Okay, so I just want to post all I have at this moment...enjoy! Warning! This chapter may be a teensy bit confusing. I'm trying my hand at (slight) stream of consciousness. Blame my love for Faulkner. -Flo

It's only been two weeks since that day but…It's all jumbled up in my head. I had been in a daze for weeks. Ever since I walked away and locked my bedroom door on Seamus and whatever semblance of a relationship we had. Since I started screening my calls and changed my entire routine just to avoid running into him.

I woke up at seven-thirty just like usual on October 6. The thunder deterred me from my normal outdoors workout routine. The gym was really crowded, but I'd never had a problem getting a treadmill before. Something about looking the way I do makes the men fall all over themselves to give up their time for me.

Or…no. Wait.

I definitely remember running down Essex Street that day. It was still raining, but I hadn't heard thunder since I woke up. There was no one else running this particular route – no one to see my tears mingling with the rain. I ran until my shins burned and I could barely breathe. And when I got back there was a note from Meg asking me to pick up broccoli and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream.

I think I went to the grocery store after showering. I don't remember whether I showered at the gym or at home. The shower curtains sort of look the same; it's an easy enough mix-up.

It's a little bit fuzzy, but I'm pretty sure I spent about an hour browsing fruits and vegetables. Maybe I saw someone I knew? I don't usually take so long deciding on my produce.

Or maybe I went to visit Carol at work. I think I remember walking up that funky set of stairs in her building. That memory might have been a dream though. I thought I saw Jason wink at me from his desk, and I know Jason was still upset at me because he's one of Seamus' best friends. He hadn't spoken to me in days…

There are bits and pieces of the day that I'm sure of. I absolutely went to work. I remember bumping into Wendy on her way out as I was clocking in. She was really uncomfortable because she asked me about Seamus and I snapped at her. I shouldn't have done it, really. She was just trying to be nice. But it was a fresh wound that she was poking at, and I can't exactly be held responsible for my sass. What with all the other emotional baggage I had piled on me.

My grumpy attitude spilled over into my work that night.

It was two-forty in the morning when I left the bar. I had been waiting inside for my usual escort (Carol) to arrive. After about twenty minutes, I decided she must have gotten caught up with something at home or at work and set out on my own. The streets were strangely free of the drunken college students that normally stumbled about after last call on a Friday. It was disconcerting for my closing shift walk home to be so quiet.

There was a strange noise in the alley behind Starbucks. Cautious footsteps? No, that's not mine. I heard grunting and some muffled speech.

"Oh my God."

It's dark and the ground is still wet from all the rain earlier. I don't know if the wet on my face was rain or blood or tears. Ripping pain between my legs has my mouth open in what must be a silent shriek because I can't hear anything.

I'm choking! Something thick and cold is wrapped around my neck like a vice. I can't even get to it because my hands are so heavy. Why are they so heavy? Kicking my feet does nothing. Their gritty hands are grasping my ankles and I can't move. All of the strength in the world and I can't even move.

But I wasn't on the ground!

They were all over her – me. He's on top of me! Torn leather jacket and rough denim pants rubbing against my legs and arms. I can't even tell how many there are…

There were ten. I know there were ten. I saw them standing over her with baseball bats and chains. Her eyes were open and glazed. I wonder if she could see me frozen like a statue, right there. I know they didn't see me.

This one's almost done. I have no idea how many of them have gone but I can feel his hot breath on my chest getting more and more ragged. I can't feel anything below my hips anymore. They don't even need to bother holding my legs; I couldn't move them if I tried. But my head…my head is going to explode.

There was blood everywhere! At first I didn't see it, but when my eyes adjusted I noticed it all over. And I couldn't hold it in any longer. My first scream brought all eyes on me. Three of them shifted, swinging a bat and a length of chain around threateningly. I can't imagine they were too intimidated by another girl after they'd beaten the last one. But there's a siren somewhere and they look concerned.

He stopped. The heavy weight against my body is lifting, and I feel like I can float up and away. But that loud noise is back. It's ricocheting through my pounding head and wreaking havoc on my ears. The dark blanket over my eyes is flashing little lights like windows in the distance. Footsteps pounding away on the wet road.

Her skin was cold as ice. It felt like Bobby beneath my bare fingers. Bobby after we'd kissed. His pulse fluttering slower and slower against my fingertips. But it wasn't Bobby. It was Carol. I knew I was screaming because my ears buzzed with the hurt of it. But I could still hear what sounded like her voice. I was confused and exhausted. I didn't really understand what was happening.

So very tired…

And no one came to help us. No one came, and I was shrieking up a storm. I was sure of it! Not even one of my coworkers or a passersby or a person living in the townhouses down the street. It was not such a terrible area; we'd walked this way so often in the past five months at all hours of the night. And nobody ever bothered us before. I don't understand how it happened.

Chains could never hold me…her. What happened? How did they get the drop on her? She could take down eight of her classmates at once in the gym. I just don't get it. And why? Did they know she was a mutant? Did she pick a fight with some hecklers? Or did they just jump her from the alley as she was passing by.

I'm not an idiot. I know not to walk down a darkened alley by myself. Even with strength and invincibility, somebody could still hit me from behind. I mean, even Superman had his Kryptonite.

But I didn't go down there alone for no reason. And she was dead. I knew it as soon as I let go of her. I wasn't supposed to be touching anybody; I remembered at the last second that my hands were bare. I'd dropped a cup of ketchup on my hand at about midnight and spoiled my gloves. I'm pretty sure right here was when the pain and the agony started.

Everything is all jumbled together, but I remember the feeling of their hands all over me. I remember that I wanted to throw up but something was clenching my neck. And they hurt me so bad. I don't know the last time I felt it when someone hit me with their fists. But as I was walking, there was this strange sensation of cold metal on my neck and then blows raining down on me.

I can't believe I left her there. I just left her body. I don't know who found her! And who told Meg and Seamus…

I don't even remember where I went at first. I felt the wind on my face and it was so cold. There was moisture in the grass when I first remember opening my eyes. I didn't recognize any of my surroundings: a huge field of icy cold grass. It looked nothing like Boston or the surrounding areas. I had no idea what day it was or how I'd gotten to that place. It was just after daybreak, and the sky was as warm and purple as the dew was cold beneath me.

I walked for hours through the woods before I found some sort of civilization: a little old lady named Betsy living in the middle of the New Hampshire wilderness. She took me in for the night and showed me where and when I was. How I managed to get one hundred and sixty miles in five days on only my own two feet, I have no idea. But I am pretty sure Betsy thought I was some sort of hiker who got lost on my way down the Appalachian Trail. She was enough of a sweetheart to give me a ride to the closest bus station and buy me a ticket to Pleasantville.

I was so messed up. I still am, I know. I've been all confused and sometimes I have flashbacks that I know aren't mine. But I wasn't - heck, I'm still not - sure whose they are. I don't know if people's memories are coming back from before the Cure, or if I touched some people I never knew about.

Even through all the confusion and disorientation, I knew I had to get somewhere safe before I absorbed anybody else.

And that's why I came back.