It seemed that Natasha would have to accept that no matter what she did or how hard she fought, she would always be immersed in a world of secrecy and lies. Even while she had come back to the base, there were still double agents planted in there. And it was clear to anyone who knew anything about the agency, that these particular people had to be high up in the hierarchy and would have no doubt been there for a long time. All the newer agents had been flushed out, anyone with any sort of black spot in their file that could hint towards treason. But there were more, there had to be.
Trust had never come easy to Natasha, her life was one betrayal after another so at least she was not too far out of her depth with her new situation. But she was so tired of looking over her shoulder, she just wanted to feel safe. She knew that would never happen. She thought that when all the double agents were discovered, that Fury would go into hiding. He would be target number one out of any of them, so it would make sense for him to disappear, even for a little while, like Natasha had done.
But apparently he had hunkered down with a few of the other top agents and then led the charge to cleanse the organization. It made Natasha feel guilty, she had run while he stayed to fight. When she was finally allowed face time with him, he more or less told her that he was glad she had gone into temporary hiding, she had been injured and he approved of her course of action. Even though the words were said formally and lacking much personalization, it was the equivalent to a glowing review from Fury and Natasha was aware of this. The man did not give out praise very often, so she took what she could get.
She was familiar with lock down scenarios, all regional missions were put on hold, nobody left the base and to get back in was nearly impossible. Agents that had been abroad on cover missions were contacted and told to remain under cover. Natasha had been through all of this before, she knew she would have to stay at the base for an indefinite amount of time and she wasn't bothered by that. But, she could definitely tell that Tony was.
It was almost amusing to see him so far out of his comfort zone. He had spent plenty of time at the base, but he had been free to come and go as he chose. That was still slightly the case, but it was heavily suggested that he remained close. Natasha was a little confused though, she would have thought he would fly away the first chance he got. He had the suit, he clearly didn't want to be there, but when she asked him why he was staying, he just complained that his tower was currently being 'raped' by inferior SHIELD technology.
Natasha knew he had plenty of other places to go to, but he still didn't leave. He spent most of the time in his lab, a good deal of his research had been shut off until they could locate the rest of the moles, but he was still allowed most of the resources that he needed. For the first three days Natasha was kept in a completely secure room with Fury and two other agents who had always been nameless to her. She knew who they were in a sense, they were just like her, but with no title. No trace. They did not exist. They spent those first days by taking a name and searching every database in the world for information regarding their chosen person. It was like a vetting procedure that came close to a metaphorical cavity search.
It was tedious and it was painstakingly slow, they needed more people but Fury made it clear that the less people involved, the better. It wasn't quite Natasha's area, but she had worked with a lot of people within the organization at one point of another and she knew them, knew their styles. She was also good at picking up lies and discrepancies. Plus, Fury nearly outright stated that she was one of the very few people he would trust to do this.
And of course, she was SHIELD's leading interrogator. After they had gotten their hands on every possible scrap of information about a certain person, that agent would be called in and a rather in dept interview would take place. There was no good cop-bad cop, no silly games. There was only Natasha grilling for matching info until she was satisfied. They managed about four interviews a day and at that rate, the whole procedure was going to take a very long time.
At the end of the third day, she was too tired to take on any more and Fury allowed her a break for the night. She was still injured, though she healed faster than anybody could believe and she couldn't tell them why, RedRoom was still way above most people's pay grades. When she came out of the secure room that Fury had her working in, all she could think about was a hot meal and a shower before she face planted onto the bed in her assigned quarters. Yet as she began to walk, she found her feet taking her through the base to the door of Tony's lab.
She knocked on the door and waited patiently, receiving no answer. Her eyes flicked up to the camera at the top of the frame, the fish eye lens had a view of the entire corridor and she knew if someone was looking at the monitors, they would be able to see her. She knocked again, frowning at the camera.
"Hang on. Two seconds." A voice spilled from the speaker panel at the side of the door and Natasha recognized it as Bruce's. She knew he was on the base, but she hadn't actually seen him since her return, since everything had imploded within the organization. She heard a loud bang from inside the lab and then what was very clearly a string of vibrant swearing from Tony. She hesitated as the door beeped and swung open by electronic command, granting her entrance.
Bruce was the first one she saw when she stepped inside, he was standing near a machine that was spewing thick black smoke, much of which he seemed to be inhaling. Natasha glanced up as there was a series of clicks from the roof and the air-con went into over drive, sucking up the smoke in order to purify the air.
"Okay, so Beta-3 was a complete dead end." Tony said from across the room and Natasha looked over to see him with both hands firmly planted on a console of some type, his fingers darted over a series of keys to theoretically control the machine Bruce was standing beside. Natasha was very aware of the way her mood instantly brightened as she saw Tony, she wouldn't go so far as to say her heart fluttered at the sight of him, but it did feel a little less made of stone. She hadn't seen him for close to three days and she had been too busy during the day to actually miss him, but at night he had certainly been running through her mind.
When he looked up from the controls and his eyes met hers, she saw the smile that crossed his face. It was more than the usual egotistical one that she normally saw him wearing; it was closer to the ones he had adorned during their time alone when they were hiding. If she had any less character, she may have blushed. It was strange to think she could have an effect like that on someone, that for all the pain she dealt in her life, she could actually cause someone to be happy. The thought made her smile a little, which seemed to please Tony.
"Am I… interrupting something?" Natasha said, shaking herself from her little daze that occurred when she looked over at the billionaire. "You two seem rather busy. I can come back… later?" It was a hesitated suggestion, she didn't actually know when she would be able to come back, her work was taking all of her time, the need to clear the base of treachery was high on the priority list.
"No." Tony said flatly, holding out his hand as if he could stop her leaving from across the room. The lab was massive, it was larger than his one at the tower, though not by too much. It seemed SHIELD had accepted the fact that Tony needed a serious amount of space and of course Bruce shared the lab as well, considering all the high tech equipment that both men used frequently. "No, we were just running through some trials for alternate fuels." Tony moved away from his control panel and started to walk toward her.
The closer he got, the more Natasha became aware of how tired he looked. She had seen him when he was close to death, when the arc reactor had been flooding his blood stream with toxic substances and she had to admit the parallels of his new appearance were very similar. He was pale, he looked strained and there was a shading under his eyes as if sleep had been evading him.
"Tony are you okay?" She asked, unable to keep the worry from her voice. She didn't want to openly say that he looked like death was warming up, but she was thinking it.
"Better now that you are here." He said with a wink. Natasha narrowed her eyes, seeing how hard he was putting up the façade of trying to seem okay. She was not fooled.
"I'm making a coffee run, hopefully the café has decaf." Bruce called from his position near the machine and when Natasha glanced over, she saw the way the doctor specially avoided her eyes. "Be back soon." He moved awkwardly to the door and held his hand to the scanner so he was allowed out. When it was just Natasha and Tony in the enormous lab, she flicked her eyes back to him and did not care if she sounded accusing when she spoke.
"He knows, doesn't he?" She said with a curt tone. At least Tony had the decency to look sheepishly apologetic. He ran a hand through his hair and offered her a small smile, but with his weary state, it was less effective than normal and her composure was not swayed.
"He might." Tony admitted. For once, he didn't appear to be overly proud of himself. Natasha could feel her anger mounting, but her eyes were focused on how worn Tony looked and it distracted her more than Tony blabbing about intimate moments that Natasha was still trying to work her head around.
"When was the last time you slept?" Natasha asked watching Tony's face lock up at the question.
"Oh don't start." He sighed, turning away from her. The action hurt Natasha more than it should have, but she said nothing. "You sound like Bruce."
"Well Dr. Banner is intelligent enough to know that you obviously need rest and something to eat-"
"I can't rest yet." Tony cut her off, turning back to face her. He seemed angry, but instantly she was aware that it was not directed at her. "My systems were overridden from internal sources. I still have no idea how that happened. I have to figure it out! I need to find out who is responsible and how it happened!"
Natasha almost took a step back, it wasn't often that Tony behaved like that, he normally had such a carefree attitude regarding just about everything. She couldn't understand why he would get so animated over the whole situation. "Tony just calm down." She said, splaying her hands in front of her. "Why are you getting like this? Is it because you can't believe someone hacked your system? Because you know it isn't the first time and-"
"NO!" Tony almost yelled the word, stepping forward to grab her wrists, closing his hands over them in a gentle but firm manner. Natasha didn't shy from the barrel of a gun, she had no fear for it and so she didn't even flinch when he completed his action. "I'm pissed off because, my system was hacked and you were shot! You lived and you are healing, but you limped in here and as happy as I was to see you, I still noticed it! I placed those trackers in your guns and that was perhaps the worst thing I have ever done because it meant when someone walked into my system, you were almost killed! Because of me!"
There was a desperation in his eyes that had shocked Natasha speechless. Even if she had been able to speak, she wouldn't have been able to find the right words and that didn't seem to matter because apparently Tony had more to say.
"I need to find them! I need to find whoever did that and take them down! I cannot risk them coming back for you, I can't be with you all day, every day to protect you! And I cannot lose you Natasha! I cannot allow that to happen!"
Natasha had no warning before he pulled her in for a kiss, she was struggling to comprehend the turn of the situation as her tired mind worked overtime, her feeling getting in the way and mucking everything up. Tony's lips were soft and familiar, they caused her body to relax and she allowed him to embrace her, his arms snaking around her shoulders to hold her close. This was what she had missed for the last few days, having Tony near her, feeling his lips against hers, their bodies pressed together. This was what she wanted, she could feel the way she warmed to him, her heart beating faster as his tongue slid between her lips to claim her.
It was logic that struggled to reach the surface, to warn her away, to remind her of who he was. It was logic that fought against the rush of feelings that openly craved Tony Stark. It was logic that won the battle.
Natasha's eyes were wide as she pushed Tony away, her hands placed on his chest, using a good deal of her strength to break the kiss. The look of confusion on his face and the disappointment in his eyes cut her deep, but she knew it was not in regards to her, just in his attempt to get her clothes off.
"Oh God." She whispered, looking down. "Clint was right, I have been so stupid." Tony reached out a hand to her, but she stepped back and turned away, hurrying across the lab. Tony called her name, a desperate sadness in his tone but Natasha ignored it, placing her hand on the scanner to unlock the door via her fingerprints. She could feel her leg burning, she wasn't supposed to be moving so fast and even though she doubted her speed would actually hamper the healing process, it was surely causing her unwanted pain.
She leaned her back against the lab door when it closed, her hand over her mouth as she felt her eyes misting up. She could not do this, she was worth more, she was not going to let Tony use her and manipulate her feelings. She knew he could play games, that he could get any woman into his bed that he wanted. She had once been the exception, but not anymore. Now she was just another addition. She sensed a presence and looked to the side, seeing Bruce standing only a few meters away. Natasha hadn't even noticed him when she came out of the lab, her mind had been on Tony, like it always was as of recently. He was distracting her, making her feel things she had never felt and it was driving her insane.
Bruce was holding three take away cups on a tray and when he saw Natasha's state, he adorned a look that she recognized as pity. "Natasha… He-"
She held up her hand and turned away, limping down the corridor in the direction that would eventually take her back to her quarters and far away from Tony Stark, the man who was bringing too many of her emotions to the surface.
When she got there, she showered and changed her bandages, having to admit how well her wounds were healing. She slipped into some fresh clothes and crawled into bed, knowing that even while she was so drained, her mind was racing too fast to sleep. After close to an hour of simply staring at the ceiling and willing sleep to come, Natasha heard a soft knock on her door. She knew immediately that it was not an agent, they knocked with impatience and had an official sound. This was a hesitant knock. She considered not answering it, no good could come of her opening that door in her emotionally frustrated state.
But she got out of bed anyway and crossed the small distance of the room, entering the short code for the lock and pulling the door open. She was surprised to see Bruce standing on the other side, looking almost as worn as Tony had been.
"Dr Banner?" She could see he had something to say and no doubt she wouldn't want to hear it, but she had a feeling he was going to say it anyway.
"Three days." He started, gaining an unusual confidence as he continued, "Three days of trying to work while Tony talks about you. Three days of listening to him switch between his crippling guilt to his graphic desires. I've worked with that man for awhile now and every time he comes back from a fun night, he doesn't say a word about the person he spent it with. There may be a joke or two, but never a name or anything worth remembering. But oh, you, I have heard far too much about. Details I would rather not know, because of a certain other presence in my head that cannot handle such in depth explanations."
"I-" Natasha started to speak, though if he hadn't cut her off, she wouldn't have actually known what to say.
"Tony cares about you Natasha. So much that it's actually annoying. He is beating himself up about the hackers taking the tracers to your weapons. He won't sleep, he won't eat, he just claims that it's his fault you almost died and now that you are safe, he has to make sure it stays that way. The first time I saw him smile in three days, is when you walked in earlier. It lifted his entire mood. Whatever you think he is doing to you, whatever game you think he is playing, it's not true! He cares. When you left, he flipped out and took off in the suit, I don't know where he went, he's not answering his coms but I know that you did something to hurt him. He was defeated when I came back into that lab, as if you had broken him. You need to fix it. I know how he treats women, but this situation isn't like that and you need to stop judging him by his past. You of all people know the significance of being given a second chance."
With a final glare he turned and walked away, leaving Natasha in a frozen state. There was no way for her to immediately digest everything Bruce had just shot at her, she needed time. She needed to get her focus and her composure back. Numbly, she shut her door and locked it, walking backwards until her legs met the bed and she sat down on the edge. Bruce knew Tony better than anyone, the two had bonded instantly and she had no reason to believe he would ever openly lie to her face.
She lay down and resumed her previous action of staring at the ceiling while her mind whirred, running too fast for her liking. Everything used to be so simple and now it could not possibly have been any more complicated. She couldn't believe the idea that Tony actually cared about her, as much as she desperately hoped it was true. But Bruce had not been lying, he was a terrible liar and that was something she knew for a fact. Her mind was too much of a mess and she was too tired to handle it all. She fell asleep the moment her thoughts gave her a break, with the intention of finding Tony and sorting out the chaos of their current situation. Because as much as she could reason he only wanted to use her, she was realizing just how much she needed him.