Title: Broken Promises
Author: Tsarina Smith
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: JAG isn't mine. If it was, nothing after season 8 would have happened.
Spoilers: The whole series is fair game, but there are "spoilers" from my previous story Twenty-Six Weekends. You don't need to read that to understand this, but it might be helpful.
Summary: They had the perfect marriage until Harm makes a mistake that could cost him everything.
Authors Notes: Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know. It's been over 3 months since my last update. Other than the stress of the holidays and graduation, I don't really have any reason for this taking so long. I've just been kind of drifting away from the JAG fandom lately, but then I watched some of my JAG season 7 DVDs the other day and I feel like I'm back on track. So here this is, and I am sorry this has taken so long.
Part Fourteen
Harm tapped gently on the door to Mac's office and poked his head in. "Can we talk?"
She met his eyes and then directed her attention back to the paper in front of her. "I'm busy, Harm. Can we talk later?"
He shook his head. "No, we can't." He made his way into her office and set himself in the chair in front of her. "You've been distant all day. Last night after therapy you seemed fine. You even let me kiss you. So what has changed in the past twelve hours or so?"
"Nothing has changed, Harm. I'm just busy."
He leaned over and covered her moving hand with his. "Mac, we've got to talk about things. We're putting our marriage back together, and we can't do that if we can't talk about stuff. Please tell me what's wrong."
Mac sighed softly and looked up. "Last night when I met Angela for dinner, Brennan and Cam were with her. They apologized about the current state of our marriage and I told them we were trying to work through things. Neither of them was optimistic about our situation."
"What did they say?"
"Cam has the whole 'once a cheater, always a cheater' mentality. Brennan on the other hand went on and on about the impracticality of monogamy."
"Monogamy is not impractical." Harm argued. "Most couples have no problem with monogamy. It's not some abstract theory that only a select few can understand."
Anger flared in her eyes and her body tensed up. "Harm, please don't lecture me on monogamy."
He blushed and stroked his thumb across the top of her hand. "Mac, what I did was the worst mistake of my life. It is something I will regret for the rest of my life and something I will never, ever do again."
"You said you'd never do it in the first place." She rubbed her hand over her face and sighed. "After I left the restaurant I stopped by Harriet's and talked to her for a little while. It helped some. Harm, I still want to work on things, but I need to be more realistic. It's not going to be as easy as either of us would like to move forward. I have to learn to trust you again."
"I know. Everything that happened in California made things seem better, but here everything is back to normal and things really haven't changed."
She nodded and leaned back in her chair. "I just need to take things slower, Harm."
He stood and let go of her hand. "Sarah, I'll take things as slow as you want. You mean more to me than anything else in the world, and I'll do whatever I need to do." He started for the door and turned. "You know, we never did follow Dr. Cotwold's instructions about going out. Socially."
"I know."
"We need to do that."
She smiled slightly. "Yes we do. How about tonight?"
"Sounds perfect. I'll pick you up at 7:00. Dress casual, okay?"
"Ok. Bye Harm."
Mac rolled her eyes at her reflection and pulled off her top. Nothing was right. Never mind the fact that she was just having dinner with her husband, who had seen her in every single outfit she owned. She walked back into the closet and rifled through the racks of expensive tops until she finally came across a simple cream colored cashmere sweater. "Well, Harm did say casual…" She pulled the top on and ran her fingers through her short, dark locks. She stepped back into the bedroom and gave herself an appraising look. The dark, trouser style jeans made her look slim and the pants were short enough that she could wear her favorite leopard print Tory Burch flats without the jeans dragging the floor. She was touching up her lip gloss when the doorbell rang. She grabbed her bag and hurried into the living room.
Harm shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for her to open the door. He didn't have to wait long and he flashed her his brilliant smile.
She smiled back and opened the door wider. "Hey, you're on time."
"Hey, I've gotten a lot more punctual since I've been with you."
"I have to admit you have. I'm still not used to it though. Come on in."
He followed her into their apartment and glanced around. He had been here since he had moved into a hotel, but he still checked every time to see if anything had changed; to see if she had removed any of the traces of their life together. He was relieved to note that everything was the same. Pictures of the two of them still took up almost every empty surface. Knick knacks from their travels were displayed throughout the common rooms. The kitchen looked untouched, which made him smile. His wife wasn't much of a cook and the state of the art kitchen was always his domain.
"What are you looking at?" Mac asked.
"I was just noticing that the kitchen looks like it hasn't been used." She rolled her eyes and pulled on her coat. "What have you been eating?"
"Take out. Me and the guy at the pizza place have gotten pretty close over the past several weeks."
"Mac, you have to eat more than pizza."
"I'm kidding Harm. I've had more than pizza. I haven't been eating as healthy since you moved out, but I'm not living on pizza and Chinese take out."
"Maybe I should take you somewhere healthier tonight than I had planned."
She raised her eyebrows. "And where exactly did you have planned?"
"The Counter, that gourmet burger place in Tyson's Corner." He laughed as she picked up her purse, grabbed his hand and began dragging him to the door. "I guess we're going there after all." He said with a smirk.
They settled in at the restaurant and ordered their food. Harm's eyes bulged as Mac ordered the second biggest burger on the menu and loaded it up with toppings and an order of cheese fries. "Mac, have you ever been here before?"
She shook her head. "No, I've heard about it, but with everything going on I haven't gotten out here that much."
"That burger is massive."
"Harm, you know what I can eat."
He grinned. "Well, don't say I didn't warn you." They talked for a few minutes about work and how he was getting along with Tillman.
"He's a lot more tolerable now that he knows you're off limits." He saw her narrow her eyes. "I'm sorry that my behavior with him embarrassed you in front of Morris, but you're my wife, Mac. And even though I have royally screwed our marriage up, I can't stand around twiddling my thumbs while knowing that another man is interested in you."
"He may be interested in me, but I am in no way interested in him. You've been 'it' for me for a very long time." He casually placed his hand over hers and rubbed his thumb over her smooth skin.
She glanced up at him, her eyes darker than normal. Ever since she had met him, the slightest touch sent shivers through her body. A large part of her was relieved she still got that feeling from such an innocent touch.
The conversation was put on hold when their server stopped back by with their dinner. Harm smiled as her face lit up at the sight of the food in front of her. The burger was one of the largest she had ever seen and looked absolutely delicious. Crumbles of feta cheese lay on the plate, where they had fallen off and she picked up a crumble and popped it her mouth. "I love this stuff."
"I know." He grinned and swiped one of her fries. "I remember when we were in Greece you ate feta on everything."
"Well, we were in Greece…" She watched him cut into his smaller burger and rolled her eyes. "You eat like a girl," she joked. She lifted the massive burger, covered in feta cheese, black olives, roasted red peppers and tomatoes to her mouth and took the biggest bite she could.
"Well one of us has to." He smirked and took another bite. Conversation died down a bit as they ate, but the silence wasn't tense or oppressive. Once a dent had been made in the food, Harm took a sip of his water and glanced at his wife. She seemed much more optimistic than she had earlier that day at work. "So what's changed since we talked earlier today?"
She looked up at him and frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You're much less guarded than you were this afternoon. What changed?"
Mac shrugged and popped another fry in her mouth. "Nothing really. I did talk to Angela, though. She told me some things about Brennan and Cam. They're pretty much two of the last people I should take relationship advice from. Besides, I want us to work. And if I'm as committed to that as I say I am, I've got to try. I know some people are going to think I'm an idiot for not divorcing you right away, but I've got to stop worrying so much about what other people think of me. It's my life, and I'm going to live it however I want."
The conversation tapered off again, and Harm leaned back in his chair and studied her. She was different than the woman he had met so long ago. She was much more trusting and open, but she was also less feisty. Much more subdued. The woman who pulled him into a helicopter over Arizona had favored brightly colored sundresses to cashmere sweaters. For the most part the change had been gradual. But their marital problems over the past few months had seemingly put out a little more of the fire she used to have within her. And to him, that was the part of this whole fiasco he hated the most.
After dinner Harm drove her back to the apartment and walked her up. Stopping at the door, Mac put the key in the lock and turned back to him.
"Thanks for dinner, Harm."
He smiled slightly. "You're welcome." For the first time that evening, the silence was awkward and he sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "This is insane. We're not coming back from a blind date with total strangers. We're married. We've been best friends for over seven years. This shouldn't be so uncomfortable."
She shrugged. "How is it supposed to be? I mean, do you just come inside and make yourself at home like nothing happened? Do we kiss goodnight and say goodnight here, even though a kiss would make both of us want more? Or do you tell me goodnight and just give me an awkward hug? Maybe a handshake and a pat on the shoulder? I'm not an expert at this. I don't really know what to do."
"I don't know what we should do either. But I know what I want to do." He removed his hands from his pockets and placed one on her side and cupped her face with the other. He pulled her to him and captured her lips with a kiss. The kiss was unlike any other they had shared since he had slept with Lucy. He wanted to inject some of the fire back into her and attempted to do so with his kiss. His tongue brushed against her lower lip, and her mouth willingly opened to his. A moan escaped him and he moved them so that her back was against the door of the apartment. He trailed kisses from her lips over her jaw to the base of her throat.
Her eyes closed and she tilted her head back, reveling at the feelings Harm was creating within her. It had been so long since she had been this aroused and she was able to momentarily quiet the voice in her head and enjoy the feeling.
"I want you so badly, Sarah." His lips met hers again and when he went to deepen the kiss, he felt himself being forcefully pushed away.
"No. We can't do this." She took a deep breath and opened the apartment door. She looked back at him, her eyes dark with passion and wet with unshed tears. "I can't do this." She closed the door behind it and sank to the floor, trying to regain some semblance of control.
Lucky for Mac, the next day was a weekend and she didn't have to worry about seeing Harm at JAG and having to discuss what had happened the previous night. Or more importantly, talk about what she had wanted to happen. And what she knew would happen again someday. Ever since they had made the commitment to make their marriage work, they had shared a few kisses, but nothing with the intensity or passion of last night. She had been so close to inviting him in and sharing her bed with him, but fear got in the way. Knowing she was scared, and yet not knowing what she was actually scared of was an incredibly frustrating feeling.
All day long she kept herself busy, trying to think of anything other than Harm. By the middle of the day the apartment was spotless, her laundry had been finished and she had just finished typing a long email to Chloe.
"I need to get out of here." She said aloud to herself. Quickly, she changed into running shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt, grabbed her keys and her i-Pod and headed to the park.
By the fourth mile, the cool air and the physicality of running had started to clear her mind. Thought of her and Harm were no longer filling her head and for the first time since her dinner with Angela and the others she felt relaxed. By the end of the seventh mile, she felt it was time for a break and sat down on one of the park benches. Placing her hands on her knees, she bent over and took a few deep breaths. When she sat up again, there was a guy standing near her, with a smirk on his attractive face.
"I was wondering when you'd have to stop for a break. I've been behind you for the past four three miles and I was beginning to think you were superwoman."
Mac laughed and leaned back against the bench. "Close. I'm a Marine."
He nodded in appreciation and gestured to the empty spot next to her. "Do you mind?"
She shook her head. "Not at all." She looked away from him and smiled as she saw a young couple with a little girl playing a few yards away.
"So are you running away from something or to something?"
She glanced at him and offered him a slight smile. "Neither. Just needed to clear my head. What about you?"
"Training for a marathon. I'm doing the Disney Marathon with some friends in January. Twenty Six plus miles. I've only been running for a few months, so I'm not sure I'll be ready by then."
"You should be. Twenty six miles seems like a lot, but once you start running, the adrenaline pumps in and it's surprising how far you can make yourself go."
He smiled, pleased at her words. "I'm guessing you've done a marathon or two."
"I've done my fair share."
"Maybe you'd like to train with me? Running might be more fun if I had a beautiful Marine motivating me."
Her eyes widened and without words she pulled a necklace out from underneath her t-shirt. Clanking against her dog tags were her wedding rings. She unhooked the chain and slipped them back on. Noticing the look of surprise on his face, she smiled apologetically and explained. "Fingers can swell while running. I don't want to take the chance of having to have my rings cut off."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"
She cut him off. "It's okay." She glanced at the diamonds and platinum and sighed softly. When she looked back up, she noticed he was glancing at her curiously. Not wanting to delve into her life with a stranger, she stood up and forced a smile. "Well, I'm going to be heading home. Good luck with your marathon."
He smiled and nodded. "Good luck clearing your head."
End Part Fourteen
As always, I'd love to know what you think!