A/N - Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story! I love reading your comments :) This chapter wasn't supposed to be focused on Splinter but he basically took over. Enjoy!

Chapter 13

Waking up wasn't normally a problem for Splinter. Years of practice and training had developed his ability to wake up and suddenly be on full alert. It was a necessary skill for survival after all. But now he found his skill deserting him as he forced himself to wake up. It felt like a heavy fog was pressing him down, turning his muscles to lead and leaving him helpless.

Slowly he became more aware.

With the awareness came pain, however, and Splinter felt dull, throbbing pain throughout his body. His mind wandered. What had happened?

He remembered being beaten by the Foot soldiers. They had cut into him and twisted bones until they snapped. He had been punched, kicked and laughed at. They had strung him up like a piece of meat in a butchers and mocked him while he was being beaten, unable to defend himself. He had been called a freak many times before, but being fully exposed to so many people and unable to escape had added extra weight to the old insult. They had made sure to mock him; in both English and Japanese.

More memories flooded back to him. He tried to think of something else, but found himself unable to. Splinter was always proud of his mental strength. He had tried to teach his sons that true mastery was of the mind and not the body, though their youth made them sceptical. Now he found himself unable to control his thoughts. The memories of what Karai had done to him fresh in his mind.

The pain in his body was growing, he felt he was getting closer to consciousness but the fog still held him firmly in place. With his body so weak, he was left with nothing but his shattered mind for company.

He had been hit in the face. His memories after that were hazy, but he was sure he had seen April and Casey. Had they rescued him? Where were his sons?

Karai had tricked him. She had known he would do anything to protect his sons and had used that fact to force his compliance in her sick game. He had done what she said. The thought of keeping Raphael safe had gotten him through it. Finding out his son was never there had been both a huge relief and sickening. He was disgusted with himself for allowing Karai to do what she did to him. How could he look his sons in the eye? The only comfort was they wouldn't know what had happened, they would see only the physical damage.

More awareness returned. He was lying on something soft, and he felt warm. Comfortable. It could be a trick, his mind warned, but Splinter felt that he was home. The pain felt sharper now but he still found his body wouldn't obey him. He needed to wake up. He had to know his sons were safe.

The thought of Karai anywhere near them sent chills through him. An itching sensation in his left arm could be felt through the general throbbing of the limb, and it took Splinter a moment to think what it was.

'Did you forget she branded you?' taunted his mind

The tattoo. Master Yoshi would be ashamed of him. The symbol of his enemy marking him. Despite his best efforts, Splinter began to panic. It wasn't a feeling he was used to, but frantic thoughts raced through his mind.

His sons had seen him with the collar. If he was home they would have surely seen the tattoo as well. They must be ashamed of him. He had tried so hard to be strong for them throughout their lives. It was a difficult life and he wanted them to feel safe. To feel they had someone who could protect them.

Now, he felt broken.

His mind continued to drift, as the fog lightened again.

Feeling some meagre strength return Splinter tried to move. He couldn't move his left arm; the pain was worse when he tried. Experimentally he tried his right hand. His fingers twitched around something.

"Master Splinter?" asked a familiar, gruff voice

Raphael.

Forcing his mind to reconnect with his body, things began to make more sense.

He was in a bed, and Raphael was holding his right hand.

He forced his eyes open and found only the right obeyed him properly, his left eye half opening with a heavy ache.

Soft lights were on, and Splinter found himself staring at the ceiling of the infirmary.

"Master Splinter?" repeated the voice, worry clear in the tone

"Raphael" he tried, his voice sounding weak and quiet

"How are ya feeling?"

Still feeling somewhat disoriented, Splinter chose not to reply. The sound of his own voice seemed like a stranger to him. Instead he tried to sit up, but got no further than an inch when a dark green hand relinquished his own and pressed down on his right shoulder, keeping him in place.

"Hey, you're hurt pretty bad. Ya need to rest" said Raphael, now hovering over him

Restraining him was hardly necessary. That slight movement had caused the dull ache in his left shoulder to morph into a firery burn, sending ripples of pain through his battered body.

Splinter glanced at Raphael, noting the worry that lined the turtles face. His son was being uncharacteristically patient with him. And gentle. He had always known Raphael had a soft side, he displayed it on rare occasions to his brother's but Splinter was not normally on the receiving end of his son's softness. He had never needed to be.

Seeming unsure of what to do, Raphael pulled his chair closer to the bed and grabbed Splinters right hand again.

Splinter tried to focus his mind but part of him still felt out of it. He decided he didn't like the feeling.

Sensing his Father's confusion, Raphael shed some light on the reasons.

"We gave you something to help you sleep and take the edge of the pain. I know ya don't like that stuff but April and Leo thought it would help ya rest or something" he explained quickly

That made sense of the floaty feeling at least. Where was Donatello? He normally made the medical decisions.

Moving his gaze from Raphael, Splinter noticed the sling that immobilized his left arm and the multitude of bandages covering his shoulder and ribs.

He should talk to Raphael. The poor boy was looking increasingly concerned. Besides he had to know the others were safe. Where were they? If one of the family was ill or injured the others would normally surround them.

Wait.

Did they know what Karai had done to him?

Were they ashamed of him.

'Of course they are' taunted the voice in his mind 'Their powerful Father reduced to Karai's plaything'

Glancing again at Raphael, Splinter looked closer.

The turtle looked concerned and tired. But Splinter could tell there was more to the story. Raphael was angry; despite how well he was hiding it.

Before Splinter had chance to ask any questions, Raphael decided to break the silence.

"Master Splinter…I…I'm sorry" started the turtle, raw emotion coming to the surface "I screwed up. That night on the roof; if I'd fought better you'd have never had to surrender"

Splinter was stunned into silence. Why was Raphael apologising? He had done nothing wrong. There was no need for Raphael to feel guilty.

The anger Raphael had been hiding became more obvious as he continued, becoming increasingly agitated "What Karai did to ya… was awful. I'm so sorry Father. You let her do it to protect me, and I wasn't even there. We should have got to ya sooner! You never should have had to…

Pausing for breath Raphael tried to calm himself as he stared Splinter right in the eye. Fire danced in his amber eyes as he spoke.

"She won't get away with this. I'm gonna kill her, Dad. Don't worry. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to ya, I promise"

Splinter was mortified. Whatever had remained of his dignity was gone.

"How do you know what she did?" he whispered, wanting nothing more than to turn invisible

"She caught us when we went to get ya. She made me watch this video. Over and over. It was horrible" answered Raphael

If possible, Splinter felt even worse. Raphael had seen him being tortured? Had the others seen it too? He had never felt more vulnerable than he did now. Lying broken and battered in a bed, while one of his sons asked him for forgiveness.

Using whatever feeble strength he had left, Splinter gripped Raphael's hand.

"Not your fault. Please don't blame yourself" he said, almost begging

"Father, I…"

"It was worth it. To keep you safe…" interrupted Splinter his voice weakening

Noticing Splinter was growing tired, Raphael fought to control himself. Just the thought of Karai made his blood boil, but he couldn't lose control now. Splinter needed him.

Seeing the fire in Raphael's eyes dim slightly, Splinter tried to calm himself. With every breath his ribs ached. His arm ached. Everything ached. Raphael was so loyal. What had Splinter done to deserve such respect and loyalty? Raphael didn't seem to be ashamed of him, but Splinter was still ashamed of himself.

Wait.

The others. His mind had wandered again. He needed to know.

"Where are your brothers?" he asked, pulling his red masked son from his thoughts

Raphael squirmed uncomfortably, and Splinters anxiety spiked. What was he not telling him?

"Just give me a second" answered Raphael eventually, before dashing to the doorway of the infirmary

"Leo!" he bellowed into the lair

Splinter winced at the loud noise, but at least he knew his eldest son was here. Where were the other two? He had seen nor heard either of them since waking up.

A moment later, Leonardo materialised in the doorway.

"He woke up" said Raphael in explanation to his brother

Splinter could see a relieved smile spread across his sons face as he came to take Raphael's seat at his side.

"Hey Raph, will you go get April?"

"Sure" he muttered, clearly unwilling to leave the room

Leonardo turned his attention to Splinter.

"Master Splinter, are you ok? How do you feel?" he asked with concern

Splinter stared at his son for a moment, before answering. He could see the pity lurking in Leonardo's eyes. He knew. Leonardo had seen what Karai had done to him.

"I'm fine" muttered Splinter

"Ok" answered Leonardo, knowing that couldn't possibly be true "Do you need anything? Your ribs are cracked and you've got some broken bones so you need to stay really still"

"Where are your brothers?" he asked once again. He was getting tired and he needed to know.

Leonardo reacted as if this was the question he had expected but been dreading. Sensing his Fathers impatience and tiredness, he decided it was better to just tell him quickly.

"Karai has Donatello and Michelangelo" answered Leonardo "But we're going to find them. Chaplin is helping us. I know it's hard to trust him, but we can't risk leaving them with Karai. It was the only option I could see. I'm sorry Father…"

While Leonardo rambled away an explanation, Splinter felt like his whole world had collapsed. After everything he had suffered through, Karai had two of his sons.

"No…" he managed

"I'm sorry" apologised Leonardo again

"Find them, now" ordered Splinter, his voice cracking. He tried to sit up again, but Leonardo moved to hold him down.

"Master, please calm down. You're hurt. You need to rest. We'll get them back I promise"

At that moment, Raphael entered the room again with April following. Taking in the scene, Raphael gathered their Father now knew what had happened to Don and Mike. April stepped quickly past the turtle and appeared on the left side of Splinter.

"Master Splinter, I'm glad you're awake" she said, smiling at him

Splinter had once again abandoned trying to sit up. The pain was too much. He felt too weak.

"Should we give him something for the pain?" he heard Leonardo ask, as if he wasn't conscious. But Splinter realised he had used up whatever strength he had left.

"I think so" murmured April

Both she and Leonardo were looking at him as if he was made of glass, and Splinter felt the strange urge to hide. He wanted them to stop looking at him. Stop acting as if he was broken.

'You are' whispered the voice in his head

He hated them seeing him so weak, so vulnerable.

"Why don't ya ask him?" cut in Raphael, and Splinter was grateful

"Raph, he must be in a lot of pain. He needs to rest" hissed Leonardo, as if Splinter couldn't hear him

April had left his side and returned a moment later, a syringe in her hand. She seemed unsure. Splinter had known April for a while; she was like family. But now her closeness to him was making him nervous.

It was stupid. It was irrational. She was their friend, and yet he couldn't stop himself from flinching as her fingers brushed his arm.

What was happening? He'd lost focus again. Obviously, Raphael had been overruled and he was about to be drugged again.

April was trying to hold his arm still to inject him.

She was too close. Her touch, it reminded him of Karai's. Panic built.

Forest green hands gently restrained him as the injection was quickly given, but Splinter barely noticed. His mind wasn't there anymore. It was lost in a sea of memories he would rather forget. The pain dulled. He was vaguely aware of Raphael and Leonardo arguing quietly, while April readjusted the blankets over him.

She had seen him flinch away from her, and hadn't seemed surprised. She must know.

As his body felt heavier and heavier, Splinter was grateful when the darkness came. In the darkness he was safe. He could forget what had happened to him. His worries for his missing sons disappeared, and Splinter found his panic diminishing.

Absently, he reminded himself it wouldn't last. He couldn't hide in the darkness forever. He would need to face reality sooner or later. Oh well. He doubted it could be much worse than his own mind.