I Can't Handle It

Mason's grave was placed in the St. Vladimir's graveyard towards the northern end of the campus. As odd as it sounds, vampires have their own private graveyards. There are cemeteries at most schools and there's the main one at the Royal Court. Since most dhampirs aren't important enough, yeah I'm bitter, they don't get buried at court, they get buried at their school or in a human cemetery. Lissa's family had been buried at Court and Mason had been buried here at the school. I haven't visited his grave since the funeral. It hurt too much at first then his ghost appeared. I didn't really have the supreme need to see his grave when I could see his ghost. But now that times are even harder than I thought they would get to, I need to talk to someone who hasn't judged me, even if he isn't alive to really hear it.

As soon as his grave came into view I let my walls crash down. Not the bond walls, but my personal walls, the ones that refuse to let anyone in anymore. My shoulders sagged in pain and defeat, something that shouldn't happen to Rose Hathaway.

His gravestone is four rows back from the entrance and then five over to the right. Me and Eddie have this memorized incase either of us need to talk to our fallen friend. I saw his stone and read the words that were already burned into my memory.

Mason Ashford

Beloved Friend and Fierce Fighter

1992-2010

'True nobility lies in dying for who you love, not for those you hate.'

The quote on the stone made me cry the first time I saw it. If it weren't for me, Mason would be alive. I should have told him we were never going to work out before I went into the room. Then he would have been mad at me and left me to die. Better me than him.

I fell to my knees on top of his grave, ignoring the slightly wet grass beneath me. I stared at the picture placed on the ledge of gravestone. It was my favorite picture of him. It was from his eighteenth birthday in November. Eddie and I threw a small party for him, though I was still on probation. Lissa snuck a picture of him walking in. His face was alight with laughter and surprise when I led him to fourth floor lounge, the same lounge Dimitri threatened Jesse.

"Hey, Mase." I whispered to his grave. My hand reached out subconsciously and traced the engraved letters to his name. "I'm sorry, Mason. You should have never died. Everyone tells me not to blame myself, but how can I not? I mean, if I had never told you about Spokane you would have never went. If I didn't let you guys go into the basement, we would have never been caught. If I had told you the truth, you wouldn't have died protecting me."

I felt tears build up beneath my sad exterior as I continued talking to my best friend's grave. "Sometimes I wonder what the difference would be if you hadn't come back for me. Sometimes I wish you hadn't. Everything…everything right now is screwed up. I screw everything up."

Tears fell down my face freely now. My back had a burning sensation that someone is watching me but I ignored it, no one knew I was here. "I don't know why or when my life started to go downhill, but it did. And I constantly feel like I'm about to hit rock bottom. I don't like that. Not knowing if tomorrow will get any better. I put on a brave face for Lissa and the others but I can't do it much longer, Mase. The darkness….it's suffocating me. Now more than ever it's getting to me and….I don't know what to do. I was okay before. I could handle it. Not anymore. That's I cut my wrists." I choked back a sob, admitting everything to myself as well as Mason.

"People think I cut myself because I couldn't handle the drama of Dimitri returning after ditching me, but the truth is…I can't handle anything anymore. I want out. I want the peace you now have. I can't stand seeing Lissa stress herself over my problems or Christian fighting his only relative because she took Dimitri away. I hate that Eddie and Mia felt that they had to hide their relationship from me or that Adrian hates me now. It's all too much. I wish I could be normal. Normal on my terms I want a life where I'm not constantly putting my life on the line or where my best friend is on the brink of craziness. Where my friends don't die because some sick Strigoi snaps their neck," I sobbed, "Where the love of my life doesn't leave me because he thinks he's putting me in danger. I hate this. I hate that one day I'll probably kill myself. I hate that I see the dead. I hate being shadow kissed."

I threw my arms around Mason's stone as if was him himself. I was careful to make sure my bond walls stayed up. I sobbed into the hard cement, letting all the pain I've held in pour onto a solid rock that represented my friend.

"Sometimes I wish I could join you in death. It seems so peaceful compared to what I deal with. I wish you were here Mason, you would be able to help me. You were always there for me, even when I wasn't there for you." I sobbed. I feel so bad that I never felt anything towards Mason more than a brother/sister love. When Mason died in my place, it changed who I am as a person. "I was selfish that day, in Spokane. When you worried about how our relationship would be after we got out, I was worrying about avoiding heartbreak and anger. I should have just told you right then and there that we weren't going to work. If I had, you would have left with Eddie, Mia, and Christian like you were supposed to. Sure I would be dead, but better me than you. Mason, you did nothing to deserve this and I don't know how you could ever forgive me."

A war's worth of tears flooded down my face for what seemed like hours, but finally they settled. The stone I was still clutching felt cold as if it were sad for me. The burning sensation I had earlier had disappeared when I finished speaking to my long dead friend. Some part of my mind wonders who was watching me but the majority says to let whoever had witnessed me pour my heart come forward on their own. Man I really have changed in these past months. Old Rose would track the person down and hang them by their fingers of the flagpole. Old Rose would have went ballistic when she found out she's pregnant. Old Rose would fight and fight until she got Dimitri back in her arms. I guess my old spirit has died out.

I finally gathered enough energy to bring myself a little away from the stone, bringing my arms back to myself. I gazed at Mason's name a moment longer before leaning forward a kissing the gravestone in between Mason's first and last name. I pulled myself back afterwards and stood with my hands crossed over on my waist. I stared at the forest that lies beyond the small graveyard before turning to go back to my dorm even with the time spent with Maura and then Lissa, it's still early. But the sun was still close to rising so it's time for some sleep.

I really have turned into an anti-social toad, haven't I?

Shop Away

"Come on. Alberta! Please!"I begged with eagerness. "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, please!"

She shook her head firmly with a small smile on her face, not even offended at the lack of formality. I gave a fake sigh of defeat and took a step back to the company of Liss, Christian, and Mia. An entire plan leaked into my mind, going straight to Lissa in the process. She laughed mentally and shook her head, earning odd looks from Mia and Christian. I was currently trying to get Alberta to let me drive to the mall but she wouldn't budge in her decision. Apparently I'm too dangerous to be allowed behind the wheel, whether I'm drunk or not.

Today, Liss is dragging me, Mia, Christian, and Eddie to the mall to get the supplies for tomorrow. A nightmare in the making that was taken down to a lesser degree when she told she hadn't invited Tasha or Dimitri, and Adrian. Liss figured it wouldn't be too good to invite him along because of our argument. That and the fact that no one has seen him since that day. I feel bad that we can't even be near each other since then. I know it's my fault and now he is avoiding me and anyone that will speak of me.

Liss has an entire list of what to get and who to call. And we have to do all of this today because tomorrow we have to put it together. Only Lissa, Christian, and I know of the exact plans, so we'll have to do everything we can by ourselves today. Mia and Eddie's jobs are to have fun and act like a normal couple at the mall, which should include a hot make out session behind a bush while the rest of us work our asses off to pull together a club dance. And as if just the list was obsessive, she gave us each jobs to do and has things perfectly planned for everyone else. Christian's job is to alert everyone at school about what to wear tomorrow and he has to get food together. Lissa's job is to be in charge, call people to set up, and find the major parts like lights, music, seating, etc;. My job is to find Mia an outfit, set up a performance schedule, and stays sane. I don't know about everyone else, but the last one is probably the hardest one I was given. Originally I had wanted to call people to help, but as soon as I had offered Lissa shot me down. I tried feeling through the bond to see why she didn't want me to but her blocks were up. I shrugged it off lightly deciding to worry later.

Fast footfall came hurtling towards us from the direction if the commons. Both I and Lissa abandoned my little plan for a moment to see who was running to catch up. We both knew that it had to be Eddie considering he was the only one left who had yet to arrive. Going to Missoula has always required a mini army of Guardians and leaving at four in the morning, but now it's even more prominent for Lissa to have extra guardians with the attacks and all. Going on the trip were Christian, Mia, Eddie, Lissa, me, Alberta, Stan, Guardian Lowell(Who I haven't gotten the chance to check out lately.), and Guardian Alvaraz, who has fully recovered from the caves and has indebted her life to me and Eddie. Altogether it's only nine people, but that can attract attention in small towns which is lucky that we're going to a major Montana city.

Why Eddie was runningwas nice question. Eddie came to stop right in front of me trying to catch his breath. Being a Guardian in training has some quirks, like not running out of breath. It usually takes a lot to run a guardian down, so whatever is making Eddie try to catch his breath has to be bad. I tensed up slightly, knowing there weren't any Strigoi, and felt Mia and Alberta came to stand beside me in worry and anxiety.

"Eddie?" Mia questioned, both cautious and gentle.

Eddie stood up straight and looked at me with an expression of shame and worry. My eyes narrowed slightly in knowing this can't be good.

"I'm sorry, Rose!" Eddie's voice desperate, "I didn't mean to, really!It just slipped."

"What are you talking about?" I asked slightly miffed at his nonsense.

"I was in the commons passing through to get here and I saw Tasha and Belikov. I tried to just walk past them without saying a thing, but Tasha stopped me. Somehow, she knew you guys were going somewhere and wanted to know where. I didn't mean to say anything, but it slipped out and I told her we were going to Missoula." His voice was half angered-half worried, "So she just invited herself, along with Belikov."

I froze slightly but remembered the Guardians behind us had no idea why he was freaking out. I put up a nonchalant front and shrugged my shoulders loosely, "Whatever."

Eddie looked like I had slapped him. I'll have to tell him later that I didn't mean it like that. Lissa reminded me mentally of the plan to steal away the keys.

I turned to Alberta with a smile. She was gazing at me intently and I starting to wonder if she knows anything about what happened with Dimitri. "So, if I'mnot driving, who is?"

Her eyes narrowed and she let a small smile slip through her Guardian mask, "Guardian Alto."

I snorted internally while keeping a neutral exterior. I gave her a sharp nod that Guardians often exchange. Her smile became smaller as she fished out the keys to the SUV van. Once she got them out, Stan stepped away from the other guardians to receive the keys. Just as she was handing them to Stan, a huge grin stretched across my face and I leapt out towards their outstretched arms. I snatched the keys right out of Alberta's hand and ran to the driver's seat. I heard Lissa, Christian, and Mia chortle with laughter as I ran.

"Grab her!" Alberta barked the order to someone close by. I threw my head back and laughed as I opened the door as fast as I could. I was just about to jump into the seat when someone wrapped their arms around my waist and jerked me away. I kept the keys firmly in my hand though.

"Damn it!" I laughed as whoever had grabbed me swung me around to face Alberta. Whoever it was apparently knew better than to let me go because they kept their arms firmly around my waist.

"Aw, come on, Rose!" Eddie chortled in my ear, revealing that he had been the one to catch me, "You can do better than that!"

Christian laughed too. Alberta's face was not expected. I expected her to send me to Kirova, like usual. But instead her face was lined with laughter. The other remained neutral, all except Guardian Alvaraz, who knew we were enjoying ourselves. In the back I could see that Tasha and Dimitri had joined us, but both I and Lissa could care less "Hand over the keys, Rosemarie!" Alberta said with a hand extended and a voice full of mock threat. I shook my head vigorously, clamping my lips together to keep form laughing. She took a step towards me trying to get me intimidated. I shook my head again. Then, all of the sudden I was on the ground. I was thrown to the ground when Eddie decided to start tickling me to get to the keys. I kept the keys firmly in my hand as I thrashed about trying to get away from Eddie's tickling of my stomach.

I started laughing uncontrollably. "Stop it!" I shrieked with laughter. Eddie grinned at me, shaking his head like I had to Alberta. I faintly heard Lissa giggle with me as she felt the effects through the bond. "Stop!"

"Give us the keys and you shall get mercy!" Eddie said in a dark, mysterious, mastermind's voice. I shook my head once again through my laughter. The tickling suddenly increased and I couldn't take it anymore. I threw the keys. Not far or high, but away from me. As soon as I did that, all tickling stopped. I stopped laughing and tried to catch my breath. Someone had apparently caught the keys and was now heading to start up the van.

I pushed myself off the ground and stood to glare at those who gave me no help. I turned my glare to Eddie, "You so owe me, Castile!"

"For what?" He asked, incredulous. I just let him torture me and he thinks he's going to get away with it? Oh, no, that's not happening.

"You just tortured me!" I yelled at him. He started laughing as well as Christian. I glared fiercely at the two of them before stomping my way to where I could find a stick. I found one that look sturdy enough to write in the dirt with before starting back. Both Eddie and Christian took a step back in caution, not knowing what I was going to do. I found an area on the ground that was just dirt right next to where Lissa, Mia, Tasha, and Dimitri were standing. I forced myself not to be bothered by Tasha and Dimitri's presence and started to write in the dirt.

Edison Castile and Christian Ozera

Personal Bitches for Sale!

$499.99 each!

Lissa read what I wrote through the bond and laughed aloud. Curiosity spread to the others as she laughed and Mia, Tasha, Dimitri, Eddie, Alberta, and Christian hurried to read it. Everyone except Dimitri and Alberta laughed. Christian and Eddie took it lightly like I thought they would.

"Only five hundred bucks?" Christian asked in a fake outraged voice. I simply laughed.

"Of course! I mean, I dowant you two to sell! No one is going to buy you at any higher price!" I exclaimed. I put a hand to my chest in fake astonishment at their disbelief. Lissa snorted along with Mia while Christian scoffed. I saw Eddie just roll his eyes and climb into the back of the van. I smiled and followed his lead which caused everyone else to climb in. Stan and Alberta were up front, Eddie, Mia and Guardian Alvaraz were next, and in the last area in was Lissa, Christian, me, Tasha, Dimitri, and Guardian Lowell. I was fortunately sat between Lissa Tasha, but also across from Dimitri and Guardian Lowell. The temptation to rip Tasha's hair out and shove down Dimitri's throat was overwhelming but the calming waves that emanated from Lissa held me off…for now. And as much as Adrian's words hurt me, I wish he was here to help me. At least I have Lissa and Christian next to me.

A four hour drive them here, this'll be great!Lissa thought sarcastically and bitterly. I think she intended for me to hear because she was looking at out of the corner of her eye.

"I really think Sparky is rubbing off on you, Liss!" I stated with a nod of approval. I honestly wonder is the increase in sarcasm had been from her hearing my thoughts. Probably. She's still the ever sweet girl but now she has her angry, sarcastic moments.

"What are you talking about?" Christian asked with his usual snarky and annoyance. He absolutely hates the conversations we have that no one can hear. I think he's just jealous that he can't see what goes through her mind half of the time.

"Nothing that concerns you," I gave him an evil lopsided grin that if Mason saw, he would run away from. He glared slightly in return and leaned forward to talk to me better around Lissa.

"Anything to do with Lissa concerns me, Rosie-Posie!" He sneered. I froze at the nickname he gave me, cutting off the smart ass comment that was usually bound to slip out of my mouth. I leaned back into my seat and stared at my hands, zoning out. I don't know how long I sat like that but I eventually came back to reality.

"Let's hit the road, Alberta!" I called in a semi-enthused voice. Eddie caught my eye and gave me a small smile that showed he knew why I stopped talking. Mason. Mason had used to call me Rosie-Posie when we were younger to tease me. The first few times he called me it, I almost beat him to a pulp, but I eventually allowed it.

I tried to return the smile to him but it fell immediately. When I had visited Mason's grave yesterday I had unleashed my sadness but now I feel empty because he couldn't actually be here to help. Lissa read through my thoughts to find out why my emotions were as they were. Once she did, she sighed sadly and grabbed hold of my hand gently.

"Rose?" Christian asked warily, not knowing why I didn't give him a snarky remark. "Are you okay?"

I guess I didn't look like I was going to respond because Eddie did it for me, "Mason used to call her that when we were little." His voice was gruff from thoughts of the past. I saw Mia reach to comfort him in a similar way Lissa was doing to me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to." Christian's voice for once was snarky-free and gentle.

"I know you didn't," I sighed, "It still hurts, though."

The van went silent for a moment, the only sounds coming from the moving engine and everyone's breathing. The Guardians remained stony faced giving away no emotion that they cared about out lost friend. Normally this wouldn't piss me off, but everyone has to have feelings! All these Guardians do is sit there with no emotion showing and agree to whatever their Moroi says. Me, on the other hand, I express myself freely to all those who are worthy enough to hear! No matter how professional something has to be, I will never remain emotionless when someone is upset. It's inhumane, almost….Strigoi.

Eddie broke the silence, his voice teasing, serious, and sad all at once, "Hey, now. None of that Rose. If Mason saw either one of us like this he would kick our asses!"

I gave a small grin and replied, "No, he would throw us into a pit of rapid vipers!"

The gang and I laughed heartily in remembrance of Mason's humor. When he died, Eddie and I were the most affected. The three of us were best friends and were the best novices in the school, and we still are. Even if Mase is dead, he's still a kick ass novice no matter what anyone else says.

After Alberta drove past the gates, I felt an immediate attack to my head. I dropped Lissa's hand and clutched my head in pain with a slight scream. I fought hard to push the effects of the dead away from me. Black blurs flicked past my eyes outside of the windows and I saw the ghostly forms of Mason and Lissa's family. I squinted at them in pain. Their faces seemed to be contorted into pain too as they witnessed my suffering.

Go away!I commanded mentally. The blurs and ghosts flickered slightly but remained in my sight, GO AWAY!

My thoughts were now joined with Lissa's voice as well. I know she couldn't see the ghosts through her own eyes, but if she slipped into my head, she could surely see what I could.

The blurs disappeared at once and the ghosts flickered. They gave me and Liss sad smiles and waves before disappearing. Both of us sighed in relief and slumped back against our seats. From the corner of my eye, I saw Christian look worriedly at Lissa and then slightly less worried at me. He put his arm around Liss for comfort and she immediately relaxed a little.

"What the hell just happened?" Guardian Lowell spoke for the first time. His voice was deep and obviously had a Jamaican accent. I looked at him for the first and saw that what Lissa had said was true; he is definitely some delicious eye candy. His eyes were a light liquid brown, like the color of lightly browned leaves in the fall. His hair was perfect array of short little, brownish-black spikes. A little remainder of baby fat lingered in his cheeks and his lips were a light pink that looked so kissable. The muscles on his arms were obviously huge and perfect. And his entire body was perfectly fixed with golden tan skin. It was obvious that he was still in his teens, besides his muscles, and it also showed that he didn't know about the bond or anything that has to do with it. He probably had girls lusting after him from every corner of the earth, but not as many as Dimitri.

See, told you he was sexy!Lissa thought in a relaxed 'I-Told-You-So', tone. I rolled my eyes at her and turned my attention to the Guardian who had spoken.

"Newbie!" I said with a disappointed tone, my eyes narrowed, and my head shaking side to side. Lissa elbowed me for the rudeness, but no one said anything else to contradict me.

His gorgeous eyes narrowed at me, studying me as if I were a threat. I stared back at him steadily, showing that he didn't frighten me in any way.

"You should learn to respect those higher than you," He warned in a strict tone that Alberta would often use on me when I got in trouble.

"Do you know who I am?" I snorted giving no regard to his warning, "Respect isn't in the package deal!"

Eddie, Mia, and Christian snickered and I felt Lissa stifle her giggle. Anyone who spends an hour with me ends up knowing what rules I play by.

"You should stop with your attitude," he warned in a low voice that I suppose was supposed to intimidate me.

I snorted again and gave him I reply I had once heard on an episode of 'House', "Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's just not going to happen."

My eyes never left his face, but they didn't have to. Through Lissa I could see Mia, Eddie, Tasha, and Christian smirk at the new Guardian while Dimitri, Kimberly (Guardian Alvaraz), Alberta, and Stan try to hide their knowing smiles. Lissa's humor was evident along with love for Christian and me, anger at Dimitri, and excitement for the party.

"And for another thing, no one except Guardian Hathaway and Guardian Petrov is higher than me." I pointed out and then added to the others, "No offense to the rest of you."

They just grumbled back without much resignation of actually caring. Guardian Lowell's scowl got deeper and I think an instant dislike of me just grew instantly. I tilted my head and stared at him with very amused eyes.

"Alberta, why is he here anyway?" I called to the front of the van without looking away from the newbie. I looked through Lissa's eyes for half a second, enough to see the tough woman roll her eyes.

"With all of the attacks, the Princess needs more protection now more than ever. The Queen says Guardian Lowell is good enough so she sent him." She explained a short version. I didn't need to hear anymore to know the Queen wants me replaced.

"In other words, she still doesn't want me to be Lissa's Guardian?" I asked quietly looking at Lissa. Her eyes were worried and scared. She didn't want me to not be her Guardian. She was afraid that we would be separated.

"Actually, she wants you to be Lissa's Guardian permanently." Alberta's voice was relieved, like she was afraid I wouldn't be Lissa's Guardian either. My head snapped towards her direction with my mouth agape. Through the bond, I felt Lissa's shock that seemed in sync with mine.

"Really?" Liss's voice could barely contain her disbelief and happiness. I was still staring at Alberta with my jaw open. My mind no longer held the competence to shut it.

"Yes," Alberta chuckled, keeping her eyes on the road ahead of her. Christian, Mia, and Eddie looked as shocked as us at the new revelation. The last time we were at Court, Queen Tatiana had practically swore to make sure I would never become Lissa's Guardian as long as she had a hand in it. That was part of the reason that I had forced myself to work harder, to get the Queen's approval. It was also kind of the reason why I agreed with Christian's idea of living outside of Court.

"Since when has she not hated me?" I asked in disbelief much like Lissa, finally finding the coherency to speak. Tatiana had made it clear last time that she obviously hated me. Unless someone interfered, there was no way she stopped hating me long enough to see how good a fighter I am. Adrian. He had to do something. He's the only one with enough willpower to convince Tatiana to watch me, being her nephew and all. "Did Adrian have something to do with this?"

Lissa apparently agreed with that question because there was just no possible way this was happening. Alberta just shrugged showing she doesn't have a clue. As much as I want to know how I am becoming Liss's Guardian without having to fight, I am happy. Both me and Liss sighed contently and leaned back into the seats. We closed our eyes briefly to imagine the life we had ahead of us. Liss was seeing mixed versions of being at Court and being in the countryside. As much as I loved the public, the country seemed so appealing. Quiet, peaceful, drama-free, and most importantly out of the public's eye. Both options were appealing but they also both had non-appealing parts.

The rest of the ride to Missoula seemed to fly past. I stayed quiet throughout the entire trip while everyone else chatted away about unimportant things. I sat silently mulling over things. Lissa, Adrian, Tatiana, Dimitri. The normal.

When we arrived at the mall, Liss explained to me and Christian our jobs again. We held our laughter and let her do her thing. I met his eyes and simultaneously, we rolled our eyes at her control-freak-ness. Everyone was standing outside of the van talking away. Less than four feet behind me, Alberta was explaining to Stan, Dimitri, Kimberly, and the newbie where they were going to be. Our group was splitting into two; Lissa, Christian, and me then Eddie and Mia. The Guardians had to discuss which group to go to. Since our group was larger and Lissa was in it, we had to have more guardians. Tasha got to decide which group she wanted to be, and hopefully she went with Eddie and Mia.

"I'll go with the Princess along with Belikov and Lowell. Alvaraz and Alto with the smaller group." I heard Alberta say behind me. If Dimitri was with us that meant Tasha was too. Great.

I turned towards the Guardians and walked up to air my opinion. This probably won't end well, "Guardian Petrov, our group doesn't need as many guardians as Eddie and Mia do."

I gave her a pointed look, telling her to remember that I can tell when Strigoi are near. We don't need as many Guardians because I would sense them near.

"You're not here to guard, Rose." She pointed out, cocking her head slightly towards Liss trying to tell me if I were guarding, Liss would kill me.

"That doesn't mean I won't though. I don't have to be on guard to know when Strigoi are here. If Eddie and Mia, even if Eddie is one of the best fighters, are alone, they'll be in more trouble than Liss and Christian. Strigoi have the element of surprise on them two. They don't have that on me." I shot back. I am only arguing this because she put Dimitri with my group.

"Rose," She said in a warning voice. My eyes narrowed.

"Whatever. Don't come crying to me if they get hurt!" I said with exasperation. I turned on my heel and went back to Lissa. She didn't seem to have heard any of the conversation that just went on. Our little group was now joined by Tasha, who looked sad and devious at the same time. I wonder if I'm the only one to see this. Christian had a look of boredom on his face as Liss goes on and on about the plans. I put a hand on her shoulder which immediately made her look at me. I gave her a look that said 'calm down'. She smiled sheepishly at me and stopped talking about the plans. She normally wouldn't be so stressed over a simple party, but I guessing me being pregnant just added to the problems.

I saw Eddie and Mia standing a little bit away lost in their own world. The love was obvious between them even if they haven't gotten that far yet. I felt Alberta, Dimitri, and newbie approach and I started off towards the doors to the large mall. Lissa had obviously sensed my absence and got up to follow me. Christian, being the lovesick puppy he is, followed her which led to everyone following after me.

Where to first, Liss?I sent to her without looking back. The group hadn't yet caught up, so it looked like I was at the mall by myself.

JCPenney's!She thought quickly, I nodded to myself. I walked straight past Sear's and the jewelry stores towards the oversized department stores.

What do you want from here?I asked with suspecion. I could feel that there's something she's hiding from me.

I just need to talk to the manager nothing big. You and Christian can wait outside.She informed me swiftly without giving much away. I slowed down, allowing her and Christian to catch up. When we reached the store I stopped and put an arm out to stop Christian. Lissa ran ahead to get to whatever she needs to do. Christian gave a look that said, 'What the hell?'

"She wants us to wait," I explained shortly, not giving away that I don't know why.

"Why?" He sneered. I just shrugged and sat on the nearest bench. Guardian Lowell had followed Lissa and stayed outside the store while Alberta waited outside. Christian sat next to me while Tasha took up his other side. Dimitri stood besides the bench with his Guardian mask up, surveying the area like normal.

"What's she doing?" Christian asked in a voice that said he only cared about Lissa not what she was actually doing.

"I don't know. She's keeping secrets." I said bitterly, leaning back on the wooden bench, "It's annoying. She blocks me out now, but when you two are going at it, she doesn't."

Christian chuckled and leaned back just like me, "You know she could be listening right now, right?"

"If she is, good. Seeing you two at it like rabbits is free porn that no onewants to see!" I retorted sarcastically. Christian started laughing at the annoyance in my voice.

"It can't be that bad! I mean, you could have a bond with Adrian!" He chortled.

"Ew, Christian!" I whined. I brought my hand up to hit him upside the head. A loud smack resounded off his head followed by his growl and Tasha's laughter.

He opened his mouth to say something else that was bound to get a knee to his balls, but before I stood and walked to the Pet Land store. I don't know what possessed me to go to this specific store, but I did. If anyone asks, I'll blame the baby. Well, I can't really, but you get the point.

I could feel Christian following me there in confusion. The smell of dog fur and animal shit hit me in the face straight away after entering the doors. I wrinkled my nose but continued on. I walked straight to the white wall of boxes that held dogs. I could hear the whines and barks of the dogs through the glass that held them in their confined areas. All of them seemed to respond correctly by barking even more and pressing themselves against the wall trying to get as far away as possible from me. Some bared their teeth and others growled. But one….one did something completely of the ordinary. It barked cheerfully and stayed at the glass, looking at me with wide eyes. It was an extremely fluffy puppy with snow white fur.His eyes and nose are pitch black and his dark pink tongue lolled out to the side. His head was cocked to the right as he studied me.

Christian came up next to me and stared at the dog that has captivated me. The dog, whether or not he sensed Christian, didn't look away from me. I put my hand up to the glass in longing. I have never before wanted a dog, but this one for some reason has made me want him so bad. His perky eyes reminded me of Abu from Aladdin. If I were to own him, I would name him that. Abu.

"Hmm. He can actually stand you. That's odd." Christian said curiously. Sarcasm wasn't present in his voice so I didn't try to kill him, I just stared at Abu. Lately, Christian hasn't been using too much sarcasm around me. I don't know exactly why, but I don't protest.

"Abu," I whispered longingly.

"What?" Christian asked quietly. Even with all the screaming happy kids behind us, I heard him.

"That's what I would name him." I replied.

"Maybe you can," a voice came from behind me, interrupting my staring at the dog. Lissa came up to join us and gazed at the pretty dog, who had stood up and tried to walk closer to me. "He really seems to like you, Rose. I can tell you want him. I'll buy him for you."

I tore my eyes away from the dog to look at Lissa sadly. She looked ready to call an employee over to buy him.

"You can't," I told her, raising my voice a little more over the group of loud kids that had started to come our way.

"Why not, Rose?" She asked in a broken voice. Lissa has always wanted to provide me with everything I could possibly want. I think she does this because she thinks I give up too much being her Guardian.

"Because the school won't allow it. And besides, I don't have a way to take care of him." I told her brokenly. I wanted Abu so badly. My gaze slid past Lissa to Tasha and Dimitri in the background. Dimitri was staring me with pain and Tasha looked exasperated with him. Heh, trouble in paradise.

Liss still looked sad but snickered at my mental sarcasm.

"What possessed you to come here anyway?" Christian sneered at me. My eyes narrowed but Lissa and I joked mentally.

Pregnancy hormones!We thought in unison. We shared a knowing smile before turning our attention to discussing whether or not to tell him.

"You want me to tell him?" I asked, meeting her jade green eyes.

"If you want to. It's your secret, so I can't decide whether or not." She replied turning her eyes to Abu.

I mulled over it for a moment before deciding to tell him, "I will. You go do whatever. You know I'll find you."

She nodded with a sad smile. I linked my arm through Sparky's and headed towards the store exit. He grumbled a protest under his breath but otherwise kept up with me. I gave Alberta a nod that said we'll be back later. I felt Dimitri burn holes into my back as I left. I repressed the urge to shudder under his gaze and kept walking. I led Christian towards the food court, which was around the bend and awhile away.

When we arrived at the food court, I found an isolated table to sit at. I unlinked my arm from Christian's and sat down. Surprisingly, he had been quiet the whole walk here. He sat down across from me and stared expectantly. So I launched into the story Maura told me, leaving out the pregnancy until the end. I told him every detail of what being shadow-kissed really means.

When I finished I sighed and waited for any questions or sarcastic remarks that he could have to be unleashed. His ice blue eyes never left my face during the entire thing, which lasted about a half hour. I had checked the bond every now and then to see, although curious of our whereabouts, no one looked for us.

"So you are…more Moroi than human?" He asked rhetorically, "How is this a big secret?"

I took a deep breath and leaned more towards the table so that it pressed my ribs. I looked him straight in the eye, afraid of what he might think. I'm afraid of what anyone will think once they find out.

"I can have children with other dhampirs," I said in a broken hushed voice. I stared at face, scrutinizing his reaction. He looked confused for a few moments more before a realization dawned on him. His usually dark expression turned darker, if possible. He stood suddenly from the table, causing me to jerk back in surprise. His eyes seemed far away as he walked away from the food court. I got up to follow him, not wanting to lose any Moroi. Christian looked from left to right, looking for something unknown to me. His eyes rested on something that I think was his goal. I looked where was looking and saw Dimitri, Tasha, and Lissa. Alberta and Newbie were further past them and I could Eddie, Mia, and their Guardians on the second level hanging outside of Game Stop. Eddie and Mia were looking down at my group, chatting away.

From the people he was staring I could tell who he was looking for. The realization hit me a little late though because Christian took off towards Dimitri.

"No!" I said as I ran after him. With our practices, my Moroi have become faster runners and way better fights, but that has nothing on me. I pushed myself to almost full speed to catch up with Christian, being as he had a ten second start. I was a foot behind him when we were just about ten feet away from the Guardians. That's when I struck. I grabbed his arm when it came back and came to a stop. The firm hold I had on his arm caused him to fall towards the ground. I tried to stop it but I couldn't. He hit the ground hard but not hard enough. Falling didn't seem to faze him through his rage. Christian started push his body off the ground when I put a hand to his back and pushed him back down.

Liss, help!I shouted to her mentally, not wanting to alert the humans. I put more weight down on Christian's back. He struggled against my hold, wanting badly to have the chance to kill Dimitri.

"Rose," Christian said a slightly loud, raged voice. "Let me up. I have to kill him!"

His words rung in my ears making me happy that I have people that care this much about me. I sensed Lissa come up next to us, along with Alberta, Tasha, Newbie, and Dimitri. Lissa was the only one that came close enough to actually be able to touch us. Tasha and the Guardians stayed back.

I leaned down closer to his ear, "I want to kill him too, trust me, but I can't. As much as he's hurt me, I still love him. Besides, he doesn't know!" I told him quickly so the others wouldn't hear.

I pulled my weight off him slowly, testing my waters. He rolled from underneath me and stood quietly. His eyes were narrowed and his back tense, but he didn't jump on Dimitri, so that's something. I stood along with him and watched Christian carefully. Lissa stepped forth and kissed him, an attempt to calm him down further. I watched as he visibly relaxed. My tense back relaxed and I looked around at the crowd of Guardians we had. Humans nearby were looking at us. I gave a group of teenage girls a glare that made them flinch and hurry off.

"Rose, I'm going to pretend I didn't see that, okay?" Alberta said in a worried voice. I nodded at her and turned my attention to the now broken apart couple.

"I see that you resisted the urge to buy Abu, Liss," I smirked. She glared at my with a look of 'Don't-Act-So-Smart'. I chuckled. "So where to next?"

"Home," She replied, "I finished what I needed to, got Eddie to get the food, got the dress, and called Adrian to get him to tell the school. I always bought us some new clothes along with some for Mia. So we're all done."

I looked up to the second level at Eddie and Mia. Mia waved cheerfully and Eddie winked with thumbs up, both knowing what we were talking about. I turned my gaze to the Guardians and Tasha who all held some sort of bag. I almost laughed at the sight of the tough ass guardians holding girly bags. But my laughter dried in my throat when I saw a Victoria's Secret bag. Well, four of them. I looked at Lissa questioningly. She grinned sheepishly.

Just question me later; the sun is wearing me out! I want to go home.She complained to me. I looked up at the glass domed ceiling and saw that the sky had only just started to get dark. Being the start of summer and all, the sun doesn't go down until around eight thirty. Right now it's nine o'clock.

I turned to Alberta and gave a nod that said let's go. She nodded back and said something into her earpiece. We all gathered together to head to the van, each grabbing some of Lissa's bags. Then it dawned on me, the van was small. Tension can build in small places. I looked back and forth between Christian and Dimitri. It's a good thing this ride is only FOUR HOURS LONG! I groaned aloud to myself. Great.