Chapter 14 – Then and now

Jake kept stroking her back with one of his big, hot hand, the other one was securely holding Leah her long black hair. Ever since she stopped phasing she had let it grow long again and refused to cut it. She loved her hair, she always told him it was one of the few things that made her feel feminine. Jake always laughed it off and told her she just spend too much time in the minds of the guys. He loved all of here and always told her she was all woman.

Leah sat back on her heels, her entire body was shaking and her eyes were closed. She looked utterly exhausted. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and made a face. Her other hand still clutched the toilet bowl for support. She'd been hunched over the thing for the past 20 minutes, but her body seemed to relax a bit now.

Jake looked at his wife. God sometimes he still couldn't comprehend how much he loved her, how she had become the center of his universe. He brushed some of the hair back that was sticking to her sweaty forehead, her lips twitched. As if she wanted to smile and she turned her head toward his hand. Savoring his warmth.

"Lee?"

She merely nodded and he got up off his knees, gathering her gently into his arms, cradling her to his chest. He was scared. He didn't show it, or speak of it or even allowed himself to think about it very much. But he was afraid. Here she was, his everything and all he could do was watch her die.

He laid her down gently on the bed, and laid beside her, both on their sides and looking at each other. He wrapped an arm around her waist and they moved close together. Jake pressed a kiss to her hair, holding her so hopefully her body would calm down. It had been like this for a while now. Her little frame hunched over the toilet, her body rocked as her stomach wanted everything out.

Jake couldn't help but think back, they had a great life together but it wasn't long enough, not yet. He couldn't lose his wife. His Leah. How could he move on alone? She was so stubborn. Always had been so stubborn.

/-/-/

"Good! Go then! You cowering weasel!"

"Sure, Leah."

"GO!"

Jake stormed away from me, jumping off the porch and into the pouring rain. I couldn't help but noticing for a quick second how good he looked. His shaggy hair, great body and only wearing a pair of cut-offs.

I stormed out after him, I don't know if I went to make sure he came back or to make sure he left.

"I don't understand what's wrong with you, Leah."

"Nothing is wrong with me!"

"Really?" Jake turned to me, his eyes blazing and he walked to me. We were so close his chest was almost touching mine.

"Don't!" I pushed him back, glaring at him.

"Most girls would be happy if their boyfriends proposed to them! Most girl want to get married."

"Most girls don't have to worry about their boyfriends imprinting!" I spit back at him.

Was he completely kidding?! I've given him my heart and the Gods knew I wanted to be with him, but how could he ask this of me. How could he even think of marring me when there was always a possibility that he would imprint on another.

"I'm not the only one that can imprint! You can still imprint too! But we won't know what will happen, will we Leah. We will never know!"

I couldn't do anything but huff. And Jake stepped closer again, making me step back.

"But you can't go on this way. You will forever be bitter, be hateful and you will be alone if you carry this on! You have to let someone in sometime."

I stared at him, while he turned around and stalked away from me. He was so right thought…

"Jake, wait!"

I took two steps to him, seeing his body freeze, his hands were curled into fists but he didn't turn to me.

"I'm scared."

The words were nothing more than a whisper, but he heard them. Of course he heard them. He was my Jake.

Then he turned around, but he didn't look at me.

"I want to be with you…" I tried. He couldn't leave me. He couldn't, he knew me. He must know that I only pushed him away out of fear.

He looked up at me and the moment our eyes met his legs started again, he was coming to me fast and I braced to receive him. Our bodies crashed together, arms locking around each other and our mouths were instantly fused. He kissed me hard and passionate. We kissed like it was the last kiss we would ever share.

I didn't care that we were in my front yard and the whole of La Push could see us, I just knew I needed Jake. And by the way he kissed me, it was exactly what he needed to.

Our mouths broke apart when we ran out of oxygen, and our eyes locked. He brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

"Stupid Leah. We won't know what will happen in the future. We won't ever know until we try. But are you willing to give up what we could have tomorrow, next week or next year, for something that could happen. For something that might not ever happen."

I simply shook my head. Of course not, he was right.

"I want to marry you. I do."

He grinned and cupped my face, kissing me more gently, lovingly.

"Good, because I want nothing more than to have you be Leah Black."

And at that he pulled me back in the house, out of the rain.

/-/-/

Leah was slowly starting to feel better. Having Jake with her always helped. His body heat was such a comfort to her. She brushed one of her hands softly over his chest, smiling when she saw him react to her. He hadn't phased in over 18 years and still he didn't like to wear a shirt. Lucky for him that he aged well and he still got his great body.

"Are you feeling better, Lee?"

She nodded opening her eyes slowly, Jake had made sure that the curtains were closed and the light was easy on her eyes. He looked her lovingly in her eyes and she smiled back. She was so sorry for all the pain she had caused him and was going to cause him. But if this is the way that the Spirits had decided things would end for her, then this was the way. She knew that Jake and Ryder wanted her to phase again, embrace her wolf so time would again stand still. And her disease would come to a halt. But she knew she was already too sick for that. She didn't want to be sick forever, and if she did phase… It would only be a temporary solution, she would getting sicker in the end.

So Leah had accepted her fate. She had accepted a long time ago that things didn't go as planned and this was going to be one of those things. She had no intension of leaving her children and Jake all alone. She wanted to see them grow up. She wanted to see their children fall in love and get married. She wanted to hold Jake when he was old and gray.

She closed her eyes briefly, willing the thoughts that were threatening to make her cry away. Nothing of that. She wanted to focus on the good, needed to focus on the good. Needed to focus on the here and now, the now where Jake had his arms around her, the now where she felt their hearts beating together.

Jake let out a relieved sigh as he brushed his lips over her forehead and tightened his hold on her, she in turn kissed his chest softly and surrendered to his warm arms.

They both knew how this was going to end. And there was no need to dwell on it.

/-/-/

I put my hand on Seth's leg, pushing it down so he would stop shaking it. He looked at me and grinning. His other leg immediately started bouncing up and down. I laughed softly as mom stopped that one. Seth looked at me and grinned wide. At the same time Jake, who was sitting two rows in front of us turned around and grinned too. He winked and turned around again.

I rolled my eyes at him. We had been sitting here for a thirty minutes now and every two seconds he turned around and grinned or winked or did something equally annoying.

When Jake turned away again a small giggle escaped me. I quickly put my hand over my mouth but it was too late. Sam was glaring at me from up front, I quickly shot him a look before going back to ignoring everybody and focusing on the wedding that was going on.

It was a beautiful and a dry day for once and the rows of chairs that were on the beach were all covered in white lace. There was a white arch as well, Rachel and Paul standing right underneath it. Together with Billy who was performing the ceremony. Rachel really did look beautiful today in her simple but beautiful white dress. And Kim and Emily as bridesmaids. Rebecca wasn't able to fly back from Hawaii to be here so Quil was in the back, videotaping the whole ceremony to send to her. Paul was looking actually handsome too in his tuxedo. Sam and Jared were standing beside him, all dressed up for today. And even I had to admit that suits made the boys look even better.

My eyes shot over to the place where Jake was sitting, he had turned around again wiggling his eyebrows at me. I motioned for him to look in front of him, his sister was getting married after all. He just chuckled and turned back to look at the happy couple. I shook my head but I couldn't help but smiling.

It had been two weeks now since the first time Jake kissed me and yesterday he took me on our first official date. I couldn't help it. I was already falling for him. I had been worried about today though. A lot of Paul's family from the Makah reservation came over for the wedding and I was so worried that Jake would lay his eyes on one of the girls and he would imprint. But so far that hadn't happened yet. So I dared myself to relax a bit again.

Suddenly an applause startled me, everybody seemed to get up, cheering, clapping. And Rachel and Paul had their mouths locked together, before Paul took her hand and pushed their hands up in the air. They had the biggest smiles on their face as they walked down the aisle.

I got up and walked out of the row talking with Seth and mom when suddenly Jake wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Can I have the first dance, Lee?"

"I'm going to find food." Seth declared and he disappeared into the crowd that was walking toward the reception area. Jacob took my hand and we slowly walked over the beach. Taking our time to get to the white beach tent that was set up for the reception.

We didn't speak, just enjoyed the nice day and the beautiful beach. I laughed when I saw Seth running by with Collin and Brady yelling something about the best piece on the barbeque. We smiled at them until we heard some girls behind us, whispering.

"I don't understand either!"

"I know, I mean that Jacob Black is so hot, what is he doing with her?"

"She's not even pretty or anything, too skinny, short boyish hair."

"And isn't she supposed to be a bitter bitch?"

Jake's hand squeezed tighter around mine, before he wrapped it around my shoulders pulling me into his body. I had stopped walking, turning around to the girl, my entire body shaking.

It were some of Pauls cousins from the Makah reservation and they looked startled that I had heard them. Jacob was holding me tight whispering into my ear how we were in a public place and I couldn't phase.

I huffed again and pulled out of Jake's arms walking quickly to the reception area, searching for the alcohol.

After draining my second glass of champagne Jake reappeared. Taking the third glass out of my hands and putting it on the table, pulling me toward the dance floor.

"Jake, let go. I'm really not in the mood." I started to pull away from him but he held my arm tight.

"Don't care Lee, come on. I want to dance."

"You serious? So just because you are in the mood, I need to dance?"

He nodded and pulled me effectively on the dance floor, pulling me tight to his body and trapping me with his arm. I refused to move and just stared him in the eye with a bored expression.

"Ah, come on Lee. For me?"

He gave me his best puppy dog eyes and when that didn't work even put in a pouty lip, that got me to laugh and I lightly moved an arm around his shoulders.

"That's my girl."

"Shut up Black."

He laughed and pulled me even closer, dipping his head into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed being here with it. It was strange and more than a little frightening to think how attached I was already becoming to him. How much he influenced my mood. And how good it felt to be in his arms.

"Oh see they made up apparently."

"Oh, damn. I was going to ask him to dance."

The whispers started again behind us, I squeezed my eyes shut and I could feel Jake gripping my dress.

"Such a shame. I mean look at him, he's so hot and Paul says he's really nice too. How could such a harpy draw him in?"

"Maybe she's not so bad…"

"Oh please, you heard the whispers going around. Apparently she was with that big guy there first. Sam or something. And when she made him fall in love with her and then dumped him. It took him years to get over her. I bet she's doing the same to the guy she's dancing with now. Just making him all in love with her and then dump him just as fast. Cruel."

"Let's help him get over her, now. Before she can do anything."

Leah tore herself out of Jakes arms when the entire group started laughing. She stalked over to the group. Standing in front of them meeting each of their eyes, she was trying not to phase.

"You have got no idea what you're talking about."

She hissed through clenched teeth, before she tore out of there. The only reason she was able to do that was because she loved Rachel like a sister and didn't want to cause a scene at her wedding.

When she was away from the beach and walking quickly toward home she heard Jake and Seth behind her. Turning around she growled at them.

"Leave me alone!"

She knew they were smart when the stopped in the middle of road and let her go home alone.