14 – ruins

There was no conceivable reason as to why – unsurprising, really, given neither could really remember how it had happened. Ayaka was aware only of his fingers among hers, the sweatiness of their palms, and the absoluteness of it all. Rin Matsuoka, for whatever reason, was holding her hand.

It had been some time since either had thought to let go. Ayaka was rather content with circumstances, as she only needed one free hand to hold her purse anyway. Rin's thoughts on the matter were as elusive as ever, kept hidden behind tight lips.

Though he had scarcely spoken a word that night, it was Rin who broke the long-standing silence between them at last. "Is there anything else you wanted to do here?"

"Don't sound so bored," Ayaka chided offhandedly, "And no. I've done everything on my bucket list. What about you?"

"I'm not that into festivals." dismissed Rin, leaving Ayaka to wonder why he had even come at all.

"How do you manage to be so positive all the time?" Ayaka sighed sarcastically.

She glanced up at him only when he nudged her shoulder, finding a look on his face that caught her off-guard. His eyes were ahead, looking through the crowd with such intensity that it prompted her to do the same.

Unable to find what had caught his interest, she went to ask – only to see a sight of significance all of her own.

Her lips formed the words she uttered breathlessly. "Oh."

But it was too late it avoid it, as their eyes met and Akio threw his hand up in greeting. He was grinning like an idiot, and the point of spotting his little sister, had all but forgotten the poor woman at his side.

"My brother's here." Ayaka whispered to Rin.

He nodded stiffly. "So is Mikoshiba. My swimming captain."

With whatever composure that had left, the conversation continued to exhaust the limits of it.

"Akio's going to brag about how many girls' numbers he's gotten."

"Mikoshiba's going to annoy me until I tell him where Gou is."

They exchanged a glance with all the weight that understanding each other brought. They uttered the conclusion in unison. "And if they see us together…"

Ayaka didn't even want to consider the amount of teasing she would endure from Akio, nor the embarrassment that would ensue. Additionally, the woman chasing after him didn't look to happy that his attention had been snatched away. Rin was also simultaneously realising the sheer number of problematic questions that Mikoshiba would spring upon him about Ayaka.

Ayaka's grip on his hand tightened. She had a split second to make a decision, and of the two choices before them, she knew what option she preferred.

"Run."

Rin really didn't have a choice, as she took off and he followed. They were hand-in-hand; lucky for Ayaka, who would have found themselves separated otherwise. She was quick, acting reflexively to twist her way through the crowd.

Behind her, she thought she heard the faint cry of her brother. She ignored it easily, gratefully.

"Shibata-!" Rin started say, before he ran out of breath and was caught up in the rush with her.

They slowed only so Ayaka could lead them between two stalls. It was a squeeze, but it landed them in a more blessedly quiet place. Before they could stop completely, Ayaka's fingers once more tightened around his and they were racing off again. Not even the narrow lane behind the festival stalls could be secure enough from Akio, which was something Rin felt inclined to agree with.

Together, feet beating against the pavement with all the force of their hearts and lungs, they made their way up a diverging footpath. Even with his shortness of breath, Rin couldn't help but laugh as he ran – this exhilaration was like none other before.

Even when Ayaka stumbled, Rin kept moving. He took the lead as the stumbled forward onto an empty street.

It was Ayaka who spotted the seat first. "Break," she muttered, panting, "Matsuoka, sit down."

While she tumbled on the seat, in the least graceful way possible of her, Rin threw himself down. His arms lined the back of the metal bench, an unintentional cushion for Ayaka when she leant her head back. While her eyes were closed, Rin remained entirely enraptured of the smile she wore so easily.

"Oh, man." She murmured breathlessly, her head rolling to face him.

Her eyes snapped open to his, reflecting gold against his peculiar red. The lamplight did little to help Rin's case, illuminating her wide grin. At the sight of his own smile, Ayaka burst in a fit of giggles.

"This isn't that funny." Rin berated, knowingly hypocritical against his own feelings.

"I know, I know," she assured, calming down after a deep breath, "It's just that it was pretty fun."

Owing, of course, to the simple fact that Ayaka was enjoying the evening with Rin alone. For however angry she might try to be at Gou and Satsuki – though, honestly, it wouldn't have been in her nature – she couldn't be when it had resulted in such fond memories. It was a change to see Rin so carefree around her, though Ayaka would never say it was an unpleasant difference.

Rin exhaled heavily, before moving his hand to lazily ruffle Ayaka's hair. "What now?" he wondered.

"I don't know." She replied, pushing his arm away.

"Well there's no point going back to the festival."

"Right, yeah," Ayaka agreed, watching Rin closely as she added, "Although I don't think it'd be bad if Mikoshiba and Gou ran into each other."

"It would be for me."

"Such a good big brother you are, Matsuoka."

"You're only saying that 'cause you like me."

The words came before any thought could be premeditated upon. It had been the one subject between them neither had touched upon before; the one Rin had never wanted to acknowledge and the one Ayaka never had. He had but one thing to blame it all on – which would be that look she had given him earlier. However, it was hardly proof enough to back up his claim and he knew it.

A strangled sound came from Ayaka in response, a laugh poorly disguised as a cough. Rin held his silence and kept his eyes averted in embarrassment.

"Earlier, you said festivals weren't your thing," Ayaka announced at length, "Maybe we should just go home."

"Sure," Rin agreed far too easily, still flustered from his early remark, "I'll walk you home."

She felt the colour on her cheeks darken even further. "You don't have to."

"It's not a problem," Rin insisted seriously, hurriedly making to stand, "Now let's go."

Ayaka agreed with uncharacteristically shy nod. She stood with a swiftness that echoed his, before brushing her yukata down now that she had the chance. Rin stood, watching and waiting for her to follow.

She took only a single step forward before she felt her ankle give beneath her. A wince followed the sharp jolt of pain that shot up her leg.

"Shibata?" Rin questioned, spinning to face her properly.

"I think I twisted my ankle while running." She explained, frowning down at her foot.

He sighed with the kind of self-exasperation of one who should have, but did not, expect something. "You think?" But before Ayaka could reply, Rin interrupted her to continue saying, "Whatever, I can carry you."

"Are you sure, Matsuoka? Isn't that a little too generous from you?"

"Shut up before I change my mind." Rin snapped, welcoming the semblance of normality between them.

Ayaka, without retaliating, accepted the offer by manner of acting. She stepped onto the nearby bench, waiting for Rin to prepare himself to take her weight. She had to hitch up her yukata beforehand, but jumping onto his back proved to be not nearly as daunting as she made it seem in her head.

"Good?" Rin inquired, grunting as she squirmed in his arms.

"Don't pinch!" she retorted, causing Rin to lessen his grip on her legs. "Okay, now I'm good."

Her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt the moment he started walking. Ayaka certainly felt as if she was going to fall, though Rin was set to assure her otherwise. "If you sit still, I won't drop you." He warned.

"I'm trying." Ayaka muttered moodily, coming to rest her chin on the top of his head.

The silence settled uncomfortably, like an ill-fitting coat. It hardly suited the warmth of the night, nor the playfulness Ayaka exhibited to put others at ease. To her, the quiet was maddening. Her thoughts began to run in circles, always arriving back to the same worry.

If Rin had guessed it, and if everyone else had as well, what was the point in holding back her feelings?

Rejection was a sure reason, and an understandable one at that. At this point, however, Ayaka felt she should have been used to rejection. It was a bad habit of hers to cause misunderstandings between herself and other people, and those who didn't know her well enough took her playfulness more seriously than intended. For that reason, she was familiar with rejection and she also knew she was capable of handling it.

So what was the point in holding back? Truthfully, there wasn't one.

Ayaka took it upon herself to destroy the silence they had created. "Matsuoka," she began slowly, "How do you feel about losing?"

"Huh?"

"Like, losing bets."

"Shibata, what are you talking about?"

She released a deep breath from her lungs, and the weight on her chest seemed to lighten just enough that her words could slip through. "Because you'll never be able to make me hate you. In fact, I'm sure that I actually really like you."

But for his slowing footfalls and their echoes, there was silence. This time, it was far shorter.

"I thought so." Rin replied softly.

When he added nothing more, Ayaka was prompted to ask, "And?" When the silence persisted, her tone became more demanding. "Rin, can you let me get down?"

He seemed to nod, but it was hard for her to tell. At least, he did bend down and she was able to slip off his back. Ayaka took it upon herself to limp around his stone-stiff figure, gripping her purse tightly, as if it might expel the dark clouds from her mind.

"Rin," she stated firmly, and the sound of his first name was enough to make him look up, "If you don't like me in the same way, I'd like to know."

Rin blinked slowly, his eyes shining with emotion dusty and long untouched. He had never taken the time to properly notice, but Ayaka was a far more ethereal under the glow of a full moon.

He said the only words present on his tongue. "I don't know." His voice seemed to echo in her ears long after he spoke.

In that same, honest way that he had, she said, "That's the stupidest and most cowardly reply I've ever heard."

"Shibata-"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. I just couldn't be bothered pretending anymore," Ayaka proclaimed loudly, "But I can walk myself home."

There a surprising fierceness to the way she spun away from him. He caught, just barely, the glitter of gold in her eyes before she closed them against sight of him. He had never seen her so properly angry at anything before – and she angry at him.

There was nothing but empty words that could follow, and none so profound that Rin would ever call after her to say them. He was speechless.

As he watched her walk away, Ayaka drew a hand across her face. The tilt of her shoulders was all too dejected, and he understood what had happened with more clarity than he had just moments before.

Tears fell on her cheeks, a fault that was entirely his – and he couldn't undo that, however much he might wish for it.

What's a good romance without some angst and road bumps? Please leave a review (reviews are special for writers, you know?) and thanks for reading!