! I wrote in a sloppy scribble.
You're not arguing with a journal! You're arguing with me.
How would I really know?
I can send you a picture!
I'd love to see that!
Fine. She wrote in a single word and nothing more.
I waited a few moments for the journal to react and send me a picture of Isabella Swan. As seconds passed my palms began to sweat, my nerves began to act up and I could feel my gut twist and turn, and collide with my other body parts and jump up and down throughout my body. My throat began to itch and the heat of the room began to increase. Mother's soft snores filled the room and I was aware of every noise, including my heart beat, in the house.
At this moment I realized I was finally going to meet 'The Isabella Swan'. Maybe, not in person, but I was going to see the women I had wanted to meet for some time.
Edward, the words appeared. It won't go. The picture, she clarified. Its just laying between the pages
It won't?
No. Do you have your journal closed? Maybe, they both need to be closed for it to work.
Alright I'll try, I wrote before closing the journal.
The house was silent. No noises were made from the journal, or mother who was sleeping in my bed besides me. I counted to twenty backwards in my mind and occasionally out loud in a low whisper not loud enough to wake mother. There was a large thump from the room down the hall, fathers old room, and I could hear the maids loud sighs, gags and depressed cries and then it was silent except for the sounds of footsteps and shuffling of sheets and a few clambers of feet on the stairs.
"seven.. six.. five.. four.. three.. two.. one!"
I grabbed the journal and opened to the selected page. A white, single, folded sheet fell out of the journal to the floor. I sat down on the floor, my back leaning against the side of my bed, mother's soft snores sound in my ear. I reached forward and snatched the photo that was still folded in half.
Bpov
I opened the blank, photoless journal. The journal was clasped in my hands waiting for Edwards message. What if he didn't like how I looked, I began to wonder. What if I was considered bad looking to Edward, or mere and plain. A boring colorless canvas and nothing more. Sure, he would see the details, but they'd be blurred together, forming one big picture of a blob- a colorless, boring blob.
Why did I care so much?
Do you think this is funny? The words appeared on the journal. I looked down at the journal confused. I knew I gave him a picture of myself and nothing else. Maybe he did find me a joke.
No. It's a picture of myself. Why, is it funny, I wrote. Tears threating to fall from my eyes.
If you think impersonation's funny, then, yes this is rather hilarious.
Impersonation? What are you writing about.
Jane! You sent me a colored picture of Jane. I don't know how, but trust me I will find out! I read the journal confused. Me, look like Jane. I think not. She was so much more poised, and graceful looking. Her cheek bones weren't a colorless patch of skin. Her fair-colored skin was more comforting, smooth and soft.
Edward thats a picture of me and I can prove that.
And just how?
Charlie has more pictures of me. They're all over the house.
Let me see them now! He commanded.
At this command, I ran to Charlie's room and straight to his dresser. On top where pictures from past visits and years. I grabbed one of me and Charlie at a Mariners game three years ago. I was dressed in a Mariners cap and a navy blue jacket. Charlie stood in team colors, an arm wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer, one arm outstretched obviously holding the camera to take the picture. I took another one of me and Billy Black down my the river, a fishing rod was in my hand and a fish in his.
I ran to my room and stuffed the photos into the journal, closed the journal and opened it up again and waited for another reply.
The similarity is amazing, he wrote.
Edward, I wrote, trying to reason with him. Me and Jane do not look alike. I've drempt of her and she looks like an angel. I'm noting compared to that.
Bella, I don't know what to say or believe anymore, but I know to ignore that comment about yourself.
I ignored the complement. Not truly believing him before writing, Really? Maybe we should start a group meetings session for people who can talk to people from a different time through a journal, but you know- their confused because one of them might look like someone the other one knows. You just have to come up with the name and we can get it started.
The words appeared, Dazed and Confused?
I giggled lightly and began to scribbled down something quickly, No. That has a different meaning now in my time.
How about 'you look like an angel Bella'. Something gave me the feeling he was thinking of Jane as he wrote that.
Your only naming the club that because Jane looks like an angel and I supposedly look like her. Which I don't.
You do really. Trust me I have memorized Jane. My gut tossed with jealousy, he had memorized Jane, of course he had.
Alright, lets say I do look like Jane. Why?
Maybe your related distantly. He suggested.
It made sense in mind, yet, it didn't feel right. Maybe, I'll look it up on the Internet.
Internet?
Modern technology. It wouldn't make any sense if I attempted to tell you about it.
Edward didn't write anything and neither did I for a few minutes. I thought of all the things to say, write, and nothing came to mind, but I didn't want to stop talking so I brought up the topic of his last entry. Not thinking it would make a difference. Man, was I wrong.
Edward, I wrote slowly. You never answered my entry.
Dear Isabella Swan, appeared on the page. I smirked down at the page and waited for his entry.
My memory has well, it has failed me. All I can remember from your previous entry was your assumption, of losing someone. Which was correct. I was dreaming, I think, when it happened. Mother woke me up and rushed me to father's room. I'm not sure if you know the affects of the influenza, but it's horrible. Father, for his last moments looked to be in a struggle for air, he was trying to clear blood from his lungs. I will never forget the sight. I know it will forever haunt my dreams for many nights.
Its hard to think about. To imagine dieing in such a cruel manner and then that gets me wondering, what did my father ever do to deserve such an ungrateful death? He was a good Christan, a good husband and father, he was always the best when he had tried. So what did he do to deserve it?
I've considered all of the sins he could of possibly committed, but none should add up to dieing like that. And it has left mother heartbroken, and now she's talking about her soon to arrive death. Bella, I think she has it too and this scares me. Having father gone was enough, but mother I don't think I could live without her in my life. She meant so much to me and she was the one who gave me this journal and lead me to you and that has been an amazing experience. I'm sure if you lived in my time we'd make great friends. My mother would love you, I know that.
-Edward Masen
I don't know what happened after that. I felt the need to comfort Edward, tell him everything was going to be okay. I'd let him cry on my shoulder, but there was that time barrier blocking us from ever being able to see each other, alive at the most. I don't know what broke it for me though, maybe it was the fact that I could no longer take insanity as I had been able to for the past few days, or maybe it was because at that very moment I felt something nearly impossible jump around me. I saw the world a brighter place in that split second of feeling and then at that very moment- I knew I had fallen in love with someone I could never be with, someone who died almost a century ago. At that point and large beam of light I knew I had fallen in love with Edward Masen and I hated it.
I hated the feeling of being in love with Edward. I hated the way when I thought of him, my palms would sweat and the questions of him and Jane would run through my mind. I couldn't stand the jealousy that came with it or the knowledge of knowing I couldn't be with him, ever. There was no way he was coming back a reincarnation, of something better, and just for me.
My throat began to swell, as I tried to hold back burning tears that threatened to pour out of my eyes and as I put the pen down on the old, journal page and began to write. I didn't feel what I'd thought I'd feel at this moment of realization, but maybe I was going through heartbreak too.
Dear Edward,
I don't know what to write anymore or if I should write anymore.
You scare me.
-Isabella Swan
I stared at the entry a second longer before signing my name and waiting for a faithful answer, but instead I got one word: Why?
1). You make me feel like I've never felt before and I don't even know you. 2). You die, we can never be together or meet. 3). I'll never be able to hold your hand or comfort you and after reading your entry that's all I want to do. 4). I just want to be close to you, but how can that be when when your a century away.
After I read your reply I'm not going to write anymore. I'm not going to read your pleas and I'm going to try and attempt to forget who you are and my feelings for you. I'm going to act like you never existed so that I can live a normal life in the 2008 and have normal kids, and a husband my age. That is if I do have any of that.
Edward Masen, I think I might be in love with you and I hate it. I will never hate you, because I know that will be impossible, but I hate the feeling of knowing I'm never going to comfort you, or run a hand through your hair or just see you alive and young. You might not feel this way, your heart might not be breaking. Why would it, we know nothing about each other? But I want you to know that even though you don't love me and my heart might never fully recover from you, it wasn't your fault.
-Isabella Swan
A tear leaked from the corner of my eye and on to the page of the journal, beneath where I had signed. I closed the journal and counted back from two hundred waiting for Edwards reply, before making and oath to never cry over Edward Anthony Masen again.
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk past you again?"
-Unknown
"If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will."
-Unknown
"When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you."
-unknown
"It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp."
-unknown
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Neil Gaiman
Love it? Hate it? Let me know. Also, I couldn't resist, so my preface for Smiling Swines is posted. I seriously won't post chapter 1 it for another week! Oh and what did you think of the last quote. I thought it went well with Bella's feelings of hating love. So, What do you think is going to happen next? What will Edward think and what about Jane. Wait till tomorrow ('cause I don't have school!!!) for an update with this next thrilling chapter!
Okay I want your real feelings. Are you sad, mad, (oddly) happy, tearful, or unaffected because you believe in happy endings. Please readers I want to know so, review with your favorite (there is a lot to pick from) line and your predictions are. How do you want to end and all of that junk!
You people put there are fabulous and I really love all of the support I get from you guys!
Ps. for those of you wanting something about the dream in here it will be in Edwards entry don't worry next chapter. READ my new story Smiling Swines and review!