Of course I didn't go to Santa Barbara this weekend. I couldn't go the weekend he planned this whole boat ride and shit just to break up with him. No, thank you. He seemed a little pissed off about it, but what are you gonna do? He did the same thing to me before so whatever.

Instead, I went to Cole Matthew's party with Cassidy and Phil. Cara had date night with Julian so maybe she'll come later, but I doubt it. I really just needed to get my mind off everything. Cole lived down the street from me so who cares if I got crazy drunk because I could just walk home. It was literally a two minute walk. But I wasn't going to. I wasn't in the mood. Maybe a drink or two.

"Where's your brother again?" Phil asked as he passed me some kind of drink he made me. I think it was Malibu with like orange soda or something, I don't know. I just took it.

I shrugged, not remembering for a minute, but then I did, "He finally took Madison on a date," I tell him, smiling to myself. Madison was one of the cutest girls I've ever seen. Not only was she cute, she was pretty. And she played soccer so score. No pun intended. But seriously, she was so cute and I'm pretty sure my brother's been crushing on her for a while now so I'm glad he finally made a move. And I hope it goes well for him.

I glanced around to see if I could spot Troy anywhere. Josh wasn't Troy's only friend. I'd say Josh was his best friend here, but Troy had made a lot of friends since transferring. Mostly seniors. And Cole Matthews was definitely one of them so I thought he might be around here somewhere.

"He's outside," Cassidy whispers in my ear and it literally almost makes me choke. She scared me so bad.

I wiped my mouth and turned to her with these big eyes, "What?"

She shook her head and laughed, "Shut up. You know what I'm talking about. Go talk to him. You look HOT."

Cassidy styled me tonight. I think I have a pretty good fashion sense, but I just wasn't in the mood to pick out an outfit so I left it up to her. Of course she's going to think the outfit she put me in is hot.

But I didn't want to talk to him. What would I even say to him? "I'm good."

Which I was. For an hour or so, I was having so much fun. I only had two drinks so I was fine, but I was playing pool in Cole's pool table room and just socializing with everyone around. Troy and I caught eyes a few times but we didn't say anything other than a smile here and there. He was doing his thing and I was doing mine. But I wished we were doing it together. Having fun at this party together. That we came together.

And then it was like dejavu. I walked upstairs to the bathroom that Cole said I could use since the one's downstairs were occupied and I opened the door to Troy and Stacey Smith making out. Not Megan like he was the first time. A different girl. And this girl I hated. I hated Stacey. I hated that she was blonde and that she told people I was cheating on my last boyfriend, Ray. I hated that she was with Troy right now. I just hated her so much.

His head shot up and looked right at me. Why. Why did I have to walk in on them? It made it seem like I was following him, always messing up his hook ups, but it's just coincidence and it sucked!

"Sorry," I managed to get out and I could see Stacey giving me a smirk and she was still holding on to him by his neck and it was the worst feeling.

It wasn't like the feeling I had when I first walked into bathroom and saw him and Megan. No, this was different. It hurt. It hurt so bad that I for a second thought he might be interested in me. That maybe we could possibly have something. But he was just like every other guy. Telling me one thing and then turning around and hooking up with whoever the fuck they want to. Guys are douches, they're assholes and Troy Bolton was no exception.

I stumbled to get out a bit, but I finally did and I closed the door. And raced down the hall and down the stairs and through the swarm of people and out of the house. I had to get out of there. I couldn't go back downstairs and pretend everything was fine.

But then what I wanted to happen the first time I barged into the bathroom and saw Troy and Megan, happened. Troy was coming after me. And I didn't know if I wanted that to happen anymore or not.

"Go away," I told him, and it only really implies that I care that him and Stacey were hooking up. It shows that I like him and that I'm mad he was kissing some other girl tonight.

"Gabriella, wait!" he catches up to me and I'm pissed. How did he catch up to me?

I composed myself and opened my eyes wide so the tears forming could go away, which they did. It worked every time. "What do you want Troy? Just go back to Stacey."

He stood in front of me, his scent is so strong. He smelled SO good. He didn't reek of alcohol or anything like that. "Why don't you ever knock?"

He's seriously asking me this? I looked at him to see if he was being dead serious and I couldn't tell. "Sorry. Note to self: knock on every door at a party to make sure Troy Bolton's not in there making out with a slut."

I turned around, but he grabbed me gently by the arm and made me stop. "Why are you mad?"

"Leave me alone," I tell him walking away. And he's letting me go.

"You have a boyfriend!" he yells, standing a few feet behind me. And my heart dropped. Are we going to have this conversation? Are we finally going to talk about our feelings? My feelings for him? Maybe his feelings for me? Is this really happening?

I turned around slowly and just saw him standing there, frustrated. I was frustrated, too. "What's that supposed to mean?" I try to play it off.

He runs his hands through his messy hair and it's seriously the most sexy thing, ever. "Seems like you're mad that I'm up there with Stacey or something." Which I am. I HATE STACEY!

"Stacey's a fucking bitch," I tell him, looking away.

He walks a little bit closer to me and looks right into my eyes, "But I'm single."

Breathe, Gabriella, breathe. "Good for you."

"And you're not."

I couldn't do this anymore. I turned around and started walking home. I should have ran, but that would have been lame so I just walked as fast as I could in hopes that he would just let me go. But nope.

He followed me. Of course. "What the fuck is going on, Gabriella? What is this? Why is this so fucking complicated?"

I closed my eyes and prayed that this was all just a dream. I wanted to have a conversation about our feelings, but I wanted it to be a good conversation. Not one where we yelled at each other and while I still technically had a boyfriend. Ugh.

But it wasn't. And I had to turn back around and tell him. "I don't fucking know, okay?" I practically yell, "I'm happily in a relationship and then you have to come into my fucking life and change everything. You changed everything!"

It wasn't a dig at him or telling him he did anything wrong, because he didn't. It was all my doing. And Mark's of course. I hope he didn't take it that way. But it was my first time actually telling him about my feelings for him and that terrified me. What will he say next?

He stood there quietly for a minute, but then finally spoke up. "You can't put this on me."

I shook my head almost immediately, "I'm not, but do you fucking make a habit of making a girl seem like she's wanted, liked, whatever and then turn around and fuck some other girl?"

It was a serious question. I was mad that he would tell me all these things that implied he liked me but is fucking up there with Stacey. And they were only making out, but I just said fucking to make it more dramatic.

"You have a boyfriend, okay? What am I supposed to do? Sit around and fucking wait for you to dump him when it doesn't seem like you are even though he's shit?"

Oh please. Like he'd be a better boyfriend. He's a man whore. "That's besides the point," I tell him, leaving out that I'm actually on the verge of breaking up with him so he doesn't get any satisfaction out of it, like I'm dumping Mark for him. "It doesn't matter, you strung me along, whether you meant to or not, and made me feel like you wanted me, okay? But no. You're a player and you can go fuck whoever you want every single weekend for all I care. Sasha, Megan, Stacey, WHOEVER."

He looked a little taken aback that I knew about Sasha. Shit. I just outed myself. I'm a creep. "You're fucking ridiculous," ahhh so many f bombs are being dropped tonight, "You can't sit there and make me look like the villain. I did nothing wrong, okay? What? Do you want me to make a move on you when you have a fucking boyfriend? Or like I said, do you want me to sit around and wait for you?"

Okay, so we've pretty much established that we like each other right? This sucks. I wish I could have just broken up with Mark AND then this conversation would be taking place with a lot less screaming and Stacey would be out of the picture. But it's not. And I don't know what to do now.

"No," I tell him, biting the inside of my cheeks to keep me from screaming out in frustration. "It would just be nice if guys stuck to one girl. Even if they couldn't have her, but they were still crushing, instead of going off and hooking up with different girls."

It wasn't fair. I knew it wasn't fair. I knew I probably didn't make much sense, either. And it was all so fucked up. And embarrassing. But if I liked someone and I couldn't have them, but I was making it known I liked them, I wouldn't be off fucking other guys or whatever. I don't know. I was just so hurt that he was with Stacey. Troy felt like he was mine even though he wasn't.

"Fuck you, Gabriella."

And for the first time, I was literally taken aback by what Troy said. And not in a good way. I've never heard him say anything like this. Was I really being unfair? Was I asking for too much? Should I tell him I'm done with Mark, emotionally?

"No fuck you!" I yelled back, "fuck you for making me believe you were this good guy, but you're just a typical guy who needs to have his fair share of hook ups and who keeps their feelings bottled up inside. Who strings along girls and makes them second question their relationship for them only to find out that they don't even care about you! You're a fucking jerk!"

He looked away for a second and my God, even in the fucking dark could you see his electric blue eyes. And even though we were yelling and I was so mad that he was hooking up with Stacey, another random hook up, all I wanted to do was jump on him and make out. Kiss until the sun came up.

But I knew that was definitely out of the question. Why? Why did I have to like HIM? Why would he even want to be settled down? He's gorgeous and he could get ANY girl he wants. He probably does. Megan and Stacey are probably the only girls I know about, but there's probably a slew of them. Maybe that's why he goes home to Calabasas so often, so he can hook up with girls and it won't get around school so he could come back and do it all again. Ugh.

"There's something seriously wrong in that pretty little head of yours," he tells me as he inches towards me in a calm and sensible voice. It's an insult and a compliment all at once and I can't help but to smile inside. "but if you think I'm going to apologize, you're wrong."

And with that, he's off. And I'm standing there hating myself. How has my life come to this? It was all so messy and great at the same time. And it just sucked. I turned around and I could see my house from where I was standing, but I secretly wish Troy was walking me home, making sure I got home safely.

But nope. I was on my own. And I hated it.

"Where are you going?"

I pop my head up from the couch and see my brother carrying a bag and his laptop in his hand and he's being stopped by my mother. He puts the bag down and grabs his shoes that by the door and sits on the last step of the stairs and starts to put them on.

"Oh I'm going with Troy to his dad's house," he casually tells her as if he was going to leave without saying anything, "We'll probably be back tomorrow afternoon or something."

My mom nods and goes back to cleaning the front table with some a few Clorox wipes, "Why the sudden change of plans? I thought you guys didn't want to go after all?"

They didn't know I was listening, but I don't think they cared. It was 10 am on Saturday morning and I was sad and depressed and laying on the couch doing absolutely nothing which I could have done in my room but the couch is 10 times more comfortable, believe it or not.

"I don't know," my brother shrugged, "he just texted me this morning saying he really wants to get out of here and that if I still wanted to go with him."

I felt my stomach turn and my head start to throb. Was I running him out of Santa Monica? Not that Calabasas was far, but did he really not want to be next door to me? Was he really that upset about last night? I should be the one more upset. Right?

"Gabriella?"

I sat up, pretending I wasn't just hearing their whole conversation. Not that it would matter. "Yeah?" I tried my best as possible to hide the depression and sadness in my voice and I think it worked.

"Wanna meet us later?"

Um. Is he crazy?! Well, he doesn't know anything so obviously he doesn't know that asking is out of the question. "Oh um, no, it's okay. Cassidy and I were planning on going to the pumpkin patch." Woo, good save. It wasn't a complete lie. We talked about going, but never said when exactly.

He tied his left shoe and then stood up and threw his bag over his shoulders, "Okay. Troy just mentioned a few days ago that you could come because you've always wanted to go paint balling?"

I didn't know whether to smile or frown. I could smile because Troy wanted to invite me and he wanted me there and he remembered that I said that in Chemistry weeks ago when Todd Thomas was going on about his weekend paint balling. Or I could frown because I desperately want to go but know that the invitation is no longer extended to me. I couldn't tell my brother that, though.

"Well, why don't you go to the pumpkin patch tomorrow and today you can go with the guys paint balling?" my mom suggests.

"NO!"

Oops. That was way too loud and sudden and out there. Shit.

My mom gave me a look but my brother just ignored it pretty much and grabbed his laptop he placed down, "Well maybe next time," he says, "See ya later." He waved to me and then gave me mom a kiss on the cheek before opening the door and letting himself out.

I plopped myself back down and brought the blanket over my head. This sucked. It seriously sucked. Ray and I dated for 5 months but I didn't think about him constantly like I did with Troy. Mark and I... I don't know, same thing I guess. Why does Troy Bolton have this effect on me?

"Gabs."

Of course it's my mom. And of course she's going to ask me what's going on. I lifted the blanket off to see her standing above me with a small smile.

"What's going on?"

Play it cool. "What are you talking about?"

"Are you okay? You seem a little... off? Is something bothering you?" she asks me as she scoots my legs over and takes a seat on the couch next to my body. Good thing the couch is pretty big.

I should just tell my mom. I tell my mom EVERYTHING. But lately, I haven't. I haven't told her about my feelings for Troy, my feelings towards Mark, the fact that I'm going to break up with him. The fight Troy and I got into. I don't know why I haven't. Well, maybe because it would complicate things so much.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

She gave me a look. You know, one of those mom looks. "Gabriella Elizabeth Montez." Ah, the full name.

I sat up a little bit and brought the blanket with me, covering my bottom half, "I don't want to tell you because it will just complicate everything and it will just make me a horrible person and it's all just so fucked up mom."

"Language," she immediately tells me but then softens her face, "tell me. Please tell me."

I have to. I have to just spill everything.

"You like Troy?"

Dammit woman, let me tell you! "Is it that obvious?" I sunk a bit, "mom, this is so bad. I don't want to like him. I shouldn't have even began liking him in the first place, I have a boyfriend."

She sat back, turned her body towards me, pushed her hair out of her face and gave me a small smile. "Start from the beginning."

So I did. I talked all about Spain, how it all came to be, how I felt when I came back home, when I first started to realize that I have a huge crush on Troy (which resulted in outing me coming home drunk without a key), my trip to Santa Barbara, everything Mark ever did to piss me off, everything Troy did to put a smile on my face, how I would compare them, how I'd fall more in like with Troy everyday, how I came to like him... a lot, how I realized Mark wasn't right for me no matter the distance, how I become a psycho girl last night, and how Troy and I will probably never be because I ruined it.

And she just sat back and listened to the whole thing. No interruptions, no dirty looks, nothing. And it's exactly what I needed right now. Why I stopped telling my mom things is beyond me. She probably has all the answers I could ever want.

"... I know it wasn't fair, I know I shouldn't have painted him out to be the villain in this situation, but I couldn't help it. The fact that he's hooking up with girls while telling me all these things, regardless if I'm single or not, just makes him seem like a player, a typical guy, you know?"

Finally, I gave my mom room to speak up. And I know she probably had a lot to say. "It's not fair," she tells me, "but as a girl, I can see exactly where you're coming from. And I'm sure he sees it, too, even though he doesn't want to admit it. Maybe he didn't expect you to care or like him and so he was moving on. You said he likes you, too, right?."

"I don't know, mom, maybe, but now it's all a catastrophe and I wish I could go back and come home from Spain, SINGLE."

"Can I be honest?"

I blink, scared of what she's going to say, but who cares at this point. "Sure."

She gave me a small smile which then turned into a bit of a frown, "I didn't really like Mark," she tells me and I know she feels bad about it, "I mean, for you. I didn't like Mark for you."

For some reason, I have a feeling she didn't like Mark in general, but I wasn't going to ask. "You didn't?" I wasn't TOO surprised, but I wanted to know her reasons.

"I just, I didn't see it," she tells me putting her arm around the couch and bringing her feet up, "How did you not see that you guys are so different?"

I honestly didn't know the answer to that. Mark was hot. He was really cute. No where on the level of Troy Bolton, but he was attractive and maybe I was distracted by that. Or maybe I just didn't factor in that we were in fucking Spain, for crying out loud. We were out of our element, in a different country and we had the world at our finger tips. Everything was handed to us. We had no care in the world. What could go wrong?

"We have the same morals," I started out, "and we're both ambitious and have goals and all of that, but I guess I didn't think about the little things. I really don't know, mom. I don't know why those three months were so wonderful."

And then we were stayed quiet for what seemed like forever, but in reality, it was only seconds.

"Troy," she breathes out, "and you like Troy?"

I closed my eyes and winced. I was worried what she thought about it. "Um," I slowly began to sink in the couch and bring the blanket over to cover my face, "Yeah. I do."

"Okay. And he likes you."

I removed the blanket completely and sat up a little bit. "I don't know," I tell her, but at this point, I feel like he does. Well, did. "Maybe. But if he did, I'm pretty sure I messed that up last night so who knows."

Seriously, I'm nervous for her reaction. This is Troy. Troy who's become like another son to her as she keeps telling us. It's weird. It shouldn't be right.

"Troy's great," she tells me with a small smile and I don't know where this is going to go, "You know, when he first started coming over, he was telling me how he had just gotten out of a relationship a few months prior because he realized that their relationship was lacking something big for him, which was laughter. And I thought to myself, hm, I've never heard that before."

Ummm, where was she going with this?

"And then he told me how he just wants someone he can relax with, that every time they hang out, it doesn't need to be this big scene. That he wants a girl to watch sports with, but also wants to hang out with her girls and get her nails done. Just all these things," she continues to tell me, "Of course I asked, but I couldn't help but think he was describing you. Down to a t. I didn't tell him, obviously, but when you came home, I was ready to tell you all about him."

I couldn't help but crack a smile. This was not going to the way I thought it would be going. At all. "You were?"

She nodded and brought her hands together in her lap, "By the time you came home, it's been three months of him coming over all the time, getting to know him, him getting to know us and I just thought, wow, he would be so great for Gabriella."

It sucked because he is. We have the same sense of humor, we both LOVE watching movies, he wants to travel the world, he does well in school just like me, he has goals, a life plan, he doesn't take himself too seriously, he's down for whatever most of the time, he's patient and kind. And just all these wonderful things. He's not exactly me in boy form, but he's definitely someone that I should be dating, that I want to be dating.

My mom wasn't done, though. "That's why I asked you about boys straight away. I had this silly dream that you'd come back with a boyfriend like the movies so I asked, but never did I expect it to actually happen. And I was bummed. I didn't want to be happy for you because I couldn't until you heard me out about Troy."

I couldn't believe any of this. It was crazy. "But you're always referring to him as your second son. How weird would that be? I mean, by your words, we're brother and sister, basically."

She chuckled and shook her head slightly, "I'd still be thrilled. I know Troy Bolton, and Troy is one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. With his looks, he could be anything he wants to be. But he's not. And that's not common. Sure, he may be out hooking up with girls, but what 18 year old guy isn't?"

My brother. Well, he's 17. Phil. A ton of my friends. "I know you're defending him because you like him, mom, but it's different for girls who like him. You don't want to know that the guy you like is out there hooking up with girls like it's what he does on weekends. How can you go into a relationship knowing that? It just sucks."

"Well, I approve," she tells me, "if you and Troy happen to figure this thing out, I know your dad and I will be absolutely thrilled."

I should be really happy about this. It's what worried me the most. But I can't help but feel sad that I have my parents approval yet Troy probably wants nothing to do with me now. And I can't really say that I blame him, but still. I want everything to just be fine again. Is that too much to freaking ask for?

"Be thrilled about what?"

My mom and I both look at each other and we're both probably thinking, oh shit, but my dad's going to find out eventually so I give her a little nod. She can be the one to tell him. Well, I should, but I don't want to come out and say it.

She turned to him, who was coming into the living room with Ava on his side as she chowed down on a bagel. He looked at me probably wondering was what wrong, if something was wrong, but my mom spoke up, "Gabriella, um, she's breaking up with Mark."

"Oh you are?" he turned to me, "um, did anything happen?"

I gave him a small smile and just shook my head, "Nothing drastic. Nothing that makes me hate him or boys," I tell him because I'm sure he's wondering if he cheated or anything like that, "I just can't really do it anymore."

He nods and then my mom tells him the next part of the news, "And um, how do I say this," she ponders, but she should just come out and say it, which she does after a few moments, "She kind of likes Troy."

"Oh."

Ha that's all he really said. Ava came around the couch and sat on my mom's lap as she finished eating some of her bagel, "I like Troy, too, Gabs. He's my best friend and he told me that me and you are beautiful!"

Ava was always so full of information that I really did feel her and Troy were real best friends. Did they sit around and talk about their feelings? Did Ava bring me up so Troy would chime in or would Troy initiate the conversation and tell her all these wonderful things about me.

Or she could be lying completely. She's 5, after all.

"Wait. So you like Troy? For real?" my dad's making sure as he comes around the couch as well and sits on the sofa chair diagonally from us, "Is this recent or what?"

I wish it was. Unfortunately, not really. "Um, sure, you can say that," I tell him, "if we're being honest, liking him is recent-ish, but I've had had a crush on him since maybe mid-September which I know is so bad, but I wasn't trying to."

He sat put his feet up on the table in front of him and leaned back and just looked up for a minute or so. If anything, I feel like my mom would be more disappointed in me- liking a boy when I have a boyfriend, but it seem liked my dad was going to take that role.

But I was wrong. "Troy and you would be absolutely perfect together," he tells me with a small smile, "you know I've come to like him like a son and I think he's great. Your mom actually wanted to hook you two up when you first came back, but you ended up coming back with a boyfriend. Ha."

Troy is GREAT. My mom can see past anyone's bullshit so the fact that she LOVES Troy says a lot. He's probably being completely honest with who is he. But I just can't shake the feeling about all these girls. Is he going home to Calabasas and just hooking up with whoever? I know he's single, but is he one to commit? I don't know this about him. I don't know about his past relationships, except for the tidbit my mom just shared, so I had no idea what to expect.

And now all I need to know is if my brother approves. Well, if Troy can even find it in him to forgive me or whatever. If we can even more past this. But if we can and something can come out of this, will my brother be on board? Or will it be, you better not date him 2.0? I was going to be a junior and he was going to be a sophomore and his friend on his soccer team has the biggest crush on me and I thought he was pretty cute, but he said it'd be SO weird having his friend date me so nothing happened. But it's different with Troy. I KNOW Troy. I'm invested. And it sucks. I didn't even think about the fact that he was friends with my brother until AFTER the fact he seemed semi interested in me because I thought it would never happened. I had a boyfriend. But ugh. It did.

The whole situation sucks.