"Love is what moves the world, I've always thought it is the only thing which allows men and women to stand in a world where gravity always seems to want to pull them down...bring them low...and make them crawl."

— Stephen King

I laid awake that night with my thoughts racing around my head. How did I get here? Why did I have to ignore all the warning signs? I couldn't help but think what was going through Damon's head right now. He hated me. That was a sure thing. How could he not? At this exact moment I couldn't even look in the mirror I was so ashamed. What kind of person does what I did? Who have I become? This wasn't Elena Gilbert. And the worst part is Damon only got to see a few glimpses of that girl. I couldn't have that. I couldn't have him believing that my actions defined me. I was better than that. I wanted to prove it. But how in the world could I do that after all of this has unfolded? How do I convince him that the person who said and did all these horrible things isn't me? And how am I going to even convince myself?

I had called Bonnie back hours after Damon left to figure out that Bonnie and Damon ran into each other at the bar we all met at. She had no idea that he was the guy I had been seeing and he asked about me after a few drinks. Bonnie didn't have control over her mouth when she drank. I already knew this. I couldn't even be mad at her. I made this mess.

I was staring at my phone that laid on my dresser. It was taunting me and before I could even control my actions I had the phone on my hands and was dialing the number to the only person I needed to talk to at this moment. I waited and waited and Damon's phone was ringing and when it went to voicemail I immediately dialed it again. The pattern went on for a few times with no answer. After a couple calls they were starting to be ignored by the first ring. I sighed and promised I would try one more time. I hit call again and surprisingly it wasn't ignored right away. It kept ringing and I was sure I was going to voice mail, the ringing stopped and there was nothing but silence. I looked at my screen to see that I was still connected.

"Damon?" I asked shakily only to get silence in return. It wasn't what I exactly wanted but it was a whole lot better than ignoring my phone call. "There aren't… I can't find the perfect words to be able explain all this. I'm never going to be able to truly make you understand why it all happened. I don't even know if I get it myself. But I would like to try. I need to try. And I also know you aren't going to want to see the sight of me but I'm begging you, for just a few minutes let me say some things… in person." I let out a breath and focused on clearing my throat so my voice wasn't so hoarse anymore. "Just please, if you are listening still, come over. "

The silence remained only to be broken by my phone beeping, saying the line went dead. I should have figured. There was only a small amount of hope left in me as I slowly descended the stairs leading to the living in room. I waited there as I prayed that maybe Damon would come. But as the time ticked by I realized how stupid that was. I wouldn't even come for me. I knew what I had to do. I grabbed my jacket and went running to my car. I didn't care if it was the middle of the night and I didn't care that I was still wearing my pajamas. I just needed to talk to him.

The drive to the boarding house was one of the longest in my life. When I turned the corner to see the house I felt my heart speed up but there was no hesitation. I was going to do this.

I walked up the path to the door and I couldn't stop myself before I started to pound on it.

"Damon I know you are awake!" I shouted, not really thinking about Stefan. "Just please, open up." There was no response as I stood out there. The cold air nipped at my skin and I pounded on the door even harder. I gave up with a groan and I went inside without a second thought and headed straight for the stairs, making my way up them to find Damon's bedroom door instantly. I went in without knocking to find Damon sitting at the end of his bed still in the clothes I saw him in before. "Did you really think I was just going to roll over?" I asked as he looked surprised I actually was there in his room.

"You don't take a hint, do you?" He asked with a scowl on his face.

"What did you expect?"

"For you to leave me alone." He stated as he glared at me while he went to his door and gestured for me to go.

"I am not leaving." I crossed my arms over my chest and did the best to put my stubborn look on.

"Fine, then I will." He went out his door, leaving me with my mouth wide open. I wasn't expecting that. I quickly followed to see him already going down the stairs. He was seriously going to run away from this?

"No." I said while rushing forward to stop him in his tracks. "Give me one minute."

"Why should I? You sure as hell don't deserve it."

"But you do." I added softly.

"How would I be able to believe anything you say?" His tone softened a bit which only urged me on further.

"Because even though our relationship was built on lies, you know there was something there. There is something between us and we both know it's not going to go away." He stared at me with a blank expression on his face and I had no idea how to read him. He never showed any signs as to what he was thinking.

"Caroline came to me in tears." I started, taking advantage of his silence. "She explained all the horrible things you did to her and I felt disgusted by you. I didn't even know you yet and I already assumed exactly what you would be like. You were just like every guy who has hurt a girl. You were just like the guy who ripped my heart out." He flinched a little at my words. "When she asked if I would help her get back at you, I was thinking of my own revenge. I thought it would help me not hurt anymore." What good that ended up doing… "I lied to you."

"I don't like liars."

"I know, but you do the same thing Damon. Can you honestly tell me you haven't hurt someone the way I hurt you?"

"It's not the same Elena. Those girls were flings. You said it yourself, we had something. We had more than what I've ever had with someone my whole life. I trusted you! Then you lied to me, oh and it gets worse, you made me fall in love with you during the process of it all!" There was nothing but silence between us as we were both shocked by his words.

"You said you'd never fall in love again." I whispered, remembering one of our first honest conversations. He let out a bitter laugh and I had to look away from him to hide the tears that were threating to escape.

"I should have listened to myself. What an idiot I look like now." I lifted my gaze back up to him with a confused expression.

"You the idiot?" I laughed at the ridiculousness of it. "I'm the one who threw this all away." I choked out. "I was trying to ease the pain and I ended up causing more of it. I'm so sorry Damon." I didn't even know that I was crying till I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. "I never… I never wanted this. I just wanted you to understand what this pain felt like. I didn't know what you went through. I didn't know your story and I didn't know you were just as screwed up as I am." I tried to control the sobbing but at the moment it was too much to bear without a breakdown. I brought this all on myself. It wasn't Caroline's fault. It wasn't Damon's and it wasn't Bonnies. It was all me.

"Elena…" I saw through my tears a hesitant look on his face as if he didn't know what to do.

"I made a lot of mistakes. The moment I thought our relationship was getting to personal I panicked. I lied about my parents to remember that I couldn't personalize this because it could only end in heartbreak. Little did I know that every moment we spent together I was personalizing it. I did that thing with Stefan because of my own insecurities. I thought if I hurt you first you wouldn't see how much I actually… how much I grew to love you." This time there wasn't any hesitance in his eyes as his arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace. It didn't matter that this was wrong. I shouldn't be consoled right now, in fact I should be getting screamed at and get every insult thrown at me.

I wanted so badly to plead with him to forgive me but as he was holding me I realized I couldn't do that. It was selfish for me to somehow find something redeeming here. It would be asking for too much.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me. But just know that if I could go back I do so much differently. I would change everything if it meant that I could keep you." I let a breath out as he slowly let go of me with an expression I couldn't quite figure out. "I have to go." Panic suddenly surged through me as fear of what he would say would tear me apart. I rushed to the door leaving Damon at the end of the stairs.

"I just need some time." He said and I suddenly stopped from fleeing. "A lot of time." I turned around to slowly to look at him. My mind wasn't controlling my body as I walked back to him. I leaned up on my tippy toes to gently kiss his cheek trying to tell myself this wasn't goodbye even though there was a huge chance that it was.

"Bye Damon." I whispered as I made my way out of the boarding house. Maybe time was what we both needed.

AN: Next chap will be the last and there will be a bit of a time jump. I know it is going to be somewhat short as well. Thanks for reading.

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