THE DOCTOR: Okay, now back to the real problem: How to stop my impending death? (thinks) I've got it! Russel T. Davies said I would fight water monsters next, so I can't die if I don't fight any water monsters!
ADELAIDE BROOKE runs in.
BROOKE: Help! Water monsters!
THE DOCTOR: Oh, give me a break! Wait a minute. Who are you?
BROOKE: I'm Captain Adelaide Brooke. (holds out hand)
THE DOCTOR: Wait. The Captain Adelaide Brooke? (to himself) Oh, no. I have to-but I can't-it's a fixed point-what can I-? (notices BROOKE's hand; shakes it) It's an honor to meet you.
BROOKE: Thank you.
THE DOCTOR: Now, what's this about water monsters?
WATER MONSTERS enter. They are dressed as thugs and carry plastic water bottles which they occasionally swig from.
WATER MONSTER #1: Yeah!
WATER MONSTER #2: We're the Water Monsters!
THE DOCTOR: Uh, context?
BROOKE: The Water Monsters. They're a rap duo that just showed up and have been causing all kinds of trouble.
THE DOCTOR: Oh, well, that's good. Because I was worried that I'd be facing, like, actual water monsters from space.
WATER MONSTER #1: And we're from space!
THE DOCTOR: Of course you are. (to BROOKE) But look, you're Captain Adelaide Brooke. Surely you can oust a couple of unruly rappers?
WATER MONSTER #1: (draws gun): We're gonna kill everyone on this planet!
WATER MONSTER #2: (draws knife) Yeah!
THE DOCTOR: Well, that escalated quickly.
BROOKE: Is there anything we can do, Doctor?
THE DOCTOR: Sorry, no. This a fixed point in time.
BROOKE: What does that mean?
THE DOCTOR: Millions of people have been asking themselves that for years. But the upshot is that if you don't die here, history changes.
BROOKE: Okay. I can accept that.
THE DOCTOR: (to himself) What bravery...She can accept her own death without so much as...Wait a minute! (to WATER MONSTERS) If I helped you guys out with your music, would you go away?
WATER MONSTER #1: How would you do that?
THE DOCTOR: I could lay down some backing vocals for you. I'm a very good singer.
WATER MONSTER #2: When would you do that?
THE DOCTOR: Later. Maybe much later. But I will do it.
WATER MONSTER #1: Works for me.
WATER MONSTER #2: Yeah, same here!
WATER MONSTERS exit.
BROOKE: What have you done?
THE DOCTOR: Okay, so Adelaide doesn't get killed by a couple of rowdy rappers on Mars. So what? The point is, I now know that I have the power to rewrite history!
BROOKE: But no one should have that kind of power!
THE DOCTOR: Uh, am I bovvered?
BROOKE exits.
THE DOCTOR: I don't know why you're so upset. I mean, I just saved your life. I may be a power-tripper, but at least I saved your-
SOUND: Gunshot.
THE DOCTOR: Uh, Captain Brooke? (a beat) Don't you think maybe you're overreacting?