Asura: Well, I'm back, I guess. Got a PM from Eyes 'Ruth-kun' Rutherford asking me to attempt to write for this story again, so I took up the gauntlet once more. Had to read my own work again to see where I left off, but now that I've got somewhat of an idea, I will continue.

By the way, I will no longer be posting warnings and disclaimers. Just gets tedious after a while. As long as you've read the first 13 chapters, you'll understand that I don't own Spiral in any way and that this story is a yaoi with a LOT of other things involved, which makes it rated M. Ta-da.

And on that note, here's the fourteenth chapter of SHARE. Enjoy. And thank you, 'Ruth-kun.' XD

Chapter Fourteen: Not Love, Not Hatred

By: Asura Mori

I can't tell if it's day or night. How many days have gone by since that incident with Aizu and Rio? How long have I been here with Kanone? Where is this place that is constantly swaying? I think I'm somewhere with water, but I haven't been conscious long enough to figure it out. All I remember is Kanone coming in and out of my room, changing my bandages. Sometimes he talks to me, but I can't recall about what...

My movements were sluggish as I tried to get away, feeling his hands on me. My attacker pried my arms apart, his gray eyes lecherous as he gazed down at my exposed body. I wanted to scream, but my voice was lodged in my throat. His lips formed words as he spoke to me, his voice mocking my efforts, knowing as much as I did that all of my actions were in vain. He would get what he wanted from me, regardless of how much I fought. I opened my mouth once more, intending to scream, but his mouth descended upon mine, silencing my pleas.

I struggled harder, feeling his hands drifting down my body. I couldn't move, couldn't fight him, and felt my breath hitch in my throat as he continued lower and lower...

Then someone was shaking me, calling my name. I awoke with a gasp, hands becoming claws in which to defend myself. But he caught my hands, placing them above my head as I flailed beneath him. Instead of gray eyes, however, golden orbs greeted me, and I felt myself relax, if only slightly. These were not the eyes of my assailant, but of someone I considered a friend. Or at least, once had.

All at once, I was wary again. It all came back to me then, the events of the last few days, the reason why I wasn't safe with this man either. He had brutally raped me when I had refused to take him back, only to return the next day, threatening to kill my lover, Ayumu. He had called me out... and I had shot him, intending to kill him when I realized that Ayumu was there as well, witnessing every moment. And now here we were. He had saved me from Aizu, the Hunter who had kidnapped Rio and raped her, but now I was at his mercy.

Completely and utterly.

"Kanone..."

"Eyes, you were screaming in your sleep." His forehead was pinched as he looked down at me, nothing but worry in his gaze. A part of me couldn't help but be touched by this. Although he had betrayed the Blade Children and me two years ago, this man had once been my lover. It wasn't an easy thing for me to forget. But neither could I forget what he'd done to me so recently. That night, raping me like that... My heart still hurt, remembering.

But looking at him right now, seeing the genuine concern in his gaze, made my heart ache. Without thinking, I reached out and cupped his face, putting a smile on my face. "I'm fine." I muttered, closing my eyes as I shrugged. He placed his hand over my own, forcing me to open my eyes and look at our entwined hands. Long ago, I would have seen that as heartwarming, but all it did now was cause me pain.

I pulled my hand away, frowning. Kanone let me, though his face showed that he was disappointed by my reaction. He slowly rose to his feet, swaying slightly with the momentum of the room. Looking out the window, I now knew the reason for the swaying of the room. We were on a boat. Swallowing, I looked back at Kanone, who was also staring out the window. He saw me looking at him and smiled, his golden eyes glittering.

"I told you, Eyes." He chuckled, reaching down and pushing my bangs aside. "I will do anything to get you back... Even kidnap you." His golden eyes became hard, his hand cupping my cheek harshly. "I will get you back, no matter what." I watched him rise and go to the door, his hand resting lightly on the frame as he looked back at me. "With time, I'm sure that you will come to feel as you once did about me."

"This isn't the way, Kanone." I let out a small gasp, struggling to sit up. He came back to my side, frowning, as he helped me up. "You should be resting." He growled, "That bastard did quite the number on you." I looked down at myself, paling at the amount of bandages adorning my chest. I had no doubt that more covered my legs, but they were covered by a blanket. Forcing myself to ignore such obvious wounds, I returned to the subject at hand.

"You think kidnapping me will solve anything? I've told you, Kanone, that my love for you died when you betrayed me." I growled, fixing my blue orbs with his golden ones. "You think I'll forget that so easily? And what you did to me just a few days ago..."

His eyes hardened, as I knew they would at the mention of his raping me. "I told you what would happen if you went back to him." He hissed, fisting his hands in my sheets. "You are mine, Eyes, not that little upstart's! Little Narumi, of all people... How could you, Eyes, after what his brother has done to us?!"

"That doesn't forgive what you did, Kanone!" I spat back, wincing from the effort. Kanone grew silent, watching me. Then he sighed and stood, his back to me as he proceeded to the door. "This conversation is going no where." He muttered, staring into the hallway. "And I refuse to push you when you're still injured. Get some rest. We'll talk about this more when you've recovered..."

"Dammit, Kanone! Don't just end-" But he was already gone, leaving me alone in the room. I growled quietly to myself, fed up with this already. He wanted to talk about this? There was nothing to talk about! He had raped and betrayed me, there was no going back from that. What did he hope for, honestly? That I would forgive him and that we'd go on with our love as it had once been? No. That was a fairytale ending, if ever I heard one, though I doubt rape would ever be involved in such a story.

And then there was the factor of Ayumu. I loved him, that was certain. Was it as strong as my previous love for Kanone? I wasn't sure, nor did I want to think about it that way. After all, Ayumu already felt like he was a replacement for Kanone. No need to make myself think it as well, especially since it wasn't true. I loved Ayumu, not because he was a replacement, but for himself. Despite my hurt and anger at Kanone, I did indeed love him still. But I also loved Ayumu. Damn it...

Laying back, I covered my eyes with my hand, staring at the intricate lines on the skin. So many patterns, so many weaving paths. The lines were almost like life, except that life was constantly changing, whereas the lines of my hand would pretty much remain the same. And, despite my best effort in searching, these lines would not give me the answers I sought. Only I could answer my own concerns, after all... I closed my eyes, letting out a sigh. For now, all I had to worry about was recovering from my latest wounds. Then I could figure everything else out...

-0-0-0-0-

Days passed and I slowly grew stronger. Most of the bandages had been removed, though some of the wounds on my body were more than likely going to scar. Most of those were along my upper body, the deepest scoring my right hip, but clothes could easily cover that. Kanone still refused to talk to me about our "relationship," and eventually I just stopped trying. That isn't to say that I let him do whatever he wanted to me. I gave him no indication that I wanted him, giving him the cold shoulder, and I knew it was weighing on his mind. He wanted our old relationship back, not one where I was cold and unfeeling towards him. He wanted me to love him, like he loved me, but I couldn't. Not anymore.

Finally, when the majority of my wounds had healed, he approached me once more.

-0-0-0-0-

I was in bed, trying to fall asleep, when I felt the bed dip and something warm press up against my back. I turned my head slightly, seeing Kanone there, sitting on the edge of the bed. Golden eyes watched me, their owner passive as he slowly ran his hand down my arm. I scoffed and turned my face back towards the wall, ignoring his advances. This frustrated him, I knew, and I felt him grab my arm. He pulled on me, forcing me turn over and look at him. He leaned down, pressing his lips to mine, but I remained stiff, my mouth a tight line.

He hesitated in his kiss, a frown marring his features. He pressed harder, trying to force my mouth open, but I just closed my eyes, ignoring him. Kanone pulled away with a hiss, grabbing my chin. "Why?" He growled as I opened my eyes to stare at him. "Why are you doing this to me? Does he really mean that much to you, Eyes? More than we did to each other?"

I sighed, closing my eyes, then pushed his hand away and sat up to look at him. "You keep asking me this, over and over, and yet my answer never seems to satisfy you. What did you expect to happen when you left me like that, Kanone?" I asked, letting my sadness and anger show in my countenance. "You tried to kill the other Blade Children, betrayed us, me, to the Hunters. And when you do reappear, years later, you rape me and expect me to be fine with it?"

I couldn't stop the chuckle that emitted from me as I bowed my head, shaking slightly. Kanone reached out to touch me, but I smacked his hand away, glaring at him from underneath my bangs. "You expect me to love you, after all of that? After all of your betrayals, after the actions of your jealousy? I think not, Kanone Hilbert. And if you think kidnapping me is the answer, then you are sadly mistaken. Threatening me, or those close to me, doesn't cut it either."

I took a breath, a sad smile forming on my face as Kanone continued to remain silent, his golden eyes wide. "You want me to love you? It's impossible. Too much has happened, too much has changed. I've already moved on, Kanone. Why can't you?"

Kanone's eyes hardened, losing the dumbfounded look from earlier. "You expect me to move on, Eyes? Expect me to just forget about us? I never stopped thinking about you, not even once. Those betrayals, as you call it, were all for you. I wanted to rid you of the fate of the Blade Children, rid you of the constant reminder. And I almost succeeded. You were almost mine. And I asked you to come with me... to forget everything."

"You wanted me to forsake everything, Kanone. Come with you? So that I could become as cold and unfeeling as you? I'm not like you, Kanone. I couldn't completely throw away my emotions, forget about the others and hunt them down like dogs. I couldn't do it... You laughed at me in the hospital earlier, calling me naive and innocent. Maybe I am..." I looked at him then, really looked at him, "But at least I have something other than myself to rely on. You have nothing, Kanone. You tried to make me your 'something' but then threw it all away by threatening everything I stood for."

"You want me to give up everything, to come with you... for what? Don't you realize it yet?" My voice was pleading as I tried to make him understand. I reached out for his hand, taking it in my own, even as he struggled to pull away. "I can't live like that. I don't love you like that, not anymore. I can't. It's too painful, knowing that you're slowly turning away from everything I believe in."

Kanone stood, pulling his hand out of mine as he slowly backed away from me. He shook his head, eyes wide again. "Why do you do this to me?" He asked, looking like he wanted to cry, "Why do you choose our fate and him, over me? Don't you realize, Eyes? It's all just a lie, all of it. If Kiyotaka really wanted us to beat our fate, then why would he place it upon us, kill so many of us? Why would he sic Hunters on us, after all of this time? Why do you fight against a fate that is so determined to end us? And Ayumu? He's the little brother of our greatest enemy and you choose him? Everything I did, I did for you..."

"Does that include raping me?" I asked softly, watching as he flinched. "How was that for my benefit?"

"That... that was a mistake." Kanone muttered, looking away from me to the floor. "I was upset, angry that you had chosen Ayumu... over me. I didn't want..."

"It doesn't matter what you want." I answered, sadness and resolve coloring my voice. "I have chosen to move on, to live my life without you. You have to accept that no matter what you do, I won't choose you in the end."

I watched his eyes, wanting him to understand. "Kanone, I do love you. But not like that, not anymore. I want to remain close to you, for you are dear to me, but only as friends. Nothing more. Please, Kanone, end this now... Don't make it harder than it needs to be."

Kanone laughed, a pitiful sound that hurt my heart. "So this is what it comes down to. You want to put me in the 'friend zone,' after everything is said and done. After everything we've done, everything we've experienced." He looked at me, a smile on his face. "I don't think you understand, Eyes. I can't do that. I can't live without you. I can't live, knowing that you're lying in another man's arms."

"Kanone..."

"So it comes down to this, Eyes. Either love me or kill me. Because if you don't choose me, I will keep coming after you and yours. I'll probably end up killing someone close to you, out of my jealousy, and it will hurt you and you'll hate me even more. And the cycle will continue, until one of us is dead. Because it will come to that, Eyes. Either you will kill me... or I will kill you, because I can't contain my jealousy."

I stared at Kanone, feeling my head shake as I listened. Why? Why was it coming down to this? I had to choose between Kanone and the others? Between Kanone and Ayumu? But if I didn't choose Kanone, if I chose Ayumu, then nothing would change? Kanone would continue to chase me down, killing those around me, until I either killed him or submitted?

"And you think that kind of thing will win me over to your side?" I asked bitterly, staring at him. "Kill you or suffer the consequences? Love you and know it's a lie? Those are my options?" He didn't speak, neither to confirm or deny what I'd said, and I continued to shake my head, laughing quietly.

"Fine." I muttered, lifting my head to look at him. "You win, Kanone. I don't want to kill you, but neither do I want those around me to suffer for my choices. You've gotten what you wanted: me. But Kanone, I hope you realize what you've chosen. I do not love you, nor will I claim to love you. You will have my body, but nothing else. I hope you can be satisfied with that."

Kanone nodded, strolling back over to the bed. "It's enough. For now."

-0-0-0-0-

I didn't fight Kanone as he climbed back into the bed with me, just let out a sigh. My words hadn't gotten through to him. Or maybe they did, but his obsession with me had clouded his thoughts to my words. Whatever the case, he had gotten what he wanted. For now, at least, until I could find a way around this.

He spread out on top of me, running his hands down my clothed chest, his mouth angled over mine. I obediently opened my mouth for him, but did nothing else as he inserted his tongue and explored the cavern. He slowly began to unbutton my shirt, sliding one of his hands beneath the fabric to tease my nipples. I could not stop my body from reacting completely, but bit back the moan that formed in my throat as he continued his ministrations.

As soon as my shirt was off, Kanone began to trace his lips down, kissing and biting down my neck to my collar bone. He nipped at the healed cut there, which unexpectedly drew a breathy moan from me. He chuckled at the look on my face, which must have shown my displeasure at making a sound when I'd told myself I wouldn't react to anything he did, and continued to nip, kiss, and lick along that spot. I couldn't stop the pleasure I felt from that small action, balling my fists into the sheets to keep from grabbing at Kanone.

Finally he continued on, his hands slipping beneath my pants to tease my cock. I tensed as I felt his fingers circle the tip, biting my lip. Damn, it felt good. So much for not reacting, I didn't think I'd be able to keep from crying out at this point. Especially when he was being so gentle... I was panting at this point, his fingers stroking me to the point that my tip was leaking. Then he inserted his nail, ever so slightly, into the tiny slit and I lost it. I came in his hand, crying out loudly as my entire body arched into his.

He continued to stroke me, whispering lightly in my ear something in another language. Damn, his voice sounded so good there. And then there was a wet feeling as he tongued my ear. I cried out softly, my hands shooting from the bed to his shirt as I hung onto him. His fingers still played with my cock, trailing down to my balls. He cupped me, pulling on the sacs lightly as he sucked on my ear. If he kept this up, I was gonna cum again...

I almost cried when he pulled away from me, but stopped myself from reaching out after him, remembering myself. I looked away, staring at the wall. Damn my body and it's sensitivity. Or, maybe he was just that good. Regardless, my plans were being shot down like a balloon on a shooting range. I heard him shuffling around as he pulled his own clothes off of his body and I couldn't help but look.

Damn, but I'd forgotten how good he looked shirtless... Lithe, but muscular, he was like a panther as he stared down at me. He smiled as he leaned down and pulled down my pants, his hand tracing my legs lovingly. He paid special attention to the inner part of my thighs and I couldn't help but shiver as he reached up and undid his own pants. Golden eyes fixated on my face as he pulled himself out from his pants (of course he was commando, as usual) and began stroking himself. I watched as he quickly grew in size, until he was dripping. With a soft moan that had him parting his lips in expectancy, he leaned over me again, slowly parting my legs with his as his hand slid further down past my cock.

I tensed, remembering the last time we'd done this how he'd brutally entered me, both with his fingers and his member, but that wasn't the case this time. Using my own cum, he lubricated his fingers and slowly traced the outer ring of muscle of my entrance. I shuddered, feeling his fingers there, and clenched my hands back in the sheets. He inserted one finger slowly, letting me adjust to the feeling, before inserting a second. Again, he let me adjust, then began to stretch me. I moaned, feeling the digits moving inside me and couldn't help but start to move against those fingers. Kanone let out a breathy chuckle, before inserting a third and then a fourth. I moaned again, still moving.

Then the fingers were gone, but I didn't have a chance to lament their absence. Something much bigger pressed itself against my entrance and I let out a low whimper as it began to push inside. Kanone leaned down, until his mouth was against my ear again, and whispered calmly that it would be okay. I took a deep breath and held it until he was all the way in, then let it out slowly. We stayed in that position for a long time, with him staring down at me, his golden eyes bright. I stared back up at him, thinking he looked like a demonic angel with his brown locks of hair falling into his amber-colored eyes. I moaned when he kissed me, unable to stop myself. God, he fit me so well, his cock deep inside me, our bodies melded together.

When he began to move, it hurt a little, but it was more pleasure than it was pain. I had forgotten how he felt inside me... Suddenly I was being lifted and found myself in his lap, his cock delving deeper inside of me. I gasped as his tip hit my prostate, reaching new heights of pleasure. My nails dug into his back as I rode him, gasping every time he thrust into me. He was speaking to me again, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Pleasure pounded throughout my body, deafening me to everything else. I came again, feeling his cock twitch as I tightened around him. He continued to thrust through my orgasm, and I couldn't stop my screams, until he, too, finally came.

We stayed in that position for a minute, both of us with our heads on the others' shoulder, breathing hard. Then I felt his lips on my neck again, biting and kissing. I shuddered, couldn't help it, but didn't lean into the kiss. I pulled back to stare at him, knowing that my next words were going to hurt him, but prepared for it. "Are you done now?" I asked, allowing my voice to go flat. He stiffened against me, his golden eyes narrowing as he took my meaning, and slowly withdrew himself from inside me. I got up from the bed and walked over to the door to the shower without saying a word to him, letting my silence be my answer.

No matter what he wanted, it would never be the same. No matter how he treated me in bed or what he did or said, nothing would change. We were over. I was only here now because he had threatened me.

That was all.

How do I make you understand

What once was love is nothing more

Than an old flame that has gone out

Here we stand now

Once as lovers

Now as enemies

Forced to endure the other

Until you grow tired

Asura: And that... just happened. How will I continue from this, I wonder. I still have options left to me, of course. I mean, there is the phone call and the letter... and let's not forget, Ayumu, or the Blade Children. And while Aizu is dead, the fate of the other two Hunters, Nizar and Hojo, are still unknown. What will happen in the next chapter of SHARE? Well, that's yet to be seen. So, read and review, and I'll see what I can throw together. XD