He was going mad. Six days straight in Grimmauld Place did no good for anyone. Remus had no clue how Sirius had coped as long as he did. Well, he did have all of the Weasleys, Harry and the Order come by frequently during the summer but now all the kids were at school and the workload was piling up more at the Ministry.
Unlike Sirius, he could go out but where would he go? Remus had spent the summer months scouring the wizarding world for jobs, decent or not, but no one had hired him because they knew him as the 'Werewolf Professor' (He had Rita Skeeter to thank for that name). Maybe he would have more luck in the Muggle World; he had had some before . . .
"Mornin' " grunted Sirius, as he slid into an old fashioned chair.
Remus raised his eyebrows, "Morning? Sirius, it's half two in the afternoon."
"Meh. Feels like morning. I just woke up." Sirius muttered, holding his head in his hands.
"That's what you should expect if you drink away the evening." He scolded lightly as he poured made himself a cup of strong coffee, "Want a cup?"
"Please," Sirius responded wearily, "and there was nothing else to do."
"You could always clean up the house a bit more or look for pictures to give to Harry," Remus told him, handing Sirius a cup of extremely strong coffee that was as black as his hair.
Sirius shook his head, took a great gulp of the coffee and shuddered slightly as the bitter liquid hit the back of his throat.
"I just want to get out of here." Sirius whined, rocking lazily in his chair and promptly toppling over.
Remus walked across the kitchen to the small door that leads to the back garden. He opened the door with a flourish saying, "There's always the garden."
A look of terror crossed Sirius' face as he replied, "And get my arm ripped off? I only just missed the Venomous Tentacula last time someone suggested that!"
Remus winced as he remembered when he, Sirius and Tonks had decided to 'explore' the garden. Let's just say he would never, ever look at garden gnomes the same way again. He'd also nearly had a heart attack when he saw Tonks wrestle with a miniature Devil's Snare.
"Why did your mother even have those plants anyway?" Remus couldn't help himself asking as he shut the door.
"She liked the idea of trapping unwanted garden visitors," answered Sirius, "though they weren't that vicious when I was a kid."
"She was a lovely sounding woman," he muttered. Then, trying to distract his only friend, "I'm sure we can think of something to do."
Sirius moaned, "There's nothing worth doing when you're trapped in here constantly."
Remus frowned, he would have to go to Dumbledore and see if he could let Sirius out of the house in dog form or something. Sirius did have a lot of fun when he and Tonks were walking back from King's Cross. That was a nice day . . .
"Moony. Moo-ooney!" called Sirius, waving a hand in front of his face, "Quit your daydreaming and help me be not bored!"
Remus shook his head and nodded, "Sorry about that Sirius, why don't we go up to the library?" He liked that idea himself; Remus started walking up the stairs, not waiting for Sirius.
"Wait for me, mate," puffed Sirius as he ran up the stairs behind him. "Bit late, but were you daydreaming about my baby cousin Tonksie?"
Remus glared at him before replying loftily, "Why ever would I do that? She would kill you if she heard you calling her that, again."
Sirius threw himself onto a moth eaten sofa and waved his hand, "Well she's not here, is she? And don't give me that load of crap, I know you like her. You basically told me so before Harry came."
Remus walked down one of the aisles and looked at the books, pointedly ignoring Sirius.
"C'mon mate, I know she probably likes you too and you need to find yourself a hot chick. Not that I'm referring to my own cousin as hot or anything. I don't want you to lonely all your life. Actually, if it doesn't work out you could always. . ." babbled Sirius.
He decided to shut his friend up by chucking a book at him.
"Ow, Lupin! That wrecked!" yelled Sirius, rubbing his head where 'How to Catch a Muggle' had landed.
"Let's get some things straight Sirius. I remember saying IF I liked her she would never go for me. I don't like her in that way, okay?" Remus declared, looming over Sirius.
"Whatever you say" replied Sirius, grinning broadly. Stupid mutt.
Remus really had to find Sirius a hobby if he was trying to trying to trap people (mainly him!) into a relationship that will never happen. He did like Tonks; she was funny and nice to everyone, he just didn't like her romantically. Right, it was perfectly normal to be good friends with a witch and not fancy her. He had been friends with Lily... although he did have a crush on her in fourth year like every other male in his year.
"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" asked Sirius.
Remus growled and closed his eyes. It would be nice if he could just live trapped inside his own head . . . Oh great, now he felt guilty. He had forgotten that Sirius was basically trapped in his own head. Gah, he needed to eat some chocolate, it solved everything.
"By the way, I ate the last bar of your chocolate."
Right after he killed Sirius, obviously. The world would be a much calmer place, though Harry did need him in one piece and alive. He'll just have to come up with more creative ways of revenge.
He could always trap him in a dimly lit room and cut Sirius' hair really short, then colour it blue and green. No, there would be way too much screaming. He did not need his eardrums to burst; he needed them more than Rightful Revenge. Yes, it did need capital letter because it was a Marvellous Plan.